Friday, December 30, 2022

Fahrenheit 365

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, 2022, 2023, New Year, Kathy, Fuck It, Year in Review

Unsurprisingly, I won't be doing my annual "year in review" for the blog this year. I haven't paid close attention to the news (although you didn't need to pay close attention to be aware of what a colossal fustercluck it was and is) and you sure as heck don't need to hear another recounting of my personal year.

I don't have much in the way of plans for New Year's Eve other than to go to my backyard at midnight, set fire to the 2022 calendar, and then create a cloud of urine-scented steam as I forcefully (and quite personally) extinguish the embers.

But hey, 2023 will be a brand new year! A tabula rasa! A Stayfree-fresh new beginning! And in that spirit, I heartily and sincerely wish you all the Least Painful New Year possible.

Friday, December 23, 2022

Friday, December 16, 2022

Just in the Saint Nick of Time (Free Book #2!)

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If it's true that it's better to give than receive, that laughter is the best medicine, and that the best things in life are free, I'm knocking it out of the park by giving away the ebook version of Johnny Optimism's newly-released book "Home for the Horrid Days."

For three days only (Friday 12/16 - Sunday 12/18) you can download the book at this link to read on any computer, tablet, or phone using a free Kindle Reader app available here

Note: before ordering, be sure the price shows as free (and not just "Read for Free" with Kindle Unlimited)! Instead, you want to buy the book for $0.00.

Amazingly, reading a cartoon book on a smartphone is a perfectly pleasant experience because I fiddled around with the book's code to enable an "easy reading" mode: just turn your device sideways, tap on any page, and you'll suddenly see just one cartoon at a time at a size that won't make you go blind! Tap on the right to go to the next cartoon, or tap on the left to go backward.

There's also a beautiful paperback edition of this Holiday collection available for a ridiculous $3.59 with free Prime shipping. That means you're just a mouse-click away from being able to send a wonderful (and memorable) gift to family and friends for about the price of a big Hallmark card with glitter on it. And frankly, the recipients won't get as much quality bathroom reading time out of a Hallmark card, nor will they accidentally sprinkle glitter on their private regions. A phrase that I may turn into a Christmas song at some point.

Please feel free to share this link to the free Kindle book with family, friends, on social media, or with whoever is in the hospital bed next to yours. But remember to tell them to act fast, because the ebook is only free Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (12/16-12/18).

A Special Favor: after downloading the book, I'd really appreciate any reviews you'd care to post on Amazon. Amazon promotes (or demotes) books based on their popularity and reviews, so it really makes a huge difference. And reviews can be short and sweet - just a sentence or two! But please don't mention politics in your reviews - Johnny's got enough problems already!

Friday, December 9, 2022

The Skin Of A Hen's Teeth (Free Book!)

 Free at last, free at last! Thank Kathy and Stilton, it's free at last!

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I'm delighted to announce the publication of "The Skin Of A Hen's Teeth," a cartoon-filled humor book that I more or less co-wrote with my late wife, Kathy. 

A bit of backstory: Kathy had a wonderful gift for accidentally combining two or more idioms in ways that almost made sense...until they didn't. About taking a risk, she might say that a person is "sticking his neck out on a limb." Or referring to a very close race, she would say that someone "won by a nose-hair."

When I would point out these linguistic fender-benders, Kathy would laugh hardest of all and insist that I add it to her ever-growing list of "Kathyisms." 

After losing her, I desperately needed something to work on but my brain wasn't cooperating. While trying to think of a topic I could blog about, I remembered the list of "Kathyisms" and thought about turning it into a post. But to do that, I should really illustrate some of her sayings and...(ding!)... I had an idea: hire someone to illustrate all of her sayings and turn it into a funny book. A remembrance for family and friends that is about laughter rather than loss. And this is that book.

Inside, you'll find things like this...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, kathy, kathyisms, the skin of a hen's teeth, book, free book
And this...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, kathy, kathyisms, the skin of a hen's teeth, book, free book
And this...
stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, kathy, kathyisms, the skin of a hen's teeth, book, free book

Working on this book with Kathy has been a Godsend for me in these past months, and I'm delighted with the finished product- due in no small part to the fabulous illustrations by Richard Svensson. This guy knows how to draw funny and finding him felt like the Universe was helping this book come into being.

