Monday, October 31, 2022

The Breather and the Haunted Hand

Last week, I gave you a little taste of spooky fiction. Today being Halloween, I'm offering up some spooky (and funny) non-fiction from my own life. To the best of my recollection, every word is true...

          THE BREATHER AND THE HAUNTED HAND         
stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, halloween, Pa, the Breather, ghost story


When I was a kid, it wasn’t unusual for my siblings and me to have weekend sleepover visits from other kids who we’d known our whole lives and considered extended family. We’d play board games, run around outside, and watch scary movies hosted by the ghoulish “Sammy Terry” on TV.


And sometimes, if the conditions were just right on an eerie, inky black night, my Dad would tell us ghost stories. And these were no ordinary, over-told ghost stories. No cub scout campfire tales about the young couple who encountered “The Hook” in lover’s lane, no plaintive voice in the darkness calling “who’s got my hairy toe?” while drawing unstoppably closer.


No, my Dad told us real ghost stories. Things that had happened to him and to the generations of family members who came before him. Poltergeist activity. Prophetic dreams of death. Sounds in the night. Ghosts.


On the night in question, my Dad was telling his rapt audience the chilling story of “The Breather.” We all sat in the living room with all the lights off and only a flickering candle or two for creepy, shadow-casting illumination. My siblings and our guests were seated on our large, L-shaped sectional sofa. At one end of the sofa, there was a rectangular table and chair, from which my Dad was spinning his dark tale while facing his audience.


“The Breather” was a presence that had followed my Dad throughout his childhood years. At night, alone in his bed, sharing the old house only with his grandmother, he would become aware of someone or something else breathing in the room with him. Something coming closer. And when he pulled the blankets over his face and held his own breath in fright, The Breather would draw near. Inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, exhaling…


As my Dad wove his story, I excused myself for a bathroom trip. Or at least, that’s what I said I was doing. In reality, once I was out of sight in the darkness I dropped to my hands and knees and very slowly crept back into the living room and under the table where my Dad was sitting. My younger sister, seated next to the table, was the only person who could see me. I met her questioning look with a “shush” finger held to my lips and she nodded.


As my Dad notched the suspense in the room ever higher, I slowly slipped my hand up over the side of the table and left it directly next to my father. Bent at the wrist, it would have looked like a detached human hand. And then I waited.


The moments which followed are among the greatest memories in my life. Every nerve in the room was stretched taut at the moment my father paused in his narrative for a moment and put his hand down on mine. For the briefest of seconds, I could feel his fingertips exploring and trying to identify what he had encountered. And then came the scream.


My Dad shouted in true horror while leaping out of his chair. And of course, everyone else in the room screamed too. Panic, pandemonium, and confusion reigned until I crawled out from under the table, laughing my young rear end off.  And after a suitable cool-down period, everyone else laughed while sharing how terrified they were at that exquisite moment. 


And The Breather? My Dad speculated that the entity was perhaps someone who had died in the old house where he was raised (now a historical site in Indiana) or a deceased relative just paying a visit. Indeed, he wondered if the somewhat raspy breath, not unlike his own in his later years, had been coming from his own ghost who was returning to keep an eye on his younger self.


It was an interesting and somewhat comforting theory. So that’s the one I choose to believe now, in the dark of night...


...when The Breather visits me.

35 comments:

  1. "I AM THE VIPER! I COME TO VIPE YOUR VINDOWS!" ;D

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  2. Great story. I'll listen for the breather tonight.
    jack

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  3. If the breather came to my house in the night I wouldn't hear him (or her, whatever). My CPAP machine would hide the noise.

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  4. , I could feel his fingertips exploring and trying to identify what he had encountered. And then came the scream.

    I really enjoyed scaring people. My gramma made a really neat noise when she got scared. That was a Fine setup.

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  5. I have experienced something like this before. I was waking up and hearing an echo of my breathing. I held my breath and it too held. As I became more awake I realized I was still stuck in a partial dream state and the echo did not continue. Now could it have been some demon or ghost? Perhaps. I do believe the brain/subconscious can trick us under the right circumstances. Another case in point. I was again in another occasion in a light sleep slowly waking and for some reason my eyes were actually open looking at a poster across the room. The stylized lettering turned into a skeleton form. It dissolved as my mind returned to reality and could process the poster I was looking at more accurately.

