Monday, October 30, 2017

Trick or Treason

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, halloween, 2017, trump, mueller, clinton, russia, collusion, indictment, walking dead, walking dems

What could possibly be a better time for an ultimate showdown between good and evil than Halloween? And that's exactly what's happening right now as Special Prosecutor Mueller, with calls for him to recuse himself after revelations of his colluding with Hillary, the DNC, and Russian uranium investors, has thrown a Hail Mary pass to try to save his corrupt keister.

Specifically, and by wild coincidence, the same day the calls to dump Mueller were growing loudest, members of his investigative (ha!) team illegally leaked word to CNN that at least one pumpkin-spiced criminal indictment had suddenly been issued against a member of Trump's team, with that poor scapegoat expected to be hauled off to the pokey sometime today - and no doubt perp-walked for the cameras.

It's a smart and thoroughly sleazy move. By throwing someone - anyone - to the wolves, Mueller's supporters can now claim that the calls for his recusal are simply to protect the guilty among Trump's staffers.

It's a lie and a fantasy - but with the eager support of the mainstream media, it will probably play very well with the majority of Americans who remain clueless about the "Russian Dossier" and "Uranium One" scandals.

At this point, those who get their news from mainstream media live in an entirely different world than the one inhabited by folks like us, who do the homework to get a truer idea of what's actually going on.

And this week, as witches fly and ghouls stumble from door to door, those worlds are about to collide.


This goes back to 2014, but it seems that most of the folks pictured here are still actively being pains in the national rear end. As SCTV's Count Floyd would say, "It's really spooky! Ah-WOOoooo!"


Whether or not you're a regular reader of our sister webcomic, Johnny Optimism, we really encourage you to visit today for a special Halloween edition which will put a smile on your face and warm your heart. No, really!

Friday, October 27, 2017

Dossier Vidanya

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, clinton, uranium, dossier, golden showers, trump, mainstream media

To the shock of pretty much no one with an IQ above that of a blobfish, we've now learned the Hillary Clinton's campaign and the DNC funded much of the (ahem) "research" that resulted in the infamous "golden showers" Trump Russian dossier - an even greater work of fiction than Hillary's "What Happened."

This is not a small thing, because the entirely bogus dossier - always and only intended to do political harm to Trump - was then passed on to John McCain, who passed it along to FBI Director (at the time) James Comey, who used it to kick off investigations of Trump's campaign for alleged collusion with Russia.

But the facts are that Hillary likely paid to get faked information from Russian sources, perhaps using some of the money (north of $100 million) that her Foundation got from other Russians who wanted to buy rights to American uranium (and were magically able to do so after Hillary approved the deal). So there's plenty of Russian collusion and interference with our election process, but involving the Clintons, the DNC, and (oh yeah!) Comey, Mueller, John Podesta, the State Department, and the FBI.

In the face of these two titanic scandals, Hillary will no doubt finally get what's coming to her - right?

Wrong. Because most Americans have no idea that these scandals even exist. Hillary's funding of the Russian Dossier is a yuuuge story (to quote President Trump), but when we checked online we couldn't find a single mention of it - or Uranium One - on the websites of CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, or CBS.

In fact, here's the only "scandal" NBC News is reporting:

Bill Clinton spent more than that on removing stains.
Sometimes conspiracy theories are based on real conspiracies - and such appears to be the case, yet again, with the Clintons, the Obama administration, and the rest of the thoroughly corrupt usual suspects.

But thanks to "The Silence of the Shams," the fake news outlets, the American people are being woefully uninformed and misinformed. 

While we don't always agree with Trump, maybe it is time for the FCC to start reviewing broadcast licenses to determine if the public interest, rather than special interests, are being served.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Mental Scrapbook

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, pictures, collage
You'll want to click on the picture to see a larger version. Or not.
A normal post just wasn't going to happen today. We were busy moving things from one place in the house to another and sorting what will stay or go (a process which will apparently continue for all eternity), and when we finally sat down to work our old coal-burning computer decided to repeatedly freeze.

By the time we got it working again, we only had a short time to come up with something - almost anything - to share today.  We'd already showed you our record collection, and doubted you wanted to look in our sock drawer.

And so you're getting a brain dump of the sort of images we have cluttering our computer desktop (which may explain why it's started choking). All of them are meaningful to us for one reason or another, which we'll now kinda sorta explain (going left to right, and top to bottom):

1) A moody picture of a tree in the night. Or is that a man carrying too heavy a load?

2) Something which really hasn't made its peace with being served in a can of gravy.

3) The spooky butler who greets our visitors at Halloween.

4) A poster for a hilariously bad movie that we've been trying to find again for years. A classic!

