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Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Pointed Remark

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, god, flood, assholes

Don't bother looking for a deeper meaning in today's cartoon - it's really just a matter of venting related to the fact that, when we look around at the news and the world lately, we genuinely feel like we're drowning in assholes. And while we can't claim to have any theological insights, we think that the scenario shown above is plausible at the very least.

On a macro level, we're feeling stress from all of the insanity associated with the election, the pandemic, politics in general, and the media's growing comfort with being all propaganda, all the time. Actual facts are no longer in vogue, and actual harm may come to those who keep trying to share them.

To be sure, we're pleased that Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed, but we're concerned that her appointment may be historic by virtue of being the last time the "ninth seat" will be filled, as well as being the last appointment before the Supreme Court officially transforms into a legislative rather than judicial body. Not to mention ending up with more members in robes than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

On a micro level, we're dealing with frustrations like fighting with a frigging insurance company to allow Mrs. J to get a necessary medicine related to her recent health woes. She's now been without the medication (which should be injected each and every day) for over a month, because of that biblical plague of assholes which we mentioned above.

Side note: the medication, for osteoporosis, is impressively expensive. Like, "ugly but running used car" expensive or "a weekend of crack for Hunter Biden" expensive. If one lacks insurance, the manufacturer has a plan to give it to you for next to nothing. But if you have Medicare (and guess how many people with osteoporosis fall into that age category) you get no discount at all even though Medicare refuses to throw in a nickel. Being punished financially - and blocked medically - just for having Medicare doesn't really increase our desire for more governmental bureaucracy in healthcare.

But enough griping. Life is good overall, even on days (like this one) when the grumpies get the better of us.

Monday, October 26, 2020

Toe Biden

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, election, npr, foot job, hunter biden, joe biden

Despite finally coming up from the cellar, Joe Biden's campaign is again stuck in debasement. As if it wasn't bad enough that his son Hunter's laptop computer is packed with evidence of corruption (including payouts of foreign money to Joe "The Big Guy" Biden himself), a new video of Hunter has been released by a Chinese TV channel which is literally a kick in the nuts. Which is a perfectly good joke that you may not get unless you read further which, in good conscience, we don't necessarily recommend. Because there's no way to handle this story tactfully or tastefully, even if we wanted to. Which we don't. Read on at your own risk and please, avoid having a mouthful of liquid until you've safely reached the bottom of the page.

The video (which you can see here until it's "disappeared") shows a fully nude Hunter Biden reclining in a dark room, simultaneously smoking crack and holding up his cellphone to take closeup movies of someone (reputed to be an underage female) vigorously stroking "little Hunter" with her oiled feet. An act which is unbelievably dangerous owing to the risk of contracting "athlete's dick."

It's also not safe because this is the sort of thing the Chinese government loves to record to use as blackmail against people of influence. Like, oh, the potential president of the United States

Then again, blackmail only works if the intended victim is afraid of the news getting out - and that seems increasingly unlikely to happen in the United States as mainstream news outlets and social media platforms continue to actively erase any and all references to Biden-family malfeasance. Even dull as dishwater (and taxpayer-supported) NPR has announced that they won't tell their listeners anything about Hunter's laptop (his computer, not his foot warmer) nor Joe's role in selling influence to foreign adversaries. Their reason for burying the story is somewhat convoluted, but it more or less wraps up with "and the horse you rode in on."

Of course, that dam won't hold forever - but it doesn't have to. Once Biden is elected, the real powerbrokers on the Left will be only too happy to see him resign, get impeached, or go to jail. Old Joe's only use is to get their foot in the door. So to speak. 

Friday, October 23, 2020

Trick or Cheat!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, biden, debate, election, recount, halloween, recount dracula
Voted "scariest costume of 2020"

Wow! How about that wild and crazy Presidential debate last night?! We can't begin to put in words how astounding it was and how much impact it's going to have on election results!

And the reason we can't put it in words is that we're writing this hours before the debate, so we don't actually have any idea what happened - though we'll venture a wild guess that it wasn't a tidy and orderly affair and Trump will be roundly criticized for some damn thing.

But we can comment on other exciting news, like Barack "Mind if I eat your dog?" Obama finally getting out and campaigning for his former Vice President...

There are no reports of anyone fainting in his Godlike presence, either

Yes, Barry himself took to the streets of Pennsylvania, bullhorn in hand, to rouse the passions of nearly a dozen potential voters who are currently living in their parents' basements. Unable to come up with much in the way of specific accomplishments (or future plans) by Biden, the former president instead went on the attack against Trump, who "emboldens other people to be cruel and divisive and racist."

This ugly pack of lies doesn't seem to square with Michelle Obama's claim that in matters of political rhetoric, "when they go low, we go high." Although it's entirely possible that Barry did go to the event high. By his own admission, he's a man who loves his pot, booze, and maybe a little blow when he can afford it.

And maybe enough of all three at once can help dull the pain of shilling for Joe "Buy Me" Biden.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

The Sound of Silencing

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Thursday evening sees the final Presidential Debate of the 2020 election season, and the debate commission is instituting a few changes to make sure that it will be an orderly affair. Specifically, they're wrapping Donald Trump in a straightjacket, binding him with chains, locking him in a trunk, then lowering him by crane into a tank of water where he'll have only two minutes to throw off his restraints and escape drowning.

