Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Back to Healthcare Reform School

If history repeats itself, we might as well do the same thing - which is why we're recycling this cartoon and commentary from earlier this year (3/27/17)...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, healthcare, obamacare, gop, failure, trump, death spiral

Now that healthcare reform reform has failed, two groups of people are celebrating. Those who love Obamacare the most, and those who hate Obamacare the most.

At this point, it's moot to debate the relative virtues or failures of the proposed GOP bill, but we are going to take strong exception to the idea that if the healthcare system is allowed to completely collapse in the next few years (which Trump is enthusiastically tweeting as a "plan"), that America's sick, dying, overcharged, and uninsured will blame the out-of-power Democrats for having created Obamacare, rather than the fat and happy Republican legislators who stood around this national bonfire roasting marshmallows and making s'mores.

Put another way, when our healthcare system fails the voters will not reward the party that did nothing (even if the reasons were good), but will instead flock to the party that promises a quick and all encompassing fix - namely, a single-payer "Medicare For All" plan.

That's going to be the Democrats, which is hardly surprising: Obamacare was designed to fail after destroying the free market health insurance system, thereby leaving fully socialized medicine as the only viable alternative. And the Dems knew human nature well enough to understand that this would assure their party power.

Think we're wrong? Just ask yourself - if you were the patient in the cartoon above, who would you blame? The former doctor who misdiagnosed you, or the current doctor who says he'll watch you suffer and die because it's the easiest way for him to remain blameless?

BONUS: HOPPING MAD

After posting Monday about our brief professional flirtation with the Weekly World News, we decided to indulge ourselves in the creation of another mock-up cover just to see what one of our sensationalistic stories might have looked like in the supermarket checkout line...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, weekly world news, blind nun, boxing kangaroo, elevator
Admit it - you want to read all the juicy details.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Weekly World News

Today we're introducing a new and totally unrequested feature called "The Jarlsberg Diaries," in which we take you for an exciting (and true!) behind-the-scenes look into the colorful life of Stilton Jarlsberg. Fair warning: you may be seeing a lot of this feature in the near future if the stupid Trump/Russia story continues to top the (ahem) "news."

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, weekly world news, headlines, fake news, christie, iceberg

See that story about the severed leg? We actually wrote that, years ago, and it really appeared in the Weekly World News - arguably the greatest provider of fake news ever, although CNN is currently giving them a real run for their money.

We worked editorially with Weekly World News for only a short time; it was a dream job, but sadly there were contractual issues which couldn't be resolved - making us long for a cover story saying "BAT BOY DEVOURS LAWYERS - Receives Thanks Of Grateful Nation."

But just for fun, here's a sampling of some stories we submitted which never made print, but would have looked great with bold-faced caps and lurid illustrations at the supermarket checkout lanes...

ANTS ALREADY RULE THE EARTH
And Our Government Works For Them!

"IT'S HUMAN SKIN!"
Mona Lisa Art World Shocker!

CANNIBAL EATS COURTROOM JUDGE
After Judge Rules It Legal!

TWO-TON TODDLER IS TEETER-TOTTER TERROR!

ALPHABET TO GET NEW LETTER
And You Don't Say It With Your Mouth!

CENTIPEDE BOY NEEDS YOUR SHOES

BONELESS BABY GOES DOWN THE DRAIN
Found Safe & Sound At Local Beach!

SWISS ARMY TAKES ON TERRORISTS
With Pocketknife Tweezers And Tiny Scissors

SKATEBOARDING GRANNY BREAKS SOUND BARRIER!

WOMAN DONATES BUTTOCKS
To Flat-Chested Sister

ELEVATOR HELL: BLIND NUN TRAPPED WITH BOXING KANGAROO!

HOWLER MONKEY IS NEWEST RAP STAR

LEMON LOVER'S FACE IMPLODES!

IRS DEMANDS NUDE PHOTOS OF EVERY TAXPAYER
And It's The Law!

And finally...


BONUS: AN UNKIND CRACK

See that itty-bitty picture in the top right of the Hitler Baby cover? Here it is full-sized. We don't actually have that much against Chris Christie, but considering the conniption fits the Left is having over a slab of ice it just seemed like a fun image.


Friday, July 14, 2017

Incredibility Gap

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Trump Jr, Russia, collusion, lawyer, lynch

We're not delving deeply into the latest developments of this cockeyed non-story, but we just thought it was worth mentioning that Natalia Veselnitskaya, the Russian attorney with whom Donald Trump Jr. briefly met, must have been living in a Siberian cave for the last couple of decades if she wasn't able to offer up some plausible dirt on Hillary.

Seriously, if we'd met with Trump Jr, we could have talked for hours about Hillary's myriad scandals and misdeeds. The fact that Veselnitskaya couldn't and didn't only lends additional credibility to the idea that she was more likely an operative representing Loretta Lynch and Barack Obama than Vladimir Putin.

BONUS: MIND IN THE GUTTER

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, special olympics, bowling, obama, espy awards

First things first: we're not making a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics. We have good friends who are participants and we've celebrated their impressive accomplishments.

We're not even making a joke about Michelle Obama, who was at the Espy Awards presenting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award to the late Eunice Kennedy Shriver in honor of the work she did in founding the Special Olympics and working with those who have special needs. The former first lady did a fine job, and the cause was deserving.

