Friday, May 26, 2023
Take A Stand-Up
Monday, May 22, 2023
Hail and Salutations
Greetings, all! Time moves in odd ways for me these days and I apologize for going so long between posts. Much of that is due to the fact that I haven't been doing anything exciting enough to write about, and the news is so aggravatingly stupid that I can't bear to watch much of it. But still, enough trickles in for me to at least have a little headline fun.
So why did I title this post "Hail and Salutations?" Because on Friday we had some pretty impressive Texas hail around here...
That's not my hand, by the way. Rather, that's a picture shot by someone who lives maybe 10 minutes from my house. Windshields were shattered, cars were dented, roofs ruined, and anyone who let a smile be their umbrella was probably killed outright. Seriously, you do NOT want to be outdoors when this stuff hits.
My house was hit by the hail but less impressively. Still, my lawn looked like a tossed salad afterward because of all of the shredded leaves ripped from the trees. Here's some video (again, not mine) of the fun...
Wednesday, May 10, 2023
In a shocking legal decision that is going to prove a nightmare for HR Departments everywhere, former President Donald Trump has been ordered to pay $5 million to writer E. Jean Carroll for saying that he never raped her and wouldn't want to.
The jury did not find Trump guilty of rape, but apparently, it's now unacceptably rude - and legally actionable - for a man to say that he doesn't want to rip off a woman's clothing and violate her sexually against her will.
This now being legal precedent, men who care about women's rights and simple courtesy should be quick to tell females "I'd like to have my way with you in a dark alley while gagging you with a filthy handkerchief and banging your forehead bloody on a dumpster." Or, if an even more flattering comment is required, "I'd rape you, put your broken body in a shallow grave, but then rape your corpse one last time because you're just that hot."
Obviously, so as not to combine racism with misogyny, "woke" men should make a point of telling women of all creeds, colors, and nationalities that "I'd really enjoy stalking you, tackling you in a dark park, and leaving you unconscious, naked, and bruised under a bush covered with my DNA." Similar expressions of etiquette should of course be shared with the elderly and handicapped.
Whether or not the ruling applies to same-sex relationships has not yet been established, but for safety's sake men using public urinals may wish to turn to whoever is next to them and say "I'd like to bang you like the new fish in a prison shower room."
As of this writing, Joe Biden has not made an official statement on the ruling but, in an effort to appeal to female voters, it seems certain that he will soon make public remarks on how much he'd like to rape Kamala Harris.