No wait, we're thinking of Harry Houdini, who debated Biden back in the 1920s. Successfully, we might add. 

But this time around, the debate commission has decided to discourage interruptions by turning off each candidate's microphone while his opponent speaks for two minutes. At least, that's the theory - and one which will be put sorely to the test when Donald Trump repeatedly uses his two minutes to list all of the damning evidence regarding Joe Biden's illegal graft which has come to light on Hunter Biden's laptop computer. Frankly, we can't imagine the moderator letting Trump speak uninterrupted about a giant scandal that Twitter and Facebook have forbidden their users from even seeing.

And while it's popularly considered that this new rule is an attempt to squelch President Trump (yeah, good luck with that), it might actually work to his favor. After all, is it even conceivable that Joe Biden can speak for two consecutive minutes without putting his foot in his mouth...?

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Monday, October 19, 2020

Byte of the Hunter

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hunter, biden, laptop, ukraine, scandal, coverup
Well, here's another nice meth you've gotten us into!

Joe Biden's son Hunter is in the news, assuming you consider "the news" to be the New York Post, Fox News, and pretty much no one else. After allegedly deserting his laptop computer at a repair shop, Hunter's hard drive was reviewed by the store owner and discovered to contain thousands of personal photos, including of sex and drug use, and scads of emails which clearly indicate that Joe Biden was selling his influence as Vice President to any foreign country that would line Hunter's pockets (including China and Ukraine).

Not that ol' Joe was altruistic about it; according to the emails, he personally demanded 50% of the bribe money that he had his son skimming from foreign governments. In other words, it seems that there's solid proof that Joe Biden is as sleazy and corrupt as they come, and his happy ass should be in jail. Where, if there is a God in heaven, his old nemesis Corn Pop will be a surly guard.

But that's unlikely to happen, with 99% of the media (including social media) actively covering the whole thing up. Which they can't do forever, but quite likely can do until election day - which is really all that matters. If Joe wins the White House and is immediately impeached, the Democrats couldn't be happier. He is, after all, not who they really want running the show.

In a normal year (which, we believe, is now an archaic term) this developing scandal would have a huge impact on the election, and the incumbent party would just stay quiet and let Biden twist in the wind. But "staying quiet" apparently isn't a skill that everyone has mastered...

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FROM THE VAULT: BIDEN FAMILY VALUES (November 22, 2019)

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Like father, like scum.

With all of the arm-flapping, spin, and misdirection of the Schiff hearings, people haven't been paying enough attention to one of the case's central matters: determining just how much of a corrupt sleazebag Joe Biden's son Hunter really is.

Granted, we already knew that he'd been thrown out of the military for drug use. That he'd been in rehab multiple times. That he was siphoning off huge sums of money on various boards (including in Ukraine) to give people quid pro quo access to his father.

We even knew that Hunter Biden left his wife in order to start banging his dead brother's widow. And thanks to a recent DNA test, we now know that while Hunter was cheating on his wife, and enjoying some kind of necrophiliac incest with his sister-in-law, he was also shtupping a young woman in Arkansas who he knocked up, then lied about ever having had sex with her.

The legally-mandated DNA test came about because Biden had stopped making support payments to the mother and child, which is especially tacky considering the millions of dollars in graft money finding its way into his bank accounts.

Presumably, the mother and child will no longer have financial worries, even if Hunter won't cough up any dough. After all, now that his lineage has been proved, Joe Biden's new grandson can start sitting on the boards (using a booster seat) of some of the world's most corrupt companies.

Friday, October 16, 2020

I Voted

Oh, I voted alright. Not with any pleasure but with considerable passion. 

I voted for Donald Trump (as did Mrs. J, who had to go to the polls with a fractured spine), not because I love him (I don't), but because he's sure as hell better than any alternatives the Democrats are offering. Or should I say "threatening."

A genuinely dear friend posted on Facebook yesterday that people who vote as I did are straight up fascists with "foul beliefs," whether we admit it or not. "Most villains don't recognize their own evil," this well-intentioned person said - although on that sentiment we agree, for different reasons.

So let's unpack what my vote for Trump (and a straight ticket of Republicans, assuming that I can still say "straight" without being sent to a gulag) actually meant. In no particular order, I voted:

• To keep the Supreme Court a judicial rather than legislative body.
• To keep racists from gaining even more political power.
• To keep my future votes from being disenfranchised by the addition of new Democrat "states."
• To free Black Americans from their liberal prison plantations by increasing their access to education and opportunity.
• To stand in solidarity with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
• To clean up the FBI, the CIA, and the DOJ.
• To keep socialism from devouring our economy and work ethic.
• To have legal citizenship actually mean something.
• To improve everyone's access to quality, affordable healthcare.
• To ensure equal rights to all regardless of race, color, faith, or sexual orientation.
• To fight against "cancel culture."
• To protect our cities from those who would burn them down without fear of legal consequence.
• To resist the control of all information and speech by giant media conglomerates.
• To support police agencies and the communities which they serve.
• To maintain a viable economy during the pandemic rather than embrace systemic failure.
• To allow political dissent and the free exchange of ideas.
• To drain the Washington swamp.
• To keep our military strong.
• To put America first.

