Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Two Arms, Two Arms!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, arms, woman

Okay, you know the drill by now: the news is predictably blah, we've got a tight schedule (for reasons too boring to enumerate),  and a dab too much stress. So we turn on our soothing recording of a vacuum cleaner and do an "Earwigs" cartoon to relax.

We'll also admit that this is sort of a trying week, emotionally. Father Jarlsberg passed away on the Cinco de Mayo, 11 years ago last week. And tomorrow is May 11 (which was a Mother's Day in 2010), and marks the last time we spoke to Mother Jarlsberg 7 years ago before her unexpected death.  So we have an unprintable suggestion for May and the dark horse it rode in on, and can use all the light levity we can muster.

And for no reason whatsoever other than to fill space and splash a little color on this page, here's an odd little bonus cartoon for you movie lovers...

There is NOTHING in the film to contradict this.
LATE-BREAKING BONUS: FIB DIRECTOR FIRED!

And yes, the spelling above was deliberate.


28 comments:

Joseph ET said...

Helicopter ground guide signals
or
Her bra is itchy

REM1875 said...

The PSA on how not to pole dance.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!

(Actually, this could apply to Monday's Earwigs as well...)

ChuckD said...

We can now add this corner of Stilton's Place to the huge amount of space on the internet that is devoted to debating the contents of the briefcase.

Stan da Man said...

Betty provides Dan guidance on hanging the picture mirror in the bedroom...

Never saw the movie, so I don't 'get' the briefcase.
I know, I'm a loser like that...

Bobo the Hobo said...

Why men don't ask women to help them parallel park cracked me up ... I'm still laughing.

Geoff King said...

Hillary, pointing at everything to blame for her losing the election.

Fred Ciampi said...

Condolences to the Jarlsberg Family. At least there is some good nooze; President Trump fired Comey finally. Now if only he appoints Gowdy.........

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Joseph ET- I suspect "itchy bra" is actually a Japanese word for something.

@Stan da Man- "Pulp Fiction" is an oddly great movie, although not to everyone's liking. If you're not too squeamish, I'd definitely recommend tracking it down.

@Geoff King- Now that, sir, is funny!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- Thanks for the nice remarks. I'm not morose or anything (well, no more than average) but I just have sort of a heightened awareness of loss during this week every year.

I added a late cartoon about Comey and am glad to see him go. He was the loosest of loose cannons and I believe him to be a skilled and well-practiced liar...not to mention a political hack.

Dave from the Cheesehead Nation said...

I quit going to the movies years ago, I think after John Wayne in "The Horse Soldiers." Like TV, quit watching out of disgust. I know, I know, am on the verge of becoming a hermit or recluse (except for this site). I once read that a good way to reduce stress is to buy an aquarium and stock it with those bright-colored little fish. Watching them swim reduces blood pressure because, unlike politicians, the fish know what they are doing. Missing loved ones who have gone before us is a different matter. Remembering that they gave us life and brought us up to be moral and ethical individuals is inheritance enough for me. When my father passed at 94 several years ago, he had no money to leave my mother, or us children. But he did leave us love, and a sense of what is right and wrong. We are far wealthier than the Clinton crime family or brack and his corrupt cronies. (P.S. - My mother has been paying into Social Security since the early 50s, and her monthly check is $912, what a U.S. Senator makes in about a day and a half, excluding benefits. She also receives my father's pension as a clergyman, which is another $125 a month. Can't imagine what Mom does with all that money!! This is one of the real injustices of our system)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dave from the Cheesehead Nation- I don't really go to theaters anymore (well, maybe the Dollar theater a couple of times a year) because the tickets are too costly, the audiences too annoying, and the average movie too stupid.

And thanks for sharing your thoughts about our most important inheritance from parents (and what we, in turn, should most hope to pass down ourselves).

Don Surber said...

Lucy never understood Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

"Testicles, spectacles, vallet und vatch!" ;-)

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Even after six months of practice, Ethyl still failed her naval semaphore training.

GenEarly said...

I like the Trump picture, he needs an upraised sword in hand, "Trump the Hun" and the Lying Homey Comey on his knees about to go down for the count.
Draining Swamps is like draining a septic tank very smelly and awful, but necessary sometimes.

John the Econ said...

She can't be Amish as she's showing too much cleavage. I vote "Telling the time in semaphore".

Comey: So the very same Democrats that demanded that Comey be fired are now outraged that Trump fired Comey. Democrat's in such disarray that setting policy by dice-roll or ouija board would be more consistent and logical.

Shelly said...

Geoff King wins. That was a spit-take for me.

Flugelman said...

You got me in trouble with SWMBO... "What are you laughing at?"
That's her helping me back our motorhome into a parking spot.

Tom B. said...

Your spelling would have been correct no matter which way you spelled it. Took me quite a while to find it !

Doug M said...

• Hellen discovered that her gymnastic rings routine was a lot easier without the rings.

Pete (Detroit) said...

"BEEEESSSS!!!!!"

Alfonso - "Naval" or "Navel"?

Stilt - I believe the printable version would be to issue an invitation to an acrobatic, aeronautic, autoerotic incident involving a rolling donut and a gravel driveway.
But as always, I reserve the right to be mistaken...
Condolences, and hope you're feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

... what happens when little billy put ants in his mother's deodorant.

Noor al Haqiqa said...

Mary tended to confuse the Morse code with Masonic hand signs when cheer-leading for the high school ping pong team.

Colby Muenster said...

Good ones all, and a special tip of the Muenster hat to Geoff!

Comey...
Yup; good riddance. the guy seemed like a straight arrow for a time, but went wonky; no doubt due to perhaps some veiled threats from an un-named crime syndicate. OK, OK... perhaps some not so veiled threats from the Clintons and Loretta Lynch.

And I'll second what John the Econ said. What the heck? The Clintons and most Democrats wanted this guy's head on a stick, but are pissed that Trump fired his incompetent ass? Does the MSM need any more proof that the Dems will trash Trump, no matter what he does? Crimony, Trump could cure cancer, and they'd find something to bitch about. "Yeah, but he didn't cure heart disease, give everybody a gazillion dollars, and kill all Republicans!"

John the Econ said...

Funniest thing I read this morning: "Trump should re-appoint Comey just to make Democrats more confused as to whether they love or hate him."

Speaking of sheer confusion, did you catch this?

Stephen Colbert Corrects Audience for Cheering News of Comey Firing

"Late Show host Stephen Colbert was surprised on Tuesday when his audience cheered lustily as he informed them that President Donald Trump had fired FBI director James Comey... He then explained why they should not cheer. “No rationale has been given yet as to why [sic], but it came on the recommendation of Attorney General Jeff Sessions,” he said, drawing boos from the audience."

It's such a good thing that the Democrats have such a large army of comedians to tell them what to think, isn't it?

Dan said...

Lessee...Has Oceania always been at war with Eastasia, or is it Eurasia?

Nothing to see here... Move along, move along.

pdwalker said...

Hellen is such a kidder!