Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Scaling Back Expectations

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Joe Biden's CDC has acted quickly and decisively to prevent a possible nationwide outbreak of optimism about our odds of surviving Covid-19.

Oh sure, there are millions of vaccinations being given every day, 73% of seniors (the most vulnerable population) have had at least one injection, and new studies are showing that even a single injection may be 80% effective at preventing serious illness. Statistics which could easily lull the simple-minded into having a sense of hope.

But in a highly emotional briefing on Monday, Dr. Rochelle Walensky, the highly emotional CDC chief, choked back tears while describing her feelings of "impending doom." Because damn it, that's the kind of useful, pragmatic advice that America expects from a powerful, highly-paid government official of the female persuasion! And if she happens to sense "impending doom" at about this time every month, well, who are we to judge? After all, you can't spell "premonitions" without PMS.

Mind you, there are legitimate reasons to worry about how Covid variants will affect the efficacy of the current generation of vaccines, but that hardly seems a reason to cast a thick cloud of gloom over everyone. Unless optimism really is the scourge that the Biden administration is trying to eliminate. Which makes sense - after all, when people become less worried about the pandemic, they may be more inclined to ask uncomfortable questions about all the money and power grabs the Democrats are making in the name of a Covid-19 wildfire.

For the record, the pandemic isn't over and common sense (remember that?) safety measures should still be used. But dread and despondency aren't going to help, even though the CDC still seems incapable of delivering much else.


Monday, March 29, 2021

Can You Tell Me How To Guilt To Sesame Street?

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The ever-popular children's show Sesame Street has added two new muppets, 5-year-old Wes and his father Elijah, to help teach the "ABC's of Racial Literacy" and racism in general. The move represents a growing trend in children's programming to teach that the color of someone's skin is really, really, really important. Which, sadly, is becoming truer every day. 

Sesame Street already had some muppets reflecting "people of color," which is a pretty hilarious descriptor in a world where everyone already sports a different neon-bright color of the rainbow. Although to be fair, now toddlers with white privilege can see with their own eyes that "people of color" have brown skin and bright orange and purple noses. 

The young muppets belong to the "Power of We" Club in which they learn how to become "upstanders" for racial justice, no matter what shop windows stand in their way.

And it would appear that Sesame Street's new racial awareness initiative is already shaping the worldview of those who watch every day. Like, say, Joe Biden...

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In his dazed and halting comments to the press recently, Joe Biden declared that Republican initiatives to bring an iota of integrity to federal elections were so freakingly racist that "they make Jim Crow look like...Jim Eagle!"

Which would probably be a really powerful thing to say if anyone knew who the hell "Jim Eagle" is. We assume that he's a racist bird (not to be confused with the racist Byrd, a former Democrat Senator and Ku Klux Klan "Exalted Cyclops") who is even more racist than murderous, lynching Jim Crow, but presumably not as racist as genocidal Nazi bastard Jim California Condor.

And speaking of racism, since suddenly there are no other topics, we again reflect on the tragic wave of hate-crimes sweeping our nation... 

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With the next syllable out of this guy's mouth, he's going to get his ass kicked so thoroughly that he'll feel like he took a wrong turn on the highway and ended up stranded on Sesame Street after midnight.

Seriously, if you're white and find yourself in a situation like this, you'd do better to fake a sudden heart attack and hope that the Human Resources director calls an ambulance for you to escape in.

Of course, there's always the risk that the Human Resources director might try to use a portable defibrillator on you...but if they were smart enough to pull that off without killing you, they probably wouldn't have to be working in human resources.

Friday, March 26, 2021

Something To Chew On

Proving once again that satire has become redundant, a symposium on empowerment for women is being co-chaired by Kamala "What Can Brown Do For You?" Harris and Bill "Keep Your Eye On The Cigar" Clinton. No comment is necessary nor, in the case of VP Harris, possible.

And speaking of Willies...

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Yes, Biden really said that he can't imagine a single thing a man can do that a woman can't do as well or better. Which makes us wonder why he's wasting time pushing transgendered men into women's sports instead of just abolishing women's sports. If they can compete equally (or excel) then there shouldn't be men's or women's sports...just "sports." Of course, mandated diversity on every playing field might raise a few problems...

