Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Happy Halloween 2019

We take Halloween pretty seriously at Stilton's Place, as evidenced by these actual interior decorations we've been enjoying for most of the month...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, halloween, decorations, johnny optimism, wheelchairs, costumes

We're also ready with a full contingent of outdoor decorations for the trick-or-treat crowd, including inflatables, video projectors, creepy music, and psychedelic lighting - all of which we think would make great additions to future Democrat debates!

Unfortunately, rain and wind are predicted for Halloween night so we may just end up shaking our fist at the sky and shouting "How DARE you?!" Greta Thunberg-style, then watch ice cold drizzle through the windows while eating the tiny candy bars that were intended for costumed kids.

But hope springs eternal, and we'll still be ready to make the outside of stately Jarlsberg manor suitably creepy if there's a break in the weather.

And speaking of hope springing eternally, we'd like to share the graphic below from our good friend Johnny Optimism. Every year on that site, we post a collage of decorated Halloween wheelchairs as a reminder that when Life gives you lemons, you should kick Life in the ass and throw your lemons at it, then do something totally awesome.

Considering the all-too-spooky news lately, we think it's a timely bit of advice. So enjoy Halloween, and take optimism and inspiration from these kids (and their wonderful parents)!

(Note: Just in case you feel like you're experiencing deja vu, honesty compels us to admit that much of this is an updated version of our 2018 post. Think of it like year-old Halloween candy that you discover in the back of the pantry and eat anyway because it's probably still good.)



  1. I absolutely love the little ones with wheels. It makes my heart ache and jump for joy at the same time. Keep on slingen' my friend. You do good work.

  2. Just for amusement, supposing one of the main democratic POTUS candidates, or the most vile, venal and troubled pantsuit wearer showed up at ones door for Halloween, how might they be "treated"?

    For me, if the bike venal pantsuit showed up, I'd hand out a pair of handcuffs or zip ties.

  3. The wheelchair transformations always make me smile. Thanks for the happiness hit, Stilt!

  4. ... Pooh, turning to Piglet, says "What was in that oatmeal ? It tastes like Shiff !"

  5. Your column always kickstarts my day! Thanks again!

  6. I can't go trick or treating anymore. I was recently diagnosed with type 2. Pisser, bummer. My poor wife says that at 77 I really shouldn't be trick or treating anyhow. Especially dressed as a pull toy. Oh, where's my Clan McMoonshine? It's been aging for six days now.

  7. I love the way you dive into the Halloween spirit Stilton. I think there must be some connection between your unwillingness to let this holiday pass unnoticed and your unwillingness to watch what is happening to our beloved republic without posting insightful and humorous mockery of those self-important loons attacking our society.

    Please keep up the good work on all fronts.

  8. I live in a senior home and can assure you that Decorating power chairs is appropriate here, too. I have repaired/rebuilt 14 or 15 of these chairs for other residents and I have hoped that someone would undertake designs.

    Don't be surprised if something makes the national news because of you.

  9. @Fish Out Of Water:

    'Nuff said. ;D

  10. "ust for amusement, supposing one of the main democratic POTUS candidates, or the most vile, venal and troubled pantsuit wearer showed up at ones door for Halloween, how might they be "treated"?"

    The microscopic possibility of that happening is one of the reason I keep a pistol on my hip while in my humble abode in order that I might perform a Public Service.

    @ M. Mitchell Marmel: I've got the strangest boner right now...

  11. The one thing I miss from having to live in town for 20 years is Halloween. We're so far out now that the only way area kids can do Halloween is the nearest village businesses do a Trick or Treat Walk all through the village business area. So we gave away all our decorations and eat the candy ourselves.

    I do wear a costume while working at the library. This year I'll be the "pallid bust of Pallas," from Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. White tunic, Roman helmet, pale makeup. If anyone can guess the character, they get candy.

    Last year, I was the expendable crew member from Star Trek: red Federation shirt, black pants and boots, skull face makeup.