What we are having a bit of trouble with is again associating the Obama name with the Special Olympics after Barack, that smug and smarmy SOB, once likened his bowling ability to that of Special Olympics participants as a cheap shot to get laughs.

Not a major story, certainly - but as we head into the weekend, isn't it nice to appreciate the fact that neither Hillary nor Barry is in the White House these days?

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Deliberate Pravda-cation

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, busty ross, russia, trump, collusion, bullshit
Did you know you can click on the cartoons for a larger view? You're welcome.
Don't worry - even though Busty looks like a cuddlesome Cossack, she's as patriotic as ever. And we think she may be on to something with this new look...

Clearly the Left is never going to let go of the assertion that Donald Trump somehow conspired with the evil Russians to steal the election from Saint Hillary. And it's driving them crazy that they can't prove it (and never will). But as long as the idea upsets them so much, shouldn't we all be doing our part to help feed their paranoia and frustration until it reaches the absolute breaking point?

If you're a known Trump supporter being surveilled by your liberal friends and coworkers, this can be as easy as giving your wardrobe a Moscow makeover, riding to work bare-chested on a stallion, keeping a bottle of vodka on your desk, and wishing everyone a cheery "do svidanya" when leaving the room.

Look around suspiciously before using the copy machine. Frequently pretend to check your lamps, chairs, computers, and framed pictures for electronic bugs. When speaking on the phone, use "da" and "nyet" instead of "yes" and "no."

Better still, let liberals overhear you talking to another conservative friend while overemphasizing suspicious code words:

• "I don't know why I haven't gotten a raise yet; the boss is really STALIN."
• "My favorite Beatle? Gosh, that would be LENIN."
• "Must be a lot of pollen today - I've been HACKING and HACKING."
• "Remember that song from Young Frankenstein? PUTIN on the Ritz?"
• "Pardon me while I go to the bathroom. For a LEAK from an undisclosed source."

It's all good, clean fun and a great way of giving your liberal acquaintances some food for thought. And by "food for thought" we mean, of course, aneurysms.


Monday, July 10, 2017

Owl Be Back

Owing to a variety of circumstances there's no substantive post today, but at least we've got a fresh Earwigs cartoon!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, pick your punchline, girl, owl

Friday, July 7, 2017

A Meme Thing To Do

That's going to leave a mark.
Initially we hadn't given much thought to the whole brouhaha in which Trump tweeted (sigh...) an animated GIF of him pretending to rough up someone with a CNN logo for a face. It was a dopey little animation which sort of made a humorous point, after which we could all just get on with our lives - right?

Wrong. The media and Internet went nuts (granted, this is a given these days), making an occurrence which had roughly the importance of a gnat's fart into a bigger story than the lunatic leader of North Korea successfully test firing a nuke-capable ICBM missile.

CNN was especially culpable in blowing the loco logo story out of proportion. They claimed that the seconds-long clip was a call for violence against their esteemed journalistic team, and then tracked down the poor schmuck who'd originally created the animation and threatened to out his real identity (after labeling him a racist and anti-semite) so that the angry leftist mobs - you know, the ones who commit real acts of violence - could deal with him.

This is no small thing, as conservative cartoonist (and personal friend) Mike Lester points out...


The Right, of course, responded with a tidal wave of new memes (including our winged-hat tip to Thor and Hulk) in which CNN was humorously and entirely metaphorically getting the stew beaten out of them.

These weren't "calls for violence," but rather a perfect Free Speech counterattack in defense of a private citizen whose rights and safety were being threatened by a mega-media corporation that can't take a joke - even though it is one.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Firework Stoppage

Rather than actually work on July 4th, we decided to take another day off - the better to enjoy hot dogs, potato chips, American flags, and fireworks.

But since you've gone to all the trouble of dropping in, here's a new 4th of July cartoon, and several "blasts from the past"...


This was just our payback for all the "May the Fourth" memes that were flooding social media a couple of months ago. Plus, we think Yoda would be fun to party with.


This cartoon is chillingly "on the nose," even 8 years later. North Korea's Kim Jung Il chose the 4th of July to shoot a "test" missile towards Hawaii...and of course Obama did nothing to deter further mischief. Which is why this year on the 4th of July, Kin Jung Un test fired an actual ICBM. Thanks, Barry!


This cartoon seemed accurate in 2013 when we were drowning in illegals, but happily it's no longer as current. By various accounts, illegal border crossings are down 40-50% - almost all of which can be attributed to President Trump's seriousness about the subject.


And finally, Lefty Lucy reminds us that even during tough times, it's easy to distract Leftists with bright, shiny things!

Hope everyone had a great holiday; we'll see you back here with fresh material on Friday!

Monday, July 3, 2017

Happy Independence Day!

We're taking an early break in observation of this most American of all holidays, but assumed you wouldn't mind too much as long as we distracted you with this cartoon from the vault...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, busty ross, 4th of july, independence day

And the spirit of patriotism is alive and well over at the world's weirdest children's hospital, too...


Fly your flags, celebrate with family and friends, and enjoy the fireworks (the actual fireworks, as opposed to the ones that go off every time President Trump sends a tweet).

Most importantly, remember what Independence Day is all about - and give thanks to those past and present who protect our freedoms!



