Friday, February 21, 2020

Clowns To The Far Left Of Me

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Wednesday's Democratic debate was a political cuisinart which pureed the remaining candidates into a delicious smoothie for Donald Trump to sip at his leisure.

The six candidates took turns bashing each other and saying absolutely horrible things, all of which - for a pleasant change - were true. Everyone hated Bloomberg for his wealth and his actual history of getting some good things done as mayor of New York, all of which he's now renounced (the accomplishments, not his apparently endless supply of money).

Elizabeth Warren, apparently too full of firewater, swung her tomahawk at everyone. Bernie Sanders had steam blowing out of his ears when Bloomberg called him a millionaire with three houses and, just for good measure, policies that amount to communism. Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar attacked each other in a desperate bid to prove that each wasn't the lamest candidate on stage - an effort which both won when they noticed that Joe Biden was, inexplicably, still in the debates.

The DNC can't be happy about this public display of disorganization, non-unity, and whatever the hell the opposite of "charisma" is. It's a bit too early to call, but it's looking more and more likely that the Democrats will end up with a brokered convention in which the eventual candidate is selected rather than elected.

And we don't want to say who that candidate will be, but we think we can hear her having a coughing spell just offstage.

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  1. The debate was the very best of comedy, in that it was actually funny. More, please.

  2. Best description of the debate I've seen so far:

    "All said, the debate reminded me of half a dozen squirrels fighting over a nut and was about as entertaining."

  3. A friend of mine is compelled to watch the debates because, he says, "One of them may get elected President!" Think maybe my friend has had too much of the firewater!

  4. Due to the many of knives drawn, crime scene clean-up was called in to address the copious amounts of blood left by the candidates. Rumor has it Mini Mike’s presidential candidacy was killed - the cause of death was listed as Elizabeth Warren

  5. I didn't actually watch the debate because - dhimicrats. And the excellent coverage afterward provides sufficient entertainment without having to endure the show. Now,if for the next debate they promise to lock them all inside a ring cage with bats and knives and only let the two survivors out, I might watch. In fact, I might even pay to watch.

  6. "And we don't want to say who that candidate will be..."

    But we all know who it WON'T be...

    Because the DNC will choose...

    But as a consolation prize,
    he may get another "summer camp" home out of the deal.

    Which is a way better consolation prize
    than the "he didn't hang himself" meme
    that he would get for keeping her Royal Highness from getting it.


    MSG Grumpy

  7. Watching the "pearls" of the debate was like watching paranhas eat their own. I thought Jeffery Dahmer was the only one who practiced cannibalism. What puzzled me was the absence of fava beans and bottles of a nice Chianti.

  8. "Charisntma." With a hat tip to the late Sir Terry Pratchett.

  9. I watched a bit of the debate(very loose term) and to me it looked a lot like a bad (redundancy) episode of a Jerry Springer show. I kept expecting to see him come out and go "The lie detector has determined that you are not the president." to each one of them. The only problem with this idea is the reality that any lie detector machine would probably self destruct in very short order.

  10. I didn't watch the debate. Also, I didn't watch "America's Got Talent". In my mind, neither is really worth the time, and the winner was picked before the show started.

  11. Someone ought to tell Bernie et al, that being easy to mock and parody is not the same as being charismatic.

    @Uchuck the Tuchuck: Bingo!

    @Snark: "...promise to lock them all inside a ring cage with bats and knives..." Just want to point out that "with bats" is redundant. They're all bats, so...

    @M. Mitchell Marmel: They remind me of Veruca Salt chasing the nut across Willy Wonka's floor. That's why we keep hearing that horn and "giant sucking sound" as one Demn candidate after another disappears...

  12. Even in a straight line it was a circular firing squad. A pleasure for any conservative to observe. Liz took Mike's scalp with her tomahawk, Mike made Bernie explode calling him a communist, Buttplug called Klobuchar stupid and she called him everything but "homo", while Biden stood there mumbling like a deer in the headlights. All mixed in with copious amounts of total BS.