5) Our robotic monkey head and our feet. And like they say: "big feet...big shoes."

6) A t-shirt which absolutely captures the essence of being a writer.

7) Our father (who arts in Heaven).

8) Penny, the official dog of Hope n' Change. "I'm not ON the furniture if I'm IN the furniture!"

9) Quacky the terrifying, balloon-twisting duck-billed web-footed clown. Nightmare fodder.

10) An updated social justice version of "The Little Red Hen."

11) A scary tornado picture. We're somewhat obsessed with tornadoes and other weather porn. Living in a trailer in Indiana for a few years will do that to you.

12) A man floating between skyscrapers while holding balloons. Because we'd like to do that.

13) A picture we took at Universal Studios theme park. This is the entrance to the Barney the dinosaur attraction with Norman Bates' "Psycho" house sitting threateningly behind it. Whatever you do, kids, don't take a shower!

14) A melancholy woman with a bear. Because we all have days like that.

15) The most needed service in America.

That's it for now, but we'll try to be back on track on Friday. And if not, we'll at least try to quickly find some more interesting socks to show you!

Monday, October 23, 2017

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Vinyl Resting Place

Oh, sure - "draining the swamp" in Washington sounds like a tough job, but when it comes to a real challenge, "cleaning out crap" in the Jarlsberg home is the stuff of Herculean legend.

As part of the remodeling project, we're trying to get rid of things which have been hiding in closets for decades. Among these items: our last stash of actual vinyl LPs. A couple of days ago, we took a motherlode of standard fare (Beatles, Eagles, Slim Whitman) to Half Price Books and received an insulting pittance for them. Painful, but necessary.

But we've hung onto a few albums which are so weird and so rare that we don't know if they're wildly valuable or entirely unwanted. We'll let eBay, and perhaps a therapist, help us sort that out.

But just for fun, here's a selection of what we've been harboring for years. And we're not kidding here - these are all real albums, we really own them, and these are the pictures we took minutes ago.

This album reminds women that there's no real reason to stay in shape except to look hot for their sedentary husbands. And for those too young to know, there was a time when a young male could do a LOT worse than watching Debbie Drake exercise on TV. Eat your heart out, Jane Fonda!

Nothing says all-American music like the London-based "Big Ben Banjo Band" playing traditional favorites like "Japanese Sandman." We're having strum fun now!

Who doesn't love a family sing-along? Or, if not in a musical mood, just having everyone join in on angry political ranting with a southern drawl? This album is so rare that we've so far been unable to even find a picture of it on the Internet. Originally published on the "Yikes!" label.

Buying this album probably put us on a government watch list 40 years ago. And frankly, the reason we've kept it this long isn't so much our love of the symphonic stylings of "Mohammed El-Bakkar and his Oriental Ensemble," but rather our fascination with this oddly shaped dancer's mismatched boobs.

Ladies, why settle for demeaning jobs like teacher, nurse, or librarian when with a little effort you can enter the high-paying, glamorous world of stenography! Imagine the satisfaction you'll feel scribbling down the barely coherent thoughts of a man who can't even type, takes three-martini lunches, and still makes ten times your salary!

While a lot of these albums seem funny now, we can surely all agree that the work of the "Society for Indecency to Naked Animals" is as important now as it ever was. And yes, the album really discusses why animal nudity is a problem, and what sort of clothing is needed to rectify this disgusting situation. Remember, horses don't need jockeys - they need jockey shorts.

A classic - and still in it's cellophane wrapper! This album captures two of the greatest performances by the legendary mime. Each side is 25 minutes of silence, followed by riotous applause. But how do we know this if the album is still in the sealed shrink-wrap? Because it's not our only copy. That's how much we love this album.

Remember when televisions were black and white, had tiny screens, weighed as much as an anvil, burned coal for fuel, and "Sea Hunt" with Lloyd Bridges was a big hit? You don't? Man, we picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

We actually attended Indiana University, the home of the Kinsey Institute, where they compiled all the historic sexual research about what goes where, how often, and what your toes do at the moment when you're really, really happy. We were not, however, personally included in the research because it turns out that none of the records we owned were really useful for seduction.

Still, we owned this album "just in case."

Discover your inner thespian! This interactive album comes with a script that you read aloud, trading lines with famed actor Don Ameche. Talk about a great way to rev up a party!  And in case you're saying "big deal, EVERYONE has this album" we'd like to point out that ours has Don Ameche's autograph on it! 

Why take precious months out of your life to teach your bird to talk when you can simply give him a Costco-sized box of crackers and leave this album playing all day on your stereo? Sadly, the phrases taught are more along the lines of "Hello" and "Pretty boy" than "Help, police!" and "You'll never take me alive, copper!"

