Labored Day

In the time it takes Charlie to wonder if it's safe to say "Quit monkeying around," his co-worker's noggin is chopped off.

We're taking a somewhat relaxed approach to the blog today in part as an early start to Labor Day weekend, but mainly because we're on an anti-allergy medication which is making us even more brain-dead than usual. Then again, maybe it's the "news" itself that's to blame.

Among the allegedly big stories are the ongoing observations of John McCain's death, and catty discussions of who has or hasn't been invited to his funeral. Full disclosure: despite our high profile in the nation's alternate media, we weren't invited to the funeral - perhaps owing to our frequent references to Senator McCain as "chipmunk cheeks."

In Florida, a white gubernatorial candidate with a black opponent (who happens to be a wild-eyed anti-Trump, anti-ICE, Bernie Sanders socialist) is being accused of blatant, howling racism after warning voters "don't monkey this up." Sadly, this is the sort of thing that happens when a politician wants to tell voters "don't f*ck this up" but then tries to ad-lib a more family-friendly word. The lesson, for anyone who needs one, is that it doesn't really matter what you say to or about a liberal - they will be offended.

Almost not in the news, unless you happen to be looking at Fox News under an electron microscope, is the story that Hillary Clinton's infamous private server was very likely hacked by the Chinese, who not only got every one of her emails but actually got her correspondence in real time owing to malware they put on her unprotected computer. Apparently authorities have been aware of this for years, but somehow no public declaration has been made about her compromising every top-secret document she ever laid her claw-like hands on. Unsurprisingly, the FBI has denied any possibility that this could be the case, because serial liar and Clinton butt-plug Peter Strzok says he personally checked it all out and everything was peachy.

In the entertainment industry, the upcoming film "First Man," about Neil Armstrong's amazing journey to the moon, is generating a lot of positive critical buzz...but also a bit of controversy. Why? Because in this socially conscious update, upon reaching the moon, the Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin characters don't put an American flag on the moon.

The scene was deliberately omitted to indicate that the achievement "transcended countries and borders." Or, in the petulant words of Barack Obama regarding other American accomplishments: "you didn't build that."

Frankly, the film now sounds like it transcends our need to see it.

"That's...one...small step...for man...one giant leap...for...obfuscating history."

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend, celebrate safely, and we'll see you back here on Monday!

The Return of Tan O'Clock News

As recently promised, we've added the "Tan O'Clock News" feature to keep it from being a waste of your time visiting on days when the news is slow or we happen to be afflicted with underproductivity. Hey, it happens to every guy and shouldn't be a cause for shame - right?But seriously, McCain is still dead, the Trump Investigation is still a completely bogus fustercluck, and it's no fun talking about a creepy basement-dwelling whackjob shooting up a videogame tournament (except to possibly wonder if his despicable crime will get him a slightly better cafeteria table in nerd Hell.)Of course, the announcement of a trade agreement with Mexico sent stock prices higher, but that's only "news" because nothing like it ever happened under Obama. Under Trump, it's been going on for over a year now.

So that's why you'r being treated to witty women again. Because we believe in celebrating minds.

EXTRA: DID YOU DO YOUR GOOD DEED DU JOUR?
We sent out a special email recently to alert the Stilton's Place community that one of our own was in need of assistance. For any of you who didn't receive it, the email discussed the physical and fiscal difficulties currently bedeviling (albeit not egg-related) one of our friends who visits the comments section frequently.

If you've got a couple of bucks to spare, or need to do penance for looking at the scantily clad ladies above, we encourage you to visit this GoFundMe page, read the story, and donate if you wish. Even small amounts from a bunch of good people really add up!

And to the many of you have already given generously, we can't thank you enough! 

John McCain

John McCain's passing is too big for us to ignore, yet we don't have a lot to say about the man other than he was unquestionably of importance, and that his personal story was...complicated.

