Friday Free For All!

There's a lot going on in the news, and virtually all of it is ridiculous. But we won't keep you in suspense, we're kicking off today's post with the MOST stupid thing we've seen all week...

Detroit's Oakland University is passing out hockey pucks to faculty and student government leaders to throw at active shooters should such an event break out. Because nothing stops a bad guy with a gun like a good guy with a tiny piece of sports equipment.

Granted, a single hockey puck flung by a wimpish professorial type (ever seen how Barack Obama throws a baseball?) is only going to piss the shooter off, but the University has big plans for the future. "The ideal situation," they say, "is that you would have a classroom full of 30 or 40 people, all of whom have hockey pucks."

And in actuality, the idea has merit. Because if, God forbid, there ever is an active shooter event at Oakland University, we expect the person who thought up this godawful idea to get 30 or 40 hockey pucks up their ass from the survivors. Maybe then they'll get serious about campus safety.

And speaking of people who are no strangers to getting things shoved up their butts...

Stormy "Chlamydia Chowder" Daniels has come forward to announce that her lying sleazeball lawyer, Michael Avenatti, never got her permission to file the failed defamation suit against Donald Trump - and has also been taking the porn star's crowdfunding money (around $600,000) without giving any accounting of where it's going.

We find everything about this story to be delightful. The unpleasantly-aging Daniels will have to continue supporting herself by putting on debasing displays for any drunk with a dollar bill, the dolts who contributed to her campaign have been royally ripped off, and Avenatti will have to use his ill-gotten gains to pay millions of dollars in back taxes or, better still, flee the country.

But even that doesn't make us as happy as this tidbit of entertainment news...

The "Murphy Brown" reboot has officially been booted from view by CBS after only 13 episodes, owing to abysmal ratings and the high cost of keeping the geriatric cast members refrigerated between takes.

The idea behind the reboot was simple: "let's bring back a show from 20 years ago and make it relevant by having every spoken word be an attack on President Trump!" Yet more proof that cocaine doesn't really make anyone more creative.

The show starred a tastefully-embalmed Candace Bergen, and tried to entice viewers with stunts like a cameo from Hillary Clinton - because who doesn't want to see even more of that strident old biddy? Currently, there is no word on whether CBS will try to re-reboot the show with most of the cast members and a new premise in which Murphy Brown has unexpectedly died from an opioid overdose

AND ONE MORE THING...

Please join me in wishing a very happy birthday to Mrs. Jarlsberg!

Unsurprisingly, she's the real rock of the family, counterbalancing my lifelong creative chaos with stability, wisdom, and good humor. She is by far better informed on topical news than I am - she frequently points me at the important stories of the day, and has a mind which is actually analytical instead of one programmed to turn everything into a joke (albeit frequently a serious joke).

We don't really make a big show of celebrating birthdays (she won't even get that Hallmark card), but instead observe such occasions with our own family rituals. A hand-carved (by her grandfather) set of wooden letters spelling out "Happy Birthday" is put on display, and a little doll family that lives in our entertainment center and represents our family members will see a birthday crown worn on the head of the Mama figure.

Mrs. Jarlsberg deserves a real crown, of course, but happily has no taste for diamonds. Did I get lucky or what?

Cry Me a Rivera

Things are heating up considerably on our southern border, where the (ahem) "caravan" of Hispanic men (with a small sprinkling of women and children, densely surrounded by photographers) are aggressively - and illegally - trying to enter our country.

The Left is horrified that tear gas was deployed defensively against the violent, rock-throwing miscreants attempting to injure (or worse) our law enforcement officers. Although strangely, headlines about the confrontations tend to read "Trump gasses children at border," as if he was personally marching the weeping toddlers into the cyanide shower stalls.

Little mention, however, is made of Barack Obama using tear gas against "immigrants" at the border some 80 times during his administration. But that was okay, because he was Black. Well, Black-ish.

