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Monday, June 1, 2020

Ease of Destruction

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, george floyd, riots, race, coronavirus, trump

Nothing helps clarify the decision about when to return to a virus-ridden society like nationwide riots actively trying to burn that society to the ground.

The provocation of said riots, at least in theory, was the sad and almost certainly criminal death of George Floyd, an African-American who died after having a policeman kneel on his neck for an unconscionable amount of time. There was video of the incident, and all who saw it - of any race or political disposition - agreed "this is wrong. The officers involved need to face legal consequences."

Outrage and protest from the Black community and sympathetic persons of all races was and is completely understandable. Peaceful protests are absolutely appropriate. Our nation has real racial problems that run deep and need solving, though any longterm solutions are going to be difficult, multi-tiered, and involve hard questions for everyone involved.

But that's not what these riots are about. They are about anarchy, and the most violent offenders couldn't care less about George Floyd. Many are politically motivated antifa-style terrorists, emboldened by previous spasms of destruction that not only went unchecked and unpunished but were actively praised by left-leaning media. There are opportunists who want to loot whatever businesses the crowd chooses to pillage, stripping shelves like a plague of locusts. And there are those who are simply feral, getting a drug-like high from senseless violence and carnage.

All of that is bad enough. But where are the leaders - local, state, and federal - who are willing to take a stand against all of this? Police are told to stand down, government officials become apologists ("We think white supremacists have infiltrated the mobs"), and the many existing crowd-dispersal technologies go unused.

It is no stretch at all to imagine that there are many in power who want to see these riots continue if only to make Donald Trump look bad in the run-up to the election: if he doesn't react strongly, he'll be tarred for not protecting lives and property. If he does react strongly, he'll be pilloried as a racist.

We've seen all of this before, far too many times. What we haven't seen, and what we must see, is order restored to our streets by immediate and appropriate use of force (including, as a final resort, deadly force), and severe legal consequences for the agitators and anarchists who are setting flames not just to buildings, but to our nation's soul.

Friday, May 29, 2020

A Bird in the Hand

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, executive order, twitter, google, facebook, free speech

President Trump has launched what will surely be another battle royale, and we think this one was long overdue.

On Thursday, the President signed an executive order which will turn up the heat on the giant social media corporations who are currently curtailing the free speech of Americans in order to advance their own political and business goals. This has always been discouraged, but there were no enforcement teeth which could truly tame these media megaliths. Until now.

We'll do our best to explain what we think this means, since you're going to be hearing wild distortions and misrepresentations about this executive order. Which, come to think of it, is nothing new - and exactly why this executive order is so important.

Currently, there is something called "Section 230 Protection" which says that Twitter, Facebook, Google, and similar services are "platforms" which host content, but do not control it. In this way, they avoid any legal liability for what is said by others using that platform. It was the government's way of trying to guarantee that speech would remain free.

Other platforms would be the phone company which doesn't censor your calls, or jump into a conversation to "fact check" what you're saying. Similarly, the postal service is a platform which delivers your letters without redacting parts they don't like, or just banning you from using their service. Simply put, a platform is simply a delivery system with no editorial control...and therefore no liability for the content that is transmitted.

BUT, at the point content is edited, manipulated, labeled as untrue, or banned entirely, the entity in charge is no longer a platform but is instead a publisher - a status which is not protected by Section 230.

Despite what we see in the NY Times, publishers are not allowed to make up or propagate lies and smears about a person, company, or news event without legal consequence. They can (and should!) be sued for libel when that happens, because they're responsible for everything that appears on their printed page or website.

Trump's executive order clarifies and updates Section 230 to make these distinctions clear: if you're a platform allowing everyone to post whatever they want, you're shielded from liability. If you're a publisher, editing, changing, "correcting," or banning content, then you're going to share the legal liability for all of the content that you've "chosen" to publish.
If the executive order manages to stick, social media sites will have to go back to letting citizens air their views, right or wrong, without encumbrance. More importantly, they'll have to stop shifting and slanting information for the express purpose of manipulating the minds and votes of the American people. And it couldn't happen at a more crucial time.

BONUS: FRIDAY FOOLISHNESS

Wow, we didn't mean to go on so long (and so humorlessly) about the story above, but it's an important one. Still, Friday deserves a lighter touch, so we present you with another edition of...

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Brew Ha Ha

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, joe biden, you ain't black, Charlamagne tha God, racist, racism

In an interview speaking with the distinguished African-American journalist "Charlamagne tha God," Joe Biden quipped that "if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black."