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And for breakfast they have Pup-tarts
For reasons we can't begin to fathom, former comic and talkshow host Jay Leno has come forward unbidden to flagellate himself for insensitive anti-Asian jokes he's made in the past about Koreans eating dogs. It was apparently a horrible, unfunny, unfair, ugly racial stereotype that Jay should never, ever have joked about.

As opposed to being an untrue stereotype. Because for about 1 in 6 people in South Korea, getting exercise has nothing to do with wokking their dog.

And every breed is a "chow."

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Hate Has No (Funeral) Home Here

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A funny thing happened in the unfunniest of all scenarios, specifically the mass murder event at a Boulder, Colorado grocery store. Despite the fact that the victims appear to be predominantly one race, the Progressive media hasn't yet labeled this a racial hate crime nor blamed any radical supremacist group for the violence as they did following the recent massage parlor killings in Atlanta. Nor can they easily blame Donald Trump, owing to the fact that the Boulder shooter was very vocal on social media about his opposition to President Trump. Of course, there's that whole "Trump created a climate of violence" canard, but it's gotten pretty stale. 

Additionally, it would be hard for the mainstream media to label this a "hate crime" because the shooter was born in Syria (a wonderful country), moved to the United States, and was raised in the Islamic faith (the best religion anywhere ever), greatly increasing the likelihood that he was "plain old crazy" rather than some kind of ideologue, religious fanatic, or privileged white Nazi bastard "Make America Great Again" Q-anon-listening Second Amendment sonofabitch descended from homophobic slave owners.

It would appear that, thanks to the strong influence of Joe "Buy a Shotgun" Biden, this particular massacre was entirely hate free. For which our mole-eyed president will no doubt receive the undying thanks of a grateful nation.

Well, "undying" as long as no Muslim with a grudge and a weapon shows up.

Monday, March 22, 2021

"Climb It" Change?

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Kamala Harris moved several steps closer to the Oval Office on Friday, when Joe "Watch This!" Biden failed to negotiate several steps on his way up to Air Force One.

Biden stumbled three times before making it to the top, which we wouldn't normally make fun of if it weren't for the fact that Joe prides himself on running up steep inclines, along with the lamest White House excuse ever: "It was windy."

If that excuse sticks, we expect to be hearing it a lot in future White House briefings...

Q: How do you account for the tens of thousands of illegals coming across our border?
A: It was windy.

Q: How did the Covid Relief package get blown up into funding every single Progressive wish?
A: It was windy.

Q: Why did wind power fail in Texas a few weeks ago even though it was windy?
A: Racism.


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A recently released photo of Hillary Clinton struggling to climb a small flight of steps is raising doubt about the candidate's health - let alone her name having anything to do with actual mountain climber Sir Edmund Hillary.

Forget Sherpas - Hillary apparently now needs an entire expeditionary force of Secret Service agents just to haul her uphill, while a mysteriously ever-present special aide stands ready to give her an emergency injection of the anti-seizure medication Diazepam in case she suddenly starts foaming at the mouth and keels over from another "short circuit."

While we don't know how serious her conditions are, we do know that we've never heard sufficiently believable explanations for her previous blackouts, the severe head injury which Bill Clinton said took her "six months of hard work" to come back from, the blood clot near her brain, her thick prism glasses, and Huma Abedin's emailed warning to colleagues to handle Hillary delicately as "she's often confused."

Hillary's physical health is a genuinely legitimate issue in this election, and voters need to demand answers. Oh sure, last year she released the results of her pap smear - so we can only imagine that whatever medical condition she's hiding inside her skull must be even more terrifying.


Mom always dressed US funny on school picture day, too.

Ladybug is doing fine as she recovers from her surgery, and is already up and walking on her retooled leg (with careful supervision). We've erected a 6 x 6 fenced "safe space" for her in the den and she likes it just fine. Penny, the Official Dog of Hope n' Change, is also doing fine albeit showing signs of a little jealousy at all the attention being given to her junior in command.

But she's in for a special treat today: there's a newly-empty Clan MacGregor bottle which (once rinsed and with a marble dropped in) is her favorite toy in the universe.

Friday, March 19, 2021

Quip While You're Ahead

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Fortunately, Hunter Biden was unharmed
There's definitely not anything funny about the tragic shootings in Atlanta which left eight people dead. But as inappropriate as it would be to joke about such an event, it's just as inappropriate for those on the Left to trivialize the deaths by turning them into political fodder. 