And doesn't this seem timely right now? Seriously, if this album had been recorded by Harvey Weinstein instead of Jerry Bloom, we could now sell it for so much money we'd never have to work again! And yes, we're guessing this woman had what it took to be a movie star.

We hope you've enjoyed this sonic stroll down memory lane (or is that "memory lame?"), and if you desperately want to buy any or all of these albums just let us know. Because once we've cleared these out, we can start working on the really weird stuff.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Fix-it Friday

We're a little distracted today owing to it being "fix a few mistakes" day by our remodeling crew. This is a day which happens about three times a week and frequently replaces old mistakes with new mistakes. We're hoping, but not necessarily expecting, that this seemingly unending cycle will taper off before we succumb to cirrhosis.

But rather than leave you mirthless on a Friday, here's a fresh new Earwigs cartoon!

And just for fun, here's a little something we posted on Facebook to indicate our eye-rolling exhaustion with hashtag social justice campaigns...

Because no victim should be forgotten.
In a conversationally rambling mood (hey, YOU try to write while a floor-buffing machine is whirling away outside your door), we're looking at the news and just shaking our heads. We're somewhat glad to see people taking notice of the Clintons' scandalous pay-for-play involvement in selling American uranium to Russia, but feel like we're in a time warp. After all, in this very blog we were talking about the issue 6 months ago. Hopefully it will finally get some traction, but we're not about to bet the farm.

We just heard that George W. Bush made a speech overseas which is being construed as a not-too-subtle attack on Donald Trump, implying that the current President is encouraging bigotry and white supremacy. We've always liked Bush (while frequently disagreeing with him), but just have to issue a "please STFU" on this one. Where was this kind of criticism during Obama's horrific race-dividing administration? And where is this wave of alleged white supremacy that we keep hearing about? What cities have been burned? What statues vandalized? What speakers threatened or attacked?

And as long as we're grumbling, what else are we honked off about today? Oh yeah - geriatric communist Jane Fonda was recently being interviewed and was asked if she was proud of America. Jane nearly spit out her dentures in her enthusiastic haste to shout, "No!"

She then quickly followed up that she is proud of "the resistance movement" in America. As is, presumably, the horse she rode in on.

And finally, we're posting this picture just because it's wonderful and vaguely inspirational...

Despite his deformity, he remained plucky.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Toe The Lyin'

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, toe, drunk, bergdahl

Hillary Clinton recently had to cancel a series of interviews after tragically breaking a big toe, which forced her Secret Service detail to immediately call for a big toe truck. Thank you, you've been a beautiful audience, and don't forget to tip your waiters.

No, no - she claims that she was walking backwards down a flight of stairs while wearing high heels and carrying a cup of coffee, which we find entirely believable except for the part where she leaves out being roaring drunk and kicking a staff member.

Or maybe she broke her toe while trying to pull her foot out of her mouth after promising to return Harvey Weinstein's financial contributions, then saying "but there's no one to return them to," then saying "but I'll definitely give the money to charity," after which she declared that Weinstein gave the money to the Clinton Foundation which already is a charity, so she'll keep his filthy, bodily-fluid stained cash after all.

However her alleged injury happened, we'll just note that the woman seems to fall and hurt herself a lot for someone who's not in a 12-step program.


Military traitor (and Obama-administration hero) Bowe Bergdahl has quietly taken a guilty plea for desertion, claiming that he couldn't get a fair trial in Trump's America.

In all the coverage (ie, not much) we're hearing about Bergdahl, people seem to be missing the critical context of what was happening at the time of the infamous Gitmo prisoner swap: Obama was being roasted for the criminal (and often fatal) mistreatment of veterans by the VA, and Bergdahl's "rescue" was Barry's way of trying to get off the hook by showing he'd "leave no man behind."

To that end, we're revisiting what we wrote about the Bergdahl incident at the time...

June 2, 2014 - Another Big Effing Deal

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, bowe bergdahl, taliban, gitmo five

(Excerpt) the POW, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, may actually have been a military deserter at the time he was captured (or conscripted) by the enemy - and at the very least was a man who held a singularly low opinion of the United States even before his alleged capture.  According to Bergdahl, our nation is "the most conceited country in the world" and "I am ashamed to be an American. And the title of US soldier is just the lie of fools. I am sorry for everything. The horror that is America is disgusting.”

Sentiments which, of course, match those of his commander in chief - the Great Liberator of Guantanamo Bay.