Even for Biden, this was an impressive accomplishment: using only three words, he denied the existence or significance of biological race, suggested that Black Americans are still wholly owned and controlled by Democratic slavemasters and, just for good measure, used "ain't" because he apparently thinks African-Americans are too dumb to understand correct grammar.

To date, none of the African-American women Biden is considering for his VP candidate have voiced any problem with Biden's insulting remark. But then, maybe they "ain't Black" except when it can be used to their advantage.

BONUS: SPACE-FILLING FRIVOLITY!

o caption my caption, earwigs, topless

Monday, May 25, 2020

Memorial Day 2020

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, memorial day

No politics today. Only humility, awe and gratitude for those in uniform who gave everything for this nation. Their loss is unfathomable; their gift to us immeasurable. Let us each strive to be worthy as we celebrate and defend their legacy.

Friday, May 22, 2020

Honked Off

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, honk, honking, trump, biden, coronavirus, news, fake news, goose, truck

In recent days, speaking events by Donald Trump and Joe Biden have been interrupted with honking sounds. President Trump interpreted this as passing truckdrivers showing support for him, while Joe Biden interpreted the honking as geese who heard his speech and were "cheering for him," which may be yet another reason to give Joe stronger meds. But in both cases, the candidates were just trying to assign some sense to noise. And that's how we feel about almost everything at the moment.

Actual information is still pretty easy to spot. Which is how we can tell that we're not getting much of it these days. Instead, we get noise. There is no salient point related to Covid19 on which those who should be in the know agree. Not about masks, quarantines, methods of transmission, medications, or anything else. Just noise.

Flynn? Obamagate? Impeachment 2.0? Wake us when something meaningful happens, because right now (and especially since Barr declared that he doesn't even expect Obama to be investigated) it's all just more damn noise. Get back to us when instead of the usual churn, there's real action to bring the Usual Suspects to something like real justice. Until then, well, just STFU.

As if it wasn't already painfully obvious, here at Stilton's Place we're really starting to feel the stress of the extended Covid19 crisis. There's only so long you can put up with wondering if you're risking your life going to the grocery store, wondering what will become of the country and your child's future, or watching in disbelief as the Fed prints and pumps money directly into the pockets of the richest bastards in this country (every cent of which will come out of your pocket and mine).

And all while wondering if the trillions upon trillions in expenditures flying out of Pelosi's cosmetically enhanced poop-hole will lock in our (idiot) nation's growing embrace of socialism (polls suggest that entirely too many people are tickled pinko by their "all pay, no work" checks).

Meanwhile Venezuela-style hyper-inflation may be heading our way, to stealthily steal the value of every dollar you've ever earned and saved. McDonald's "value menu" items will start at a million dollars, and they won't even offer the Happy Meal anymore because no one will be able to afford an actual meal, and no one will have any memory of what "happy" meant.

So with this daily level of background stress, we're backing ever farther away from the pointless but aggravating claptrap and honking sounds in the news. At a moment in time in which we all need to find ways to keep our cool, all of this noise annoys.

BONUS: RELAX RIGHT NOW!

We didn't create this soothing meditation video (and SO wish we had), but it's far and away the best one we've encountered. Somehow, it really speaks to us. So take several deep, calming breaths, and just let this wisdom wash over you for a few minutes. For enhanced relaxation, every time you see a wave break, take a sip of Clan MacGregor...


Wednesday, May 20, 2020

A Hard Pill to Swallow

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, coronavirus, HCQ, hydroxychloroquine, dihydrogen monoxide, rachel maddow
Dihydrogen Monoxide is water. Don't tell the Liberals.
Television viewers were stunned on Monday when a rash of fires broke out in the carefully coiffed hairdos of hysterical newscasters. The source of this incendiary incident was President Trump's casual announcement that, with his doctor's blessing, he's taking the anti-viral drug hydroxychloroquine and a zinc supplement as protection against the SARS-CoV-2 virus.

Hydroxychloroquine, which we'll henceforth refer to as HCQ because this isn't a damn spelling bee, has been villainized by the media, politicians, and even some medical organizations solely because Trump said "it might work." Their narrative is that HCQ can't possibly help Covid19 sufferers and is significantly more dangerous to ingest than drain cleaner. Which is why the news media was not only shocked that Trump has taken it, but shocked because he didn't immediately turn into a science fair model volcano geysering bloody foam all over the Oval Office.

When administered properly, HCQ seems to have amazingly good results and an excellent safety profile. But in the media's eyes, it's better for people to continue dying (and far better to keep the economy crippled) rather than admit that Trump might actually have been right about something. The fact that they're actively burying and distorting this news during the worst medical crisis in a century is a sin so profound that we can only hope the devil is currently excavating a new, much-lower circle of Hell for the media. Where their hair won't be the only thing on fire.