But when it comes to the media overreacting and distorting the story, one can hardly find a better example than Geraldo "Want to see my semi-naked tweets?" Rivera. On Monday's edition of Fox News's "The Five," the volatile Rivera erupted in a lengthy tantrum about how disgusted he is with our country for the vile treatment being shown to these poor, angelic refugees.

Here are his comments, interspersed with some questions and observations of our own (in bold).

"I am ashamed," Geraldo emoted. "We treat these people - these economic refugees (economic? We've been told they were fleeing violence!) - as if they're zombies from The Walking Dead. We are a nation of immigrants (Legal immigrants). These are desperate people. They walked 2,000 miles."(in record breaking time, perhaps owing to the use of motorized vehicles, and with food, water, and shelter paid for by shadowy figures).

"Why? Because they want to rape your daughter (which happens) or steal your lunch? No. Because they want a job! (Again, not cause for political asylum - which, in any case, was already offered by Mexico and turned down by the group's organizers). They want to fill the millions of unfilled jobs (which Americans aren't doing because they make more in welfare) we have in the agricultural sector (Hmm - remind us what crops need picking 12 months a year?). They want to wash dishes in the restaurants! They wanna deliver the pizzas!" (But those are minimum wage jobs which will require supplemental income and services from generous government programs - especially for families. And shouldn't Hispanics be insulted that the Leftists see them only as potential servants doing the most menial jobs imaginable?)

Geraldo then wrapped up his diatribe with a predictable dash of racism, suggesting that the problem isn't that millions of people are violating our immigration laws and draining our resources, but rather that stinking, evil Americans don't want them because "they look different than the mainstream." Showing that Geraldo clearly hasn't looked at the "mainstream" in Texas any time recently.

By Geraldo's own admission, these people are NOT coming here for asylum - they're coming for money...most of which will be from taxpayers, both in direct payments and indirect expenses (healthcare, schools, housing and a lot more).

We are not unsympathetic to those people (not including the criminals, gang members, or incurably diseased) who want to come into the United States - which remains, despite the Dems' best efforts, the land of opportunity.

But we would also not be unsympathetic to the distressed shipwreck survivors still in the water once the only life boat has been filled to the point that even one more person added will sink the boat - causing everyone to drown.

There are limits to what we can do, and those limits need to be established by law and enforced through legal means - not by mob rule. Because when our nation's laws fail - and they might - the question won't be who's coming into this country, but how the rest of us can get the hell out.

Some Bones To Pick With You

In much the same way that we believe "there's still some good meat on those bones" as our leftovers dwindle to a precious few, so too do we feel like we can coax at least one more semi-vacation day out of Thanksgiving even though it's getting pretty distant in the rearview mirror.

So today will be another collection of semi-random topics and thoughts, which we'll blame on the lingering effects of our recent tryptophan overdose.

For starters, we'll report that we had a genuinely lovely Thanksgiving dinner with family. As is tradition, the younger members of the party shared the exciting new things happening in their lives, then tried to suppress their expressions of horror as we older folks regaled the table with our latest rounds of doctor visits, surgeries, and odd medical quirks which may or may not do us in before next Thanksgiving.

We're pretty sure the original pilgrims didn't do this while eating turkey, but only because living to "old age" way back then meant hitting 35 or so. Granted, dropping dead at that age isn't great, but at least their Puritan corpses still had cartilage on their knee and hip joints.

We were, however, delighted to meet a new family member at this occasion- a beautiful month-old girl born to our niece here in Texas. And speaking of babies (clever segue, huh?) this is as good a place as any to also welcome the three-week-old boy recently born to our nephew and his wife in Alaska, and an additional baby girl born to another nephew and wife in Indiana. Seeing all these new lives, in person and via Internet, reminds us yet again of the importance of trying to get the world into some kind of reasonable shape since that's where the kids are going to have to eventually live.