And much, much more of course. What I didn't vote for, knowingly or unknowingly, are any of the heinous "foul beliefs" my friend seems to imagine are in my coal-black heart.

Casting our votes this time around was a bittersweet process owing to the high stakes and uncertain outcome we're currently facing. It's my belief that if this election is lost, that future "stacked" elections won't matter; the "Dems" that will forever-after beat us won't be Democrats but demographics. And I genuinely fear that under a Biden/Harris/Sanders/Pelosi/AOC administration, people like myself won't just be persecuted for our beliefs, but prosecuted for them. 

On the plus side, I also believe that a lot of Americans are sick of the Left's lies, anger, and divisiveness and will cast their votes in a way not predicted by fictitious polls. It happened before, and here's hoping it happens again.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Drawing a Blank

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, barrett, confirmation hearing, supreme court, blank paper

Amy Coney Barrett's confirmation hearings are going fine so far, assuming you consider it "fine" for a brilliant legal mind and outstanding human being to have to sit silently while a panel of politically motivated morons yap endlessly about why they think she's of low character.

In terms of actual legal knowledge, the Dems haven't been able to lay a glove on her. Nor have they been able to get her to respond to their baited questions about how she would decide imaginary cases in the future. So instead, the Democratic senators simply use their time making speeches about the millions who will die (from losing Obamacare) if Judge Barrett is sworn in, and the millions who won't die (from abortion) if she rules on Roe vs. Wade. Making us wonder why they can't make up their freaking minds about whether they're pro-death or anti-death.

The Dems are also using visual aids like poster-sized pictures of children with serious illnesses so that the great unwashed can see that the mother of seven (including two adoptees and a special needs child) has no empathy, despises children, and is quite likely hiding her investments in a company which sells child-sized coffins.

And no, we're not going to make a joke about RBG also having a child-sized coffin because it would be an appalling lapse of taste.

But not as bad as that of Democrat senator Mazie Hirono from Hawaii, who asked Barrett (in front of her children), "Since you became a legal adult, have you ever made unwanted requests for sexual favors, or committed any physical or verbal harassment or assault of a sexual nature" and "have you ever faced discipline or entered in a settlement related to this kind of conduct?" 

Barrett answered "no."

The answer to Hirono's final question, "have you ever blown Willie Brown?" was drowned out by an explosive spit take and coughing fit by committee member Kamala Harris.

Monday, October 12, 2020

A Fool and Your Money Are Soon Parted

Owing to our grueling schedule (it takes a surprisingly long time to make enough gruel to last all week), we're unable to post any 100% new content today but can assure you that there's also no 100% new news.

Which makes it a great time to swing wide the door of the Hope n' Change archival vault to remind everyone what an annoying, socialist tool Joe Biden is.

FROM THE VAULT: SHEKEL SHACKLES (Feb 27, 2015)

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, biden, emancipate, wealth, black history

Joe Biden hosted a Black History Month event at his residence on Monday ("Try the hors d'oeuvres," he insisted, "They're all made with George Washington Carver's peanut butter!") and as usual ended up with controversial comments sticking to the roof of his mouth.

After years of hearing that taxpayers want him to keep his hands off their "cotton-picking money," Joe apparently came to believe that the money really is picking cotton, singing spirituals, and being held in slavery by the evil rich.

"This cannot stand!" Biden shouted at the invitees, nearly causing his stovepipe hat to topple. "It's not fair!"

"Business experts are saying that the concentration of wealth is stunting growth," Biden continued in a clear reference to former child star Gary Coleman, "So let's do something that's worthy of emancipation!"

Presumably, Biden's idea of emancipation consists of "freeing" money from the capitalist bastards who actually worked for it and using that liberated wealth for something much more important: the funding of the Left's vast, and nearly inescapable, vote-producing entitlement plantations.

Hope n' Change finds it sadly ironic, especially during Black History month, that when our nation got its first black president, he looked at all the possible contenders for vice president...and chose to pick a ninny.

Meanwhile at the NAACP...

Friday, October 9, 2020

The Flies Have It

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Pence, Harris, debate, fly, election

For a disturbingly large number of people, the most fascinating thing about the recent Vice Presidential Debate occurred  when a large fly landed on Mike Pence's head and sat there for two hypnotic minutes. 

Pence seemed entirely unaware of the fly's presence despite the fact that it was putting on little skis and preparing for a downhill run across his snowy head of hair. Kamala Harris was definitely aware of the fly, and showed frustration at her inability to snap it up with her lizard-like projectile tongue owing to the stage's plexiglass barriers.

Okay, that part wasn't true. Probably. In reality, when Harris was asked following the debate if she'd ever had trouble with flies, she said "Well, I chipped a tooth once trying to open Willie Brown's."

But despite the amusing nature of this story, there is a growing undercurrent of suspicion that the incident wasn't as innocent as it seemed. Unnamed sources have spoken off the record to Stilton's Place and revealed that this was a deliberate and pre-planned attempt to embarrass Vice President Pence and that the man responsible had way, way too much time on his hands...

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Dazed Dreaming

We're enjoying the midweek fantasy above to help carry us through yet another day of media (and stomach) churn. As of this writing, the actual honest-to-gosh state of President Trump's health is unknown and, apparently, unknowable. Mike Pence and Kamala Harris are still scheduled to debate, and we fully expect Kamala to accuse Pence of racism, extreme white privilege, homophobia, and masterminding the gang rape of young girls in High School. Hey, it got her on the media's radar once already, right?