June 4, 2014 - Let's Fake A Deal

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, bowe bergdahl, taliban, gitmo five
Bowe Bergdahl's father offers Islamic victory prayer in Rose Garden

 (Excerpt) Susan "I'll Say Anything" Rice made the rounds of news shows claiming that Sgt. Bergdahl served "with honor and distinction," which doesn't seem to quite square with the impression given by every other soldier who served with him. Then again, perhaps Ms. Rice has simply been misinformed by a Youtube video.

Meanwhile, James Clapper, then director of National Intelligence, said in 2012 that the "Gitmo Five" were unquestionably too dangerous to release...

June 6, 2014 - Suit First, Ask Questions Later

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, bowe bergdahl, taliban, gitmo five, susan rice, jay carney
(Excerpt) The White House is now asserting that anyone who voluntarily puts on the uniform of the United States has accomplished all that is necessary to be given the "served with honor and distinction" label to wear a lifetime, no matter what circumstances occur later.

And Hope n' Change can't help but wonder: will Nidal Hassan continue to rot in jail here in the United States, or will his service with "honor and distinction" allow him to be bundled with the Blind Sheikh, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, and other jihadists for Barry's next prisoner swap?

DOCTORING (June 6, 2014)

obama, obama jokes, political, cartoon, humor, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, bergdahl, terror, prisoner, swap, taliban

So why did the White House have to act super-duper fast to secure the Bergdahl-Terrorists swap without meeting the legal 30-day requirement to inform Congress? Supposedly, it was because they compared two videos (allegedly Charlie the Unicorn, and This Too Shall Pass) and came to the stunning conclusion that Bergdahl's health was in rapid decline and immediate action was called for.

Oddly, they came to this conclusion in December, 2013 - but didn't do anything about it until, by wild coincidence, the VA scandal broke wide open and B. Hussein desperately needed to make a highly-visible gesture of caring about members of the military.

Granted, it seems that it's the Taliban's military that got the best of the deal - but at least Barry cares. And gosh, Bergdahl was really, really, really sick and close to dying. Unless he was erroneously diagnosed (from watching a video, no less) by the same nitwits who declared that the Lockerbie bomber, who killed 259 people on Pan Am Flight 203, was only days away from dying and deserved to be released from prison on humanitarian grounds (which Barry agreed to).

Like the "Gitmo 5," he returned to his homeland and a hero's welcome...and then lived another 3 years, much to the horror of the hundreds of families decimated by his act of terror.

But all of this may be overthinking the issue. B. Hussein doesn't actually care about Bergdahl, Bergdahl's health, or the health of any member of our armed forces. He does care about his poll numbers and his popularity in the Muslim world - and he thought this obscene prisoner swap would help him in both areas.

He couldn't possibly be more wrong.

Monday, October 16, 2017

REALLY Taking The Day Off

Yes, I would buy this in a heartbeat.
Okay, we tried to cop out of making a real post on Friday but it didn't stick. This time, we really ARE giving ourselves a short restorative break.

Not that it's exactly relaxing. As we reach the end of the physical remodeling of the house (praise Cthulhu!) we have to start taking things out of 100+ boxes to put back...after first deciding whether these myriad things will stay or go.

Which means we're spending days tossing out old VHS tapes, vinyl albums (including the rare "Best of Marcel Marceau"), ill-considered DVD purchases, books we meant to read but didn't, clothes we hoped to "slim down into" but really didn't, family photos so old that NO ONE living knows who these people are anymore, tools and materials for "someday" projects which we now believe unlikely to happen, and memorabilia of times and places which, in Life's not always kind hindsight, seem better forgotten.

It's tiring and emotional work, especially for a certifiable pack rat, and doesn't leave many brain cells for political analysis or levity. Not that we had a superabundance of brain cells to start with.

So we're "draining the swamp" - our own personal swamp - today and for days ahead. But hopefully we'll be back with a regular post on Wednesday. See you then!


Alleged actress Rose McGowan has been among the loudest voices accusing Harvey Weinstein of being a sexual predator who didn't treat her as a "nice girl."

Just for the record, here's how Rose dresses for important, high-profile Hollywood events, to make sure everyone present notices her...mind.

We still think Weinstein needs the book thrown at him, but more importantly the whole Hollywood T&A culture - in which many men and women know exactly what they're really buying and selling - needs to change.

"A Rose by any other name wouldst still be a ho."

Friday, October 13, 2017

Fried Day the 13th

Per the title of today's post, we're feeling absolutely fried today (and not "over easy" in any sense) and are giving ourselves a restorative break from the news, remodeling woes, and reality in general.

That being said, we DO have a quick cartoon that popped out reflexively after a good friend (and talented, nationally syndicated cartoonist!) sent an email worrying about the potential for trouble when male and female "boy" scouts start camping out together...