On a different topic, we cleverly side-stepped the brutal crush of Black Friday shopping by buying a new big screen 4K television on the previous Dusky Wednesday, when the deals weren't quite as good but you had a better chance of not ending up on the local news. Later today, we'll be adding numerous electronic umbilicals to the new TV while enjoying Tourette's-style expressions of enthusiasm.

We are, of course, very excited about being able to experience the full unbridled glory of having a television which offers widescreen 4K resolution and "billions of colors" as we watch our fuzzy old black and white films on Turner Classic Movies. We will, however, probably find a 4K online video of a grizzly bear standing in white water and snapping at jumping salmon just so we can "ooh" and "ahh" at the eye-slicing detail of something we normally wouldn't watch at gunpoint.

"At gunpoint" is also how we're feeling after receiving a letter from the Social Security Administration on Black Friday, explaining that they're going to charge us an additional $6000 for our (ahem) "free" Medicare based on their hallucinatory estimation of our non-existent income.

We can't say for sure, but we suspect that this may be a direct result of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tapping keys on a government computer that she was explicitly told not to touch.

Wishful Drinking / Thanksgiving

Actually, even if we DO get the wishbone this year (unlikely, since we zero in on the turkey wings) we wouldn't make the wish above. Rather, we'd make a wish to do away with liberalism, thereby getting everyone on the same page about doing good for others, rather than just whining that someone else should be forced to do good for others.

But hopefully, politics won't even come up at our Thanksgiving gathering or yours. Because even if there's no one at the table wearing a pussy hat, political discussion will do nothing to improve the meal or the day - and will in fact distract from the very important business of giving thanks. If you must argue about something, let it be about something relevant to the day - like whether or not oysters belong in stuffing (spoiler alert: they don't. Oysters belong in a tightly-wrapped Kleenex.)

Here in the Jarlsberg family, we have a lot to be thankful for this year. Daughter J got a great new place to live and an outstanding new job working with kids, which she has an absolute gift for. She's doing great.

The whole family is in reasonably good health (hey, you can't expect perfection from old people), and we have friends (including you!), extended family, and a Good Dog.

Let's see, we're also thankful that at least a little of our retirement account wasn't in high-tech stocks, since they've been the Acupulco cliff divers of our portfolio lately. Landing on the rocks, for that matter, their screams cut short by splatters.

Oops, sorry - we lost our gratitude thread there for a moment. Where were we? Oh yeah...

We remain deeply grateful for this wonderful country, and the military personnel (present and past) who've secured our liberties. We similarly give thanks to the first responders who put their lives on the line for all of us every day, especially in times of huge national disasters.

We can't say that we're thankful for every ill-formed thought that pops out of the President's mouth, but can say that we remain thankful - and delighted - that his words continue to cause absolute agony to those on the Left. And yes, we're saying that with a rakish grin.

Here's hoping that you all enjoy whatever Thanksgiving festivities, traditions, or observances you take part in - however large or small. The act of taking time to think about our many blessings and express gratitude is a great antidote to the transitory annoyances of the daily news.

And just to close things out, here's a little dose of perspective from our dear friend Johnny Optimism...

NOTE: There won't be a new post on Friday, because we're going to be chilling. Or perhaps elbowing our way through the crowds at the doorbuster sales. Either way, we'll be back Monday!

A Poor Excuse for a Post

Wow, that IS a poor excuse for a post!

This is one of those awkward times when our schedule has gotten away from us and we know we're not going to be able to make a "real" blog post, but don't want to just leave everyone with an IOU either. Soooo, we're taking the middle ground: rather than no post, we're giving you a mediocre one. How's that for transparency in journalism?

And we've got no great excuse for our poor time management skills. Oh sure, grocery shopping in the pre-Thanksgiving rush took longer than we thought it would. And offering some tech support for a friend was more time consuming that we expected (note to world: setting up an Amazon "tap" device is a special trip into Hell). And then we had to resolve a brouhaha with Amazon (again!) over their rejection of a tasteful and heartwarming Christmas shirt we designed for sale on their site.