Friday, June 30, 2017

Open Sesame

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, elmo, cnn, isis, child killers, executions, trump, travel ban

In an effort to increase their journalistic credibility, CNN recently invited Sesame Street's "Elmo" (which we have absolutely no reason to believe is an Americanization of Al Mohammed) to a panel discussion about President Trump's temporary travel ban and it's possible effect on young Syrian refugees. No, really.

To Elmo's credit, he had just returned from an overseas visit to Syrian refugee camps, where he (and others) commendably helped entertain and build morale for kids in genuinely nightmarish situations. Situations which can be blamed to a significant degree on the ham-handed, destabilizing foreign policies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Is there a human tragedy occurring? Absolutely. Is the answer to accept a flood of refugees from countries with high incidences of terror without being able to sort the victims from the villains? No. Which is why President Trump simply wants some time to work out those sorting methods.

But none of that was explained during Elmo's (ahem) "news" segment. Rather it was all sob stories about how those kids in the camps are "just like us and want to learn and play" and "everybody is the same deep down."

Only they're not. Several days ago, there were fresh videos of an 8-year-old ISIS executioner blowing the brains out of a kneeling prisoner. For those with strong stomachs, other videos are out there for the watching, including a toddler who needed a little help to slice a man's throat.

Reports of the young killers routinely describe them as "brainwashed" into their deeds. Fair enough. But are we so sure that there's not similar - and similarly dangerous - brainwashing going on right here? When children hear politicians describing the President's party as thoroughly evil bastards intent on murdering millions of men, women, and children? When popular entertainers routinely call for the death of their political enemies? And when Sesame Street puppets appeal directly to children to criticize policies enacted to fortify homeland security?!

Trump is not anti-immigrant, nor anti-Muslim, and certainly not anti-kids. He'd just like to create a way for them to find safety without decreasing the safety of children who are already here.  And if that sounds like a bad idea, maybe you've already been brainwashed.


BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE...

The Left loves to describe common sense points like those cited above as proof of xenophobia and "hatred of those who don't look like we do." Which is complete BS. Not to mention that our own neighborhood, which we love, has such a varied mix of races, nationalities, and languages that the only way someone would not "look like we do" is if he/she/it is sprouting three feathery heads, using tentacles to rip out mailboxes in order to get to the delicious junk mail inside, and leaving a slime trail that smells like an Obama campaign promise.

Americans don't hate immigrants...they just happen to love the rule of law which separates those here legally from those who are breaking the law with their presence (and too frequently with their demands on our taxpayer-funded systems).

All of which was a way too-lengthy preamble to sharing a very special painting with you. A celebration of immigrant life and vitality in America:


This wonderfully kinetic work (which hangs in my home) was painted by my mother, and I couldn't think of any better way to sum up today's commentary than by sharing it with you. Not just as a work of art, but as a reminder from a wise and loving woman of the magic of coming together as a community.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I sure miss you.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Be Vewwy Vewwy Quiet

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, supreme court, trump, lynch, cnn, bullshit, russia, media bias

We assume that, as always, folks on the Left aren't receiving anything remotely like the actual news - mostly because we're not hearing their tortured moans and groans on social media.

Which is sort of disappointing; imagine how it would feel for them to know that Trump's "pause" in immigration from countries with out-of-control terror wasn't just okayed (for now) by the Supreme Court, but that it was done unanimously. So much for the circuit courts!

And how delicious is it that Loretta Lynch and John Podesta are both being hauled in front of Congress to be questioned about their mischief and misdeeds before and after the Presidential election? If what James Comey has said is true (always the flip of a coin) about her obstruction of justice, Lynch could be looking at 5 to 10 years in the slammer.

And then there's Project Veritas, revealing undercover video of a CNN producer admitting that the whole Trump/Russia story is (ahem) "bullshit" and being advanced solely in pursuit of ratings. The collateral harm to the country is, for them, just a bonus.

There's a reason that there is an almost unprecedented divide between those on the Left and Right these days: we're not hearing the same news and not getting the same facts. Even as we speak, those on the Left are really only hearing two things: that Republicans are suddenly hell-bent on killing millions of people via healthcare reform, and that Trump partnered with Putin to steal the election from Saint Hillary.

It's little wonder that they're angry, and frankly tragic that their anger isn't more appropriately directed at those who labor so consistently to keep the liberal Left in ignorance.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Dropping Death Charges

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, healthcare, death party

The good news on Friday was that House Majority Whip Steve Scalise was moved out of intensive care following his attempted assassination by a rabid Democrat who had been whipped into a frenzy by hateful hyperbolic anti-Republican rhetoric.

The bad news is that on the very same day, Hillary Clinton sent sociopaths a fresh call to arms by tweeting "Forget death panels. If Republicans pass this (healthcare) bill, they're the death party."

At least when Trump tweets, there's sort of an endearing lunacy at work. But with Hillary, it's nothing but pure spite and malice intended to mislead, divide, distort, and inspire hate - and possibly political hate crimes.

We'd say more, but don't want to waste our breath over the pronouncements of an embittered, washed up political failure. Especially not when we can waste our breath over the pronouncements of someone who's at least still in the game...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, kellyanne conway, election, russian, hacking, obama, semantics

Kellyanne Conway did no one any favors when, speaking on a Sunday (fake) news show, she said "It's the Obama administration that was responsible for doing absolutely nothing from August to January with the knowledge that Russia was hacking into our election. They did absolutely nothing. They're responsible for this."