There's debate about whether he was a hero or villain (or both, or neither). Some of the attacks on McCain, such as blaming him for the tragic fire aboard the USS Forrestal which took the lives of 134 men and injured 161 more, are oft-repeated but not true. Additional stories about his comportment during an extended period as a prisoner of war, and whether he truly earned the nickname "songbird" for speaking to the enemy, are hard to verify. Opposing stories describe his heroism while in the infamous "Hanoi Hilton."

He did, unquestionably, dedicate his life to public service. And that's something we respect, even if we didn't like most of his political stands (he was pretty much the original RINO), and even if his inept presidential run helped make Barack Obama our national nightmare for eight seemingly-endless years.

In the end, we can't weigh the worth of the man or know the entirety of what was in his heart. Which makes a moment of respectful silence all the more appropriate.

Hawaiian Aye-Aye-Aye!

A lot of people might get lei'd to rest...

Within the next few hours, we'll know if Hawaii has been devastated by its worst hurricane in decades, or if the fates have smiled once again on the islands and steered Hurricane Lane back out to sea.

If disaster is avoided, however, it certainly won't be because of anything the local government and emergency preparedness agencies have done (specifically on the island of Oahu, the home to Honolulu, Waikiki, and Pearl Harbor). To put it delicately, the officials' preparations would feel right at home on a pupu platter...because those plans are pupu from top to bottom.

A quick bit of back story: for many years, Stilton's parents lived on Oahu (a sibling still does), and so we were frequent visitors. The island is unquestionably spectacularly beautiful, but anything government has touched has gone straight to hell. Pretty much nothing works right in Hawaii, in part because the island's culture encourages a lackadaisical attitude toward anything like efficiency, responsibility, and basic competence. When visiting, our day-to-day mantra was "Nothing is easy in Hawaii."

It's among our most socialist states, with almost everyone getting some kind of handout from the government. It has the highest per capita homeless population of any state. Prices for everything are sky high. Their medical system has been described as that of a "third world country" owing to doctors fleeing the state because of unsustainably small payments from Medicare and Medicaid (a canary in the coal mine that we on the mainland had better pay attention to). And for many years, building standards were so lax (and builders so casually inept) that a significant percentage of homes offer no protection at all in case of emergency conditions. Frankly, Gilligan's Island had a way better model of sustainability in all ways.

Which now brings us to Hurricane Lane. Considering hurricanes are pretty much a known threat to Hawaii, you'd think they'd have emergency plans out the wazoo. But no, their plans remain firmly in their wazoos along with the residue of a lot of macaroni salad and Spam.

Residents are being warned to head to shelters for safety, but there are a few little problems with that. For one thing, no bureaucrats have bothered to keep a list of official shelters. In reviewing the shelters they can find, it seems that exactly none of them have been hardened to stand up to even a Category One hurricane (the weakest and most cuddly sized). But having the roof collapse on their heads may be the least of people's problems, because many of the shelters are located in flood zones. Apparently, the emergency preparedness folks never considered the likelihood that a hurricane just might be bringing along a buttload of rain.

If people do go to one of these unsafe shelters (and there's only room for about one fifth of the population), they're being told they'll have to survive in a 3 foot by 3 foot space for up to two weeks, they need to bring their own bedding and anything else important, and - oh yeah! - bring their own food. Because it never dawned on Hawaiian officials that people in shelters might actually need to eat. Although it being Hawaii, there's a fairly good chance that the waves crashing though the shelter doors will bring fresh fish, and coconuts will regularly be exploding through windows at 100 mph. So there are some benefits to living in Paradise.

We're obviously hoping the best for the people of Hawaii, but think this should serve as a graphic (and hopefully not deadly) reminder that there's a great danger in putting too much faith in government bureaucrats to watch after your safety, welfare, and future.

Which is, of course, exactly what those on the Left are shooting for. And if they get their way, we'll all be saying "Aloha" to our very way of life.