Mail-in ballots (solicited, not mailed out willy-nilly) have arrived at the Jarlsberg household, and we'll probably get them mailed out within 24 hours. We'll be treating them as "get well" cards for the President and, hopefully, our nation.

BONUS: "WILL YOU SHUT UP, MA'AM?!"

Michelle Obama recently posted a Youtube rant in which she flat out calls Donald Trump a racist. Which made it seem appropriate for us to raid the vault for this old cartoon that reminds us why we never liked her and never will...

(from July 27, 2016)

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, DNC, convention, 2016, Michelle, slavery, racism

The Democratic convention is in full swing which, through Herculean effort, we will not use as a set up for a joke involving nooses. Oh sure, it would be funny - but (to quote Richard Nixon) "it would be wrong, that's for sure."

Especially since one of the opening evening's speakers was Michelle Obama, the wife of our nation's first half-white black president, there to give a ringing endorsement to Hillary Clinton - the wife of our nation's first all-white black president.

Choosing, as ever, to take the high road, Michelle whined for the umpteenth time that she wakes up each day in a house built by slaves - which she apparently finds more upsetting than having her pricey wardrobe, dozens of personal "assistants," and luxury 5-star vacations paid for by slaves.

Monday, October 5, 2020

The Plague's The Thing

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, rose garden, barrett, superspreader, Covid-19, trump, screwed

It remains to be seen whether last week's White House Rose Garden event will be remembered as the day President Trump presented Amy Coney Barrett as his Supreme Court nominee, or as the first meeting of the Biden transition team. Because every friggin' nitwit in the photo above who isn't wearing a mask has helped reduce Trump's chance of winning in November.

It's no great mystery how to avoid SARS-CoV-2: wear a mask for the protection of others, observe social distancing, and wash your damn hands. Had that been made a national priority and the message expressed clearly and truthfully from the beginning (thanks, Dr. Fauci, you lying dog) we wouldn't have even needed the shutdown.

And had President Trump consistently made this message clear, with both words and his own personal behavior,  then we'd already be well into a thriving and prosperous "new normal." But no. The protocol for avoiding a major Covid-19 outbreak in the White House was laughably ineffective, and almost certainly because of a "trickle down" disdain for common sense measures originating from the man in the Oval Office. 

Masks? Social distancing? Taking temperatures? All were largely ignored...and now the inevitable has happened. We could soon be looking at a Biden presidency (followed within hours by a Kamala Harris presidency) owing to the hubris of those who apparently didn't believe in science after all.

Many of you readers, dear friends all, aren't going to be happy with us for saying that. So just imagine how unhappy we are for having to write it. 

We certainly hope that the President (and the people in his immediate circle) will recover fully and quickly, that he will win re-election, and that everyone will have learned that virology and politics really don't mix.

---------

On a barely other note, this latest 2020 nightmare event has been a hard gut punch to our already wobbling last glimmer of optimism. And thinking about the upcoming election, we've been reminded of an old joke which sums up exactly how we're feeling about the important choice America is about to make...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, choice, natives, death, bunga, explorers

Friday, October 2, 2020

You Can Debate On It

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, biden, debate

Following the entertaining but unenlightening free-for-all shoutfest debacle of 2020's first President Debate, new rules are being put into place to help assure that the next faceoff will be more dignified.

To that end, the candidates will have anvils on fraying ropes dangling over their heads as they sit in dunking booths above shark tanks. Should a candidate interrupt his opponent during a protected two minute speaking period, campaign representatives will be allowed to pitch baseballs at the dunk tank bullseye of the offending party until he either shuts the hell up or plunges into the pre-chummed water below.

Obviously, selecting the right representatives to pitch those balls becomes a critical element of the new debate strategy. "I brought the Big Ten back," boasted President Trump, "I'll have no problem getting a ball handler. And if you turn that into a Stormy Daniels joke, you're losing your press pass."

Exhibiting similar confidence, Joe Biden says "When it comes to throwing forcefully and accurately, you can't beat my Antifa guys. C'mon man, have you seen what those bastards can do with a Molotov cocktail?!"

Responding to nearly universal criticisms, the Rules Committee has also set up a mechanism by which debate viewers will be able to cast real-time votes on the performance of the moderator. Should audience approval slip below 70%, the host will be attacked by rabid hyenas.

Asked whether this might violate the Constitution's prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett wisely opined, "Well sure, it's cruel...but as long as they use the hyenas in all future debates, it won't be unusual. I give it a thumbs up!"

As should we all.

YIKES! BREAKING NEWS:

Of course, not everyone has heard the news yet...

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Par For Discourse

EDITORIAL NOTE: Owing to deadline constraints, we were forced to write our debate coverage before the actual debate had taken place. That being said, we're pretty sure that our account will still accurately reflect what really took place.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, biden, debate, chris wallace
Hey, get an Oval Office you two!
For once, everyone from Fox News to CNN is in complete agreement about last night's first Presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. Their unanimous verdict: it was a "mutual lovefest."