But responsible for this what? This Presidency? This specious yet undying news story? We don't know and, frankly my dear Scarlett, we don't give a damn.

More than anything else, the whole Russian brouhaha strikes us as the semantic equivalent of a natural disaster, because words are being used interchangeably and incorrectly to obscure the truth rather than reveal it. Is "intelligence gathering" the same as "meddling?" Are both the same as "hacking?" And are all these terms synonyms for "collusion?" You'd certainly think so according to the random word choices of the media.

Is a "phishing" email to a Democrat official, or the leaking of embarrassing internal emails, the same as "hacking" an entire election? Neither the media, nor apparently the Trump administration, now see any difference.

Which is why we're largely giving up on the slapdash word-of-the-day practitioners of "journalism" in general and this idiotic story in particular.

Friday, June 23, 2017

And On The Lighter Side...

The most important and incomprehensible story in today's news is the release of the Republicans' plans to kinda sorta replace Obamacare with something which seems just about as complicated and convoluted, but will save billions in tax dollars for the evil rich by declaring "mass graves for the poor" to be a legitimate medical option.

At least, that's how the ever-rabid mainstream media is reporting it. Seriously, the Holocaust got more favorable press coverage. We're guessing the actual plan is significantly less draconian than it's being portrayed and, at least possibly, better than the current system which is crumbling before our eyes (as it was meant to do by the Democrats).

With nothing else to say on the topic just yet, we've decided to look at "the lighter side" of the news - by which we mean the stories which we'd like to take a lighter to, if not an actual flamethrower. Starting with...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, comey, tapes, tweets, healthcare

Contrary to a number of bone-headed tweets, Donald Trump has now admitted that he has no secret tapes of his conversations with fired FBI Director James Comey.  Despite this, we don't believe Trump was lying. We believe, as we always have, that the guy is at least sporadically nuts.

We also wonder, under the GOP health care plan, what a double thumbectomy would cost - because we know a certain Twitter addict who could really, really use one.

And speaking of Oval Office residents, we found this story interesting...

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LA would be renaming a 3 mile stretch of Rodeo Road, which makes us hope passionately that the rodeo clown who infamously wore an Obama mask while dodging bulls will do the ribbon-cutting.

By the way, let us be quick to distance ourselves from the racially insensitive joke told above by our ersatz Nick and Nora Charles. We can only guess that they were under the evil influence of coffee at the time...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, coffee, study, psychopaths

According to a scientific study which was, in a glaring bit of oversight, not funded by our tax dollars, researchers determined that psychopaths are more likely to prefer their coffee black.

Which is really only logical; if you dawdle around in Starbucks waiting endlessly for your barista to make a Veni-Vini-Vici-sized half-foam hazelnut creme arabica cappuccino with sprinkles and a dusting ("Only a dusting!") of nutmeg, it gives the cops way too much time to catch up with you.

Which isn't why we prefer our coffee black. We just like something that matches our mood in the morning.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Deep Sea Jiving


As you've already surmised, we're taking a "Bah, humbug!" approach to the day's news. Seriously, the guy in the diving helmet might have the right idea when it comes to blocking out the media crapfest.

And because we have so little to say, we're going to fill some additional space with yet another cartoon drawn by our Dad some decades ago.

Oddly, we like making our brand new "Earwigs" cartoons look old and yellowed, but the original cartoons by our father really are old and yellowed - so we put considerable effort into making them look new again.

It seems enough like a circular system designed by government bureaucrats that we're amazed we're not receiving an NEA grant.

BONUS: A GLASS HALF FULL

And in this case, we're referring to our 4th glass of scotch, which is prompting us to write a little something political today even though we said we wouldn't.

Specifically, we're talking about the tragic case of Otto Warmbier and the costly but valuable lesson that his miserable death might teach the radical "antifa" Leftists and other noisemakers.

Warmbier made the fatal mistake of believing that North Korea was, at some level, like the United States - and a little innocent mischief didn't present much personal risk. He was dead wrong.

Meanwhile, the Leftist loons on college campuses (happily smashing windows and setting things on fire) seem to believe that under Donald Trump, the United States is the true totalitarian regime, stripping people of their rights and freedoms (concepts that aren't even dreamed of in North Korea) and threatening their very existence.

These pampered, self-absorbed dilettantes would do well to spend a little time thinking about their plush and privileged lives in comparison to the hell on Earth that Warmbier surely experienced for the slightest of political infractions.

This is called "perspective," and unless the young Leftists develop some, Warmbier's horrifying death will have been in vain.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Father's Day 2017

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, father's day, clinton, webb hubbell, DAW, Lion and the Mouse

Sure, it's not exactly topical - but we couldn't let Father's Day go by without poking a little fun at the wild and woolly Clinton family, and restate our suspicion that (unlike certain blue dresses we could name) Chelsea has no trace of Bill's DNA.

And speaking of the Clintons, what ever happened to the investigations that were supposed to be happening to look into the ugly relationship between "contributions" to the demonstrably bogus Clinton Foundation and "favors" granted to high-rollers by Hillary's State Department? As long as we've got Special Counsels galloping around Washington with their hair on fire, why not put one on her tail?

