Reading Club (With Spikes On It)

Don't panic, it's just another pen name

I've been remiss about commenting on the news lately because it's all so exasperating, preposterous, and staged. Truthfully, I don't have the emotional stamina to put up with it. And yet, I love talking to everyone here and I need to post something. And so today is the day I'm finally unveiling my one-and-only novel and, for a limited time, making it free on Amazon kindle (or any computer, tablet, or phone with the free Amazon Kindle reader app).

Here's the book description from the Amazon page:

Clump is a man with no name, no past and, most importantly, no head. The huge, heavily muscled giant is unaware of the world around him, but improbably becomes the most popular entertainer in America. Clump's unscrupulous medical and media handlers work desperately to manage his skyrocketing career and wholesome, family-friendly public image...while concealing the inconvenient fact that the headless man is homicidally dangerous when touched.

A so-called "splatire" owing to the mix of razor-sharp comedy and graphic violence, CLUMP's satiric targets include the entertainment industry, medicine, journalism, mega churches, corporate greed and ineptitude, politics, and a morally vacuous culture that increasingly and enthusiastically embraces the brainless.

This scathingly hilarious novel is not for the faint-hearted, the thin-skinned, or the unadventurous but is an all-you-can stomach buffet for those who like their comedy dark and their social commentary barbed.

Wow! Sounds great, huh?! But the buying public hasn't managed to discover the book in the past ten years (and some readers who did discover the book were appalled). So "CLUMP" is buried so deep in the Amazon algorithms that it usually won't turn up even if you search for it by name. I'm hoping to change that by having a bunch of people download the book for free. And I'd love honest reviews, too (that don't mention this blog or "Stilton" or other clues that would lead the FBI to my door).

But fair warning: despite being a very funny book, it's also sporadically horrifying and politically incorrect in a spectacular variety of ways. If I was big enough to be cancelled, this book would do the trick!

It wasn't my goal to shock, but I absolutely was willing to shock in pursuit of truth. Because that's what satire does, and "splatire" even more so.

"CLUMP" has F-bombs the way Colonel Sanders has fried chicken: an unending supply in spicy and extra crispy varieties. There is violence, rape, cruelty, sexism, and other sins galore. But all in the interest of (my) truth and dark humor. Very, very dark humor. And despite being a decade old, you'll find it surprisingly timely in the context of current events.

So let me be very clear: I'd really appreciate it if you download the book (and feel free to share the link with friends who won't know what hit them) but you don't have to read it. Obviously, I'd like people to read it and hopefully enjoy it or even write a short review. But if you're already reaching for a barf bag in the first 20 pages, just walk away slowly - it only gets more intense. And better.

Here's a quick taste test - the opening paragraph: "Rita Romero Gonzaga Gonzales had fabulous breasts. They were large, natural, mocha brown, and not covered in blood yet."

The e-book of CLUMP: An American Splatire is FREE for Kindle (and devices using the free Kindle app) from Friday, August 30 until Tuesday, September 3rd. (Discount begins at 12 am Pacific time) Make sure it says "$0.00" before hitting the buy button, and make sure that it's not just showing "$0.00" for Amazon Unlimited customers, which is a whole different deal. There's also a beautiful paperback edition suitable for classing up coffee tables, bookshelves, and bathrooms!