From the very beginning, it was clear that the two candidates not only have deep and abiding affection for one another, but also professional respect and admiration.  Memorable moments include Donald Trump's declaration that, with 47 years of public service, Biden is "living proof that there is no substitute for experience in high office." To which the former Vice-President quipped, "Yes, but it's this wonderful man right here who opened my eyes to the greatness of America."

Of course, the evening was not without fireworks. At one point, Donald Trump threatened to leave the debate stage unless moderator Chris Wallace would "stop showing your damn anti-Biden bias with all these gotcha questions and the fake news about his son, Hunter!" before apologizing to his opponent, saying "I wanted Juan Williams to host this thing, but nooOOooo."

The debate was marked by multiple variations of phrases like "Joe makes a very, very good point," and "C'mon man, how could I do that better than The Donald?" In fact, both candidates were so reluctant to voice any criticism of their opponent that Chris Wallace frequently had to break uncomfortably long silences to coax either Trump or Biden to say anything at all.

The event ended with President Trump presenting Joe Biden with a huge bouquet of flowers and a "Biden 2020" tiara, after which the former Vice President, dabbing tears, broke social-distancing protocol by affectionately shnuzzling the President's neck. "One thing's for sure," concluded moderator Wallace, "whoever wins, a fully unified America will be in good hands."

Monday, September 28, 2020

Grin and Barrett

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, pelosi, barrett, supreme court, trump, ginsburg

President Trump has nominated Amy Coney Barrett for the vacant seat in the Supreme Court, and Liberals are apoplectic. Judge Barrett has previously been praised by Republicans and Democrats for her intelligence, integrity, and a long record of making decisions based on the Constitution rather than her personal beliefs. Democrats are saying, not inaccurately, that a new Supreme Court Justice who actually takes her oath seriously could mess up a lot of their plans for the future.

And so they want to take her down, but it's not going to be easy - Barrett is such an exceptional scholar, mother, wife, and human being that she pretty much makes the rest of us look like sinful, underachieving pond scum.

Which is why the Left is attacking her for having adopted two black children from Haiti (she also has five biological children, including a special needs son) saying, "transracial adoption is fraught with trauma and potential for harm." And they may have a point: just look at the sad case of a small black boy who was raised by privileged white people instead of his biological parents and grew up, tragically, to be Barack Obama.

TAKING DEBATE

Tuesday night will see the first Presidential Debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden, and we can expect to see even more fireworks than Antifa throws at cops during "mostly peaceful" riots.

There are reports that Joe Biden has been "training aggressively" for the event, which made us think of this cartoon from the vault...

And while we were looking for that cartoon, we also encountered a Hope n' Change post from 2016 that has whole new layers of meaning when viewed from today's perspective. Remember VP Biden being put in charge of a counter-offensive against Russian election meddling? How about Trump suggesting a drug test for his debate opponent four years ago? There's enough fun stuff that we're sharing it here in its entirety...

JOE BYTE 'EM (Originally published 10/17/2016)

Sometimes, a news story is so ripe that we can't make up our minds about what comedic direction to take - especially if it involves Joe Biden. So here's a Monday twofer!

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, wikileaks, biden, cyber, attack, russia

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, wikileaks, biden, cyber, attack, russia

In case you're lucky enough not to know the convoluted tale that we're referring to, the Obama administration has accused Russia of hacking the email accounts of Hillary, her campaign manager, and Democrats in general and giving the information to Wikileaks in order to criminally influence our sacred national election by revealing the truth about how despicable everyone on the left is.

Hope n' Change isn't buying the whole "Russian plot" scenario for several reasons: it's of no obvious benefit to Putin, the theory is being advanced by congenital liars who are in full fanny-covering modeand so far zero evidence of Russian involvement has been offered. Frankly, we think this is all an orchestrated con game intended to soften up Americans for government seizure of the election process in the name of "security."

But that hasn't stopped Joe Biden (apparently taking time off from his extra-special presidential "moonshot" assignment to cure cancer) from declaring that the U.S. is about to engage in a full-blown cyber attack on Russia. Although the odds of our pulling off a sneak cyber attack just got a helluva lot worse thanks to the motor-mouthed veep.

The idea of Old Blank Joe being anywhere near cyber warfare is terrifying - but no more so than the latest brainstorm from Donald Trump...

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, trump, hillary, debate, drug test
Grab 'em by the pissy.

On Saturday, Trump said "(Hillary and I) should take a drug test prior (to the final debate), because I don't know what's going on with her. At the beginning of her last debate she was all pumped up at the beginning and at the end she was like, 'Oh, take me down.' "

Trust us, Donald - that describes a lot of us who saw that debate.  

Friday, September 25, 2020

Ruthless 2 - The Sequel

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ginsburg, RBG, clintons, abortion, planned parenthood, biden, debate, louisville

Everyone grieves in their own private way. For instance, our personal way of expressing grief is to give the corpus delicti about 48 hours of holding our tongue, after which we feel free to mock them again if, in life, they were something of a pain in the ass.

Mind you, we have our limits and would never write something as tasteless as saying that rather than burial or cremation, the fiercely pro-abortion Ginsburg specified that her skull be crushed with forceps, after which her limbs would be snipped off and removed one at a time, with all the messy pieces of her teeny tiny body ending up in a rusty dumpster behind a Planned Parenthood office. Others might say it, but not us. It's a little thing we like to call "class."