And as long as we're blatantly filling space, here's the shirt...

It's available as a t-shirt (we finally convinced Amazon to see things our way), sweatshirt, or hoodie, though we're not making a sales pitch here because we think this stuff is too darn expensive on Amazon. But we make designs anyway because it's fun and we firmly believe in the principle of Ars Gratia Artis (literally, "Artists are grating").

There's plenty of stuff going on in the news, of course, but none of it much captured our fancy. Although we were really tempted to run with the story of the pinheaded California Democrat (but we repeat ourselves - thrice, in fact) who suggested that the way the government could force gun owners to turn in their weapons is to threaten them with nukes. And that, friends, is truly Defcon-One grade stupidity.

In other areas, various Democrats have finally run out of uncounted ballots to pull out of magician's hats (although we've got a pretty good idea that's not what they were really being pulled out of) and have had to admit electoral defeat. A good thing, to be sure, but a pretty frightening reminder that we need to get election fraud under control before 2020. This election cycle was a hot mess, and if we're going to fix any damn thing in this country, that should probably be first.

We'll wrap this up with what's probably the funniest story currently out there: Stormy "Stuff Me Like a Butterball Turkey" Daniels has declared in a Newsweek interview that her involvement with Donald Trump and politics has "completely destroyed her career."

As boinking for bucks seems like an evergreen career choice, we weren't sure what she was referring to. But apparently all the negative publicity has derailed her burgeoning career behind the cameras in porn, where she was blazing a trail as a scriptwriter. Not that it's the world's hardest job...

MAN AT DOOR: Pizza delivery.
WOMAN IN NEGLIGEE: I asked for extra sausage.
MAN AT DOOR: How about...this?!

Stormy was also making professional inroads "picking out the wardrobe" for porn shoots, which again doesn't strike us as highly skilled labor since the wardrobe usually consists of birthday suits, albeit with occasional fashion accessories like a ball gag, butt plug, and strap on.

Which, as long as we're free-associating, would make a good name for Michael Avenatti's next law firm.

Ladies Daze

Although it wasn't intentional, it seems that today's cartoons are all closely associated with women and women's issues. Not that we mean to assume anyone's gender...

Michelle Obama is back on the publicity circuit (not that we're sure she ever left it), and recently told oppressed billionaire Oprah Winfrey that, following Trump's inauguration, the former first lady boarded the departure helicopter and wept for 30 minutes. Which is apparently how long it takes to roll out the drink cart on Marine One.

She didn't mention if Barry also shed a few tears or, just possibly, banged his head on the floor like a spoiled toddler while screaming through the tears and snot cascading down his "angry face."

Michelle's current high profile is fueling speculation that she may be laying the groundwork for a presidential run in 2020 - a task she might find a bit easier now that another contender looks like he's going down in well-deserved flames...

In one of the quickest and most appropriate cases of Karmic smackdown we've seen recently, creepy porn lawyer (and Democratic presidential hopeful) Michael Avenatti has been accused of repeatedly punching a woman in the face, with security personnel witnessing the immediate after effects of the beatdown while Avenatti screamed at the victim in anger.

This is the same a**hole who talked aging porn performer Stormy "I'll Do Anything For $5" Daniels into suing Donald Trump (and losing), brought forth false testimony from a bimbo claiming that Brett Kavanaugh was a gang rape mastermind (which not even the Democrats believed), and now finds himself with yet another high profile political case: in a restaurant, a male board member of a feminist organization (!) berated newscaster Tucker Carlson's daughter as a "whore" and a "f*cking c*nt" when she committed the unforgivable sin of walking past his barstool. Carlson's son then threw a glass of wine in the nitwit's face and told him to get the hell out - which he did.

So serial liar and alleged woman-beater Avenatti has subsequently taken the male feminist who believes women are whores and c*nts as a client, in order to charge both Tucker Carlson and his son for assault and battery using an unexceptional bordeaux.