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  6. Stilt,

    A hilarious story - true OR false.
    'Happy Halloweene'

    JR

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  7. I don't care who ya are... thats funny!

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  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m dyin! Thanks for the great story, Stilt.

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  9. Growing up in eastern Illinois, on Saturday night I would go out at night and turn our pole mounted antenna to the east so we could pick up Channel 4 out of Indianapolis, and watch Samy Terry and wrasslin' (Go Dick the Bruiser, Bobo Brazil, the Crusher, and Baron Von Rashki!!!!). The good old dats....

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  10. The Breather is an amateur in comparison to The Sniffer

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  11. As soon as you mentioned Sammy Terry, I knew you were a fellow Hoosier. A Hoosier likely from the midsection, depending on how far WTTV's signal reached.

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  12. "To the best of my recollection..." No, no, NOOOOO Stilton... the retort should be "I have no recollection of that, Senator!" Anywhoo, I "heard" that the "Swiffer" mops in the White House have been replaced with "Sniffer" mops. Never seen one in WalMart, but that's what I "heard".
    Jackjr, I remember seeing a movie where a character carries away a hyper-ventilating Herve Villechaize right after the narrator says, "Now, let's take a little breather."
    Miniskunk, 40 years ago I had a dream where the "set-up" was developing during my dream which lasted for 10-ish minutes, and then I woke up to a semi-truck's air horn blaring. Never got over the weird time-line to a real event that must have happened in a millisecond.

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  13. Sammy Terry, Cowboy Bob, Janie, Championship Wrestling hosted by Chuck Marlowe. Good times indeed!

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  14. Okay, for my contribution I offer a poem I wrote in 2010. It was sparked by a Farside cartoon, but since I don't have the rights to it I can't reprint it. Farside Gallery #3, p. 29.


    The Complex Simplicity of Blankets and Children

    Winter cold invades, pressing in the dark
    Somewhat relieved by the light of day

    Fleeces push away the chill. Comforters
    Warm most when morning sunlight comes to play

    But monsters are hiding in the closet
    They are vanquished only by dawn’s rays

    At night both cold and demons roam freely
    Fleeces and comforters hold but one at bay

    Complete protection requires the blanket
    The heavy quilt Grandma made just last May

    Delicious weight wards off the chill and
    Armors against things under your bed that stay

    Waiting… patiently waiting… for their prey

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  15. Great story, made my day!
    Kudos to Boligat as well!

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  16. I remember 'The Shadow'. Buahahahahahahaha...............

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  17. Great story! i can see that your sense of humor dates back to your childhood

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  18. Good 'un, Stilt! I'd have loved to have met your dad, but the nut didn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for sharing that! When I first read the word "breather," I immediately thought of Herve Villechaize in Airplane II.

    @Jimbro,

    The Sniffer... HARF!

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  19. Hilarious! Excellent story Stilt, thanks for sharing. Hope you are hanging in there. BTW - we might be due an update on all your ailments, the arm flailing and earthquake/dizzy spells especially. Daughter doing OK?

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  20. The ghost in my childhood home was a cheese connoisseur. He'd say,
    "Don't eat the brie either!"

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  21. BRAVISSIMO!!!!!!!!!!!

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  22. @ BOLIGAT - if you at all enjoyed the "Guest for Mister Spider" narration from the Magnus Archives, you might really like the blanket related one called "Tucked In"= most of the older narrations of the archives are excellent. Enjoy:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39zbZrxuGQw

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  23. You've gotta love it. I myself had experiences with the breather when I was younger. Great story.

    JustaJeepGuy - perhaps it's time to update your CPAP. Mine is so quiet that I sometimes have to loosen the mask just so I can hear the air flow to ensure me that it's on.

    Thanks, Stilt, for continuing to amuse and enchant us all. Have a great Halloween and, hopefully, an even better Election Day. My best to you and Daughter J.

    By the way, my computer has notified me that tomorrow begins Native Americans Month. I'm still waiting to find out when Irish Americans month is.

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  24. So…..your Dad eventually beat your ass for that stunt, right? Or at the very least got even? 😆

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  25. Stilton....sounds like you lived close to the old brick haunted mansion ....National Ave and Madison Ave.....southsider right ???

    Wayne in Indiana

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  26. Oh bugger, that scared me!! Not the hand, lol, the breather twist ending. AAaaaagggghhhhh!