So to satisfy our urge for feistiness, let's dive into some...

SHORT TAKES

• Biden's campaign team has him "calling it a day" with regards to press exposure by about 9 or 10 in the morning lately. Is it possible that Biden is "sundowning?" For those unfamiliar with the term, it's a common condition for those with dementia in which symptoms and confusion grow worse later in the day or when the sun goes down. (Update: apparently we're not the only ones thinking about this possibility)

• Still reeling from panic-buying of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, grocery stores nationwide are now finding their shelves stripped of popcorn prior to Tuesday's first presidential debate. Okay, not really - but talk about "must see" TV! Although we're still betting that Biden's camp will find some excuse to back out. 

• The usual suspects are rioting in Louisville over their dissatisfaction with a grand jury's finding that the police officers associated with the death of Breonna Taylor had not broken the law and for the most part acted absolutely appropriately. There was no evidence of racism in the entire event, which didn't stop this protesting asshole from allegedly shooting two cops in downtown Louisville...

This is Larynzo Johnson, whose parents clearly won no spelling bees

The two officers, one of whom is black, are expected to recover. Which, for all we know, will set off yet more riots.

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Wish Vigorously For At Least 20 Seconds

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ginsburg, last wish, wish, final wish, Trump, Supreme Court, George Floyd

Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at the worst possible moment, because she might well have cast the tie-breaking vote when the Supreme Court decides whether our nation's highest legal standards rest on the Constitution or on a dying person's "most fervent wish."

Certainly, there's no debate amongst those on the Left: a "most fervent wish" or "final wish" wins every single time and takes precedence over all other legal considerations as long as the decedent wasn't a conservative who was, by definition, hellbound.

But if we accept this as precedent, surely more needs to be done to formalize and codify fervent last wishes. Sure, Ginsburg's granddaughter claims that the late Justice's most fervent wish was to not let Trump pick her replacement, but how do we know with certainty that RBG's real final, most fervent wish wasn't just to "break me off a piece of that KitKat bar?"

For that reason, it strikes us as important that all fervent final wishes be entered onto a pre-need 1040-FFW form, notarized, and recorded with the appropriate government office to expedite eventual enforcement. Indeed, filling out the 1040-FFW form should become a crucial component of every family's estate planning.

How else can we ensure that final fervent wishes are honored, such as Nancy Pelosi's wish to make Botox free for elected officials, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's wish that someone would finally clarify the difference between an ass and an elbow, Wilford Brimley's fervent final wish that we all eat a lot more oatmeal, Hillary Clinton's wish that a movie be made in which she is depicted as ruling Wakanda under the name "The Black Pantsuit," or Joe Biden's wish that Alaska and Hawaii will someday be made U.S. states?

Of course, some wishes - even those properly filed and notarized - will be difficult to execute, such as George Floyd's fervent final wish that he hadn't taken a lethal dose of fentanyl. Is such a wish even actionable? We won't know until a decision is issued by a fully-staffed Supreme Court... hopefully long before November.

Monday, September 21, 2020

Ruthless

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ginsburg, supreme court, nominee
Note: This is not a Ruth Bader Ginsburg joke. It is a "wise Latina" joke.

Even though we can no longer hear or see the spinning blades, yet more crap has hit the fan in 2020. In this case, the passing of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg at age 87. You don't have to have agreed with her politics to concede that she was a formidable and groundbreaking woman who accomplished a lot, and who fought a terrible illness with great strength and bravery. 

Now there is an empty seat on the Supreme Court, and yet another battle royale over whether President Trump has the right to try to push through a replacement in what could possibly be the final days of his administration. As both political parties have passionately argued both sides of the issue in the past (unsurprisingly, they were in favor of whatever would most benefit them politically at the moment), we can effectively ignore whatever they're yammering about now.

Instead, let's look into the more interesting subject of just who Donald Trump will nominate for the position. He has already announced that he thinks the nominee should be a woman, which probably comes as a disappointment to Ted Cruz, whom Trump had declared to be on the short list. Then again, since Trump has never formally withdrawn his accusation that Ted Cruz's father helped assassinate JFK, it seems likely that a confirmation hearing could have gotten a wee bit contentious.

Personally, we'd like to see Trump nominate Hillary Clinton for the post because, in confirmation hearings, it would be hilarious to hear her endlessly invoking the Fifth Amendment or claiming memory lapses owing to head injuries. And BONUS - a fresh FBI investigation of her entire past!

So as President Trump reflects on who he wants to add to the Supreme Court, let's open the vault door to reflect on some relevant cartoons from the past...

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stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ginsburg, supreme court, nominee, trump, lefty lucy, hitler

Friday, September 18, 2020

Fatherly Wisdom

It is said that those who forget History are doomed to repeat it. Which is also true of other required classes like English and Biology, even though those subjects don't have snappy catchphrases.

But as we watch the current political power grab and the dismaying loss of moral clarity in the streets, we might do well to look to the lessons which history has to tell us. 

And so, as a special Friday treat, we present this instructive tale translated by Stilton's father. And yes, the film rights are available.

King, princes, fable, moral, treasure, sinister tales, Pa
SIDE NOTE: 

This story really was written by my Dad - one of many he wished to compile in a book called "Sinister Tales for Sinister Children." Presumably so kids besides me and my siblings would be able to grow up filled with anxiety and paranoia.