    I think next year will be Carol Burnett's Scarlett O'Hara costume, where she wears a curtain rod and green velvet drapes over a tacky dress.

  12. Growing up here, Halloween was usually chilly, often rainy, occasionally snowy.
    One year, dad found a giant pumpkin, hollowed it out REAL well, and wore it like a helmet. wrapped in a sheet, he was 'the great pumpkin' I can't EVEN imagine being inside a pumpkin for 2 min, much less 2 hours...

  13. Love, love, love the Bernie clip! "I'm not here to get candy, I'm here to give away your candy..."

    Funny forever! (Unless it gets elected, of course.)

  14. Wait...What! No pics of Busty in a slutty _______________(fill in the blank) costume. Stilt, old pal, feeling a bit let down here.

  15. Considering that it was 2-degrees below zero this morning when I got up and that there's already snow on the ground because we've literally had at least 3 blizzards since the end of September, I'm pretty certain that I won't be seeing little miss death braids at my door tomorrow night, much less many other kids. But should Greta somehow find the way to my porch, I'll be the one shouting "How DARE you?!". After all, the geniuses who have her convinced that her future has been robbed from you were telling me 20 years ago that I'd still be growing my tomatoes in November at these latitudes. Instead, it looks as though ski season will be starting a month early even though I was also told that snow would be something that her generation would never see.

    Speaking of little miss death braids:

    'The climate doesn't need awards': Greta Thunberg declines environmental prize

    The teen activist implored politicians and people in power to ‘listen to the best available science’ in an Instagram post

    Actually, I agree with her on these points. The climate doesn't need awards, and she certainly doesn't need another participation trophy. And our politicians and people in power really do need to ‘listen to the best available science’. Because most of the people they are currently listening to are not "scientists" in thoughts, words, or deeds.

    This has inspired me: I think I'll be little miss death braids for Halloween. It will be hip and politically correct as well. I understand that grown men dressing up (but not necessarily acting) like 16-year-old girls is the hip thing these days. I'll walk around the neighborhood screaming "How DARE you?!" every time I see a waste of carbon. Which I am afraid would be a lot of places.

    No, I don't think I'll do that. Because I'm an adult.

    Johnny Optimism: Love that post. Years ago, my dog and I used to volunteer at the large children's hospital near where we lived. You cannot overestimate the meaning of things that distract these kids from their reality, if only for an hour or so.

  16. Bernie: Well there's someone everyone should be scared of, and not just on Halloween. Although he's making some effort not to make people as scared of him as they should be:

    Bernie Sanders Won't Yet Explain Details Of How To Pay For Medicare For All

    Bernie Sanders doesn't plan on releasing a detailed plan of how to finance his single-payer Medicare for All plan, he told CNBC's John Harwood on Tuesday.

    "You're asking me to come up with an exact detailed plan of how every American — how much you're going to pay more in taxes, how much I'm going to pay," he said. "I don't think I have to do that right now."

    Of course he's not going to tell you. For two reasons. First, it's not "Medicare for All". It's really Medicaid for All". For those unfamiliar with the difference, "Medicare" is a highly complex system with co-insurance and co-pays for retired people which gives you at least some power as a consumer whereas "Medicaid" is the health care you get when you are entirely on the dole. If you think it's hard to find a doctor enthusiastic about about taking you as a "Medicare" patient, just try finding one that's interested in you as a "Medicaid" customer.

    Second, he's not going to tell the lo-fos because it really will scare them. When Bernie lauds the wonderful social systems in place in Scandinavia, what he doesn't tell people is that those people are paying roughly 2/3rds if their pay for it. And of the 1/3rd that they do get to take home is largely consumed by value-added taxes buried in the price of their consumer goods.

    How enthusiastic are Bernie's kids going to be when they learn that their promised $15-an-hour paycheck is going to be less than $5 by the time they see it, and when they try to spend it, it will only by buying less than $2.50 of what it did before BernieCare for all?