BONUS: ROOKIE MISTAKE

This got posted on Facebook on Wednesday, relating to the news of Michael Cohen trying to characterize Trump's hootchy-coo non-disclosure agreements into something more sinister.

Tan O'Clock News

Today, we're debuting an exciting and journalistically responsible new feature intended to give a stronger voice to women in the normally testosterone-charged, scotch-swilling, cigar-chomping game of bare knuckle political commentary.

Purely as an aside, we also didn't think the news looked all that interesting today, and we didn't want to stick you with another Earwigs cartoon (no matter how delightful they are).

And so, we launch a bold experiment: grabbing actual headlines from the Drudge Report and getting reactions from some of the brightest young thinkers we could find at the beach.

Let us know in the comments section if you'd like to see the sporadic return of this feature on slow news days. 

Lady readers should also let us know if you'd like to see a future version of this feature which includes Stilton dispensing wit and wisdom while wearing a Speedo and scented body oil.

Not actually Stilton. The beard and speedo are too big.

LATE BREAKING NEWS: 

Great. So after we declared it to be a slow news day, a whole bunch of feces hit the fan when the Tuesday evening news came on.

Michael Cohen pled guilty to multiple charges including campaign finance violations, and is pinning the blame squarely on Trump (this regarding hush money paid to women who found sex with Trump so incredible that they couldn't resist talking about it even for 6-figure paydays).

Paul Manafort was found guilty on 8 out of 18 charges, virtually none of which have anything to do with Trump and everything to do with the fact that Manafort is a crooked scumbag. BUT, with an eye towards sentencing, who knows what kind of anti-Trump accusations Manafort will now make to try to save his own rear end?

Then tragically, we learned that missing Iowa college student Mollie Tibbetts's body was found when her alleged killer - a Goddamned illegal alien - led police to her corpse.

Who knew that a blog post that started off in such a light-hearted and eye-pleasing way would end with so much ugliness?

Clan MacGregor, here we come.

A Little Beard Told Me

The news was just a big old "nope" as we were looking for stories today. Granted, some headlines on Drudge briefly caught our attention and caused us to think of reflexive punchlines...

"Baby kissed by Pope overcomes brain tumor" - Pontiff defends use of tongue.

"Twitter admits: we lean left" - In other breaking news, water still wet, sky still blue.

"Nudists see memberships soar" - If your membership soars for more than four hours, see a doctor.

"Al Sharpton botches spelling of R-E-S-P-E-C-T" - Also regrets calling late singer "Urethra Franklin."

"Congressman warms up rally with Trump death joke" - Because frankly, what the hell else can a Democrat say to get a crowd excited?

See what we mean? Anyway, all of the above is why you're being treated to another Earwigs cartoon. By all means feel free to supply your own punchlines in the comments section!

What's a Joint Like You Doing in a Nice Girl Like This?

"You said a mouthful, honey!"

While not the biggest story currently in the public eye, we were drawn to today's topic because it serves as such an effective reminder of what kind of chaos we'd be experiencing on a daily basis if Hillary Clinton had successfully stolen the Presidency.

In this case, an 11-year-old girl in Baltimore who was inspired by Colin Kaepernick decided to "take the knee" during the Pledge of Allegiance to protest racism (she's white) and sexism (there are no 11-year-old female CEOs) and was told by her teacher that she had to stand. Heroically, the girl responded with tears, hysteria, a memorized recitation of the Supreme Court's "Tinker v. Des Moines" ruling, and an outreach to the local ACLU. You know, the way kids have always done.

Hillary, having nothing better to do with her time these days than encourage tiny little drama queens, tweeted "It takes courage to exercise your right to protest injustice, especially when you're 11! Keep up the good work!"

The Baltimore County Public Schools and the ACLU are now debating how best to deal with students "taking the knee" in protest, and it looks like school kids will likely be allowed - if not actively encouraged - to disrespect the Pledge from now on.