(Side note: if you want to be better informed about HCQ than 99% of those on social media and 100% of those in mainstream media, watch this 40 minute video. It's several weeks old, but still has accurate news you won't hear for months - if ever - from the MSM.)

BONUS 1: I COULDN'T SQUEEZE THIS IN. SO TO SPEAK.

Upon hearing that Donald Trump was taking HCQ prophylactically, Joe Biden said, "Damn, man - and I thought my catheter was uncomfortable!"

BONUS 2: PUCKER IF SHE CAN'T TAKE A JOKE

Of course, Nancy Pelosi weighed in on Trump's use of HCQ...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, coronavirus, HCQ, nancy pelosi, preparation H

Monday, May 18, 2020

Stretching Your Stimulus

Thanks to the HEROES Act, more money will soon be flying into the bank accounts of Americans, illegal aliens and, most importantly in a time of medical crisis, political lobbyists.

And what's great about our nation is that all of those people, no matter what their race, creed, color, political affiliation, or gender identification du jour, are free to spend that money foolishly by ordering items from our own Spensive Gifts catalog...



CONGRATULATIONS! If you've been following these "Spensive Gifts" posts, you now own the entirety of the 30 year old cut-and-paste original! We still plan to turn this into an ebook (or maybe even a print book) at some point because it gives us another excuse to not go outside. If it happens you'll read about it here first!

BONUS: DO UNTO OTHERS...
 



Friday, May 15, 2020

...And A Little Child Shall Mislead Them

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, cnn, coronavirus, thunberg, IQ 83, Herzog

Because nothing actually has to make sense anymore, alleged news network CNN added teen climate pest Greta Thunberg to their "all expert" coronavirus panel on a townhall broadcast Thursday night. Also on the panel was former HHS secretary Kathleen Sebelius, who is most famous for completely screwing up the Obamacare rollout, which she introduced to the public in much the same way ham-handed nitwits in Wuhan introduced the SARS-CoV-2 virus.

Then again, the solicitation of Thunberg's stridently uninformed opinions makes a certain kind of Bizarro-world sense now that the Left (particularly in Nancy Pelosi's $3 trillion "Heroes" Act) has declared that the best way to fight the coronavirus is by discontinuing the use of fossil fuels, giving blanket amnesty to illegal immigrants, establishing a guaranteed minimum income for everyone, forgiving college loans, putting additional bite into racial diversity requirements, and using government funds to help encourage the sale of cannabis in minority communities. And no, we're not making up any of that.

So what the hell - why not have this odious little scold give her two cents' worth as long as we're throwing actual medical science out the window?!

All of this puts us in mind of the science fiction novel "IQ 83," by Arthur Herzog. In it, a manipulated virus escapes a lab and spreads like wildfire. But it doesn't make you cough, or bleed from every orifice, or make your appendages fall off at inconvenient times. It makes you stupid, permanently peeling away IQ points day by day until everyone will be too dumb to take care of themselves, let alone find a cure for the illness.

Thanks to CNN (and many others), we are increasingly of the opinion that such a virus may not be as fictional as we once hoped.

FROM THE VAULT: KATHLEEN SEBELIUS - LEST WE FORGIVE

STILTON’S PLACE, STILTON, POLITICAL, HUMOR, CONSERVATIVE, CARTOONS, JOKES, HOPE N’ CHANGE, sibelius, heathcare.gov, obamacare

BONUS: HOME, HOME AND DERANGED

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, donner party, donners, prisoners, basement

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

His Only Vice

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, biden, calendar model, trump, conspiracy, obamagate, intelligence

Spending time in a locked and guarded room with books that have apparently never been opened is doing nothing to prevent Joe Biden from making fresh gaffes. In this case, according to alleged newspaper The NY Times, Biden "has likened running-mate evaluation to deciding among calendar models." Which seems like a total objectification of women unless he's actually considering putting Sports Illustrated calendar model Kate Upton on the ticket, in which case he may actually get our vote.

But we think Gropin' Joe was actually being metaphorical, meaning that he's selecting a VP candidate based entirely on superficial appearance and appeal. Which is not surprising, considering Joe rode into office with an arrogant, inexperienced nobody who was, in Biden's words, "the first sort-of-mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean. I mean, that's a storybook, man!" Or a superficial calendar model, right Joe?

