The coronavirus siege continues, and doesn't seem likely to change anytime soon (you can visit this Youtube site for the best and most accurate daily updates we've found). And although we take the matter seriously, we still refuse to take it solemnly - believing that laughter is the best medicine even if, like a ventilator, it needs to be shoved down our throats.
Which is why we're eschewing (gesundheit!) politics here except when absolutely necessary. Rather, we'll continue to post amusements, diversions, witticisms, and hilarious cartoons like this one:
Yikes! That was dark. We're starting to regret bartering with the neighbors and trading our antidepressants for toilet paper.
But on a different note entirely, our publication of a few pages from the "Spensive Gifts" parody catalog reminded us of the Johnson Smith novelty catalogs we enjoyed in our youth. Which prompted an online search and the discovery of goodies like this...
What you see above is a page from the 1938 version of the Johnson Smith catalog, which you can read online right here in its glorious 600-page entirety!
Relive the excitement surrounding the first appearance of the Whoopie Cushion! Thrill to the comic hijinks of a kid using the "Ventrillo" voice-throwing device to make an unsuspecting man say to a policeman "Hey copper, I'm gonna punch you in your big, fat nose!" Delight in unknown wonders like the crank harmonica which uses tiny player piano-style rolls of paper to give you "a jazz band in your pocket"! Marvel that there was once a time in America when kids could order actual "live baby alligators" for $1.50 (or a living 3-footer for just $6.50)! And cringe at a sprinkling of absolutely jaw-dropping items which are now career-ending, code red objects of political incorrectness!
We may well be starting a long rough patch in our country, but it's refreshing and frankly inspiring to see the kind of marvelous foolishness people were still enjoying despite the Great Depression. There's a lesson there for all of us. Albeit a fairly stupid one.
I have actually have had a jazz band in my pocket, but with modern medicine and extensive shock therapy, I no longer hear them. Wait.....was that a trombone?
ReplyDeleteAs always, Busty is outtasite... and Lefty is a Rebel Without A Clue as usual.
ReplyDeleteI imagine Johnson Smith had a heavy influence on Monty Python's "Whizzo Quality Assortment"...
Burn in hell, SJ, for not expanding the panel to full length. You're a cold, cold man......
ReplyDeleteLoved the Johnson Smith Catalog in my youth. Amazing Sea Monkeys!
ReplyDeleteYeah, that was just plain mean Stilt.
ReplyDelete(to a possibly recognizable tune:)
ReplyDeleteOld man COVID is in my shoes
Sittin' here a-coughin' and a-singin' the blues
So be my vector, you got nothin' to lose
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
Got a sore throat baby got some Vitamin Cs?
This sneezin' and this wheezin' got me on my bended knees
I got to get off this boat, get my hat off the rack
The Wuhan Flu has hit me like a knife in the back
So be my vector, you got nothin' to lose
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
I got to get to shore, baby I ain't lyin'
My fever is a-risin' and it's right on time
So be my vector, you got nothin' to lose
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
Got a sore throat baby got some Vitamin Cs?
This sneezin' and this wheezin' got me on my bended knees
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Oo-ee, COVID baby
Just let me infect you on a C cruise
And Upchuck Shoe-mer and NanNan are at again. Instead of putting their efforts to helping, they're going after investigation of President Trump. Any thoughts that I may share on blogs and such would only bring the black SUVs up my driveway. Ah, thank goodness for moonshine.
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to suspect the greatest pandemic of stupidity is yet to come. Hopefully not. It's apparent around 30% of the population is already afflicted.
ReplyDeleteMe, I was gonna become wealthy as Croesus from my White Cloverine Brand Salve profits. Remember that stuff? Seems like it was advertised on the back cover of every one of my hundreds of comic books.
ReplyDeleteBusty may be out of sight, but never out of mind! (sigh)
ReplyDeleteWhoopie Cushions and exploding cigarettes. Man, Stilt, we new how to have fun back then!
I still feel the sharp sting of disappointment when the comic book X-ray specs failed miserably to see through the sweaters Pam V. wore in sixth grade.
ReplyDeleteI loved the Johnson Smith catalogs. We discovered them, as did nearly everybody, as an advertisement in our comic books. We ordered The pellets that when lighted, turn into a snake, invisible ink, and of course, the always popular whoopie cushions. Great fun.
ReplyDeletehttps://gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6
ReplyDeleteCheck out this Kung Flu site.
I'm sure it's in the catalog somewhere but my grandfather's favorite gag was the Snake in the Can of Salted Peanuts. Shrieks of fun every time it was opened by the unsuspecting and hungry.
ReplyDelete@M.Mitchell Marmel - catchy tune. Infectious actually!