But we can't help but wonder how the school and ACLU will feel the first time a kid in an American flag t-shirt takes the knee to protest the Left's totally unfounded persecution of Trump? Or what if a kid chooses to bend a knee in protest of the illegal immigration which is changing our school systems? Or if we really want to see heads explode, let's watch what happens when a kid kneels to protest the injustice of attacks on 2nd Amendment rights?

Let us be clear: students don't lose their 1st Amendment rights when they enter a school, but that doesn't mean the school can't dictate the proper time, place, and form that expressions of political opinion should take place in order to minimize disruption and maintain appropriate discipline (which is already in short supply in too many school systems).

We'd say that we're disappointed in Hillary's encouragement of this nonsense, but in truth we're not even surprised. This is, after all, a woman who has never taken an actual stand for America...and who can't keep from falling to her knees unless her arms are supported by Secret Service agents.

And Now a Word from our Sponsor

Today's edition of Stilton's Place is brought to you by Clan MacGregor Scotch ("So Inexpensive and Almost Drinkable") because we couldn't actually face the day's news without first knocking back enough of this stuff to get our sense of humor back...

"The Archduke of flammable liquids"

We're not even kidding about needing a healthy snort as we cracked our knuckles at the keyboard. And who can blame us with lead stories like this one...?

For a small additional price, you can add nitrous oxide!

Almost unbelievably in a world filled with genuine problems, the big story is apparently a Twitter feud between a former reality show host and a former reality show contestant, both of whom are showing themselves to be spectacularly low-class boobs.

As we understand it, a woman named Omarosa (named after the ranch where the Cartwrights lived in the TV series "Bonanza") was fired from the White House for multiple violations of security protocol, and is now trying to sell an autobiography by claiming that she heard (but can't prove) Trump say the dreaded n-word on a tape back when they were both entertainment media whores rather than political media whores.

Trump has responded with more of his infamous tweets, including this one: "When you give a crazed, crying lowlife a break, and give her a job at the White House, I guess it just didn't work out. Good work by General Kelly for quickly firing that dog!"

Omarosa is widely considered to be a pathological liar, but we can't honestly take any pleasure from a smackdown tweet which was too clearly written by an impulsive moron. (Note: views expressed while under the influence of alcohol may not represent the views of the management when cold sober, assuming that ever happens again).

Has Trump ever used the n-word in a bad way? We don't know and, frankly, we don't care just as long as his policies are fair to everyone (and so far, they seem to be). We hired Trump to get a very dirty job done, and were willing to overlook a lot of his (ahem) colorful qualities in the process. And we still feel that way.

Because the only other alternative was going to be more corruption dragging our country down. Corruption well represented by the subject of our next offering...

Disgraced FBI agent, wife-cheater, and all-around duplicitous a**hole Peter Strzok was recently fired from his position for a few minor infractions like completely stonewalling the Hillary Clinton investigation, and attempting a behind-the-scenes coups of President Donald Trump. All of which sounds like he should be dealing with a wall and a blindfold rather than the inconvenience of filing for unemployment benefits.

And he may not even be doing that, owing to a "Go Fund Me" campaign designed to slip greenbacks into the pocket of "a proud husband and father, a veteran of the US Army and counterintelligence Special Agent who spent more than two decades in a job he loved at the FBI."  Granted, it was time spent subverting justice and screwing the American people. But still, two decades is two decades. Or, according to the President, fourteen decades in Omarosa years.

Which is why Strzok's money grab has generated nearly $350,000 online at the time of this writing. Which isn't surprising. $5 from Bill in Seattle, $15 from Judy in Boston, $250,000 from Hillary in Chappaqua...it all adds up!

But even with the dreadful news stories above, we still pride ourselves on maintaining our glass half full attitude. Although at this very moment, our freaking glass is empty...so we need to splash a little more Clan MacGregor on the rocks. Or, if we're really ambitious, ice cubes.