But we digress. We're writing this on Father's Day, so are unsurprisingly thinking fondly of our Dad who doodled lots of cartoons like this one:


...and who wrote stories for innocent, trusting children like this one:


He's been gone for 11 years, but his influence remains strong. Not just on our somewhat unusual sense of humor, but also in our day-to-day pursuit of morality, responsibility, and decency.

You are much missed, Pa. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Needle in a Hate Stack

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, alexandria, shooting, Republicans, baseball, hate speech, Left, violence

A massacre was barely averted Wednesday (although at the time of this writing, multiple victims are still fighting for their lives) when a "lone wolf" terrorist opened fire on Republicans - because they were Republicans - who were practicing on a baseball field for an upcoming charity game.

The hate-filled gunman, killed by police, is thought to have been "self-radicalized" by violence-promoting materials easily found on the Internet and posted by the incendiary imams of Left-think, a group which sadly includes many liberal politicians, most mainstream "news" outlets, and virtually all social media platforms.

The shooter hadn't bothered to hide his political anger from others because he didn't have to. So pervasive is anti-Trump (and Republican and conservative) rhetoric and calls for violence on social media that his many posts and re-posts on the subject didn't strike anyone as out of the ordinary. He was just a needle in a hate stack.

Let that appalling thought sink in for a moment.

We wish we were over-generalizing, but we don't think we are. As a case in point, we want to share a sad exchange which we were party to on Facebook about 3 weeks ago. A lifelong friend (of more than 60 years) who, like the shooter, is an avid Bernie Sanders supporter, posted an article headlined: "House Republicans Admit Fearing For Their Lives From Growing Civil Unrest." The sub-heading was "You reap what you sow, and Republicans sure have sowed quite a bit of anger."

Our liberal friend added "When their actions threaten the very lives of the constituents they are supposed to be serving, what do they expect? They have gone crazy ramming devastating legislation through. They deserve to be fearful." Ouch.

Far from receiving any social disapproval, these comments were reinforced by her online community. Our friend's adult daughter posted "I find myself actively wishing harm on these people at every turn. I want karmic justice. I want these fucking monsters to suffer."  Her adult son posted "This is their karma," and a sister derided the Republicans as "Snowflakes" for being concerned about the pitchfork-and-torch crowd.

And suddenly, we found ourselves in the position of those "good Muslims" we keep hearing about. Should we report this group enthusiasm for violence to someone? To who? To what end? And is that really the kind of America we want to live in? Or should we simply reach out to the perpetrators and try to change their minds?

Actually, we'd already tried doing that but couldn't get any traction...and we eventually got tired of being called a hater. Instead, we stopped "following" this person (and others) on social media, solidifying the walls which increasingly divide our nation, while reluctantly accepting the idea that some of those endorsing violence on the Left may be, to borrow Hillary Clinton's unsubtle terminology, both deplorable and irredeemable.

We hope that isn't the case with our friend, whom we know to be a decent and good-hearted person. And to be fair, her family has very real problems with health and financial issues, and legitimate (if too often misguided) reasons to be unhappy with the bureaucratic mess in Washington. Neither she nor her family members are bad people - far from it - but a tidal wave of false and angry narratives are leading them, and too many others, in bad directions.

We can and should continue calling for greater civility in public and personal discourse as well as greater journalistic responsibility in the media (as we've done in this space for almost a decade), but we don't think either is likely to happen at this point.

Because "America's favorite pastime" is now an entirely different ballgame...and we're afraid that the gunman in Alexandria just threw out the first pitch.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Snakes Smear in the Park

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, shakespeare, assassination, obama, hamlet, trump birthday
We're not sure if this is "Hamlet" or "As You Like It."
New York's well-funded (including with tax money) "Shakespeare in the Park" company recently staged a modern day retelling of Julius Caesar in which the title character is depicted as President Trump - causing liberal glee when he's graphically and bloodily assassinated onstage by knife-wielding maniacs of the type that recently staged a similar production on London Bridge.

What a great family outing, huh? And how better to introduce kids to Shakespeare than by making it "fun" with the repeated stabbing of an American President?!

Critics on the Left (are there any other kind?) say that conservatives and fly-over peasants are being too sensitive about this brilliant restaging and maybe they're right. Which is why, in the interest of "Making Theater Great Again," we'd like to suggest some other adaptations which might please those same critics and stimulate sophisticated cocktail conversations after an outdoor evening with the Bard.

We've already handled "Hamlet" in the cartoon above, though we're a little worried that such a production might prompt n-word spouting "comic" Bill Maher to refer to it as "Spear Shaker in the Park." Does the man's racism know no bounds?!

Still, it's hard to envision the theater company going wrong with portraying Lady Macbeth as a wildly demented and blood-stained Hillary Clinton. And imagine how delightful "Romeo & Juliet" would be starring lookalikes for Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in the title roles? Talk about your (Ken) Starr-crossed lovers! And seriously, the multiple death scenes at the play's end (oops, spoiler alert) would bring cheering audiences to their feet!

To show that we're good sports, we'll let the "Shakespeare in the Park" folks use any or all of these ideas to help them show their devotion to diversity of opinion in the arts, and to inject a little blood into their centuries-old productions which isn't that of a sitting President.

