Drawing A Punchline In The Sand

And the hourglass will be sent to Sand Quentin

Will any of us ever forget exactly where we were when we heard the news that Joe Biden, the most beloved president in history, had been attacked by a rogue sandbag that caused him to take a spectacular and potentially lethal pratfall? And the answer is...yes. Most of us will forget, including Joe Biden himself who, only hours later, knocked the bejeezus out of his forehead when exiting a helicopter after mistakenly assuming that the door's height, like the debt ceiling, was an imaginary limit.

To prevent incidents like these from happening in the future, the president's Secret Service detail is receiving additional training to assure that all agents are prepared to throw themselves on any shuffle-disrupting obstacles in the president's path and that when Mr. Biden approaches a low doorway the agents will shout something other than "duck!" since that always causes him to look upward and ask "where?"

The president is now also reconsidering his support of Pride Month, pointing out that "pride goeth before a fall" and that a fall can be especially dangerous "if you go ass-over-teakettle in front of a pride of lions." 

In related news, the sandbag is currently standing at #2 in GOP presidential candidate polls and is considered to be the candidate most likely to decisively beat Joe Biden in a debate.