Not long ago I shared a selection of items from Amazon Vine - an Amazon service that lets chosen members select free items in return for an honest Amazon review. Most of those items are pretty nice, but some of them just make you stop and scratch your head, wondering "what the hell was the inventor thinking?"
And so, for some light Friday entertainment, here is yet another collection of oddball items only some of which I genuinely want...
ROSES ARE RED...
...Violets are blue, I have no idea, what the heck these other flowers are. But aren't they nice? I promised Kathy that I'd take care of her gardens and landscaping as well as I could, and so far things are coming along nicely. However, this Spring I introduced a random element by buying a few packages of wildflower seeds from the Dollar Store (where things are now $1.25 - THANKS, Biden) and casting them about. Surprisingly, there are now flowers appearing on their gangly weed-looking stalks which makes me feel like I have quite the green thumb!
THANK YOU so much, I needed these belly laughs a lot; this week, had to have one of my kittens euthanized due to feline leukemia, and took a tumble which wrenched a rotator cuff so much that one arm has been almost useless. You brightened things up and I do so appreciate it. Hope your dental woes are all in the past... and I KNOW your beloved would be so proud of those beautiful bursts of happy color, God bless you, my friend.
ReplyDeletehttps://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/574/takemymoney.jpg
ReplyDelete;-)
Glad the flowers are prospering! The sign "Everything will be ofay", the "F" could actually be a "T", and like the old Little Rascals would say, "Everything will be o-tay, Buttwheat!"
ReplyDelete“Dibs” on the butt napkins poster! (I’m still laughing over that!)
ReplyDeleteHey, do you think that green hat would work on getting out of jury duty ? That and a vacant eye look I think would be worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteThe hat does look like it'd be worth a wear just to witness the reactions of those who see you wearing it!
ReplyDeleteGreat flowers! The egg separator was a favorite around here...
ReplyDeleteAn Oompa-Loompa wig! That's what I need!
ReplyDeleteOn a more practical note. Since your assorted flowers have decided to grow for you and brighten your garden, when their time is done and you are preparing to pull them out for the next crop, shake the plants! Pull them out of the ground and shake them over your garden. Crack open the seed pods and scatter the seeds wherever you will want more color next spring. the garden critters will gather up some of the seeds for winter food, but many will wait till next spring and "volunteer" their beauty for your pleasure with a minimum of effort on your old bones.
Kathy would be proud of your gardening skills. Your flowers are very pretty!
ReplyDeleteMike AKA 100 Proof, Wasn't it Buckwheat who Eddie Murphy lampooned on SNL with the line "O'tay Panky"?
ReplyDeleteMy wife's summer passion is her gardens. She lives for them and spends most of the day watering, weeding, deadheading, etc. Unfortunately she slipped on a wad of lawnmower clippings (cud?) on Tuesday and dislocated her ankle and fractured 5 different bones!! We are looking at surgery when the swelling goes down, hopefully in 2 weeks. I can only hope I do as well maintaining her horticulture as you have done Stilton. Hats off to you!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, man, great post. I won’t go into detail, but life, yeah yadda yadda, I laughed out loud and boy did it feel good. Thanks, friend. The flowers are great, maybe I’ll drop by the buck-and-a-half store for some of those seeds and spread them over the stilt grass. Take care, 🥃
ReplyDeleteJessica Rabbit - “He makes me laugh.”
ReplyDeleteThanks for the many, many laughs, Stilt. Never stop.
Paul Donohue
Thanks for the Friday chuckles, and that looks like $1.25 well-spent.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, there are several items there I might actually buy, or at least take for free! I'm especially torn between that crazy hat (right up my alley of incongruous speed bumps) and that charming green wig. I wonder if I could get mom to wear either one?
ReplyDeleteThe Snesor is a little disconcerting but Everything Will Be Ofay is a true gem. And if I even thought about putting hubs or my dogs ashes in that urn I would have so many hauntings it would be unreal, lol. Got to admit, the thought gave me the giggles. Maybe I should get it for mom? I'm planning on a little stealth burying of her ashes with her dead husband so it seems fitting.
