Gone But Not Forgiven

This past week, I have found myself in the uncomfortable position of having to decide whether I'm a hypocrite or an asshole. And the verdict is that I'm not a hypocrite.

The situation is this: for years I've had a Bucket List somewhat different than that of most people. Visiting Paris? Climbing a pyramid? Swimming with dolphins? Nope. My list consists entirely of people whom I want to see kick the bucket before I do. Being on the list seems to bring no harm to those named, as they tend to cling to life like withered Democrats who refuse to give up office after half-centuries or more of (ahem) "service."

But even the occasional scratch-off Lotto ticket produces a small win from time to time, and several days ago I learned that the person at the top of my Bucket List is not long for this world. Indeed, this person may be room temperature by the time you read this, though I wouldn't expect that condition to last long if you take my drift.

Something I should make clear: I struggle with grief every day and I would never want anyone to suffer. But dropping dead? Well, we all do it eventually, which seems like a waste of effort if no one is made happy. 

In this case, the individual is a lawyer who made my life miserable for years. A person who cost me and my family tens of thousands of dollars (and perhaps significantly more) while actively trying to sabotage my career for no discernible reason. This person was also not a very good lawyer and cost their (and my) employer literally millions of dollars in lost court cases. 

But as is too often the case, this lawyer continued to fail upward into other positions, some of national prominence and newsworthy incompetence. This person even did a TED talk about the secret of success: "being nice to the little people." A sentiment so far from their actual behavior that I'm amazed a lightning bolt didn't strike then and there.

Still, I'm not a heartless bastard. I have human feelings and strive to find forgiveness for those who have not only trespassed against me but taken a steaming dump while they were on my lawn. Which is why as a peace offering, I wrote the following song to commemorate this sad occasion.

Sorry, that was a typo. I meant sadly delayed occasion.

That lead singer sure is a good-looking guy...