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, boy scouts, girls, camping, in tents, condom

We're not actually sure how bad an idea this new policy will be, but we don't much like the idea of tampering with institutions which have worked so very well for such a long time.

Although to be fair, maybe it's time girls got a chance to learn the skills that boys learn from scouting, rather than just being forced to sell cookies door-to-door.


Despite our promise above to take the day off, we've now had a restorative adult beverage or three and decided to add another cartoon...

After taking most of a week before denouncing the Clintonian predations of slimeball Harvey Weinstein, Hillary has finally issued a gently scolding tweet and promised to "give back" Weinstein's campaign donations by "donating them to charity."

Which raises a number of questions. Which charities will she donate to in order to advance the cause of women? Planned Parenthood would no doubt be high on that list, since they offer valuable abortion services to women (some under the age of consent) who've been impregnated by swine like Weinstein.

Or maybe the money will go to - surprise! - the Clinton Foundation, to help fund Chelsea's wardrobe and plastic surgeries as she fights the worldwide scourge of third world diarrhea (and no, we're not making that up).

But the big question is: will she then deduct any such "donations" from her own taxes? That would basically allow her to keep 30% (or more) of Weinstein's money by taking advantage of taxpayers (many of them female) against their will.

Irony, thy name is Hillary.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

State of Insanity

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, california, jerry brown, hiv, aids, felony

Say what you will about California, but it's unquestionably our nation's greatest, most fertile, and consistently reliable source of really bad ideas.

As a case in point, Governor Jerry Brown has just signed a law which eliminates felony charges for those who do not tell their sexual partners about having the HIV virus before unprotected sex, and also allows those carrying the virus to donate blood without making staffers aware that they've just collected the equivalent of Typhoid Mary in a bag.

In California (and isn't it funny that, following those two words, we could basically write anything and it would be believable?) it will now be only a misdemeanor for those with HIV to lie about their status and have unprotected sex, even if it's their actual intent to deliberately spread AIDS.

But surely no one would do that, right? Wrong. Not only is it done, but it's so common that there's actually a name for the practice of deliberately infecting others: "stealthing." And in California, this despicable and potentially deadly act will now be on a legal par with littering.

And as far as tainting the public blood supply with HIV, all we can guess is that Californians will applaud the new diversity in blood products which previously were unlikely to kill you.

Theoretically, this is supposed to be a great blow against homophobia (no pun intended, but geez - it was unavoidable). But to our way of thinking this insanity is nothing less than granting rights (and sanctuary status) to a deadly virus while denying rights to potential human victims.

In other words, business as usual for California.


Hillary finally weighs in on her big donor...

Monday, October 9, 2017

Turning Over a New Leaf

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, weinstein, ashley judd, sex, clinton, masturbate
In fairness to Weinstein, it was a Hairy Palm tree.
Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, a liberal champion and deep pockets Democratic donor, has been outed as a longtime serial sexual predator whose abuse of "casting couch" privileges would make Caligula puke.

Interestingly, but not in the least surprisingly, those in Hollywood and in the Left's power circles have known about all of this for decades - and didn't care. Because in their sick world, having power, money, and a platform to espouse Leftist ideology far outweighs any little peccadilloes like actual sexual abuse.

Moreover, according to the feminist playbook (which was hastily rewritten following the Lewinsky affair), it's just fine for a man in a powerful position to take advantage of women if those women think there's a chance they can get something out of it. The alleged lesson of the Clinton era was what looks like abuse is actually women empowering themselves through the use of their sexuality.

So we're a little confused about how we're supposed to feel about Weinstein - is he monster or martyr? In any event, having declared himself a victim of his own carnal impulses he's already well on the way to being completely forgiven by those on the Left - unlike a certain President who only joked about pussy grabbing.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, columbus day, deface, antifa

Statues of Robert E. Lee are breathing a sigh of relief today, because they're getting a 24 hour reprieve from social justice vandals thanks to "Deface Columbus Day."

Antifa groups nationwide are being called on by the basement-dwelling Revolutionary Abolitionist Movement (RAM) to deface, vandalize, or destroy any public monuments to Christopher Columbus, because inanimate objects make better targets than people who can fight back.

We're not even sure why the Revolutionary Abolitionist Movement has a grudge against Columbus, as their stated purpose is "the violent redistribution of wealth" and "the abolition of gender" which presumably involves the violent redistribution of genitalia.

All of which makes us think that if Columbus had known what the future held, he wouldn't have bothered discovering a land of such galloping idiocy.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Frankly, Sinatra, I Don't Give A Damn

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, las vegas, shooting, nancy sinatra, firing squad
Hard to believe she's still using air that should have been Tom Petty's.
Following the horrific massacre in Las Vegas, decrepit former entertainer Nancy "These Boobs Were Made For Sagging" Sinatra has come up with a brilliantly simple way to permanently end gun violence in our nation.