Meanwhile, Biden is doing his best to socially-distance himself from the growing Obamagate scandal, going so far as to say that when he was Vice President, he knew "nothing about those moves to investigate Michael Flynn." When it was pointed out that he was in attendance at the infamous Oval Office meeting of January 5, 2017 when Obama and his intelligence officers discussed the plot against Trump's incoming team, Biden corrected himself: "I was aware that there was...that they asked for an investigation, but that's all I know about it and I don't think anything else..."

Which we would find hard to believe if it weren't for the fact that it's so easy to picture Biden staring happily into space during high-level meetings, devoting his every thought to what he might have for lunch.

But other scoundrels were definitely paying attention that dark day. And with the benefit of new information to give us fresh eyes, let's take a look back in time to what we wrote only days after that meeting...

(January 9, 2017)

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, trump, intelligence, hacking, Russia, Putin, report
There are two related stories to discuss today, both on the subject of Intelligence. A word which, needless to say when referring to Washington, refers to "spying" instead of anything remotely like "smartness" or "proper brain function."

Specifically, President-elect Donald Trump has made it clear that he doesn't consider US intelligence agencies to be 100% reliable, especially when it comes to their consensus accusation that Vladimir Putin interfered with our election by disguising himself with a pair of Groucho glasses, then driving a schoolbus filled with Cossacks to various polling places in key electoral states.

But before Hope n' Change dives into the details of the "Russian hacking" story, let's look at Barack Obama's recent claim of advising Trump - strictly as a professional courtesy - that as President he should always trust the US intelligence community.

"There are going to be times," the miserable stain on the Oval Office said, "where the only way you can make a good decision is if you have confidence that the process is working, and the people that you put in charge are giving you their very best assessments."

Really, Barry? Is that how you've conducted your presidency? Let's review a few fun facts. As president, B. Hussein skipped the majority of his intelligence briefings including the one immediately following the debacle in Benghazi. Barry also had nothing but foreign policy failures, and repeatedly placed the blame on his intelligence agencies.

So why should Trump - or the rest of us - invest our trust in the intelligence agencies who failed to see the rise of Isis? Who missed nuclear weapons development by Iran during our negotiations? Who were unable to connect the dots preceding Putin's many successful aggressions - as well as those of China and North Korea.

These are the intelligence agencies whose keen insights helped bring about nightmare scenarios in Syria, Libya, and pretty much every other country which has mosques. Intelligence agencies which failed to flag September 11th as a potentially meaningful day for terrorists to attack in Benghazi.

Intelligence agencies which, at least according to the administration, found it "no big deal" that Hillary (as freaking Secretary of State) put all of our national secrets on an unguarded personal server just so she could dodge future Freedom of Information Act demands to see documents rightfully belonging to the American people.

All of which brings us back to the "Election hacking" story. The intelligence agencies have now offered up their (ahem) official report on this alleged election-changing, super-sophisticated act of cyber terror, and have found that (cue the shower-stabbing music from "Psycho") Vladimir Putin personally ordered a monumental campaign to undermine our election and put his personal buddy, Donald Trump, into office!

But there's one little problem. While the declassified report is happy to draw this apocalyptic conclusion, it offers virtually no proof. We're asked to accept this poppycock on sheer trust, which would be a lot easier if the Obama administration and intelligence agencies had even an iota of credibility anymore.

But let's look at a couple of important things the report says that we can agree with: there was no hacking or interference with any voting or vote-tallying machines, and the intelligence agencies do not assert that the alleged Russian campaign had any influence on voters or the election. Wow.

It is also noteworthy that the intelligence agencies were able to draw such detailed conclusions considering the DNC failed to cooperate with the investigation, and wouldn't grant the FBI access to their computers. And interestingly, the report fails to note that the sensitive emails eventually released by Wikileaks (again, without direct evidence of Russian involvement) weren't even obtained by "hacking," but rather by a simple "phishing" email sent to John Podesta, in which he revealed that his password (and the key to all of the DNC's documents) was..."password."

The report also states that Putin's evil plan to overthrow our election involved schemes like having Russian newscasts criticize Hillary Clinton more than Donald Trump. Which apparently made a huge impact on the many voters whose primary source of information was Russian newscasts.

We could go on and on (and already have!) but our point is this: thanks to the Obama administration our intelligence agencies no longer have a whit of credibility, nor does their preposterously politicized "Russian hacking" report.

Considering 8 years of wall-to-wall failures, it's not surprising that Americans have decided to turn their backs on alleged "Intelligence" in favor of Donald Trump's promise of common sense.

Monday, May 11, 2020

Bury Soetoro?

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, obama, flynn, treason, coronavirus, conspiracy, mother's day

Barack Obama is back in the news in two entirely different contexts depending on which political universe you live in.

