Monday, September 7, 2026

Nobody's Perfect

Call me a grumpy old fart if you will, but I'm of the firm opinion that today's popular music sucks eggs (among other things). It also rots minds, corrupts youth, and makes Satan laugh in that really creepy, booming way that reminds us that our time in Hell is going to get old really fast.

As exhibit A, I offer up one of the most popular songs in recent years: "Wet Ass Pussy" by Cardi B, the lyrics to which you can read at this link if you're eager to give up all hope for humanity.

But thanks to the miracle of Artificial Intelligence, morally decent people like you and me can now make our own music during this brief period before A.I. decides to wipe out humanity. Likely based on listening to Cardi B.

And thus, I present to you one of my own creations. Good old-fashioned rock n' roll about falling in love and accepting each other's little flaws, warts and all. Although admittedly, I lean pretty hard on the "and all" part in my lyrics.

So for your listening pleasure and moral edification, let me share "Nobody's Perfect." I'm including the heartwarming lyrics so that you can sing along when it gets stuck in your brain. And trust me, it's about to.

Stilton's Place, Suno, Song, Nobody's Perfect

NOBODY'S PERFECT

[Verse]
My baby takes out her false teeth
My baby takes out her glass eye
My baby takes off her wig, yeah
And her fake leg at the thigh

My baby warms up her hook hand
My baby starts to foam and twitch
My baby’s colostomy bag
Is what it takes to scratch my itch

[Chorus]
Nobody’s perfect, That’s what they say
But I love my baby, love her anyway

[Verse]
My baby has 43 chromosomes
My baby has running sores
My baby has vertigo and
Always ends up on the floor

My baby has a sweet cleft palette
My baby has a club foot too
I smack my baby with a rubber mallet
And she gets to smack me too

[Chorus]
Nobody’s perfect, That’s what they say
But I love my baby, love her anyway

[Verse]
My baby has water on the brain
My baby has a tracheostomy
My baby is legally insane
That's why she got a lobotomy

[Chorus]
Nobody’s perfect, That’s what they say
But I love my baby, love her anyway

Nobody's Perfect
Nobody's Perfect
But my baby's perfect
For me!

johnny optimism, medical, humor, sick, jokes, boy, wheelchair, doctors, hospital, stilton jarlsberg, nobody's perfect, song

28 comments:

  1. Stilt,

    Grunge Band music and it's perfect. We'll done, Sir!

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  2. The lyrics are disturbing but I loved the music.

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  3. Great start to my day. I thought the illustration was a great addition. Glad you're back.

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  4. Stilt, I have followed you silently since the beginning. Thrilled you are back! Loved the tune and the lyrics are appreciated due to decades in healthcare with patients just like that!
    Gunner

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  5. Comeback tune for Jelly Roll ?

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  6. Glad you are staying creative Stilt!
    Current American Pop music is absolutely awful. But there are still tons of cool rock bands out there. If you were a fan of LZ, PF, Hendrix, Stones, etc: check out QOTSA (don't miss their older stuff), Seether (yes this is awesome angry rock, but some beautiful stuff too), Colour Haze (German experimental band but all English lyrics), Fuzz (psychedelic 1960's style), Dandy Warhols, etc. Absolutely tons to listen too. My daughters keep me current and Tidal helps too.

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  7. Ever read the Edgar Alan Poe short story "The Man who was Used Up"?

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  8. Legend!
    And we were all here when it started...

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  9. I have to agree with a previous comment: I think the music is great too, but prefer less disturbing lyrics. Still, it is an "earworm".

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  10. I still listen to "Echoes of Tomorrow" by the White Pants!!

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  11. First thoughts? With that kind of music, why aren't you in a Prevost tour bus somewhere in the Midwest, doing 142 stops in 153 days? As to the lyrics, it might be time to see your doctor about adjusting some of your prescriptions.

    It IS catchy, though!

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  12. Aw man, this isn't a new song. It's from 2 years ago on the Farley's Funhouse YouTube page! (That's a plug for you, @Stilt!)
    Check it out!

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    Replies
    1. By the way, you're a grumpy old fart. But you're OUR grumpy old fart. Keep up the good work!

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  13. Good sound. YouTube has many 50s era sounding R&R, Rockabilly, Boogie music. All made with AI. And good music. But same voice as this song. Becomes repititious. But enjoyed the song, keep up the good fight.

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  14. Reminiscent of an old song I remember the Chad Mitchell Trio did about an unfortunate lawyer who didn't get a warranty deed before marrying. (She hung her false hair on the wall on a peg. Then she proceeded to take off her leg...)

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  15. Colostomy? That's called a Philadelphia Sidecar

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  16. Well, I finally caught up on things and I'm glad to see you are back. Your diagnosis does explain a looooott of things, lol, especially the autism. My kids are insisting I may be too and we all think hubs definitely was, the man was a certified genius. I wonder if that's why we got along so well?

    I don't keep up much on new music, though there is some really interesting stuff out there. Since I live with my son he shares a lot of GenX and Millenial stuff with me. Some of it is not half bad! I'm still stuck in 60's and 70's and classical, though yours ranks under fun!

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  17. AI is gonna get you in trouble and he ,she or it is not very creative.As you said it only spits out what it's fed.The lyrics used is almost half of a good joke from years ago and you will be getting calls on the music from 6 or 8 Hair Metal bands from the '80s on copywrite.Overall a job well done.It's a shame nobody puts R ratings on song lyrics.

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  18. Hopefully, not A One Hit Wonder, Stilt!!

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  19. Obviously, the smart people(tm) who oversee our entertainment culture consider AI a mortal enemy. However, considering the state of soulless, repetitive, melody-free dross that has defined the supposed height of music over the last generation, I think that AI can't possibly be any worse, and may actually save the business. So bring it on. Those being displaced did it to themselves.

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  20. Hate to break it to you, but it screams of a formulaic rise peppered with chart-topping edges for extra ratcheting grip strength. Earworm indeed.

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  21. @Readers- I appreciate all of the feedback, and I happily admit that the lyrics - although well written - are entirely tasteless. But in a "Johnny Optimism" way, the point of the song is that none of us needs to be perfect in order to be perfect for someone. I have many other songs, some written decades ago, that are much more serious and straightforward (and not R-rated) than this one. I believe this particular effort falls under the category of "screwing around." (grin)

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  22. The lyrics remind me of Tom Lehrer's _Weiner Schnitzel Waltz_. Good stuff:-)

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  23. harsh! & funny as F!!

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