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| Another safety tip: don't dress like a banana |
The CDC (one of whose "C's" must stand for "Comedy") has issued guidelines to cut down the spread of monkeypox. Specifically, they're telling Americans to keep their clothes on during sex and to masturbate while staying six feet apart. Which, frankly, is going to work wonders for social distancing in the grocery store checkout line even if causes an uptick in "wet cleanup on aisle 9" calls.
The CDC also recommends that potential monkeypox spreaders wash their "sex toys and fetish gear" because God has fallen way behind in turning people into pillars of salt and destroying their cities with sulfur, fire, and (just to be sure) a squirt of Purell.
Hmm...gay sex, masturbation and burning down all the food processing plants...
ReplyDeleteThat must be why Joe is keeping the southern border open! So that when the rest of the population dies off, there'll still be someone here to bring him pudding!
Good to have you back.
ReplyDeleteI think that as long as you avoid sex with random strangers while high on extacy at raves, you're probably safe from this latest health scourge. Sad to think that's probably an ask too far for this administration. Better to shut the country down again, preferably before November.
ReplyDeleteDid the cdc say anything about
ReplyDeletereach-arounds? Asking for a friend.
Let's see ( riffle riffle), nope, you're good to go, Bubba.
DeleteJust... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
ReplyDeleteI could say "Monkeypox, my ass"; but that's probably not a good idea. What a clown show.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for Biden's cycling accident? Arte Johnson was much more entertaining.
WHO: To limit the spread of Monkeypox, we're gonna call it something else
ReplyDeleteThe CDC is making a strong endorsement for a committed, faithful marriage between a man and a woman.
ReplyDeleteTEH STOOPID IT BURNS
ReplyDeleteI will admit I was expecting something about Brandon having a stroke, but then how could you tell? 😈
ReplyDeleteWhich, frankly, is going to work wonders for social distancing in the grocery store checkout line even if causes an uptick in "wet cleanup on aisle 9" calls. Gotta tell you I yelped so loudly I woke the hubs. This one is one of your best, Stilt!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Pulitzer quality investigative journalism! Masturbaters of the World salutes Jackin Joe !
DeleteHaHaHHa!!!!
ReplyDeletewell I guess the disease is now going to be called "Spank the Monkeypox"? I was trying to make a new acronym for the CDC about applying Corporal punishment for Curious George but couldn't get a "D" in there for "department", dammit!
ReplyDeleteIt's abundantly clear that America is suffering from an epidemic of Donkey Pox.
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting that nature seems to come up with diseases in response to things humans shouldn't be doing in the first place.
ReplyDelete@DougM: If you are the admin for the Sondrakistan website, the site has bee inaccessible for a number of days (Time out error is what I continually get)
Just how much more outrageous will the left wing libs go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete.........but that’s really their agenda isn’t it? ====== divisive outrage!
Wayne in Indiana
Funny Stuff Stilton! Good job, made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI just noticed White House "Strokesperson". Brilliant, as usual. Thanks, I'm starting to get whiplash from shaking my head at the absurdities and they just keep coming. (Sorry).
ReplyDeleteSo glad to see you still have the old Stilton sense of humor, but you really don’t have to make stuff up with this administration.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just read that just to qualify for any position in the administration an applicant must be a black/chinese LGQUBARP paraplegic with a harelip. Oh, and he/she/it must have an IQ below 27.
ReplyDeleteClassic post Stilton. The cartoon made me spew coffee, luckily I had not had another sip before the supermarket joke, otherwise I would have had another wet cleanup on my keyboard!
ReplyDelete@Bruce Bleu- Well done, much better than Snappin' The Radishpox.
I like the expert's response is good for a laugh but I like God's response better. Glad to see you back.
ReplyDeleteThanks a million, Stilton, for sharing this life saving advice with us all. SMH.
ReplyDeleteMolly Ivins once wrote (of watching the Texas legislature) that she didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw up. By deciding that two of the three are unhealthy, she decided to laugh. I'm glad to see you've reached the same conclusion about the madness we have thrown at us on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, ridicule is one of the most potent weapons we have.