Specifically, she wants all five million members of the NRA to be lined up against a wall and shot to death by firing squads. Granted, this would have absolutely no effect on criminal gun violence in our country, but the massive domestic holocaust would at least temporarily slake the bottomless blood lust of those on the Left and (bonus!) get them to support funding for Trump's really big wall so they can have someplace to line up so many citizens.

There could also be a positive little bump in the nation's textile industry which would need to quickly provide five million blindfolds to those who would rather not accidentally gaze on Nancy Sinatra's smug, withered visage before they're executed.

Since Ms. Sinatra is clearly clueless, we'd like to give her one: genocidal fascists like you are the reason that good people want guns, and the reason that the NRA exists to protect them from your murderous, anti-constitutional impulses.


Jeld-wen, jeldwen, doors, windows, condensation, crap, rip off, caveat emptor, buyer beware, low-e glass, POS
Actually, "Fog" wasn't the first F-word we thought of...
As a quick followup to Wednesday's post, here is our new super-duper, energy efficient, double-paned back door from Jeld-wen.

We have been informed by Jeld-wen that the door is functioning perfectly despite being obscured by condensation (currently on the outside of the door, but which will conveniently fog over on the inside come Winter). No other glass in the house is doing this.

One might think that consumers would buy a glass door for the purpose of, oh, seeing through it - but Jeld-wen assures us that such consumers are drooling idiots of the type not protected by any warranty ("The fault is yours, sir, for buying the wrong product"). Because according to Jeld-wen, the true purpose of glass is to prevent deadly global warming-induced ultra violet radiation from penetrating into our home in case the world tips on its axis and our north-facing door is suddenly getting blasted by direct exposure to solar rays from Canada.

To their credit, Jeld-wen acknowledges on their website that condensation can be a problem. They even have a video which suggests that the condition can be mitigated by turning up the heat on your furnace and pointing an electric fan at the condensation (in our case, by running a fan outside). These are, charitably speaking, odd ways of attaining "energy efficiency."

A less than helpful representative of Jeld-wen assured us that there is nothing we can do other than to accept this interesting quirk of their excellent product, and we suppose they're right. And just to prove there are no hard feelings, we'd like all Stilton's Place readers who are considering building, remodeling, or doing window replacement to think first of Jeld-wen doors and windows if they've previously found their utility bills to be too low, and standard glass to be just too damned clear most of the time.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

In Praise of Lead Balloons

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, lead balloons, las vegas, tom petty, remodeling

Granted, lead balloons aren't expected to fly...but in times like these we think they're just the thing for lowering one's self into quieter, calmer waters for a bit.

All of the news and social media nonsense surrounding the nightmare in Las Vegas has actually managed to make a horrible situation worse. Finger-pointing, conspiracy theories, and political opportunism are all running rampant as people try to find a way to "never let a serious crisis go to waste." And it sickens us.

On a more personal level, we're mourning the loss of Tom Petty - a damn good rocker about whom "workmanlike" should be considered a term of praise. He was an American original and spoke to and for the heartland. He created a lot of great music, and we're saddened that his contributions are too soon over.

We're also feeling emotionally drained today as we round the two month mark on home remodeling. Every day brings a delightful new surprise, assuming you consider an incipient gastric ulcer "delightful," with today being no exception.

We had a warm, wet rain overnight - and as a result our brand new, fiendishly expensive, double-paned glass back door fogged over from top to bottom. As none of our crappy 30-year old double-paned windows did this, we suspected that something was wrong with the door. But nooOOooo. The manufacturer told us that condensation was simply a feature of their overpriced door and didn't represent a problem.

Apparently, they don't actually set up the double panes to provide an insulation factor or thermal barrier (surprise!) and promise only that their special reflectivity will give energy efficiency by bouncing dangerous UV waves away from our door's exterior (where direct sunlight of ANY kind never hits) while permitting cold air to flow right through - thereby making condensation a certainty on humid days when we run our air conditioning. And yes - that combination happens a LOT in Texas.

Bonus: come Wintertime, this will translate to a cold incoming draft and interior condensation - maybe even sheets of ice upon which we can chip off and add to any alcohol we'll still be able to afford!

It being that sort of day, we ducked out of the house (it's "fix your mistakes day," so there's a lot of hammering, painting, and such going on at the Jarlsberg estate) and went to McDonald's, where we managed to bring the entire operation to a halt by turning in a complicated and, perhaps, wholly unprecedented order: "A Big Mac meal and a cheeseburger."  Seriously, the subsequent "meal" would have arrived faster if I'd ordered Duck a l'Orange on a bed of banana Moon Pies.