Because the victims were largely Asian, this is being portrayed as a possible hate crime despite there being no evidence to support that conclusion (including the expressed motive of the shooter). The shootings are also being tied to a "wave" of hate-inspired attacks on Asians which A) are blamed on Donald Trump for noticing that Covid-19 came from China, B) are blamed on white supremacists and, C) are mostly committed by black men who are, by definition, incapable of bigotry.

Similarly, we think vice-president Kamala Harris was wrong to open an international meeting by citing the shootings as evidence that our nation is characterised by racism and violence. Would she have brought this up at all had the shooter been black? Or, had the Atlanta incident never happened, would she have started the conference with a serious discussion of the ever-growing mountain of shooting victims in Chicago?

The Atlanta tragedy, committed by an individual with clear mental problems, should not be misused nor mischaracterized for anyone's political agenda. Especially by Ms. Harris who, having started in a similar line of work, should have more sympathy for the victims.


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This cartoon represents a little slice of life (no pun intended) for the Jarlsberg household today (Thursday). The vicious face-eating killer pitbull (codename: Ladybug) who helps guard our estate had to have significant corrective surgery for a knee-related problem, and so there was hand-wringing aplenty as we awaited word that the anesthesia and procedure had gone as intended. And it did!

Ladybug (who also answers to the names Bug, Bitty Bug, Bitter Bug, Bitters, Buglas, and Bugger) will now start an 8-12 week program of home rehabilitation and extreme pampering. 

Simultaneously, we'll be getting a personal lesson in humility by lifting, carrying, and steering her every single time she needs to go to the bathroom. But it could be worse - just think of the poor bastards who have to do that for Joe Biden.


Some folks were concerned that I hadn't mentioned Penny, the Official Dog of Hope n' Change. I'm happy to report that she's just fine and is currently on her very best behavior so that she, unlike Bug, won't end up looking like she just washed ashore in a life preserver.

Bug is already doing some limited walking (all per doctor's instructions) and is in good-ish spirits with a healthy appetite. Plus, she's at very little risk of drowning anytime soon.

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Admission Accomplished

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In a classic example of being "too little, too late," the Washington Post ("Truth Dies in the Darkness With a Pillow Over Its Screaming Face") has printed an eensy-weensy little "correction" relating to a colossal lie they spread about former President Donald Trump.

The paper had previously reported that in a phone call to Georgia's top elections investigator, Trump ordered the person to "find the fraud," which the Washington Post implied meant "invent some fraud." The paper also said that Trump told the official that she would be a "national hero" if she gave him his way. And once the Washington Post had reported this story, every other mainstream media source jumped on the bandwagon, appalled (but not surprised) by Trump's underhanded attempt to screw with election results.

Only it was all a lie

A recording of the actual call has been made public, forcing the Washington Post to admit that Trump only "urged the investigator to scrutinize the ballots from Fulton County, Georgia, asserting that she would find dishonesty there" and that she had "the most important job in the country right now." The alleged quotes previously attributed to Trump were works of (im)pure fiction obtained from an "unnamed source." Which is a funny thing for the Washington Post to call its ass.

But what harm can a little made-up news do, really? Well, outside of being frequently cited as factual evidence in President Trump's second impeachment trial.


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Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all! Let each of us raise a toast to the good Saint today, and ask that he return to drive the snakes from Washington.

Monday, March 15, 2021

Crowded Control

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"Spring Forward" is not only the dreaded Daylight Saving Time curse (and the reason why this will be a short post so we can drink more coffee or throw up or something), it's also the Biden administration's enthusiastic advice to the illegal aliens who are hopping over our southern border even faster than we can hand out their Covid relief checks.

Part of this influx consists of the "unattended children" who, according to the mainstream media, were previously kept in cages by Donald "Heartless Nazi Bastard" Trump. But now, thanks to Joe Biden's more compassionate approach, those kids can only wish they were in cages instead of the sardine cans they're being packed in.

As a case in point, one tent complex was built to house a maximum of 250 migrants. But currently, it's at 729% capacity with 1,800 people jockeying for space, food, water, and air. Kids take turns sleeping on the floor, they're allowed one shower a week, and social distancing is impossible. All of which is apparently acceptable to an administration that thinks putting kids back in non-crowded classrooms is nightmarishly dangerous.