    Nope. Looks like they're gonna have to vote for him first to find out what's in his plan.


  17. Great stuff, Stilton! I especially like the skeleton at the piano. Too bad for the kiddos that you’re getting rotten weather, but hey, leftover candy isn’t a BAD thing!

    What a horrible thought! And I thought zombies and werewolves were scary. If that bag showed up at my house, she’d get more than candy.

    Crimony man! You best drink that stuff before it spoils. And sorry about the type 2. That might cut into your drinking such beverages a bit. If you have any left over, I’m just across the border to the south.

    @M. Mitchell,
    That one made me smile for a good ten minutes straight. If only…..

    @John the Econ,
    Near as I can tell, ALL of the Dim candidates’ standard answer is “tax greedy corporations and rich people.” Makes sense to me. I’m pretty sure none of them would move off shore if their tax rate suddenly went up to 95%.

  18. @Colby Muenster, unfortunately there simply are not enough billionaires and millionaires with enough cash sitting in giant vaults to pay for even a small fraction of what these people are promising. And that's assuming that people with that kind of money would just sit still and let the state take it all without a fight. Just as the income tax was originally only supposed to attach the top 1%, within a generation the middle class was paying it as well.

    At least we know that Bernie knows that, which is why he won't tarnish his limited credibility by presenting an actual plan. (The rest just think they'll print the cash as we've been doing for generations now) Bernie is content to just let his kids think that the tab will all get picked up by someone else. The rest are comfortable in the fact that the economic illiteracy of the average Democrat voter will allow them to believe the same, even as the incredible inflation that would result in the printing of that kind of money would in fact be a tax by stealing the value of their dollars. (BTW, hyper-inflation is a highly regressive tax, hurting the poorest the most while the richest (who are vested in assets that will comparatively become more valuable against the dollar) will be hurt the least.

  19. Happy Samhain!
    Although the correct date is the closest full moon to Nov. 1st, which would be Nov. 12th...but what the hey!! Close enough. Happy Samhain!!!

    1. Time for the traditional week long drunken orgy ending in a major feast on the night of the full moon. Considering the date of the next full moon, this year it appears that it should be an almost two week long drunken orgy before the feast!

  20. Best costume pair I've seen so far is the guy dressed as DJT (complete with DJT mask!) leading a gal dressed as Hillaruh (wearing a Cankles mask, as well) around with a chain, and she's dressed in Prison Orange!

    Can't wait for the (re-)election!

    Happy All Hallows Eve, everybody!! Stay out of the candy.

  21. @Sortahwitte- I love those kids, too! They beautifully show that Life's challenges can be met with a sense of humor and joy. That's pure inspiration to me.

    @Fish Out of Water- If one of them showed up at my door, I'd grab their bag of candy and take 90% of it to give it to others.

    @Bobo the Hobo- Aren't those great? Love and imagination triumph over everything.

    @Anonymous- There's a lot of room for shallow graves in a hundred acre wood...

    @Susan Fineman- Glad to hear it! That's my goal!

    @Fred Ciampi- Hey, even if you can't eat the candy you can trick or treat! Although that "pull toy" thing has me a bit worried...

    @TrickyRicky- I love Halloween and it saddens me that it's sort of in decline. But as long as I breathe, I will NOT be one of the houses that turn off the porch lights and ignore the trick or treaters. I remember Halloween seeming a bit magic when I was a kid, and I want to give that back to as many kids as possible.

    @Jack- Good for you on repairing those power chairs! And yes, it would be great if some were decked out for Halloween. I believe 100% that "you're never too old."

    @M. Mitchell Marmel- Now THAT'S a heart-warming picture!

    @rickn8or- Well, the Boy Scouts did teach us to "be prepared"...

    @Maj Arkay- Even if you're away from the trick or treaters, you're clearly doing Halloween right! I don't really dress up for Halloween these days (other than some fun accents) because I don't want to scare any itty-bitty kids. Well, not scare them any more than usual (grin).