Oh sure, it all sounds crazy. But when it comes to truly spectacular lunacy in Washington, there's a whole new show in town...

Socialist Representative-elect Alexandria "Way Too Much Caffeine" Ocasio-Cortez is already dismayed with Washington because, during early orientation, people keep assuming that she's just a young, clueless intern instead of a young, clueless member of Congress.

We've already heard from her own frighteningly toothy mouth that Cortez foolishly believed she would be "inaugurated" into her new job, and that she would suddenly have the power to sign bills into law. So perhaps she also assumed that she would have automatically received an aura of political power and authority which the rabble would be able to recognize from afar, no doubt shielding their eyes from the magnificent glare as they hastily knelt in her presence.

But nooOOooo. It turns out she just looks like any other ambitious, over-amped jerk in a city which was already crawling with them.

We sincerely look forward to her future crushing disappointments.

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Stan the Man

Stan Lee, the man who pretty much reinvented superheroes and comic books, died recently at age 95. That's a good long run for anyone, and considering all the joy he brought into the world this doesn't seem like a time for grief so much as remembrance and celebration.

Stan Lee was a prolific writer whose work was paired with that of a spectacular array of comics artists: Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko, Wally Wood, and too many others to name. Together they created Marvel comics, which were simultaneously more fun and more serious than the "kid stuff" comics which preceded them. Stan the Man was the driving force behind cultural phenomena like Spiderman, the Avengers, Iron Man, the Fantastic Four, the Black Panther, the Incredible Hulk, and dozens (if not hundreds) more.

Unlike previous superheroes, those written by Stan Lee had greater complexity, insecurities, and identifiable problems which superpowers alone couldn't solve. Not that their superpowers weren't spectacular and satisfyingly kinetic.

As a youth who could be charitably described as a waddlesome nerd some 55 years ago, I loved the Marvel titles and collected them religiously. My idea of Heaven at the time was to buy the latest issues at the drug store (comics were priced at about 12¢ then) and scurry off to my basement bedroom, frequently with a bag of BBQ chips to enhance the number of senses being stimulated at the same time.

I thought I was just having fun, but it turns out I was also learning a lot about concise, visual storytelling. This served me well in later years when I was writing and laying out picture books, as well as scripts for television and film (stories for another day). But did those comics do more for my career than four years of college? In all likelihood, the answer is yes. And here I am, more than half a century later, still telling stories with characters who live in little boxes and speak in word balloons.

I still have a lot of those old comics, lovingly stored in individual plastic envelopes. And it's a good thing, because new Marvel comics really aren't what they used to be. Oh, the films are alright if you're in the mood for big, dumb, eye-popping CGI spectacle (and sometimes I am). But the comic books themselves have taken a hard left political turn and are now primarily vehicles for the wish fulfillment of their Social Justice Warrior writers and artists.

You have superheroes fighting Trump stand-ins, storming the battlements with (not against) Antifa types, and fighting things like income inequality and inflexible gender roles rather than city-devouring monsters, evil scientists, and planet-conquering aliens. Many of the classic superheroes created by Lee have been "updated" with minority figures in the name of diversity. And there's nothing wrong with diversity, but when Stan Lee wanted a black superhero, he damn well created one who was black rather than simply transferring the costume of an existing hero to whatever ethnic stereotype was the flavor of the month.

And I don't have a problem with Ice Man from the X-men coming out as gay, but do we really need page after page of him flirting with other guys instead of saving the world? Is Captain America a better hero for our times since Marvel declared that this super-patriot has actually been an undercover Nazi all along? And is The Mighty Thor quite as awesomely god-like now that he's been given a vagina? A process which sounds like it would leave you mighty thor, as Daffy Duck might say.

Mind you, all of this SJW stuff is absolutely killing Marvel financially on the comics shelves. Unsurprisingly, no one wants to read this crap.