All of this is preventable, of course, through the simple (but politically unacceptable) expedient of closing our freaking border. An especially good idea considering the fact that the majority of the "unaccompanied children" entering our country aren't lovable little ragamuffins with dirt-streaked cheeks and "Save the Children" doe eyes, but are young testosterone-packed males between the ages of 15 and 17.  Not exactly the tykes you're likely to see dancing to mariachi tunes in the company of Barney el Dinosaurio.

Biden's laughably-named "immigration" policy is tearing families apart, overwhelming our support systems (and taxpayers), putting kids in unacceptably harsh confinement, destroying the meaning of citizenship and, oh yeah, causing deaths while enriching human traffickers. All to please the most radical elements of the Left. 

But Biden's oh-so-necessary spokespeople assure us that this isn't a crisis. Just a "new normal" that happens to be disastrous by design.


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We'll apologize in advance if today's commentary lacks our usual snap, crackle, and pop, but we're suffering from a severe case of Daylight Saving Time-induced brain fog.

#BlackCoffeeMatters, but no amount of that precious, steaming, life-giving liquid is enough to repair the grievous damage inflicted on our internal biorhythms by a cruel and uncaring government.

Oh sure, some people (whom we might be married to) can laugh it off, but for many of us the struggle is real. Especially if different clocks in the house are showing pre-DST time, DST time, and (in the case of Mrs. J's bedroom alarm) DST time plus 20 minutes because she likes it that way and has never learned anything from old Frankenstein movies that show the disastrous folly of toying with Nature.

(We pause briefly for a sip from our fifth cup of coffee, and to strike a stunned, unmoving pose like a dopey version of Rodin's "The Thinker" while trying to remember where words come from, how to string them together, and...uh...what were we talking about?)

Research, which we're too damn tired to look up or link to, shows that there may well be no benefit from Daylight Saving Time whatsoever: not for farmers, not for school kids, not for energy savings, or anything else. That same research shows that after any Daylight Saving Time clock change, there are more heart attacks, more car crashes, and marked increases in stress and depression.

Even worse, there's a lot more drooling on desks, although researchers don't like to talk about it.

Recovering from this debilitating "time flu" generally takes us about two weeks. We were going to say "give or take an hour," only this is no laughing matter except to those who are, unforgivably, naturally perky.

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On the plus side, where we're going the coffee will stay hot.

Friday, March 12, 2021

Something Weekend This Way Comes

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As we roll into the weekend, we're being inundated with bad news from all directions. There's the $1.9 trillion "Covid Relief" bill which will do little for Covid relief, but will bail out mismanaged Progressive states and (bonus!) lay the groundwork for a national Basic Universal Income. On our southern border, there are reports that the number of illegals entering our country (wearing complimentary Joe Biden t-shirts) has tripled within the last few weeks.

The Dems just passed a Union bill designed to torpedo right-to-work states. Jury selection is ongoing in the lead-up to lynching the police officer who was unfortunate enough to be photographed in the company of George Floyd while the man was dying of a massive drug overdose. New Covid variants are laughing (and not in a pleasant way) at those people who thought themselves finally safe after receiving vaccinations. 

And we can cope (barely) with all of that. But a line has been crossed owing to the whole "Spring Forward, Fall Over" Daylight Saving Time changeover happening this weekend...

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Okay, this is just a bit of pure venting. We just received a letter from Social Security saying that Mrs. J would not be receiving her (already limited) benefit check because of "past due medical insurance premiums." Which struck us as odd, since we'd never been notified about anything vaguely like that.

So we called the laughably-named "help" line at Social Security to try to clear things up, and it went about as well as you might imagine.

We were told that we owed the gummint $700+ dollars for past due payments on Medicare insurance (parts B and D). Only none of our monthly statements mentioned any past due amount. And we had records of paying the full amounts by check every month. During most of an hour on hold, we also had time to poke around our online records and discovered that our Medicare insurance payments were ALSO being automatically deducted from Mrs. J's Social Security check.

In other words, we were accidentally double-paying, and STILL the idiots had dunned our credit rating for having a past due balance that didn't actually exist. They owe us money!

Not that the phone call put the matter to rest, or even helped. Rather, it was all baffling enough that the whole mess is being transferred to someone else's desk and we'll "probably" hear how the matter has been decided in 60 days or so. Assuming we'll still be getting mail after they seize our house.

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Just Meghan Trouble

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We don't actually give a rat's ass about the Royal Family, let alone any fabulously wealthy media-attention whores who've broken from the pack and now want to whine about how difficult and unfair life is. 