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  27. @Readers- I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! As is so often the case lately, I lack the steam to respond to every comment so I'm cherry-picking just a few. All are appreciated, of course!

    @JRMD- Definitely "all true!"

    @Raxter54- WTTV really put the "local" in local TV back in the day. And see my next comment below...

    @awayuma- I was originally from Indianapolis, and then Bloomington - which was the "official" home of WTTV (for FCC purposes) rather than their larger studio in Indianapolis. Way back when, my brother and I wanted to do TV and the only way that was possible was to work at a TV station. So my brother took a job at WTTV in Bloomington, sometimes working master control, as director, or camera man. He shot the morning show for farmer's and the occasional Bobby Knight show after a game (look out for flying chairs!). We kept trying to get a late night movie-hosting gig and shot a number of pilots, but nothing took. Eventually, the Saturday night "Baron Von Wolfstein" show was shot there and I did an occasional guest shot as "Happy," the one-eyed optimist in the dungeon.

    @Ruralbob- Per the above, WTTV is in my blood!

    @Boligat- Nice poem!

    @Colby Muenster- I'm very much like my Dad. Almost identical, in fact, when I glance at a mirror these days.

    @JohnF- Updates, huh? Well, you asked for it (grin). "Hanging in there" is indeed what I'm trying to do. I definitely haven't made anything like "peace" with my situation and every day is a new challenge. I sure miss Kathy.

    Both my night-flailing and earthquake-tremors have reduced a lot, though still visit from time to time. And when I'm agitated I get physical jerking, though it's much more rare now. Daughter J is doing "okay" because we don't use the word okay without quotes or air quotes anymore. And about a week ago, she tripped very near the top of the concrete steps leading from her second story apartment and cartwheeled down the entire length of the stairs. It's a miracle that nothing was broken (although we had to get an x-ray of her wrist to confirm that). She got plenty of bumps, bruises, and scratches though. Yes, Life is a party here in Jarlsberg Manor!

    @Paul Donohue- I decorated our front yard for Halloween but we got disappointingly few kids this year. On an entirely unrelated note, everyone here is invited to my house to eat leftover candy.

    @She's a Beauty- There were no repercussions from my Dad, other than a couple of dirty looks. And I'm sure I got pranked in return - all in good fun!

    @Wayne in Indiana- I was on the north side of Indy so not near the old brick haunted mansion. Though I'm told the terrifying "house of blue lights" wasn't far away. Or far enough away...

    @mamafrog- I've heard the breather. And there are a lot of family stories which are bizarre. We seem to have been targeted by ghosts, supernatural beings, and visitors from..."out there." But those are stories for another day.

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  28. Damn Stilt, just let me say you can keep the "out there" things allllll to yourself. I'm not sure I want to know, lol. One house we lived in seemed to have a black hole, it disappeared a six foot 2 by 4 one time, we never did find it. And everybody hated the front hall where the bathroom was because it just felt off.

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  29. I've had so many paranormal things happen in my life that it would be silly of me to try to not believe in these sorts of things. I've had a poltergeist follow me around for as long as I can remember. It takes small objects away, and returns them months or years later, often in the oddest of places. (I've tested it and have witnesses, so it's not my imagination, other people, or pets.)

    I've been on a trail at dusk that took me miles away (and to the other side of a lake) in just a few minutes. The trail wasn't there the next morning.

    I always get deja vu twice: the first time lets me know I'll be in that situation again, and the second completes the loop.

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  30. In a nearly total change of subject, I'm fervently praying that The Ghost of Red Tsunamis Past, makes a big time return next Tuesday night. Can I get an "AMEN?!"

    And... if the Republicans actually prevail in the Senate, how's about Rand Paul or Ted Cruz for majority leader, not that turd McConnell?

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  31. Amen, @Colby Muenster.

    Abortion-to-infanticide wasn't going to cut it. The student debt writeoff pissed off at least as many voters than it attracted. Paul Pelosi gets attacked by a criminally insane illegal alien, and the people responsible for emptying jails and open borders blame Republicans? So Biden's writers double-down on the "deplorables" narrative that worked so well for Hillary. The people who tried packing the Supreme Court argue that democracy is under threat.

    GOP, just stay out of their way!

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  32. @Colby Muenster, AAAAAAAAAAMENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

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  33. Heh. Was that the night your folks left you at the rest stop on the interstate, stilt?

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