If you're a Leftist, or someone stupid enough to trust the mainstream media, the only Obama story in the news is that in a (suspiciously) "leaked" video chat with former members of his administration, the former dog-eating, gun-running president viciously attacked President Trump's handling of the coronavirus crisis as "an absolute chaotic disaster." A phrase which he perhaps remembers being applied to every aspect of the Obamacare rollout.

Referring to Attorney General Barr's handling of the dismissal of charges against General Michael Flynn after the FBI admitted gross malfeasance, Obama declared "the rule of law is at risk."

And as long as he was on a roll, Barry once again ripped into the American people and the "long-term trends in which being selfish, being tribal, being divided, and seeing others as an enemy has become a stronger impulse in American life." Of course, he may have a valid point, because we could feel our impulses growing stronger with every word he spoke.

Meanwhile, if you're on the Right (or simply sentient), you're seeing an entirely different representation of Obama in the news. Specifically that he's been clearly linked to (and possibly headed) the cabal of high-ranking (and highly rank) Washington insiders who framed and persecuted General Flynn as part of the grander plan to undermine or remove Donald Trump as President of the United States. A coup attempt, plain and simple.

Our best guess is that Barry's comments were deliberately funneled to the news outlets to distract from the very real criminal charges that may soon be rolling out against miscreants like Jim Comey, James Clapper, John Brennan, Lisa Page, Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok, and many others - including the Fresh Prince of Chicago himself.

We are living in a chaotic time, but finally seeing actual justice and the real rule of law applied to these treasonous conspirators would help give us at least a little peace of mind.

FROM THE VAULT: MOTHER'S DAY

Stanley Ann Dunham, Obama's mother, taught him how to "lead from behind."


Friday, May 8, 2020

Buy Dumb Supporter

Some years ago in this space, we tried to institute "Good News Friday" with only positive stories. The world, however, didn't get the memo and we quickly discarded the idea when "good news" failed to materialize on a weekly basis.

And such is the case again this week (to put it mildly), which is why we're wrapping things up with yet another visit to the yellowing, 30-year old pages of the Spensive Gifts catalog. Happy browsing!

spensive gifts
spensive gifts

spensive gifts
BREAKING NEWS: OUT LIKE FLYNN

It turns out that there IS good news to report: the Justice Department has dropped its criminal case against General Michael Flynn! We only hope that this will initiate the aggressive investigation and prosecution of those who framed and defamed Flynn in a brazen attempt to overthrow the Presidency.

It's criminal - literally - how long this smear campaign has been going on and how far it's reached. As evidenced by this visit to the vault from June, 2017...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, comey, testimony, fbi, trump, obstruction, justice

Despite stratospheric levels of hype, yesterday's laughably named "intelligence hearing" testimony by disgraced former FBI Director James Comey wasn't so much "shock and awe" as "Rorschach" and "Aw, shut the Hell up."

We cite Rorschach because, as is the case with other meaningless ink blots, everyone interpreted Comey's remarks however they wanted: the Right sees Trump as completely exonerated, and the Left believes they heard so much dirt that they can't decide whether to take the time to impeach the President or simply march on the White House with pitchforks and torches and burn the building down while he's still inside.

The reality, as nearly as we can tell, is that Trump didn't do anything legally wrong when talking to Comey about Mike Flynn and the Russian investigation. But in true snowflake-style, Comey is now interpreting his own bizarre feelings and fantasies related to that conversation as proof of wrongdoing.

Comey, who is dishonest and Machiavellian but no fool, is fully aware that Trump did nothing to obstruct justice - but he was spinning like a Dervish trying to imply otherwise. Which makes it fortunate that he no longer runs the Federal Bureau of Implication.

Comey did occasionally share interesting truths, including his concern that former DOJ head Loretta Lynch had been compromised during her meeting with Bill Clinton on an airport tarmac. He additionally confirmed that Lynch asked him (which in Comey's mind is apparently a direct order) to refer to Hillary's criminal investigation as a "matter" - which Comey subsequently did, even though he freely admits that it was a lie designed only to help Hillary's image during election season.

All in all, his testimony showed only that Trump can be ham-handedly (but legally) direct when expressing his thoughts...and that Comey (among others associated with Obama and Clinton) has genuinely made a practice of obstructing justice by attempting to interpret the hints, nuances, and implied desires of his political masters.

Because a nod is as good as a wink when justice isn't intended to be blind.