Note to Secret Service:
ReplyDeleteTwo words, folks: TRAINING WHEELS! You have one job to do: keep the Prez from looking like a doofus. Get with it!
Fish out of Water ^
ReplyDeleteYeah, SondraKistan is down.
The sys admin guy passed away,
and we haven't figured out how to resurrect the site, yet.
Thanks for noticing
Stilt (AKA The Big Cheese, in honor of Captain Marvel)
ReplyDeleteI'm 82 years old but hanging in there to keep earning enough to care for a wife with dementia. Even with out this, I'd want to hang in there to see that my kids have enough so they don't have to choose between gas or food (or none of the above!)
Without those needs I'd still want to hang in there to see how this SHIT SHOW is going to end!
Send in the clowns? Don't bother, they're here!
You have fan, Stilt
ReplyDeleteI like reading CDC output. More laughs than a Cheech and
ReplyDeleteChong movie.
Monkeypox? MONKEYPOX?? I dohn need no stinkin' monkeypox!!!
ReplyDelete(I already got COPD, Arthritis, Concussion, a bad case of ugly and old, a stroke, and residual sleep apnea....)
I almost feel cheated the Omicron I got was only for 2 days.
Oh, well...It's not so bad, I could be a Democrat! Now THAT would be awful!
So what do we do if we are playing golf? I am so confused!!
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urXy1G86Mio ;-)
ReplyDeleteDougM^
ReplyDeleteNever think that you (or anyone) are so unimportant as to not be missed. Sorry to hear of your troubles. We'll keep checking in, awaiting your return.
Wonderful funny stuff Stilt, great new posting of your 'Funnies' and entertaining comments. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteSondraKistan.com is back up.
ReplyDeleteLong story.
Plus, Stilton's back on form.
Good times.
ReplyDeleteThe bizarre "sex" advice is designed to cover up the fact that monkeypox is another disease exclusive to male homosexuals (so far--wait until the AC/DCs and intravenous drug users get in the act). They're once again trying to generate sympathy for trouser pilots.
Stilton,
ReplyDeleteI've been absent for a coulpla weeks. I retired on June 3, and just now got a computer (was using my work computer before). Strangely enough, this laptop was my retirement gift.
It's good to be back, and you really are in fine form! I'm sorry about your WWE match with the garage door, but hopefully you won't have to deal with that ever again.
Sex with my clothes on? Now's my chance to wear that Batman suit and the wife to dress as Catwoman! But seriously, isn't donkeypox spread by having sex? Do our elected officials really think we are that stupid? Never mind... rhetorical question.
@DougM,
I've been pretty distraught with the absence of SondraKistan. You and Stilton are my "go to first" websites every day. Plus, we are practically neighbors I think. I live about 40 miles north of Charlotte. Anyway, I was delighted to see it back last night. Thanks!
Colby^,
ReplyDeleteYeah, neighbor, I'm sort'a near Pinehurst
@Readers- Well, geez...it only just dawned on me that I haven't responded to comments here! "Widow's Fog" is a very real thing, and apparently it's still called "Widow's Fog" even if you're a widower, no doubt because of the power wielded in Washington by radical widow groups (#BlackVeilsMatter).
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the various comments along the lines of "Stilt is back!" although I'm honestly not "back" in any significant way yet. I'd like to be, and when the government starts issuing asinine sex advice because of monkeypox I can pretty much generate comedy by muscle memory and a largely intact attitude of snark. But between you, me, and my therapist, the days are still getting harder rather than easier.
On a more upbeat note, I'm glad to see the return of Sondrakistan.com! Anyone who enjoys the mischief here will certainly like the comic and politically pithy fare on that great website!
Not sure which led to the other, but Stilton's Place and Sondrakistan have been regular stops every morning with my coffee. Glad both of ya are still around.
ReplyDeleteStilt,
ReplyDeleteYeah, we're full of pith
@Lee The Voice, sorry there is nothing funnier than a Cheech and Chong movie, even Boffo falling off his bike was just mildly titters worthy. I'm an old fartess and don't partake of the joy weed and they are still funny to me!
ReplyDeleteHey Stilt, tell me you are having that toothy smile painted on your garage?