Missing Inaction

Actually, we've improved quite a bit but not quite enough to do a real post today. We'll do our best to keep up with you in the comments, though!

UPDATE: OKAY, MAYBE ONE CARTOON...

Do Me A Solid

We're making good progress with the Diverticulitis and have been given permission to drink "full liquids" (think chocolate Ensure, which is served in all of your really upscale nursing homes) and cautiously start the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce,  and Toast). Honest-to-gosh solid foods are still some distance in our future, which is why we're sharing these actual recipe cards from the past as a reminder that solid food sometimes isn't all that it's cracked up to be...

Yeah, suddenly the chocolate Ensure and dry white toast don't look so bad!

R.I.P. ROSS PEROT

That soft sucking sound is other politicians on the government teat

We're saddened to learn of the passing of Ross Perot, for whom we once cast a Presidential vote. Long before anyone was paying attention to Donald Trump, billionaire businessman and political outsider Perot drew enthusiastic crowds with his honesty, patriotism, pragmatism, and straight-talking approach.

Even after his failed Presidential bid, Perot did a lot for America. He will be missed.

BONUS: NOT SO LITTLE WHITE LIE

Okay, we thought we were done for the day, but we had to create a cartoon after hearing what Nancy Pelosi said about President Trump's "real" reason for wanting the census to give accurate counts of citizens and non-citizens in America.

Sick Day

Forget Mr. Binky...it's actually our old friend Mr. Diverticulitis who has decided to pay a visit, so we're not really feeling up to writing much today.

Diverticulitis happens when your large intestine starts blowing little bubblegum-type bubbles through its walls, leaving pockets that are perfect for collecting food and bacteria and breeding a painful infection which usually doesn't kill.

Currently, we're on powerful antibiotics and a second medication that makes your mouth taste like a vulture's butthole and gives you the magical ability to projectile vomit if alcohol so much as touches your lips. Happily, we didn't find that out the hard way - we were warned by our doctor, our pharmacist, and a label on the pill bottle which shows a picture of a cocktail with a diagonal line drawn through it, above the words "avoid alcohol unless you want to turn yourself inside out like a salted slug."

Additionally, we're halfway through two weeks of a clear liquid diet which consists of water (and variations on water) and thin broth. So we're not feeling a helluva lot of sympathy for those "kids in cages" who are getting oatmeal, burritos, and noodles three times a day. Although we don't begrudge them their food, because we'd like these poor little souls to stay nice and healthy in case we need one of them to give us an intestine transplant (giving them a chance to do the jobs that American organs won't do).

We expect to be fine and it will be business as usual in the comments section today and, hopefully, non-health related content Wednesday!