One of these days, I still hope to put that book together. 

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Totflix

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, netflix, cuties, barack, michelle, obama, muslim, pornography

By now, everyone has heard about the Netflix film "Cuties," which attempts to answer the burning societal question "can an 11-year-old Muslim girl find happiness by turning her back on family, joining a gang of misfit young girls, learning to twerk, and then grinding her pubic region on the floor in front of an audience while pretending to give a handjob?"

And the answer is no - it doesn't make her happy, although it does teach her how to jump higher than she could before when playing jump rope. No, really.

Many people are outraged that the filmmakers had actual 11-year-old actresses doing things that, in the words of prestigious film critic Mrs. J, "make you want to puke." But Netflix (under the guidance of luminaries like Barack and Michelle Obama) is defending the film by pointing out that its real message is that sexualizing pre-teen children for media consumption leads to nothing good for those girls if you don't count them getting into the movie business. Where, if they act quickly, they might catch the attention of Roman Polanski. 

Seriously, the film is a disjointed mess of largely unconnected and nonsensical scenes, interspersed with wildly inappropriate sexual content (at one point, the lead character goes into a frenzied pelvic-grinding, floor-humping trance state from which she can't be awakened...much to the dismay of a visiting imam).

Whether or not this is child pornography is a subject for the courts. But it's unquestionably bad for kids and bad for what little remains of our culture. And we can't wait to hear the highly-paid Obamas say so.

PLANETARY BODY

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, lefty lucy, life on venus, venus, phosphine

Researchers have announced that they have recently found possible signs of life on Venus, raising the real possibility that the Democrats are going to have to quickly print up a lot more mail-in ballots for our new neighbors.

The scientists involved have based their speculation on the discovery of phosphine gas in the atmosphere of Venus. A gas which is usually associated only with microbial activity (think "itty bitty farts") or human industrial activity (think much larger farts and unions). 

Should further research prove definitively that there is life on Venus, the next step will involve bringing a sample of the bio-organism back to Earth to study in a high-security site with impeccable containment capabilities and controls. Assuming, of course, that Joe Biden isn't still using it to broadcast from.

Monday, September 14, 2020

Cue Anon

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Accusations have been flying that Joe Biden is using a teleprompter when speaking to reporters, and his campaign spokesman isn't saying otherwise - preferring to say "I won't dignify that question with an answer." A phrase which they are no doubt working hard to teach Joe Biden to say during debates - although it remains to be seen if he can get it out correctly when there's no trainer with gumdrop rewards.

But if Biden is possibly having problems speaking for himself, there are plenty of others out there to speak for him. As evidenced by this genuine, unedited snippet from a recent Biden campaign video...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, harris, obama, biden, campaign, ice cream

It's worth checking out the actual clip at the link above, because it's deliciously uncomfortable. Kamala Harris laughs hysterically at every syllable uttered aloud and Obama is clearly so bored that he can barely keep his eyes open.

And perhaps to help keep the nation's eyes open, we have this development...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, blm, nfl, cheerleaders, riots
Okay, we just made this up after watching the tortuous pre-game racial lecturing and singing of the new Black National Anthem, "Lift Every Voice in Song, Doo-Dah, Doo-Dah," before whatever the hell NFL game it was that was on TV Sunday.

We bailed out before actually hearing who the competing teams were because, in the words of Gone With the Wind's Rhett Butler, "they can all go f**k themselves."

Friday, September 11, 2020

Won By A Nose

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, oscars, academy awards, blm, social justice
Fun trivia: Liberals can't possibly finger out this punchline!

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced a new initiative to help ensure that the Oscars will now be as insufferable and annoying as, oh, a major league football game. Specifically, no film will even be considered for "Best Picture" unless it tags enough social justice bases by having a lead role performed by an "underrepresented racial or ethnic group," has at least 30% of the supporting actors be from underrepresented groups (including LGBTQ+, the cognitively disabled, and the hard-of-hearing), has a storyline centered on one or more of these groups, and/or has a sufficient number of  crew members behind the cameras who come from these groups. 

In other words, we're going to be seeing Jussie Smollet in a lot of leading roles (the new Black Panther?) and a metric ass-load of films listing Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and the Obamas as Executive Producers.

But of course, there are other prestigious awards besides the Oscars. And guess who just got nominated for one...?

Yes, President Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize owing to his diplomatic work in the Middle East and North Korea, scaling down current wars, and keeping the largest military power on Earth (us!) from getting involved in any new wars.  Sure, all of that isn't quite as impressive as Barack Obama's Nobel Peace Prize-winning accomplishment of simultaneously being Black and having well-creased pants, but still...not bad for a White guy.

Of course, the President still has his critics. Much is currently being made of the revelation from Bob Woodward's new book, "All The President's Mendacity" (just kidding, though we think Woodward really missed an opportunity here) that President Trump knew of Covid-19's risks early on, but undersold them to the public in order to prevent panic.

Although Joe Biden was discouraging any action against the virus at the time, he now feels strongly that Trump was in the wrong...

NINETEEN YEARS LATER - NEVER FORGET

As always, September 11 weighs heavily on my heart - and this year the division in our nation makes it all the worse. After that awful attack, there was a brief period of unity among Americans. It didn't last, but at least it existed.