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

We Pause For A Brief Word From Our Ulcer

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, juggling chainsaws
Cartoon by Stilton's Dad!
We're more or less taking the day off because, somehow, ever since The Great Plague of 2020 hit, there never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. Or, all too often, anything done. Ergo, the whole "juggling chainsaws" thing - although we never need much of an excuse to share a cartoon by Stilton's father.

Of course, there's plenty to talk about in the comments section: the "winding down" of the White House Coronavirus Task Force (just a bit premature in our estimation), the latest information about how the FBI totally boned General Michael Flynn as part of their coup attempt against Trump, and Biden's declaration that he plans to choose a female VP candidate based solely on a "sniff test."

For anyone who doesn't know how to get to the comments section, just click on the title of the day's post and share your thoughts. See you there!

Monday, May 4, 2020

Nyuk, Nyuk - Who's There?

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, coronavirus, wuhan, lab, release, COVID19, now we're fucked

It's now all but certain that the SARS-CoV-2 virus which causes COVID-19 did not originate in nature, but rather escaped from a laboratory doing nightmarishly dangerous experiments in Wuhan (Chinese for "Whoops!").

If you want the whole story (and you should!), we recommend going to this link for a detailed, accurate, and fascinating 40-minute presentation about how this happened and why it's almost impossible that the civilization-busting virus originated anywhere else.

In the report, you'll learn about the Wuhan lab's experiments designed to produce "gain of function" in bat coronaviruses. Which is to say, enhancing the qualities they already have (infectivity and lethality) and giving them new qualities they didn't previously have (jumping to humans). This is the well-documented research the lab was doing at exactly the same time SARS-CoV-2, by wild coincidence, allegedly developed spontaneously all by itself in a way never previously seen in nature, in a wet market just 300 yards from the lab's front door. Or more likely, the back door.

Granted, this new information doesn't really change much other than to confirm that the Chinese government, with their secrecy and lies, screwed the world in much the same way a toothless hillbilly psycho corn-holed a squealing Ned Beatty in "Deliverance." And of course, the information also gives us a new empathy for all of those angry, torch-wielding peasants in Frankenstein movies who knew that there were some things Man was not meant to tamper with.

But this is our reality now and, as our good friend Johnny Optimism reminds us, life goes on...

johnny optimism, medical, humor, sick, jokes, boy, wheelchair, doctors, hospital, stilton jarlsberg, cinco de mayo, coronavirus, cinco de masko, mariachi

FROM THE VAULT (BY POPULAR REQUEST)...


Friday, May 1, 2020

Shop And Awe


Just to be clear, here at Stilton's Place we do care about the latest developments in coronavirus news, the perfidy of those who committed injustice against Michael Flynn, Donald Trump, and the American people, and the #MeToo Democrats who are letting Joe Biden off the hook because "it's okay to stick your fingers in as long as it's not up to your elbow."

But frankly, it's all a bit overwhelming what with the world being broken and all, which is why we're paying yet another visit to the bargain-packed wonderland that is Spensive Gifts...

spensive gifts
spensive gifts

spensive gifts
spensive gifts

Have a fun and safe weekend (assuming those aren't mutually incompatible)! And we'll see you in the comments section to discuss current events or anything else you like!

UPDATE: A DIFFERENT SLANT ON THINGS

A number of readers have expressed appreciation for the inscrutable Chinese Insult Mugs, which reminded me of this lovely graphic I received from my father. "The secret of wisdom," he said at the time, "is to look at the things the right way." So give that a try... 

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Quite the Item

Some businesses in America are finally opening up, giving ordinary glove-wearing mask-wielding, Purell-scented citizens the ability to shop in only a mild state of terror. Personally, we're going to give it a little more time (we're old, have underlying health issues, and have the kind of personality that makes medical personnel feel so-so about saving you).

Fortunately for the homebound, there is still pleasure to be found in shopping the way we did before the Internet: reclining in an overstuffed La-Z-Boy with a calming adult beverage and another odd edition of Spensive Gifts...

spensive gifts
spensive gifts

spensive gifts
ALSO IN THE NEWS: THE GREENS PARTY CANDIDATE

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, biden, hillary, endorsement, salad

Yesterday Joe Biden finally received Hillary Clinton's endorsement for President of the United States, surprising a number of Washington insiders who thought she would have had him killed by now.

Apparently the former First Lady's endorsement was a direct result of a long conversation with husband Bill Clinton, who pointed out that Hillary was obliged to support any Democrat who is a member in good standing of Washington's "Stinky Pinky Club," over which Slick Willy presides.

Biden himself has not issued an official statement, but one is expected to be forthcoming as soon as he can be lured out from his pillow fort with a plate of warm cookies.