@M. Mitchell Marmel: It's become a standing joke in our household: "Garnished with Lark's Vomit," usually said following an Omaha Steaks commercial or some other hyper-hype specialty food presentation. And "C Cruise" is not a bad earworm. If you just had infect me with one this morning...
ReplyDelete@Raz: The Johns Hopkins site is sometimes cited in the WH press briefings. If you click on the Active Sites tab at the bottom, you can call up stats for various world-wide locations with a single click. Like Russia... Or the Faroe Islands... Or Twin Falls, Idaho...
This is one reason that I have 2 wide-screen monitors on my desktop. Until you have that, you don't know what you are missing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Busty!
i have seen the back of your laptop...you are not needed in these few panels. please reinsert Ms. Ross!
ReplyDeleteHmm. I've had the boot whiskey glass for decades, given as a gift at some military function. Even know the secret to drinking from it. I did not know that Johnson Smith sold them, though.
ReplyDelete@ MAJ Arkay: I learned the secret for drinking from the whiskey boot, too - the "hard" way. Practice. Practice. Practice....
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone know what 10 cents would be in today's dollar?
ReplyDelete@Sortahwitte- A trombone? Oh, I just thought you were glad to see me...
ReplyDelete@M. Mitchell Marmel- Ah yes, the "crunchy frog" chocolates...
@Regnad Kcin- Don't blame me! There was no cameraman to pivot the camera!
@Unknown- I had Amazing Sea Monkeys when I was at college. They looked like pieces of grapefruit pulp, though were kind of cool up close (being brine shrimp). It really is pretty amazing that you can add a dry powder to water and then have them appear.
@Jim Irre- It's a hard time for all of us.
@M. Mitchell Marmel- Have you recorded that yet? Youtube gold!
@Fred Ciampi- I echo your thoughts. My tolerance for this kind of crap is at a really low ebb.
@Jess- I'm afraid you're right. There's rampant stupidity out there already (combined with fear and real hardships) and we're just at the start of this ordeal. I fear we're going to be witness to some very unpleasant history-making events...
@Gorgon Zola- Yeah! White Coverine Brand Salve! I never sold it, but I tried selling Burpee Seeds door to door, as well as as an odd newspaper called "Grit." Loved those comic book ads, though the business schemes never made me any money.
@Fritschen- And let's not forget plastic dog poop! A classic!
@TrickyRicky- Yes, the X-ray specs definitely over-promised. If you looked at your fingers just right, it SORT of looked like you could see a bone inside. But looking through clothes? No such luck.
@Lee The Voice- I loved those snake pellets! Which, by the way, emitted a remarkably toxic smoke and left permanent scorch marks on my parents' concrete driveway.
@Raz- That's an excellent data source. Not cheery, but accurate.
@Studebaker Hauk- The snake in the can of salted peanuts was another classic. As I recall, at the bottom of the can was a small section with dried beans in it, so the can would SOUND like it contained peanuts if a suspicious person gave it a shake.
@Pat Cummings- Now I'm wondering how one even collects lark's vomit? Do you put a finger down their throat, or just tell them something nauseating?
@John the Econ- I think you've just sold a bunch of widescreen monitors...
@Gee M- Too late, she's donned a robe. She was cold...don't ask me how I could tell.
@MAJ Arkay- You are the MAN! Now I want one...
@Colby, Jack- Good advice!
@Shelly- I just Googled it, and in 1938 10¢ would be equivalent to $1.78 now.
ReplyDeleteYeah... What Gee M said! Three panels and they all had to be an old fart hiding behind a laptop?
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. I know you are trying to keep this family friendly.
The Surprise Chocolates reminded me of the closing scenes of Austin Powers, when Dr. Evil is making his escape in his "spaceship."
About that dime... In 1938 the spot price of silver was 45¢/Troy ounce, meaning that a dime then had 3.25¢ worth of silver in it at the then-current value of silver. (If it had 10¢ worth of silver, the mint would have lost money coining it). Today that same amount of silver (as I write, a spot price of $14.40/Troy ounce) is worth $1.04, and if it represented the same proportional value, that would make a silver dime from 1938 equal $3.08 in today's money.
ReplyDeleteWhy would I pay 10 cents for a Pop-Eyed Skull when we have Adam Schiff ad nauseum?
ReplyDelete*Ad nauseam (Latin was never my forte).
ReplyDeleteFrom the Johnson Smith website (http://www.johnsonsmith.com): "After 105 years in business, it is with great sadness that we inform you that the Johnson Smith Company closed our doors on December 31, 2019."
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't get the Boot Whiskey Glass, just break off the neck of the whiskey bottle and drink straight from the jagged glass, like a Marine.
ReplyDeleteJohnson Smith Co. RIP Hadn't thought of them for 60 years...
ReplyDelete