So please pardon this rambling, self-indulgent post. Following the horror in Las Vegas, it's going to take awhile for us to get back into the levity habit.


Monday, October 2, 2017

Puerto Potty

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, bernie sanders, puerto rico, mayor, aid, hurricane, relief
And maybe lend them one of your homes?
The Left is feigning outrage over a tweet storm from Donald Trump in which he criticized the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico after she accused Trump of sending no aid to hurricane victims, treating Puerto Ricans like animals, and encouraging "genocide."

That mayor, who would meet all of the qualifications of being a major whackjob even if she wasn't a huge Hillary supporter, can only make such claims by ignoring the massive amounts of aid that President Trump has already sent and continues to send to the devastated island - which the complaining mayor might have known about had she actually bothered to attend any meetings with FEMA coordinators as other officials are doing (she hasn't).

The narrative that aid to Puerto Rico is somehow lacking is playing widely in mainstream media, and has absolutely no basis in fact (see below for exhaustive documentation). And while we already know that those on the Left believe they should "never let a serious crisis go to waste," it's appalling that they're using the very real suffering of those in Puerto Rico to score their cheap and baseless political points.


On a somewhat lighter (but no less stupid) note - First Lady Melania Trump was recently criticized in the media for having the insensitive audacity to encourage childhood literacy and give a gift of Dr. Seuss books to a library. Horrors! A staff librarian, whom we'd bet our life savings owns a pussy hat, rejected the books and derided the First Lady by claiming that Dr. Seuss's beloved children's classics are (wait for it!) racist.

We initially found this hard to swallow, but will admit to having second thoughts after discovering this shocking title...

BONUS: THE JUICE IS LOOSE (Not a Dr. Seuss Book)

UPDATE: ACTUAL AID TO PUERTO RICO (Special Thank You to Mike Rilling)