Monday, April 27, 2020

Biden Goes Viral

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, joe biden, coronavirus, spanish flu

Okay, Shotgun Joe didn't actually say this about coronavirus. Or much of anything else, for that matter, which is starting to puzzle a number of people. Well, it puzzles people who aren't quite clear on the concept that if the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee is given airtime, he's likely to forget about coronavirus entirely and start babbling about how the raisins in his oatmeal look like flies and, importantly, it's pee-pee time again.

Meanwhile, President Trump is not only continuing to actively manage the Covid19 crisis, but he's also still fully up to speed on world events...

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But politics and pestilence aside, there really IS some exciting news today...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAUGHTER JARLSBERG!

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Whee.
Yes, today is Daughter Jarlsberg's birthday, which will be celebrated by staying indoors, avoiding other human beings, substituting K-rations for ice cream and cake, and unwrapping presents which were scrounged from our survival pantry ("Oh, boy...a First Aid kit!").

Okay, it's not an ideal time for parties. But it is an ideal time for families to be together, and the fact that she moved back home (for career advancement) on about the last day the world was normal-ish is something we're grateful for.

Of course, that career advancement is on hold for a bit; she's a speech-language pathologist at a time when mouth-centric jobs are more dangerous than having dirt on Hillary Clinton. But she is creative, witty, intelligent and talented and using this time for self-improvement. She'll definitely be kicking post-apocalyptic ass!

So please join us in wishing her a very happy socially-isolated birthday!

Friday, April 24, 2020

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Feeling Sheepish

We've all been under considerable pressure lately and could stand to blow off a little steam. To help with that effort, we present this indescribably rare recording of the legendary "Red Rooster Band" live in concert, complete with onscreen lyrics for your singalong pleasure...


The Backstory: Okay, this was my band many eons ago. "Red Rooster and the Crimson Cocks" didn't play many gigs, but when we did we stomped the hell out of the joint. Audiences loved us because they were drunk, we were drunk, and all of our songs were deliberately tasteless (albeit performed with great enthusiasm).

I'm the lead singer who is so desperately in need of auto-tune, a sense of shame, or both. My non-identical twin brother (honest!) in the scarlet wig is Red Rooster. We co-wrote all the songs, then rounded up a wildly talented group of players who - like us - enjoyed doing something flat out stupid from time to time. Ah, youth.

All of this predates personal video cameras, so we really didn't have a way to capture a live performance. Fortunately, a friend shot a handful of 35mm slides (remember those?) which we were able to combine with a cassette recording to create this video.

Interesting fact: if you're nursing a blood alcohol limit above 0.08 it is literally impossible not to sing along with the "Bah-bah-bah" chorus. And if you doubt me, well, it's Friday - so knock down a few drinks and put it to the test!

FROM THE VAULT: FRANKLY, MY DEAR, I DON'T GIVE A RAMADAN

Yesterday was the beginning of Ramadan - a perfect time to look back and reflect on things like what a complete ass-hat our last president was...

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(6/17/15) As if one couldn't tell by the throngs of shoppers at the malls, the beloved songs on the radio, and the twinkle in every child's eye, today marks the beginning of Ramadan - a sacred, month-long Islamic holiday marked by fasting, prayer, and (as the president just impishly proved) "some surprises."

In this case, the surprise was Obama's barely reported release of six more Al Qaeda detainees from Guantanamo Bay, including three of Osama Bin Laden's bodyguards.

The prisoners, all of whom were classified as "high risk" by US intelligence in 2008, were reclassified as harmless (if not downright cuddly!) by Obama's "Periodic Review Board," which is charged with "finding a way to empty Gitmo - period."

To accomplish this, the Review Board takes into account things like whether the jihadists have been good about attending taxpayer-funded yoga classes designed to curb their violent impulses, and the detainees' expressed desires to return to the war torn Middle East only for the purpose of starting "milk and honey farms."  No, really.

Oh sure, skeptics are going to point to the fact that nearly 30% of detainees released from Gitmo go back to killing on the battlefield. But shouldn't the holidays be a time to set aside skepticism and simply believe wholeheartedly in peace on Earth and good will to enemy combatants?

Apparently Barack Hussein Obama thinks so.

NO, BUT SERIOUSLY...

Actually, we are going to get completely serious for just a moment. It will come as no surprise to anyone here that a lot of what we're hearing about coronavirus/Covid19 is highly politicized bullcrap, MSM spin, or just plain stupidity. But we don't have to settle for that.