  13. Once again, Donald Trump was the clear winner of Wednesday night's debate.

    Poor Lieawatha has yet to recover from that one moment when she accidentally told the truth that her health plan wouldn't actually be "free". She gets more desperate every day. Bernie certainly won't make that mistake, and goes on with how is umteen-trillion dollar heath care plan will save money because there won't be any more billionaires like Bloomberg. Biden should just quietly disappear and start collecting his allowance from Hunter and his brother. Nobody would notice the subtle lack of malarkey. People are getting tired of morality lectures from Mayor Pete, who has nothing else to offer. Amy-whats-her-name is the least insane of the group, which means she's got no chance at all.

    I bet they all now actually miss Beto, who accidentally served the function of making these crazy socialists seem same in comparison.

    Bloomberg's presence certainly did change the dynamic of the event. Did you catch the moment when Bloomberg defended capitalism and the rest couldn't wait to slam it?

    And isn't it telling that now that he's running as a Democrat, Bloomberg has to denounce everything he did that kept NYC a livable city?

    I can't wait for my state's primary where I'll be casting a vote for Sanders.

    It looks like the ironically-named Democratic Party is headed for another brokered convention. And no, I don't think the Clintons are coming back.

  14. I had not watched any of the Demtard debates to date, but figured this one might be worth a look since there was gong to be a (gasp!) billionaire in the group. I was not disappointed!

    Holy cow, what a bunch of lunatics, especially Warren! Apparently, Bloomberg did not prepare at all. There is sooooo much ammo to use against these idiots, and he didn't even load his gun. I almost felt sorry for him, but then remembered some that the stupid-ass things he did to New York City, like banning large drinks (Oooo, that'll stop the murder and violent crime problem).

    I am almost giddy thinking about how much fun these debates are going to be in the coming weeks. @Snark above may have predicted the future, but to make things more fair, perhaps Bloomberg gets some stilts, and Joe 'n' Bernie get oxygen bottles.

    Seriously, if I was still a Democrat, I'd be crapping my pants about now. I could be wrong (God forbid), but I don't see ANY of these jokers having a chance against Trump. It's likely coming down to Bernie or Bloomberg. If it's Bernie, moderate Democrats and Independents will stay home. If it's Bloomberg, the young socialist types will stay home.

  15. My fevered dream is Bernie winning the nomination and Bloomie launching a third-party run. Hello, President Trump Part Deux.

  16. At this point, Jimmy Carter might do better as a write-in candidate than any of these clowns. Sure he's 95, but he only served 1 term and does have more experience at making democrats look foolish.

  17. I have a question. Who is this "WE" that Bernie is always talking about, who are going to do all these things he promises? He's an Independant; all other parties dislike him; most of his supporters are still in school or in the nursing homes. Seriously: Does he actually have any allies to staff & support a Bernie Administration? Has this ever been asked or addressed?

  18. That debate was the first Democratic shitshow I watched this season, and I'm glad I did.

    1. It was better comedy than ANYTHING else offered on TV these days.

    2. It was further proof that Trump will win in a landslide this time.

    All the comments here are great too!

  19. Network tv just scored a new triumph : The first circular firing squad ever caught live and beamed across the country for all to see. They'll probably be awarded a special Emmy for this unique experience. On the next "debate" all the candidates should be armed with Nerf rifles and stun grenades. That'll really make the ratings pop.....

  20. @Regnad Kcin: I heard the plan is to supply the debate panel with paint guns loaded with suspiciously-smelly brown paint, so they'll feel right at home "flinging poo"...

    @Rod: The "we" of Democrat Socialists is the "WE" of all pseudo-royal self-appointed elites in any totalitarian society. It means "me and my fellow travellers" in Bernie's case...

  21. @Readers- Well, here I go again, apologizing for not being able to respond to all of the peachy-keen comments above! Daughter Jarlsberg is in the process of moving back to Texas (yay!) and this is using a lot of my time and energy. Not to mention sanity, which was already in short supply. Carry on!

  22. @Stilton: Welcome DJ back to Texas for us. :)

  23. My guess is that someone will have another heart attack, most likely fatal.

  24. If Cortez had lost his cattle instead of his horses, doe that mean that Indians
    would have been rinding cows? Inquiring minds want to know!