Fake News and the Horse They Rode In On

You can expect to see a lot of editorials like the one shown above on Thursday, August 16 (not that they're hard to find any other day) when over 100 newspapers have announced plans to simultaneously publish editorials attacking President Trump for suggesting that they lack integrity and (ahem) independence of thought.

Specifically, they're sick of being called "fake news" just because they publish stories which aren't even remotely true, and additionally incensed that Trump has declared that news organizations which knowingly lie to America's voters are "enemies of the people" because they're attempting to (ahem) meddle in our theoretically sacred voting process.

In this case, we completely agree with Trump. Mind you, neither we nor Trump is saying that every reporter and/or news outlet is like that. But the majority? Well, sadly...yeah.

And while some Fake News really does depend on inventing outright falsehoods (like any story that mentions piss, prostitutes, and Putin), most of it consists of playing sleazy word games to suggest and insinuate things which sound plausible but aren't true at all.

Calling it "spin" may sound cute, but it won't keep you from throwing up if you're spun hard enough and long enough.

Which is why we're going to digress at this point (bear with us - this will take awhile) and share an idea we've had for a long time. One which we'd actually like to see put into place somehow.

As backstory, we'll note that we worked professionally in the advertising industry for decades, and learned a lot about how to make anything - even a product's shortcomings - sound good. All without lying, but with careful word choices to suggest and insinuate. And of course the process works equally well in the other direction - you can make something great sound absolutely awful without lying as long as you're good at spin and misdirection.

First, let's make something bad sound good. How about "circus peanuts" - those bizarre, chalky foam candies that are shaped like a giant peanut, but colored orange, and flavored with banana? They're horrible, right? But what if we told you - truthfully - that they're "more fun than the Barnum & Bailey circus," "99% natural," "super for quick energy," "a great choice for healthy eaters," and "may aid in weight loss?"

But what are the facts behind those implications?
• They're more fun than the circus because that circus has gone out of business.
• They're 99% natural because they're 99% sugar...and 1% toxic chemicals from Hell.
• "Super for quick energy" translates to giving you a blood sugar "spike," which you'll soon crash from.
• "A great choice for healthy eaters" because unhealthy eaters - or diabetics - could be killed outright by these suckers.
• "May aid in weight loss," or may not. Because "may" is a magic weasel word.

Turning good to bad without lying is just as easy. If Trump invented a cure for cancer, here's what the media might say:
• Trump drug to put thousands of specialists out of work.
• Social Security in financial turmoil as Trump drug causes millions to live longer than expected.
• Trump drug was tested on adorable animals who could have gone to petting zoos.
• Despite praise, Trump drug still does nothing to curb gun violence.

See how the game works? Which finally brings us to our actual idea: we'd like to design a class for school kids in which they learn all of this - how to recognize it ("circle the weasel words in this paragraph") and how to do it themselves ("Find 10 good things to say about a maggot infested wound"). Our goal would NOT be to create more and better liars, but rather to teach kids a new way to look at the information being crammed down their throats.

Mind you, adults could benefit from the same training, but we think more good could be accomplished by letting kids know the actual rules of the persuasion, dissuasion, and misrepresentation game as early as possible.

Because if they're going to live in a media-saturated world, their best defense against "fake news" is going to be real and conscientious skepticism.

Butt Weight, There's Moore!

As if there wasn't enough nail-biting uncertainty about the mid-term elections already, another potentially disruptive event has been announced: in September, documentarian Michael "Where's the craft service table?" Moore will be releasing his latest cinematic opus - an attack on Donald Trump entitled "Fahrenheit 11/9." Presumably because Michael still has thousands of old posters from his earlier film "Fahrenheit 9/11" and he figures he can get more use out of them with a Post-it note covering the only part of the title being changed.

Okay, actually he thinks he's being really clever comparing 11/9 (Trump's election date) to 9/11 (a world-changing assault on our nation). Which, frankly, isn't a bad angle to take - and we should know. We used a similar switcheroo for a cartoon about Obama over 5 years ago.

