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Wednesday, July 13, 2022

It Only Hurts When I Life

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Kathy, grief, legal, Will, probate

For the record, Daughter J said I shouldn't post the cartoon above because "it makes you look sad." To which I countered, "Yes, but it makes me look sad in a funny way." She still isn't buying it and you might not either, but I ran out of ideas and needed SOME picture to put at the top of the page. 

It's been exactly four months since I lost Kathy and while I keep plugging along, I can't really boast of making progress in leaps and bounds. On my scorecard so far, I've had lunch with a friend once (with outdoor seating), dinner with Kathy's brother and his wife once (indoors and boldly unmasked), and this past week I actually watched a TV program by myself for the first time. So there's not a lot of carpe in my diem

Still, Life, in its eternal wisdom, keeps me hopping with various tasks that need attention. Today, for instance, I had to have an audience with a judge to make a number of sworn statements relating to the disposition of Kathy's Will, which named me as the sole beneficiary and executor. After raising my right hand, I had to answer tough questions like these:

"Are you the person named as executor?"
"I am."
"Are you willing to serve as executor?"
"I am."
"As beneficiary, do you accept this person as your executor?"
"I do."
"As beneficiary, do you wish to waive being provided a complete accounting of all assets held by the executor who is also you?"
"I do."
"Do you, whichever person you're being, swear you're telling the truth?"
"We do."
"I now pronounce you beneficiary and executor. You may kiss your lawyer's fee goodbye."

So that's been handled and will facilitate the generating of more legal paperwork which will be required to do things like changing names on titles and bank accounts. Because that's such a satisfying and uplifting use of my time and energy. 

I've also noticed weird seepage coming out from under the toilet in the master bathroom and have decided that it's likely a bad wax ring where the biffy connects to the plumbing. Fortunately, replacement wax rings are only about five or ten bucks, meaning I should be able to get the toilet fixed for about $375 (plus about five to ten bucks) because I'M damn well not going to do it, no matter how easy Youtube thinks the job is.

Of a slightly more satisfying nature, I'm also doing daily bucket brigade duty to try to keep our various plants alive while North Texas bakes in 104° heat and weeks without a trace of rain. And trust me, "alive" is the low bar I'm setting for most of the plants just now, all of which are wilting, turning brown, and giving me dirty looks for not letting them come inside my air-conditioned house. Then again, that may have been the crew who mow my lawn - it's not like I'm going to stand out in that heat long enough to be sure.

Friday, July 1, 2022

Make Him An Offer He CAN Refuse

 So today I got an unsolicited snail-mail letter from a realtor that went like this...

I understand you are the Personal Representative for the property at (my address). I specialize in the area of probate and helping administrators and executors like yourself with the sale of any real estate properties that the estate has to liquidate. I would like to meet with you, if possible, to look at the property and explain how I can help you in this process. Selling your property does not have to be a difficult process. I have been helping many people like yourself sell and get TOP DOLLAR. 

It would, of course, be rude if I didn't respond. So here's what I sent back...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, realtor, Kathy, death, ghoul, vulture, piece of shit, real estate, truck, deaths, Mexicans

By the way, on her letterhead, she mentions being a graduate of Southern Methodist University. I'm no theological expert, but if Methodists are being taught to pick the bones of their neighbors then that frigging university needs an exorcism or something.

ALSO IN THE NEWS...


The piece above isn't to mock or laugh at the poor bastards who didn't know they were climbing into an air fryer at Joe Biden's invitation. Rather, it's just a comment on the deaths and suffering that will inevitably happen when this administration throws open the border and promises valuable gifts and prizes to anyone willing to risk their lives (as well as risking rape and violence) on a dangerous and illegal journey.

This blood is on the Biden administration's hands.

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Editorial Note: I still think it's okay to ship realtors across Texas in trucks.

Monday, June 27, 2022

Hey, Good Lookin'

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, o caption

When I was young and the Earth was still a cooling ball of gas, the height of practical joking (or just being a pain in the rear end) was to put a burning bag of dog poop on someone's doorstep, ring the doorbell, then run like Hell. They open the door, see the flame, stomp it out, and get dog doo on their shoe. Classic!

Anyway, that's more or less what today's post is. I don't really have anything interesting to share so I've dropped this cartoon on your doorstep, rung your doorbell, and - because I'm too old and fat to run like Hell - I'm hiding in your bushes.

See you in the comments section as soon as I get this dog doo off my shoe...