Stan Lee gave us heroes instead of whiners. And in so doing, became something of a hero himself.

Stan Lee has a cameo in almost every Marvel film. 

Veterans Day 2018

Yesterday was Veterans Day, and today is the legal observance of Veterans Day. And two days is a good start, but we still need another 363 days a year to appropriately show appreciation for those who have served.

These are the men and women who have given us everything...a gift which they have all paid dearly for, with the price too often being their very lives.

Sadly, we still have a long way to go in correcting the failures of various VA programs, and the totally unacceptable problems of homeless veterans in our nation's streets and a heartbreaking plague of suicides. There should be no higher governmental priority than doing right by these men and women, whatever the cost.

But it's important to note that, despite these very real problems, Veterans Day is still primarily one of celebration. A day in which we can recognize, and give thanks for, the courage, integrity, leadership, and patriotism of those who have given military service. You are the best of us.

All The News That Fits

Excuse our scattershot approach, but this is one of those days when the news has, as Emperor Joseph II once told Mozart, "Too many notes."

Mixed situations and mixed emotions, all hitting hard and fast while we're still sorting through the emotional baggage left over from the midterm elections. And our immediate reaction is to simply stare and shake our heads as we try to incorporate these many stories into a cohesive whole.

Not mentioned above is Jeff Session's resignation as Attorney General, and all the wild speculation going on about what will happen next regarding the Mueller investigation. We're betting that will turn colorful in a hurry. And we expect some amusing showboating from Nancy Pelosi soon, as she struggles to demonstrate that she's still young and hip enough to wield the Speaker's gavel.

Two stories above do have an interesting connection: CNN's Jim Acosta lost his White House press credentials owing to repeated instances of being an aggressive, repugnant douche nozzle - and the mainstream media is going nuts about this "threat" to the First Amendment. But there is not a whisper of comment or complaint from these same sources after a howling mob attacked the home of Fox News personality Carlson Tucker, battering his door until it cracked, and screaming that he would not be safe.

We trust that if a masked mob staged a similar assault on the home of Joy Behar, it would be a major story in the mainstream press, and probably provoke an outright call for martial law.

It's all a bit overwhelming, which is why the weekend is arriving just in the nickel dime. May it be restorative for all of us and - God willing - the Republic.

Poll Cat

Yes, nothing says topical, post-election humor quite like a quantum theory joke! But considering the fact that we're writing this on Tuesday afternoon and don't know which way the elections are going to break, we couldn't help but think of Schrodinger's cat in a sealed box and its unresolved state of possibilities.

In much the same way, our immediate political future is in an unresolved state as these words are written...but by the time you read them, you'll know whehter Schrodinger's ballot box opened to reveal the electoral equivalent of a happy, purring, pampered kitty...or an appalling fly-infested mix of whiskers and rotting guts infested with feasting News maggots.

(Note: our sincere editorial apologies to any readers who read that last bit while still working on breakfast.)

Lacking the ability to expound further (we actually have a lot more to say about quantum theory, but have yet to meet anyone who was glad when we did), we're looking to you readers to help carry the conversational ball in the comments section today. Are we celebrating today or mourning? High-fiving or standing on ledges? Beats us...but in either case, it's not unlikely that we'll have a hangover today.

And speaking of confusing realities, we'll end this by noting our baffled reaction to alleged comedienne Amy Schumer's "get out the vote" tweet in which she showed an ultrasound of the child she's carrying in order to express the vital importance of people getting out and voting in order to keep unfettered abortion as available as drive-thru hamburgers.

Put another way, even Schrodinger's box isn't as confusing as Schumer's.

LATE NIGHT UPDATE

It would appear that the Dems have retaken the House, and will be even more annoying now. Idiots, socialists, and radicals will be committee heads, and specious congressional investigations into Trump, Kavanaugh, and probably everyone reading this blog will become a significant monkey wrench jammed into the machinery of America's recent successes.