You made me giggle though and it was worth it.
And is a Hoer just another term for the those who have to take up a mowing business, or maybe it's for those who hoe gardens?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWhat, only twenty-four hoer surveillance? What if I've got more than 24? Or what if I have fewer than 24? I'd need clarification before I'd take that sign.
I get a lot of flowers that look like that when I just let my yard self-xeriscape. That's what I call it when I get accused of laziness...
YOU ARE DOING GREAT WITH YOUR PROMISE OF FLOWERS!
ReplyDeleteLove always,
I some day will attempt flowers again in my new place once I get this house a little more organized.
The previous owner left me some beautiful flowers and NOW LOL I gotta remember I actually now have some pretties that NEED water!
Love Always!
Needed your humor and yes, the flower pix are beautiful!! Thanks a ton !!
ReplyDeleteNice garden.
ReplyDeleteThe flowers are lovely.Great job. Your Kathy is proudly smiling down on you.
ReplyDeleteLove the garden. I planted our colorful and bright hanging baskets that hang out my office window for the summer last week. Bright flowers do lift spirits.
ReplyDeleteMy lawn woes are too gruesome to go into detail. Two words will do it - Grub Worms! I've treated the grubs and sowed Bermuda grass seeds in the naked spots to get some kind of coverage. It requires a lot of watering, which is a chore, but hopefully it will do the trick. I'm just not up to spending thousands of dollars for a professional landscaper, particularly since my portfolio has taken such a massive Biden hit. My garden flowers are lovely though. I'm like Kathy in that department. I love my garden.
ReplyDeleteRoses are red,
ReplyDeletethat much is true,
but violets are violet,
they're not frickin' blue
Your Kathy flowers are gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteKathy would have told you: gardens are for the gardener’s enjoyment. Don’t think that a garden has to be prim and orderly. It can also be lush and wild.
ReplyDeleteYour garden, your choices. See what works for you, and what doesn’t.
Hi Stilt,
ReplyDeleteI can’t say more about your flowers than others have said. Lovely!
You remain in my prayers,
Mike
@Julian- I'm so sorry about your injury and your loss and really glad that I could give you a little laughter. It means a lot to me that I can sometimes help lighten another's load.
ReplyDelete@M. Mitchell Marmel- I can certainly fall victim to impulse buying. Offering crap to me for free (well, I pay taxes on the cash value) makes it hard to resist getting things I really don't need!
@Mike aka Proof- Hey, that mystery letter could be a "t" and I really like the idea of an "O'tay!" sign.
@Bobo the Hobo- I found the sign funny, but don't quite understand the whole relationship between the dogs, the butt napkins, and the "my lord" honorific. Still, art is art!
@Anonymous- I think you've seized on the best use of that hat! And when the judge tells you to remove the hat, you should have drawn eyeballs on your forehead. Jury duty? I don't think so!
@jimbro- I won't lie...it's not impossible that I'll ask Amazon for the hat.
@Bill the Cat- There's a part of me that genuinely applauds the snotty egg separator, but I can't imagine it not putting me out of the mood for any dishes containing those particular eggs.
@Murphy(AZ)- I'll definitely be trying to re-seed the wildflowers. Something I hadn't known was that you don't even have to plant the seeds (and in fact shouldn't). You just spread them around on the dirt and let nature take its course. It's encouraged to rough up the soil with a rake first, but otherwise it's totally easy (which is just my speed).
@KELLY FROM WI- I don't know about "proud" but she'd be appreciative. How I wish that I could get some instruction from her on all this greenery!
@Bruce Bleu- It was indeed Eddie Murphy who played Buckwheat on SNL, and he was wonderful doing it. I also liked his "Gumby" character.