The trailer for Moore's documentary is pretty much exactly what you'd expect it to be: context-free two second clips of Trump juxtaposed with a KKK rally to make him look bad, intercut with multiple shots of Michael Moore staring at the outsides of big buildings with a strained/puzzled look on his face like he needs to use a pay toilet but has nothing in his pockets except some melting Peppermint Patties.

Moore, who spends his time between documentaries hiring himself out to parties as a Rosie O'Donnell lookalike, is encouraging other celebrities to, like him, "put their bodies on the line" for the anti-Trump Resistance.

Although frankly, if their bodies are like his, no one will even be able to see the line.

BONUS: HOORAY FOR HOLLYWEIRD

We're willing to bet right now that the first person to present the Academy's new award will be Hillary Clinton. You read it here first.

Shame Old Song and Dance

Given the increasingly angry political rhetoric in our country, it was only a matter of time before things got dangerously out of control and took an ugly turn. Sadly, it happened a few days ago when alleged entertainer Rosie O'Donnell (whose actual cause for celebrity is a complete mystery to us) stormed the White House gates with a coterie of Broadway performers who unleashed a "shock and awe" barrage of assault showtunes. Even worse, some reports also suggest that "jazz hands" were deployed.

O'Donnell, who is probably best known for being too annoying for even the other co-hosts of The View to endure, perhaps hatched the idea in hopes of replicating the famous siege which brought down Adolf Hitler in the waning days of WWII, when he committed suicide after his bunker was surrounded by a repertory company performing "Fiddler on the Roof."

A tiny flaw in O'Donnell's otherwise brilliant plan was that President Trump wasn't actually in the White House during the minstrel show, meaning that the performance (complete with a large "Treason" sign in simulated theatrical lights) was observed only by peons on the sidewalk who couldn't afford to attend an actual Broadway show without selling their children's vital organs.

Not wanting to be upstaged, so to speak, by their East Coast counterparts, the West Coast also launched an entertainment-related attack on Trump when the West Hollywood City Council voted unanimously to have Donald Trump's star permanently removed from the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The impact of this brutal broadside was lessened only slightly by the fact that the Walk of Fame isn't actually in West Hollywood, and the city council has no jurisdiction or authority whatsoever in the matter. They might just have effectively been voting to end the California wildfires by mandating overtime hours for Smokey the Bear.

All of this reminds us once again that there is "no business like show business." A point hammered home by the fact that "show business" still loves Barack Obama, under whom America experienced "no business" for 8 years.

Earwigs: Hairy Situation

"Get back, Jojo"

Welcome to another edition of Earwigs, the unique feature which says "Stilton looked at the news and wanted no part of it today."

If we were going to mock politics today, we'd probably go with CNN's weekend-long hysteria claiming that alleged reporter Jim Acosta's actual life was in jeopardy while reporting from a recent Trump rally. Indeed, some CNN "journalists" are saying that the government needs to provide them with 24/7 Secret Service protection to thwart the murderous intentions of Trump's followers.

And just how was Acosta's life put in danger at the rally? Specifically, while he was trying to lie into a microphone, grinning Trump supporters stood on the other side of a flimsy metal barricade and chanted "CNN sucks!"

We're pretty sure that the Supreme Court would be quick to invoke the "Sticks n' Stones" precedent in finding that no actual harm was done to Acosta, nor was he being threatened in any conceivable manner.

They would also likely call him a wuss and add that, in their considered judgment, CNN actually does suck.

To Rush With Love

"No matter how much you might want to."

We're not about to let the 30th anniversary of the Rush Limbaugh Show go by without a proper show of respect, admiration, and affection for the greatest radio personality, and one of the most vital political minds, of our times.