And now, you can have it for free (in ebook form)! And you can tell your family and friends to get it free! But only for a limited time: Friday Dec 9 (today) thru Sunday Dec 11. Just go to the Amazon order page, make sure that the price of the Kindle ebook is free (and not just "free with Kindle Unlimited" which is a different thing), then click to get it at no cost. And here's the link: "The Skin of a Hen's Teeth."

Don't have a Kindle reader? Not a problem! You can read the book on any computer, tablet, or smart phone by using the free Kindle Reader app which you can download at this link.

If you prefer a beautiful paperback edition (a perfect holiday gift, hint-hint, and available for Prime shipping) which is really the best way to read the book, it's sale-priced just as low as I can make it at $3.59 and it will be moving to $4.99 after this introduction.

I really hope you'll download the book and spread the word online - because every time someone laughs at something in this book it's like Kathy getting another heartbeat. And you should know there's nothing sad or depressing in this book at all. You know and I know that this is a memorial of sorts, but there's not a hint about that in the book. The goal here is just laughter. So get it while it's free! And laugh!


Please do! The more reviews the book gets, the more Amazon is willing to promote it to other readers. But if you do choose to write a review, I'd like to ask you to consider these guidelines:

• Please don't mention anything about Kathy's illness or death.  

• Please don't mention this blog by name or anything political.

• Please don't mention the name "Stilton Jarlsberg,"
because despite the special "just for you" book cover at the top of this post, I'm using a different name on the cover of the actual book to avoid getting bad reviews from politically-minded trolls.

Thank you and ENJOY THE BOOK!


Amazon makes things a bit confusing with their "free to read on Kindle Unlimited" thing, so just to be clear, here's what you're looking for:

You need to click in the "Kindle" box right next to the book cover, then over on the right side DO NOT click the yellow "read for free" button, but DO click the orange "Buy now with 1-click" button to get your $0.00 ebook!

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

The Real Deal

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Once again, Lefty Lucy has come very, very close to having a "truth" breakthrough. But sadly her train of thought derailed, plowed into a small city, and multiple tankloads of chemicals exploded and leveled the sleepy community, killing everyone within three miles. Much the same happens whenever Lucy tries to use her brain to decide what to order at Starbucks.

But she does make a good point about there being a Santa Claus because on Friday I'll be posting details about how you (and everyone you know and love) can download a free copy of the delightfully funny book I co-wrote with Kathy, "The Skin of a Hen's Teeth."  If you don't already have a free Kindle reading app on your computer, tablet, or phone, this might be a good time to go ahead and download one so you can pounce on the upcoming opportunity.

The paperback version, which is a thing of beauty, will also be sale-priced at the lowest price I can offer (no profit for me, which is fine because I'm only doing this to spread laughter).

Full details on Friday!


The good folks at Google/Blogger have informed me that you may be seeing this before opening some of my blog posts (including ancient ones):

Have I changed my content by even a whit (or half-whit)? No. Has Google/Blogger changed their "community guidelines?" Apparently so. Or maybe they've just finally noticed me. 

Frankly, if you have a problem with "sensitive content" you're already in the wrong place. But as my insensitivity level has remained unchanged in the many years I've been doing this blog, I would suggest that if you encounter the warning above in the future just ignore it and the horse it rode in on.

Monday, December 5, 2022

Poop or Consequences

 spwotilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, elon musk, twitter, biden, laptop
Proving once again the time-honored adage that "no news is good news," major media outlets across the nation are eagerly reporting no news whatsoever about Elon Musk's recent and ongoing revelations that Twitter, other social media outlets, and alleged "news" media conspired with the Biden campaign and intelligence agencies in 2020 (and way before) to, um, oh shucks - what do they call it? Oh yeah - OVERTHROW THE FREAKING GOVERNMENT.

Because that's what happened. The 2020 presidential election was totally rigged, but not by messing with voting machines or counting procedures. That's so old-fashioned as to be almost quaint. Rather, the group of conspirators (technically insurrectionists and traitors) rigged the voters by feeding them a constant stream of lies and cutting off access to damaging truths.  

And...I have nothing else to say on the subject. Or more accurately, I don't have the energy to hyperventilate about what all of us have known forever. Moreover, the odds that anything will be done about this mess are about the same as those that Jeffrey Epstein had for living a nice long life in a totally secure facility. "Zip, zero, nada," as Rush used to say.

Still, Elon Musk is doing a tremendous public service (at great personal cost and considerable personal risk) to reveal how deep the rabbit hole goes. We need more like him.