@TrickyRicky- Oh, no! Your situation puts me in mind of several years ago when Kathy had injured her back and so asked me to weed a portion of the yard. I asked her which were the weeds and which were the flowers, and she sighed heavily and came outside to show me. Unfortunately, she immediately tripped and fell to our concrete sidewalk, breaking her wrist. Being a born assumer of guilt, I blamed myself for not having more horticultural knowledge. I hope your wife is feeling better soon and has a complete recovery!
@R.M.Byrd- Glad you enjoyed this deliberately silly post. And when I bought the seeds at the dollar store, it was four packs for $1.25. So I really got out the door without spending much!
@Paul Donohue- At 70 years old, I'm still trying to figure out what my purpose in life is, and frequently it seems that I'm mainly here to make people laugh from time to time. When it comes to getting job assignments, that's a pretty good one.
Much love to you and your family, my friend.
@Anonymous- Part of the fun with those wildflowers is that for weeks they've been growing with odd stalks and weird leaves and I had no idea if they were flowers in the making or just weeks that Kathy would have scolded me for (lovingly) for not having ripped out of the ground. So now that they've started blooming I feel vindicated!
@mamafrog- Goofy items appeal to me. And the hat and Oompa-Loompa wig would make a pretty good combination! The hummingbird urn sort of tickles me because of the shocking color and odd subject matter. There's part of me that would like to get it and have it in our home just so people would be appalled that I could have Kathy in there (which she wouldn't be, of course). As far as "Hoers" go, I'm not sure what they are, though I'm assuming if you need to keep an eye on them they're up to no good.
ReplyDelete@JustaJeepGuy- You raise a good question about the proper number of hoers to have on your property at any given time. And I've got a few pop-up flowers nowhere near anyplace I tossed seeds, so I'm assuming they magically dropped from the sky (well, bird poop). Kathy called those "volunteers" and they were always welcome as long as they knew their place.
@Kathe Houston- Glad to hear that your new place has flowers! And I need to remember to water mine more often, too. In fact, that's on my "to do" list for later today (when it hopefully cools down a bit).
@Joe Drypowda- When I can give people a chuckle I feel useful, so I'm glad you enjoyed the post!
@Lee The Voice- The garden is nice, and as of today our crepe myrtle trees are starting to explode with blossoms. I'll have to take another picture in a couple of days to show off the full effect!
@jayjay- Nice of you to say. Thank you!
@John the Econ- I agree about bright flowers. I don't know much about the ins and outs of other growing things, but a bright pop of color in the sunlight just lifts me up. I'm also a proponent of occasionally giving all the growing things a pep talk so they'll know they're appreciated.
@Shelly- My sideyard is currently a semi-disaster with large dead spots in the grass (St. Augustine) and a lot of my neighbors are having the same problem. There's some debate on whether it's grub worms, burn from some cold winter nights, or a fungus. I haven't done any treatment since I don't really see in the sideyard much. I'm just hoping it will work itself out.
@ErikB- Excellent point! I think the original poet was discouraged by the fact that nothing much rhymes with "violet."
@Mr. McScruffles- I'm glad you like them! Also, and I mean this with complete respect, your name would work well for a hamster.
@Linda Fox- Good point, and I'm trying to adopt that attitude. I don't want to just be the clumsy caretaker of Kathy's garden, I want to take some emotional ownership of it too. So I'm making some choices that might not have been Kathy's choices and I think she'd be good with that.
@Mike- Glad you enjoyed the flowers and I thank you for the prayers. I can still use them (but can't we all?)
From this day forward, I will forever think of snot when dealing with egg whites. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on not having a black thumb! I hope Kathy is smiling down from Heaven.
Well, I do have packages of something called "Dude Wipes" in "cool mint". though I cannot verify the "mint" part. (Adult baby wipes, don't you know.) I guess we do live in "interesting times" after all...
ReplyDeleteStilt, your post here made me think of a union protest sign I wish I could find...
ReplyDelete"Proofreaders Untie!"
You made my day again! I can't think of anything clever to say, but thankfully, you CAN. Always a hoot!
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