    @Pete (Detroit)- Now THAT'S dedication! And though your Dad wore that pumpkin for 2 hours, look at how long the memory has lasted!

    @Pat Cummings- I haven't made any "Third Degree Bernie" clips for a long time. Maybe I should knock out some new ones! That's my voice, by the way. I do a LOT of odd voices around the house owing to the fact that I used to be in radio, and I'm a bit tetched in the head (grin).

    @Anonymous- Busty could wear a sexy costume, but by virtue of her character it could never be considered a slutty costume. Well, unless she dressed up as Katie Hill.

    @John the Econ- I think I'm in love with the term "Little Miss Death Braids." And it's a GREAT costume idea - but only for this year. Next year, no one will remember her (and won't that be nice?). And good for you doing volunteer work at a children's hospital. I've never done that, but have been fortunate enough to participate "behind the scenes" for some things to help out those kids.

    Excellent points about Bernie. This damn well IS the time he should have an "exact detailed plan" - otherwise, what the hell is he asking us to vote for? Of course, we already know the answer to that.

    @Colby- The skeleton is named "Mr. Sparkles." And despite the sequins and the seat at the piano, I want to go on record as saying I did not rob Liberace's grave.

    @John the Econ- But, but, Liz Warren assures us that by just taxing billionaires at 2¢ on the dollar, everything imaginable can be paid for! Which, I guess, is why we don't call her Liz the Econ.

    @Geoff King- And right back at you with Happy Samhain wishes! And wow, a two week long drunken orgy? The mind boggles...

    @igor- If THAT costume came to my house, I'd give the participants all my candy and any money I had around the house. Creativity like that needs to be rewarded!

  22. Use this year's Halloween season to grab yourself a VPN protection! Here is the best yet the most affordable Halloween VPN deal that you'll find right now. Get Ivacy VPN Lifetime for as low as $1.33 per month.

  23. Little Miss Death Braids: Wish I could say I came up with that, but I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere else. Either way, it fits.

    But you are right that the meme will age quickly, as will Greta. Her novelty is her age and as soon as she looses her child-like appearance she'll just be another shrill, ignorant and arrogant voice for Progressivism that even the people who support her today will quickly tire of.

    Children's Hospital: Really was a wonderful experience. Imagine seeing a bunch of kids hooked up to machines dispensing toxic drips, missing hair, limbs, or worse coming into the room. We rarely knew the backstories to particular kids, nor did we care or did it matter. All we did know was that it wasn't good. But the amazing thing was seeing their faces light up when they saw the dogs waiting to play with and love on them. For a half our or so, they'd forget where they were and were happy.

    The plan: Beyond "Tax the rich!", we won't be seeing one because those particular details will guarantee Trump's 2nd term. (Which is why we're amping up impeachment to 11 this week) As I said above, Bernie's kids are going to be shocked by the new taxes that they'll be paying for their "free" health care.

    And Liz is a fascist.

    And thanks @Sam for the spam. I've blacklisted your site for all my clients so that they won't be wasting any time or money on you.

  24. Liz the Econ! Harf!!

    The bag is going to be in my state next week, in a college town (surprise surprise). I'm wondering what would happen if she stopped in the normal part of the state. Might not be pretty.

    @Sam dude,
    I admire your pursuit of capitalism, but posting on conservative blogs will get you nowhere. If you want a gullible audience, go post on liberal blogs.

  25. Incidentally, I've come up with a great new way of shutting up libs:

    When they say "IMPEACH TRUMP!" I say "Great idea! Let's do it! Then we get ten years of Pence/Haley, followed by eight years of Haley/Cruz, then eight years of Cruz/Jindal..."

    To date I have yet to receive one retort to this. ;-)

  26. The astonishing genius of Bernie and Liz is that if we agree to their plan, all your health care and college education will be free!
    The downside is that you will have to pay for everyone else.

  27. @NVRick, the difference is that it's possible to pay off your student loan debt. Taxes to pay for your "free" college will last your whole life.