Among the (ahem) serious grievances of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, they are miffed that their baby Archie wasn't given the title of "Prince" (by normal succession rules) but was only proclaimed "the Earl of Dumbarton," which is exactly the sort of royal title that leads to all kinds of teasing in grade school. 

But as inconsequential as this whole story is, it at least struck us as a good opportunity to remind people of Joe Biden's long history of casual racism. Talk about being a Dumbarton...


Monday, March 8, 2021

Have You Driven A Fraud Lately?

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The only thing worse than do-nothing Democrats is Democrats who actually do something - because that's never good news for citizens, the Constitution, or the country.

In this case we're talking about the House Democrats passage of HR1, which would modify federal election law in much the same way an atomic bomb modified downtown Hiroshima. Seriously, the Dems' "For The People Act" should be renamed using an entirely different f-word, because if enacted the "people" will no longer have a real say in electing presidents...only an illusion sloppier and less convincing than the farce we saw in 2020.

It's worth reading this entire article which discusses the most jaw-dropping abuses in the bill, but allow us to give you just a taste:

• HR1 will allow anyone from anywhere to vote, as long as they "affirm" that they're an American citizen. That doesn't mean showing documentation of any kind - it means the person promises that they're telling the truth. Pinky-swears are optional, depending on the state.

• States will not be able to cull voters from voter rolls just because they've moved, died, or live at an address which belongs to a vacant lot.

• "Election Day" will be at least 15 days long (including early voting), and mail-in ballots must be accepted up to 10 days after election day (no postmark? No problem!). Essentially, we'll now have an "Election Month."

• You know those mail-in ballots we just mentioned? They can't be excluded just because they happen to be the wrong size, the wrong shape, not printed like other ballots, and not sent in anything even vaguely like an official envelope.

• People who request a mail-in ballot even once will automatically receive mail-in ballots for the rest of their lives, if not longer.

• People who show up to vote who have no identification, no proof of residence, and have never voted before will still get to vote - and their vote can not be considered "provisional" just because it lacks anything like credibility.

• Anyone 16 or over applying for any government benefits or services will immediately be registered as a voter. Oh sure, 16-year-olds can't vote yet, but it will be handy to have them already in the registration system just in case the law changes 24 hours before the next election.

• In states that require a voter to declare party affiliation to vote, the people who are applying for government benefits (and are therefore subject to instant registration) will have to declare which party they plan to support. No doubt after being made aware that if they happen to pick the wrong party (nudge-nudge, wink-wink) that their benefit application might get "lost in the system."

• This one is amazing for its sheer gall: the government will give individuals $25 vouchers to donate to the federal candidate of their choice, after which the government will amplify the voice and impact of those little people by giving the candidate an additional 600% in matching funds for each contribution

There's much, much more - but trust us, if HR1 becomes law, no Republican or true Independent will ever win another national election. 

Friday, March 5, 2021

Seuss Sayers

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For those who don't know, the wildly offensive "Wet Ass Pussy" was one of the most popular songs of 2020

Tuesday was "Read Across America Day," chosen to fall on the birthday of children's author Dr. Seuss, and intended to promote a love of reading amongst kids around the country. And as a very special treat this year, the Left (including the White House) struck Seuss's name from the occasion after he was, of course, branded a racist.

Six of the author's books will no longer be published and, if you care to check out the offenses, you'll find them relatively minor albeit not meeting today's standards of political correctness. And while we'll never support book banning or book burning, we're not without some sympathy for the case being made here. Children's books (and we've actually written a few) should be held to particularly high standards and the very young can't be expected to understand disclaimers about society's changing mores.  Moreover, the decision to discontinue the books in question wasn't made by a governmental body, but rather by the rights holders of the books who will now be losing significant money from missed sales. That's a principled stand in anyone's book.

Less principled, and far more chilling, is Ebay's decision not to allow used copies of the popular books to be re-sold on their platform. Meaning that any old copy you already have (and which you were hoping just got more valuable) just went from collectible to contraband. This is big tech censorship, impure and simple.

Most importantly, we take exception to the idea that Dr. Seuss was a "racist" in any real sense, even though some of his earliest cartoons - not intended for children - from back in the 1930's are screamingly inappropriate today (big-lipped African cannibals boiling explorers in stewpots being a case in point). But by the 1940's, he was an advocate for the rights of black Americans.