BONUS: A YUUUUUUUUUGE BIRTHDAY!

Leave it to our patriotic new President to have his birthday on Flag Day! Be sure to fly yours today - make it a twofer!

Monday, June 12, 2017

Mundane Morning Quarterback

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, man straddles wood, zing zang, bloody mary, trump, comey, sharia, lgbt

We hope you enjoy the cartoon above, because there was no way we were wading into the morass (not that we're against morass) of the latest news cycle.

Anti-Sharia Law protesters were attacked by Antifa counter-protesters, while LGBT groups took to the streets in support of Islam. We'll note that LGBT folks also take to the streets in Islamic countries, only they start from rooftops.

We learned that Comey may or may not really have secret memos, Trump may or may not really have secret tapes, Mueller may or may not be preparing to charge the President with obstructing the investigation of crimes which didn't happen, and all the while tweets keep flying out of the Oval Office in the wee hours (or, to men of a certain age, the wee-wee hours) to remind everyone that The Donald has political Tourette's syndrome.

So instead of dwelling on the depressing stuff above, we're going to share some actual, thoroughly investigated good news to get your Monday morning (and conceivably many other mornings) off to a good start: "Zing Zang" Bloody Mary mix is great.

We discovered this on Saturday morning while attending a dog's birthday party. Bloody Marys were served, though not all of the people (and none of the dogs) in attendance availed themselves of such, apparently under the mistaken belief that when it's 8 a.m. in Texas, it really isn't "5 o'clock somewhere."  We begged to differ, and further pointed out that on the very spot we were standing, it had turned 5 o'clock three hours ago.

You may question our logic, but it's demonstrably sounder than anything else in the news.

Breakfast of Champions

Friday, June 9, 2017

Comey's Testy Moaning

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, comey, testimony, fbi, trump, obstruction, justice

Despite stratospheric levels of hype, yesterday's laughably named "intelligence hearing" testimony by disgraced former FBI Director James Comey wasn't so much "shock and awe" as "Rorschach" and "Aw, shut the Hell up."

We cite Rorschach because, as is the case with other meaningless ink blots, everyone interpreted Comey's remarks however they wanted: the Right sees Trump as completely exonerated, and the Left believes they heard so much dirt that they can't decide whether to take the time to impeach the President or simply march on the White House with pitchforks and torches and burn the building down while he's still inside.

The reality, as nearly as we can tell, is that Trump didn't do anything legally wrong when talking to Comey about Mike Flynn and the Russian investigation. But in true snowflake-style, Comey is now interpreting his own bizarre feelings and fantasies related to that conversation as proof of wrongdoing.

Comey, who is dishonest and Machiavellian but no fool, is fully aware that Trump did nothing to obstruct justice - but he was spinning like a Dervish trying to imply otherwise. Which makes it fortunate that he no longer runs the Federal Bureau of Implication.

Comey did occasionally share interesting truths, including his concern that former DOJ head Loretta Lynch had been compromised during her meeting with Bill Clinton on an airport tarmac. He additionally confirmed that Lynch asked him (which in Comey's mind is apparently a direct order) to refer to Hillary's criminal investigation as a "matter" - which Comey subsequently did, even though he freely admits that it was a lie designed only to help Hillary's image during election season.

All in all, his testimony showed only that Trump can be ham-handedly (but legally) direct when expressing his thoughts...and that Comey (among others associated with Obama and Clinton) has genuinely made a practice of obstructing justice by attempting to interpret the hints, nuances, and implied desires of his political masters.

Because a nod is as good as a wink when justice isn't intended to be blind.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Blank Reality Check

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With the announcement that 25-year old "Reality Winner" (no, really) had been arrested for stealing and leaking top secret documents, it became clear to us that a near and dear friend who was very ill for a very long time had finally been pushed over the brink: we regret to say that Satire is dead.

Because seriously, when a story gets this "in your face" ridiculous - what details are left for us to push to humorous extremes?!

Start with her name: "Reality Winner." Then let's tick off the other boxes: lesbian bodybuilder, ardent Bernie Sanders supporter, a "Black Lives Matter" enthusiast who (though white herself) argues that "Being white is terrorism." A woman whose social media posts include referring to the President of the United States as a "piece of shit" and the "Tangerine in chief," who additionally declares that in a war between the US and Iran, she'll side with Iran.

And still...STILL...she was given a top secret security clearance and access to classified materials. Which raises two very troubling questions: just what in blazing Hell does someone have to do to not get a security clearance, and how many other angry, ignorant, communist-leaning, anti-American social justice warriors are currently embedded in (and sabotaging) our intelligence agencies?!

We're guessing the number to be terrifyingly high, but can't know for sure because trying to find out would require functional intelligence agencies. And that ship, like Satire, has sailed.

Monday, June 5, 2017

London Undone

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In the face of Saturday's appalling terror attack in London, we don't really want to waste many more words on Kathy Griffin. At some point, one is simply beating a dead whore (to coin a phrase). But in the former comedienne's news conference, she claimed that it was only because of a conspiracy by "old white men" that her ISIS-style beheading photo wasn't considered funny.

Days later, radical Islamic extremists were slitting throats with 12-inch blades - and there can't be any stronger reminder that the proper reaction of all people with even rudimentary decency is to be shocked and angered by this evil, lunatic carnage.