Dr. Chris Martenson, a pathologist and economist, has been posting near-daily Youtube videos (usually between 30 and 40 minutes) for three months now. It's the single best, smartest, least political, and most accurate source of coronavirus news that we've found. You can see his latest video at this link, and you should hit that "subscribe" button to stay weeks ahead of everyone else.

For instance, you may have seen recent stories from Reuters, the AP, NY Times, Fox News and more that hydroxychloroquine, the anti-malarial drug touted by President Trump, is not only ineffective but actually harmful to patients per a Stanford study. And it's shameful the amount of glee most "news" sources exhibited when snuffing out this ray of hope, because they'd rather Trump be wrong than have an actual treatment for Covid19. But here's the thing...

They were lying. Or, charitably, idiots.

Dr. Martenson breaks down the real information flowing in from around the world, and it seems likely that hydroxychloroquine (when administered at the right time, and with an antibiotic and mineral combo) is actually tremendously effective in treating Covid19. And it pisses us off that such potentially good news is being buried (although it won't stay buried for long). You can get the full scientific breakdown from Dr. Martenson in this video.

Some of what Dr. Martenson shares is scary, because truth can be scary. But that's a price worth paying to avoid being misinformed during a time of crisis.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Crude Joke

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Too young to get this? We don't care.
Now that the world is officially composed of tumbling dominos, it's interesting (like staring at a car wreck) to look at which one has fallen the most recently...and hardest. In this case it's oil futures, which went deep into negative territory on Monday (meaning suppliers were actually paying people to take oil off their hands) before staging a feeble recovery on Tuesday.

Former and future bartender, democrat Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, tweeted of the unprecedented below-zero oil prices "You absolutely love to see it. It's the right time for a worker-led, mass investment in green infrastructure to save our planet. *cough*" (Note: AOC's "cough" was, disappointingly, an attempt at humor and not indicative that she's in the final throes of Covid19.)

The mind-boggling idiocy of her pronouncement is so bad that the Board of Regents at Boston University, her alma matter, is not only talking about revoking her degree in economics, but also tarring and feathering her while tar is essentially free.

When there's no money to be made from drilling, refining, or transporting oil, the supply lines will stop. As will everything that ran on oil, which is pretty much civilization as we know it. And at that point, it's highly unlikely that roving bands of starving survivors will take much interest in windmills, solar panels, or replacing our nation's entire infrastructure with only the tools that the Amish use to raise barns.

Of course, the governments of the world will attempt to keep that from happening by propping up the oil industry with yet more trillions in monopoly money hot off the printing presses. At which point AOC may finally be exposed to fiscal terms like "hyper-inflation" which she clearly never encountered while dancing on rooftops at Boston U ("home of the Fighting Baked Beans").

FROM THE VAULT: HAPPY EARTH DAY!

Today is Earth Day, meaning that if any restaurants were open, Earth could get a free dessert and have an embarrassing song sung to it by hand-clapping waiters and waitresses. Sadly, that's not the case this year, and large public celebrations are unlikely what with the whole "go outside and die" thing.

That's why we're going back to 2013 for this Earth Day visit with Bark Obama and Joe Bitem!

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Monday, April 20, 2020

It's Funny You Should Mask

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The cartoon above is posted as a public service reminder that no matter how much we're all desperate to get back to normal life, masks are going to play a hugely important role in making that happen.

And not everything is bad about wearing a mask. For instance, many of us now appear to be only half as ugly. A piece of spinach stuck in your teeth? Who's going to know! Plus, masks give everyone a certain air of mystery and drama; just this morning, while walking our dog, a wary neighbor declared that we looked "threatening." A sentiment we tried to defuse, unsuccessfully, by sounding a loud, villainous "bwah-ha-ha!" laugh. After which, social distancing was no problem whatsoever.

Of course, if everyone is healthy at home, there's no need to wear a mask in the house (unless you're taking "playing doctor" to a kinky new level). Rather, you can just relax and spend this time with simple, shared family activities to help you beat cabin fever...

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Friday, April 17, 2020

The Hell You Say

Sure, these are semi-apocalyptic times - but to remind people just how good they've still got it, we're paying an actual visit to Hell today guided by my father.

Not that he's in Hell (as far as I know), but rather because, decades ago, my Dad wrote funny captions for the many illustrations in a tattered, century-old edition of Dante's Inferno. Which may help explain why I've been inspired to do the same sort of nonsense my whole life. The nuts, as they say, don't fall far from the tree.

But now, let's check on those who fall from Grace. And for anyone sensitive to the smell of sulfur and brimstone, be sure to wear your N95 mask...

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It's a moth joke - get it?
Have a great, safe, and socially isolated weekend!  -Stilt