Dr. Seuss, the man and the artist, evolved over time and eventually was creating children's books specifically intended to fight prejudice and racism. Those books reached and had a positive influence on millions of kids. Dr. Seuss deserves to be remembered for that. Especially on the day which was created in his honor.


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Speaking of offensive stereotyping, Joe "I'll take questions unless they cut off my microph..." Biden decided to accuse Texas and Mississippi of "Neanderthal thinking" for dropping mask mandates and various other Covid restrictions. Neanderthals being, of course, the primitive humans who eventually died out because there was no prehistoric bearskin-wearing Dr. Fauci to warn them of the importance of double-masking.

Of course, the states in question aren't banning masks or any other precautions - they're simply saying that it's time to let the common sense of citizens be the guiding principle instead of officious and ever-changing government mandates. If it proves to be a mistake, we'll have learned something valuable. And if it works? Well, we're pretty sure that Mumblin' Joe will be a big enough man to take full credit for it.

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Now It's Getting In Tents

While schools remain closed under Joe Biden, our borders are wide open for business - and that business is booming, with record numbers of (ahem) "forever guests" just waltzing in. And trust us, a waltz played by a mariachi band is nothing you're likely to forget anytime soon.

Joe is already running out of cages for kids ("it's like a playland with bars!"), and so has ordered tent cities to be built to house the throngs of soon-to-be Democrat voters and welfare recipients. Many of whom, as President Trump frequently assured us, are probably fine people with no criminal records in English.

Biden's Secretary of Homeland Security reports that despite the jaw-dropping numbers, there's no crisis on the border, but rather an exciting "challenge!" And gosh, who doesn't want more of those in 2021?

Not that the problem is a new one, which is why we're serving up this re-fried commentary from back in 2014...


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These days, when VP Joe Biden speaks, all we can do is laugh. Only it's not really a happy "ha-ha" laugh, but rather a really disturbing and slightly psychotic-sounding laugh of the type which makes crops wither and die in the fields, cattle go barren, and causes terrified neighbors to bolt their doors and sow salt across their thresholds.

In other words, Biden is driving us almost as crazy as he already is.

The most recent affront occurred when Uncle Joe was addressing the US Hispanic Chamber of Commerce and declared that in his view, the eleven million illegal aliens living in the shadows are "already American citizens."

Well, that's certainly a time saver! Why bother with pesky details like laws, borders, or immigration agencies when citizenship can just be passed out for free like "Yes We Can!" condoms at a middle school?

Biden's statement is an assault on the very meaning of "citizenship," and an insult to every man, woman, and child who is in this country legally. And make no mistake - when Biden applies the word "citizen" to illegal aliens, he's making the argument that they should have the same voting rights as any other group, living or dead, who can reliably be expected to cast their ballots for Democrats.

Frankly, Hope n' Change isn't convinced that the millions of illegal aliens in this country are "living in the shadows" anymore.  It just looks that way because these are dark days for America.

Monday, March 1, 2021

Slam Dunk

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Now that we've all been given free admission to Stupid World (but have no way out), all we can do is marvel at the magnificent idiocy surrounding us while we look for a concession stand selling cold beer.

A case in point: Oreo, a freaking cookie which has its own Twitter account, recently tweeted "Trans People Exist," which was surely meant to be meaningful and woke somehow. Of course, the message could have been a bit more nuanced and perhaps express some actual support for trans people.  After all, if Oreo tweeted "Black People Exist" it wouldn't really shed much light on our nation's conversation about race.  Although such a tweet might cause some people to bring up a different point...

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We don't really have much to add to this other than that we wish a lot of companies that have no business lecturing us on morality would just STFU. We don't want a cookie with a message unless it's at the end of a Chinese dinner.


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Demonstrating the unwavering compassion that made him the most popular presidential candidate in our nation's history, Joe Biden traveled to Houston on Friday to make sure that it wasn't cold anymore. And it wasn't.

Not that all of the area's problems have been solved after a (hopefully) freakish cold wave knocked out power sources and left the population freezing. For one thing, not everyone has access to safe water yet, which makes us question the choice of First Lady Jill Biden to help distribute dried "quick oats" to the hungry. Because if those poor folks try to choke down uncooked dry oats, they're sure as heck going to need a doctor whose degree isn't in education.