The news media is presenting the impression that Trump isn't doing much about the crisis in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
So here's a summary (compiled mostly from FEMA's daily updates) of what the Trump Administration has done so far since Maria hit Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands on September 20.
By September 23 . . .
** Six commercial barges were delivering meals, water, generators, cots, and other commodities to Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
** Three flights per day were arriving, each carrying approximately 33,000 meals.
** The logistics support ship SS Wright arrived carrying more than 1.1 million meals, and nearly one million liters of freshwater.
** Two shipping barges with 1.2 million liters of water, 31 generators, and more than 6,000 cots have arrived in St. Thomas.
** Two additional shipping barges loaded with food, water, and emergency relief supplies are en route to the Caribbean Sea from Florida.
** Millions of additional meals were and are being flown to Puerto Rico from staging areas in Kentucky and Florida.
** DLA transported 124,000 gallons of diesel fuel to Puerto Rico.
By September 27, the Trump Administration, working with officials in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands . . .
** Opened points of distribution (POD) in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands for survivors to get meals, water, and other commodities.
** FEMA, working in coordination with federal partners, provided millions of meals and millions of liters of water to Puerto Rico and U.S. Virgin Islands. Additional meals and water continue to arrive at the islands daily.
** FEMA’s National Business Emergency Operations Center (NBEOC) is facilitating private sector requests for humanitarian relief.
** The NBEOC continues coordination between government and private sector organizations as the community responds to Hurricanes Maria.
** Mobile Emergency Response Support (MERS) communications assets and personnel continue to support the FEMA Incident Management Assistance Teams (IMAT), Urban Search and Rescue (US&R), National Disaster Medical System (NDMS), and other federal teams in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
As of September 27, 2017 . . .
** A U.S. Coast Guard (USCG) mobile communications team is in Puerto Rico to help improve communications across the storm-impacted area.
** FEMA search and rescue teams have visited all 78 municipalities of Puerto Rico, conducting search and rescue operations and helping to assess hospitals.
** FEMA US&R task forces saved or assisted 843 individuals and five pets, while searching over 2,600 structures as of September 27.
** The U.S. Virgin Islands Water and Power Authority drinking water system is back online, and other drinking water systems on the islands are top priority for receiving generators.
** The Concordia potable water pump station is online in St. Croix.
** The U.S. Virgin Islands Water and Power Authority Waste Management, and USACE are addressing potential public health risks of garbage build up; coordinating route clearance of wires and poles to enable garbage haulers to access the St. Thomas landfill.
** The National Guard Bureau (NGB) has thousands of Guard members on the ground in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands taking part in security and support operations. The Air National Guard is focused on transporting food, water, and communications capabilities as well as rapidly increasing airlift into affected areas.
** More than 180 Federal Law Enforcement Officers (FLEO) are in San Juan and the U.S. Virgin Islands supporting search and rescue, medical teams, and other federal responders, additional FLEOs are en route expected to arrive this week. Additional law enforcement support from New York State Police is on the ground in St. John.
** The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has supported the restoration of services to all 8 commercial airports in Puerto Rico.
** The FAA has restored full Air Traffic Control (ATC) services to Luis Munoz Marin International Airport in San Juan and limited ATC services to Rafael Hernandez Airport in Aguadilla. Recovery efforts are now supporting more than a dozen commercial passenger flights per day at Luis Munoz Marin International Airport in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
** 26 chainsaw teams and one Incident Management Team (IMT) (23 individuals) from the Department of Agriculture United States Forest Service arrived in Puerto Rico Wednesday to conduct emergency road clearance and manage logistics.
** The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) debris experts are assisting FEMA with debris management strategies in Puerto Rico and U.S. Virgin Islands. One of the first priorities is emergency route clearance in multiple locations to enable access to remote locations.
** USACE also completed a Blue Roof install on Cyril E. King Airport on St. Thomas, and completed its first residential Blue Roof install on September 23. Assessments for St. Croix are ongoing. A customer service center for Blue Roof installations opened over the weekend for Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
** To bolster the delivery of fuel throughout Puerto Rico, 100 delivery trucks were dispatched by the Defense Logistics Agency (DLA) carrying an estimated 275,000 gallons of diesel fuel.
** Power is restored to Centro Médico Hospital in San Juan and San Pablo Hospital in Bayamón, Puerto Rico.
**The Governor Juan F. Luis Hospital in St. Croix and the Schneider Regional Medical Center in St. Thomas are established as mobile hospitals.
** More than half of dialysis centers in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands are open and accessible for patients. More critical care facilities will re-open in the coming days as power and access are restored.
** The U.S. Coast Guard reports the following port statuses with additional ports opening as assessments continue:
Puerto Rico:
Open: Port of San Juan, Guayanilla, Salinas, and Talboa
Open with restrictions: Arecibo, Fajardo, Culebra, Guayama, Mayaguez, and Vieques
U.S. Virgin Islands:
St. Thomas: Charlotte Amalie, East Gregerie Channel, Crown Bay, West Gregerie Channel
St. Croix: Krause Lagoon, Frederiksted, Limetree Bay
Open with Restrictions:
St. Thomas: Redhook Bay
St. John: Cruz Bay
** USACE coordinated transportation of more than 300 FEMA or Defense Logistics Agency (DLA) generators from across the U.S. to meet anticipated requirements in the islands. More generators continue to arrive.
The above info is compiled mostly from the FEMA website, which provides a daily update on what's happening.
And this from my military expert friend J Michael Waller who is tracking this closely. I'll just copy and paste here what he reports:
US Navy/Marine Corps Assets currently on station, or enroute to the Caribbean AOR:
26th Marine Expeditionary Unit with Battalion Landing Team 2/6
Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln Battle Group
Amphibious Assault Ship USS Wasp
Amphibious Assault Ship USS Iwo Jima
Amphibious Assault Ship USS Kearsarge
Amphibious Transport Dock USS New York
Amphibious Landing Ship USS Oak Hill
Hospital Ship USNS Comfort
Aviation Logistics Support Ship USNS Wright
Dry Cargo Ship USNS William McLean
The above are enough assets to land an entire USMC Marine Expeditionary Brigade, with combat logistics elements. For those who don't know what that is, that's several thousand Marines, with all their gear.
All of the above, with the exception of the hospital ship, are capable of independent air operations.
Note: MEDEVACs are ALREADY being done, and began IMMEDIATELY by the US Coast Guard, and US Navy aviation.
Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln is producing purified potable water, at the rate of 400,000 gallons a day. Full capacity.
The carrier, all 3 assault ships, the LSD, and LPD, all have operating rooms to stabilize critical medical/trauma cases, prior to evacuation to either the hospital ship, or land based medical treatment facilities.
The hospital ship is capable of handling a patient load of up to 1,000 patients, with full OR, ICU, and Recovery wards.
In addition, fleet refueling ships are also enroute to provide fuel specifically for public safety equipment on the ground.
Obviously, the human catastrophe in Puerto Rico continues to be dire. Pray for Puerto Rico. And much work still needs to be done.
But it's just inaccurate (intentionally inaccurate) to suggest that Trump has not taken every conceivable action to help the 3.4 million people of Puerto Rico.
in addition to this there are in excess of 10,000 giant shipping containers filled with emergency supplies and the mayor refuses to work with the trucking Union to get distributed throughout the Island
What else should he be doing?