Friday, June 2, 2017

The Perish Accord

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He's been down there since last November.
Donald Trump stood in the Rose Garden yesterday and smugly announced his unwavering support for the end of the world. Smog-choked cities, melting ice caps, dead oceans, contaminated water supplies, and the extinction of all living things on Earth which aren't billionaires.

Or at least that's the hysterical narrative we're going to be hearing endlessly from the Left, who will surely be trotting out a doomsaying Bill Nye and hoping that we don't remember the vapid entertainer's recently televised "sex junk" debacle.

Trump's actual declaration was almost anticlimactic: we're pulling out of the existing Paris Climate Accord because the terms were unfairly stacked against America and Americans, but we're wide open to renegotiating more favorable terms or a new deal while continuing our commitment to a clean, sustainable environment. Moreover, Trump will honor the withdrawal terms negotiated by Obama, meaning it will take up to 4 years to actually leave the accord...and the final decision will be made by voters in the next Presidential election. Hardly the stuff of dictatorial apocalypse.

Not that Trump's announcement came as a big surprise. In what's become a very noticeable trend in the mainstream media, "news" reports now consist largely of predictions about what might happen according to ethereal spirit voices who can not be named...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, expected to, predictions, news, media, bias

Seriously, the news headlines we've been reading lately say "Trump is expected to withdraw from Paris Accord" and "Investigations into Russian collusion are expected to heat up," and "Comey is expected to testify that Trump pointed a gun at him and demanded (in perfect Russian) that he halt the Flynn investigation and hand over his wallet."  And all this while largely ignoring actual news which they didn't expect, like yet another month of skyrocketing job growth for everyone except red-headed comediennes.

It's not bad enough that we already had fake news, non-news, and spin-cycle news...seemingly we now have to put up with news which hasn't even happened yet but might according to Ouija boards, chicken entrails, and wizened gypsy tea leaf readers.

If the Left and the media (one and the same thing) are really concerned with helping the environment, we suggest that they cut down on the emissions from their smoke and mirrors.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Glasses Half Fooled

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, optometrist, msnbc, glasses, kathy griffin

Okay, we'll admit that the cartoon above - while entirely accurate - was more or less thrown together under time pressure after we visited the eye doctor today (and wore the contraption shown above) because it had been a few years since we last updated our eyeglass prescription, and apparently we're supposed to be able to read actual words on street signs. Who knew?

Because we have a wretchedly expensive Obamacare policy which covers our non-existent ovaries but not our actual eyeballs, we went to the optometrist at Sam's Club (who is genuinely excellent) and got everything checked out for $60 cash. And we left with prescriptions for glasses (distance and reading) which we'll fill online at Zenni.com for about $25 a pair.  This is called "the free market."

Of course, the visit had its moments of drama. Our eyeballs were diagnosed with "map-dot fingerprint dystrophy," which sounds like we should get disability payments, handicapped parking, and perhaps be the subject of a tear-jerking TV movie.

Not that the Internet is going to help with any of that, what with them describing our heartrending affliction as one which "usually resolves completely with no loss of vision and in fact, many cases are not severe enough for the patient to recognize that there is something wrong. No treatment is typically necessary."

On the other hand, the doctor did casually mention that if we rub our peepers too hard when feeling sleepy, we could literally rip the skin off the front of our eyes, exposing raw nerves and causing excruciating pain. Which is why we'll be sleeping while wearing boxing gloves from now on.

Getting back to the mainstream media (if indeed we were ever there), the distortion and lies we're hearing about Trump just make it impossible to mount much of a cogent commentary here. We think Trump did fine on his overseas trip - and if Angela Merkel is huffily declaring that Germany and Europe may now need to show some self-sufficiency, we say "well done, Mr. President!"

We also thought he honored Memorial Day appropriately, which was a nice change from the previous 8 years. Seriously, we always felt that the hallowed grounds of Arlington Cemetery were defiled by Obama's presence.

And along those lines, here's a little something we posted on Facebook on Memorial Day...

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Obama, of course, laid a wreath at the Bathroom of the Unknown Gender
On a final note (yeah, this is just a rambling day) let's take a look at what passes for cerebral comedy and incisive political discourse in the Leftist media...

kathy griffin, unfunny, anorexic, America-hating, cunt, skag, wretch, maggot gagger

Nice, huh? Alleged "comedian" Kathy Griffin (best known for being an angry, unfunny skag who has never even accidentally made an audience laugh) holding up Donald Trump's bloody, severed head. We're not sure what her message is, other than some sort of obscene endorsement of ISIS. 

Perhaps she should actually visit an ISIS training camp to entertain the troops, like some sort of Bizarro-world America-hating Bob Hope from Hell.

And if she does, we'd like to be there -  to sell throwing-rocks to the audience.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Memorial Day 2017

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This cartoon from the late, great Glenn Foden perfectly sums up an important message: it's fine to celebrate, but we must never forget the real meaning of Memorial Day.  Every one of us owes a debt which can not be repaid, but can and must be honored throughout the entire year.


Friday, May 26, 2017

"Pick A Punchline" Friday

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, looking at sky, pick a punchline, caption contest

We're juggling a lot of household chores in preparation for some major renovations (which you'll hear about ad nauseam in the future) so decided to ignore what passes for news and just have a little TGIF fun today.

