Monday Melange

WEST BANK ON IT

After being given permission to enter Israel and visit her aging grandmother (who had, no kidding, promised to kill a goat for the occasion), Rep Rashida Tlaib cancelled the trip after being told that while in Israel, she couldn't shoot her mouth off about anti-Israel causes and sentiments.

For which the nation of Israel, and one lucky goat, can give thanks.

THE CHOKE'S ON YOU

It's almost disturbingly easy for us to imagine an angry Hillary Clinton shrieking into a phone: "What part of 'make it look like suicide' didn't you effing understand?!"

But let's be charitable. Nobody is perfect and mistakes happen, even for well-practiced professional killers. Although we doubt that this particular killer will live long enough to make another mistake.

GET MUELLER ON LINE TWO

Sorry, but it had to be said.

FROM THE VAULT: SLEAZY WRITER

Over the weekend, actor Peter Fonda died at age 79. He died from lung cancer, and we wouldn't wish that kind of pain and suffering on anyone.

But that being said, owing to a spate of tweets in his final years, we have little choice other than to remember him as a complete asshole...

(From Friday, June 22, 2018)
Alleged actor Peter Fonda took to Twitter recently to voice his hatred for the First Family, and to encourage kidnapping and pederasty as useful tools for the Left to demonstrate their moral superiority to the Deplorables in our nation.

Here's what he tweeted:

The First Lady has subsequently asked the Secret Service to investigate Mr. Fonda, not only because of the appalling nature of his threats, but because most movie fans have been convinced that the actor died years ago, along with his career.

Not that he didn't have one good scene in the only memorable movie he was ever in. Specifically, this scene:

Even more enjoyable when viewed on a continuous loop!

Seriously (which we aren't very often), Fonda's rhetoric - which he has since apologized for - goes way too far and should not fall under the province of protected speech. He is calling for violence against the First Family and, specifically, the violent rape of a child. Because he's so sensitive and enlightened, you see.

Even worse, he's making this call to action to his thousands of followers, any one of whom might decide to implement it. Especially since Peter Fonda likely has followers who are, as we say in the psychological field, "not right in the head."

How could they be, when exposed to a regular diet of Fonda's other sociopathic tweets like this one about our nation's Director of Homeland Security:

For those blissfully unfamiliar with the term, "gash" is an obscene reference to female genitalia, and is considered to be even uglier, more unacceptable, and more sexually demeaning than Samantha Bee's "c-word" description of our First Lady.

It is a word so foul, fetid, and unforgivable that we would personally never use it about any woman.

Except, of course, Jane Fonda.

The Land of the Free and the Home of Depraved

These are hard times for satire. After all, the whole idea is to take something and exaggerate it to humorous extremes in order to make a point. But some things just can't be made more extreme or ludicrous than they already are.

Case in point: we have now learned that in the 56 million dollar mansion of pedophile (and likely murder victim) Jeffrey Epstein, there was a large painting of Bill Clinton seductively reclining in a blue dress and red high heels, while pointing his stink finger directly at the viewer.

To say this is troubling is a considerable understatement. Is the painting mocking Clinton and, if so, why? Or is the painting a straight up representation of Clinton's perversion behind closed doors, and a celebration of some weird psycho-sexual bond between the two men?

We may not know art, but we know what makes us want to throw up.

SQUEEZE PLAY

Autopsy results are in for Jeffrey Epstein, and they aren't going to do anything to reduce the conspiracy theories surrounding the abrupt death of this odious pimp to the powerful. Specifically, the autopsy showed that a number of bones were broken in Epstein's neck, a condition which is more consistent with death by strangulation than by hanging.

As damning as this sounds, doctors say it's theoretically possible Epstein could have broken the bones in his neck with a makeshift noose if he threw himself off the prison cell's top bunk with enough force. Assuming, of course, that the top bunk was about 12 feet off the ground. And had a diving board.

Happily, Epstein's mysterious death is being thoroughly investigated, and we'll eventually learn more when the broken bones in Epstein's neck can be forensically compared with the broken bones soon to be found in the investigators' necks.

Corn Chip On His Shoulder

Maybe he didn't hear you. Try asking louder a few dozen times.

Considering the gravity of the news in recent days, it's good to sit back and simply enjoy a back-to-basics story in which a self-centered liberal makes a complete asshole of himself in public.

In this instance, we're referring to CNN Anchor (side note: why would a sinking ship need an anchor?) Chris Cuomo, who is the brother of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, the son of former New York Governor Mario Cuomo, and the grandson of mellow voiced, coma-inducing singer Perry Cuomo.

Captured on a now-viral cellphone video, Cuomo completely lost his marbles and started screaming obscenities at a man who called him "Fredo." For those unfamiliar with the term, it was apparently the name of a disappointingly weak character who let everyone down in one of the most famous and critically acclaimed movie trilogies of all time.

We refer, of course, to Fredo Baggins, who lost his nerve and failed to throw the One Ring into the fire of Mount Doom after Sauron made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

In any event, Cuomo howled that the name "Fredo" when applied to an Italian-American is every bit as offensive as using the n-word ("nutjob"). With veins protruding from his neck, the alleged newsman then proceeded to roar "no punk ass bitches from the right call me Fredo!" and added that he was going to "fuck up the shit" of the offender, and then "fucking throw you down the stairs like a fucking punk."

Clearly, "eloquence" isn't Chris Cuomo's middle name. Not that it would matter, because from now on this douchebag's middle name is "Fredo."

LUCAS HEMBREE UPDATE

I'm gratified to say that the fundraising effort to help the family of Lucas Hembree has gone very well. Thanks to the generosity of many people, it only took 24 hours to reach the immediate goal of $10,000 to pay for medical bills and hospice care for this remarkable boy. More importantly, the Hembree family has received an overwhelming outpouring of love and support at this unimaginably difficult time.

Although the goal for immediate needs has been met, donations are still accepted and encouraged. I've updated the contact information in my previous post: you can now donate at the GoFundMe page, or click a link to donate through Paypal, or send a check (or a card or letter of support) by mail.

On a personal note, let me say how humbled and gratified I am to see the response this campaign has gotten. I write "Stilton's Place" as a labor of love - not because I love the news or working for free, but because I love the way all of you constantly remind an old cynic that there is a lot of good in this world. And for that, I very sincerely thank you.   -Stilton

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Here's How To Contribute:

Click on this link to go to Lucas's GoFundMe page.  Note that GoFundMe automatically adds a "tip/service fee" but you can change the amount. I generally give them a dollar for being the intermediary.

If you'd prefer to send a check rather than doing an online transaction, it can go to Chester or Jennifer Hembree, 1454 Mimosa Drive, Louisville, TN 37777.

If you'd like to have the convenience and security of paying online with Paypal, you can do that by clicking this link. (Note: the page at this link will show how much money has been raised on Paypal, but does not show the total from the GoFundMe page. It's still 100% legit!)

And here's a message from the Hembree family to all of us here at Stilton's Place: "Thank you so much for supporting our sweet boy!! It means the world to us and we will forever be grateful!!"