Damn.

If Your Election Lasts More Than Four Hours...

Yes, we spelled "poling" that way on purpose.

Tomorrow is Election Day, and one way or another it's going to pack a wallop. We're either going to see the effective end of the Trump experiment as House Democrats begin two years of unending lawsuits, investigations, and impeachment attempts...or delicious agony and despair from Leftists as they're forced to endure ongoing gains in pretty much every measure of American success.

Actual logical discourse about which party should win has pretty much disappeared, as exemplified by the Democrats' ad in which a bunch of naked women stare dolefully at a camera while holding paper ballots over what is apparently the only important part of their anatomy.

Their message is clear enough: "we are ambulatory reproductive systems without enough sense to practice simple birth control or, God forbid, abstinence, and nothing matters to us other than the convenience of killing babies."

Seriously, shouldn't all women be offended by this campaign? Especially when they notice that there's no corollary in which men are being encouraged to vote with their schwanzstuckers?

The choices in this election are stark: mobs versus jobs, capitalism versus socialism, hate versus debate, division versus unity, logic versus emotion, and responsibility versus hedonistic chaos.

On Tuesday night, things are going to change. And sadly, the naked truth is that we don't know which way.

AND FROM THE VAULT

She'll be voting. Make sure you do, too!

Skinny Dips

With Halloween so recently in the rear view mirror, it's not surprising that some high-profile racists are allowing their masks to slip enough to show the more than skin-deep ugliness underneath.

CNN's Don Lemon, about whom it can truly be said "when Life gives you Lemon, take Life outside and beat it senseless," just declared that when it comes to terrorism, absolutely no group of people should be demonized. Except White men, of course, because they're "the biggest terror threat in this country."

To prove this, he cited statistics of killings by alleged White terrorists over the past 20 years or so, with the total number of victims being approximately the same as any 3-day weekend in the conspicuously non-White environs of Chicago.

Meanwhile, bitter clinger Hillary Clinton was being interviewed about civility in politics (because who could possibly be more of an expert?) when the program's host briefly confused Cory "Spartacus" Booker with Eric "Fast & Furious" Holder. Hillary helped the host over this embarrassing gaff by quipping of the Black men, "they all look alike."

The audience and usually volatile media outlets just laughed it off because, darn it, racist comments are funny when they come from screamingly liberal Democrats! Who can forget Senator (and former KKK member) Robert Byrd's heartwarming description of the working class poor as "White niggers?" Or Joe Biden's amazement that candidate Barack Obama was "articulate and clean," or Harry Reid's marveling at Obama's pleasingly "light skin" and ability to speak with "no Negro dialect, unless he wanted one."

Oddly, screaming Progressives can always get away with this kind of blatant racism, while those who show the least inclination to conservatism will be cast into the fires of Hell for saying anything, no matter how innocent or well intended, which can be construed as being racist.

As a case in point, Megyn Kelly has just been canned from a $69 million contract for mentioning casually on her morning show that it used to be okay for White kids to dress up as Black characters when she was a kid. When corrected, she apologized fully and sincerely and wanted to open a dialogue to help all sides express their views and perhaps find greater understanding between the races. But nooOOooo. Instead she's been thrown under Rosa Parks' bus and had her journalistic career ruined, not because of an act of hate speech, but because of an act of the far less acceptable honest speech.

Somehow, the word "hypocrisy" just isn't enough to describe the despicable double standards of the race-obsessed on the Left.

AND DON'T FORGET...

Speaking of things that make us feel like projectile vomiting...

Don't forget to turn your clocks back on Sunday so that you can screw up your sleep cycles, enjoy seeing midnight blackness outside at around 6 pm, and enjoy all of the gut-wrenching effects of jet lag without actually having to go somewhere potentially fun.

If Trump would promise an executive order ending Daylight Saving Time, we think he could pretty much lock up the midterm results he (and we) are hoping for.