If we suffered such an event today, I don't believe we'd come together as a people. It would simply be more fuel on an already raging fire.

Somehow, I hope we can find our way to a future in which national unity is at least possible. And to get there, we could do a lot worse than taking time to remember the solemn lessons of the past.

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Slope-a-Dope

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, biden, ramp, trump, election

The competition between presidential candidates is really ramping up and, sadly, we mean that absolutely literally.  Because Joe Biden is actually telling voters: "Watch how I run up ramps and (Trump) stumbles down ramps, okay?"

At first glance, this wouldn't really seem to be a crucial factor in selecting a president. But maybe it should be important to voters. After all, based on both his history and his campaign rhetoric, a Biden administration would (ahem) "ramp up" debt, the deficit, racial tensions, unemployment, over-regulation, taxes, illegal immigration, and - oh yeah - trillions of dollars blown on "New Green Deal" sops to the lunatic Left.

Yes, he'll run up all of those things. Unless he should have a health crisis, Heaven forbid, and be forced to use only wheelchair ramps. At which point others in the far Left fringe will continue to push him...and policy.

Monday, September 7, 2020

Suffering Suckers-tash!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, cemetery, losers, suckers, troops, biden, benghazi, VA
The nation has again been rocked by very serious allegations against Donald Trump, leveled by unidentified sources citing other unidentified sources, all of whom are insisting on anonymity based on the fact that the First Amendment guarantees protection to The Atlantic Monthly's imaginary friends.

The accusation is that on various occasions, President Trump referred to dead soldiers as "losers" and "suckers." Well, we don't care.

Oh, we'd care - some - if it were true. But who knows anymore what's true and what's just more baldfaced lying? Why should we care what unnamed (and possibly nonexistent) "sources" with zero credibility are alleged to have said? How can we ever know with certainty what Donald Trump did or didn't say, or what his words might have meant?

Which is why the only reasonable thing to do is ignore words and look at deeds. Donald Trump has rebuilt the strength of the military after it was pillaged by the Obama-Biden administration. Donald Trump has seen to it that our troops have received pay raises. Trump visits the troops, greets injured soldiers at their hospital beds, and comforts families. And President Trump has made real improvements to the VA hospital system which was nightmarishly bad under Obama-Biden...


Oh sure, Obama and Biden said the right things about our troops - but without a scintilla of sincerity. Does the media really want to talk about how an American president treated our fallen...?


A quick refresher on the cartoon above: Major General Harold Greene was the highest ranking soldier killed in Afghanistan, but Barack Obama showed himself to be also highly rank when he decided to go golfing instead of attending the funeral.

Were our fallen soldiers being properly honored when the Obama-Biden administration swapped the traitorous Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl for five Taliban terrorists who could resume killing our troops? Or when Bergdahl, a deserter, was lauded by the Obama-Biden administration as exemplifying the best of our troops...?


And then there's Benghazi. Where Obama and Biden left our people to die, denying them aid, then later enjoyed a photo-op by their flag-draped coffins before lying to the grieving families that they would catch the filmmaker who was to blame for the attack.

But to be fair, Joe Biden has been known to say good things about American troops. For instance, soon after the successful mission to kill Osama bin Laden, Biden gushed and gushed about Seal Team Six. After which, the bad guys knew who to kill - and did, three months later. Biden was personally named in a $200 million lawsuit filed by the families of the fallen for his role in exposing the identity of the military unit.

We could go on, almost endlessly, but hopefully our point is made. Even if Trump said the things he's accused of (and let's face it, Trump could conceivably say anything at any time), his deeds have shown him to be a strong supporter of our military and our people in uniform. And that's the only thing that should count when Americans cast their votes.

FROM THE VAULT: PAINFUL LABOR

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BREAKING COVID-19 NEWS, PLEASE READ (HONEST!)


You're sick of hearing about Covid-19 and we're sick of writing about it. We're also sick of all the nonsense and politicization associated with the pandemic. But there's some good news - potentially very good news - and we want to get it out there.

You can get the whole story by watching this video, but here's the bottom line: Vitamin D3 may be the most effective drug for the treatment of Covid-19, and making sure you're not Vitamin D deficient may be the cheapest, easiest, and most powerful means of treating the disease and fighting its effects.

Briefly, a legit study was run on 75 patients admitted to a hospital for Covid-19. All received the same treatment with one exception: 50 patients got a Vitamin D supplement and 25 didn't. Only 2% of the Vitamin D group had their cases worsen to the point they needed ICU treatment. The number was 50% for those who didn't get Vitamin D. Everyone in the Vitamin D group recovered, but two people in the non-Vitamin D group died. Other institutions have done similar studies and gotten similar results.

This is actual science we're talking here (again, check out the video). And note that it takes several days for a Vitamin D3 supplement to be processed by your liver, so the time to start taking a daily supplement is before you get sick. Personally, this is the brand we're taking and it's stupid-cheap. Less than 2¢ a day to dramatically better your odds (and those of your loved ones).

By all means consult with your doctor to make sure you won't have any problems. And for legal reasons we should probably officially state that we're not giving medical advice, that we're not doctors, that we're not even the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree, and we're not always cold sober while writing this blog.

But 2¢ a day is, almost unimaginably, even less than what we spend on Clan Macgregor.