There is quite simply no one else like Rush. His insights, analysis, humor and optimism are completely off the charts - and the fact that the Left is utterly baffled by him only adds to our delight. Remember when Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo launched "Air America Radio" hoping to create a liberal version of the Limbaugh magic? Their efforts were nightmarishly uninformative and unfunny, and they stunk up the airwaves so badly that the entire network collapsed.

But Rush goes on and on, coming into our homes and workplaces with an intimacy that makes him into much more than a celebrity entertainer. He's become a friend, a mentor, and a calming voice in decidedly non-calming times. Much like the late Paul Harvey, Rush Limbaugh is an American institution in the very best sense of the term.

Not that we always held him in such high regard. When Limbaugh's show first came to WBAP in Dallas, we tuned in only because he was said to be an absolute wild man, saying crazy things for sane people to laugh at. His was a freak show, like the old Joe Pyne broadcasts.

And so we tuned in to laugh...and laugh we did. But to our surprise, not at Rush but rather with him. Rather than wacky rants and diatribes, El Rushbo was speaking common sense at a time when sense wasn't common in the least. He made sense of the world and the news in a way we hadn't experienced before...and soon we were hooked.

Without exception, the people who say they hate Rush are people who have never seriously listened to his show objectively for a few days. They're afraid to, for the best of all possible reasons: he'll change their minds. And the average Leftist would rather go on being wrong forever rather than admit they've been duped.

It's no exaggeration to say that without Rush Limbaugh, neither "Hope n' Change" nor "Stilton's Place" would ever have happened. 

So thank you, Mr. Limbaugh, and here's hoping that the next 30 years will be as much fun as the first 30 have been!

BONUS: BARACK TO THE FUTILE

The most hilarious news story of the day relates to the fact that Barack Hussein Obama, allegedly a past president, is taking to the campaign trail once again to stump for Democrats in the upcoming midterm elections.

Barry is quick to insult President Trump, but we've noticed that he pretty much has nothing to say regarding how things were better in any conceivable way during his nightmarish two term reign. Quite the contrary; the things which Donald Trump has accomplished with relative ease were declared absolutely impossible by the Obama administration. And in fairness, those accomplishments were impossible for an anti-capitalist anti-American.

Almost undeniably, the secret to Donald Trump's spectacular success has simply been not being Barack Obama. The economy booms, jobs take off, and other nations - friends and foes - no longer have the mindset that America can be pushed around and taken advantage of.

As far as we're concerned, getting Barry back out in public is the best thing that could happen for the mid-term elections. Because to really appreciate the Trump revolution, we need constant reminders of how bad everything was under the annoying, insufferably vain poseur we were stuck with for eight wretched years.

Gray Heir

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader "Are you sure I'm not Sandra Day O'Connor?" Ginsburg thrilled Leftists this week with the announcement that, despite being older than actual dirt, she intends to remain a withered and frequently dozing member of the Supreme Court for another five years.

This presumes, of course, that the Kickstarter campaign she has created to pay for "a recirculating pump and a metric buttload of formaldehyde" will be successfully funded.

And while we may joke about Ginsburg's age, it's only fair to note that there's no reason that age alone should disqualify anyone from sitting on the Supreme Court. After all, the giant Galapagos tortoise can live over 100 years. The Greenland Shark can top 200 years. And the spiny Red Sea Urchin lives even longer. And any of these death-defying centenarian miracles of nature would be a better Justice than Ginsburg, who was making bad decisions long before the last of her neurons packed up their bags and retired to Florida.

Still, in this magical age of modern medicine, it's entirely possible that Ginsburg may be kept alive for another five years. Somehow...

"Best of all, he's your same size!"

This being the case it's entirely possible that we'll all have to suffer through another five years of Ginsburg's ideologically questionable rulings and her insistent (and highly questionable) belief that women's paychecks are less than those of men.

For the record, Stilton's Place believes strongly that both sexes should receive equal urnings...and we hope that Justice Ginsburg can take personal advantage of this egalitarian policy sooner rather than later.