We can't say exactly why we like giving these Earwigs cartoons an old and rumpled look, other than it's fun to imagine them having been clipped from a really weird newspaper, perhaps on the same page as Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Which is also a story for another day...

On a different note entirely, this is Memorial Day weekend. Here's hoping that you fly your flag and enjoy getting together with family and friends for lawn games, hot dogs on the grill, a brewski or two, and a nice thick slice of Mom's apple pie.

And somewhere amidst the fun, be sure to take time to give thanks for those who sacrificed everything to give us the unimaginable freedoms and opportunities we enjoy every single day - even these days of apocalyptic, hair-on-fire hyperbole in the fake news media.

Especially make sure that any children (and at this point, we consider "children" to be anyone under 30) understands what this hallowed day is really about.

Have fun, stay safe, and watch out for those falling pianos!

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Manchester Terror

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It's happened again, as we all knew it would and, sadly, know it will again. A casual outing, a sudden explosion, and the death of innocents at the hands of a lunatic following an insane ideology.

ISIS is taking credit, which should certainly merit another "mother of all bombs" or even a low-yield nuke - whatever it takes to get their attention.

But as satisfying as that could be, it won't immediately stop the danger from "lone wolf" operatives. And indeed, there is no way to stop the danger - only to reduce it, and even that at great cost.

The Manchester killer was known as a radical to British police and was, apparently pointlessly, "on their radar." Which reflexively makes us wish that everyone on the radar was simply swept up and locked away. But is that really what we want?

Consider who was "on the radar" for terrorism under Barack Obama: "Right-wing extremists." A group defined by Homeland Security as people who were pro-life, opposed to illegal immigration, those who resist federal takeover of the states, and military veterans.  Odds are everyone reading these words would fall into one or more of those "extreme" categories.

We simply can't eliminate possible threats without the certainty of eliminating many of our protected freedoms. And the terrorists know it.

That being said, British authorities currently have a list of over 3500 "potential terrorists" including about 400 who left the UK to be trained by ISIS to fight in war zones like Syria and Iraq before returning to the UK. 

As counter-terror measures go, these people should be seen as low-hanging fruit: give them one week to get the hell out of the UK or lock them up. There are plenty of vacancies at Guantanamo.

Freedom-loving Western cultures can't erase every risk. But we can and must take greater preemptive actions than are currently in play.

BONUS: MOUTHING OFF

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On a less somber day, we would have enjoyed roasting Monica "Wet Clean Up, Aisle 7" Lewinsky for her appalling editorial in the New York Times, celebrating the death of Fox News's Roger Ailes for allegedly exploiting her "personal tragedy." But we're not in the mood, so we'll cut straight to the chase.

Lewinsky was a lying, lascivious little slut back in the day, and she remains unapologetic for her role (and roll in the hay) in disrupting American government. If Bill Clinton, that miserable tower of human excrement, hadn't been busy fighting his removal from office, he might have actually been doing presidential things like, oh, nailing Osama bin Laden when he had multiple opportunities.

Would the World Trade Center towers have fallen if Bill Clinton's pants hadn't? We can't know, but we can say with certainty that it's at least possible that they wouldn't have. Which is why, Monica, this appalling story isn't really about you and never was. So do the decent thing, accept your shame, and - unlike your time spent kneeling on the Oval Office rug - shut your disgusting mouth.

BONUS TWO: SPEAKING OF ANNOYING WOMEN

Michelle Obana attempts a saucy, Jane Russell off-the-shoulder look...


Monday, May 22, 2017

Freudian Slippery Slope

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, middle east, sword dance, saudi arabia, testosterone, phallic

So far, it seems that President Trump is doing a great job on his Middle East tour, striking deals on commerce and international security, as well as projecting an unapologetic aura of (trigger warning to snowflakes!) manliness that we haven't seen in the White House for a long time.

For instance, the Saudis invited Trump to participate in their traditional "sword bouncing" dance, an activity so hilariously phallic that it would make Anthony Weiner blush. This in marked contrast to Obama's first visit to the Middle East, during which he bowed before every turban-topped head and was then told to stand with the women while holding a cat in front of his private regions ("Trust us, it's traditional," the potentates giggled).

And there's a lot more testosterone in the President's statements overseas than we saw previously. Obama, as we painfully recall, basically declared that Islam created everything good about Western civilization, and that the evil, moronic, Bible-clutching simpletons of the United States of America then screwed it all up. And regarding terror, Obama basically stuck to the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's assessment that we were to blame for "America's chickens coming home to roost."

Trump is taking a different approach to terror, telling the Muslim world: "Religious leaders must make this absolutely clear: barbarism will deliver you no glory - piety to evil will bring you no dignity. If you choose the path of terror, you life will be empty, your life will be brief, and your soul will be condemned."

Admit it, you can't imagine those words coming out of Barry. While you don't have to imagine that he actually declared, following the terrorists' slaughter of our people in Benghazi, "the future must not belong to those who would slander the prophet of Islam."

There may be those who complain that there's too much of a men's locker room atmosphere surrounding Trump...but to us, it smells like fresh air.

AND FROM THE VAULT...


(Thursday, April 9, 2009) The White House now denies that Obama bowed down to the Saudi King, despite video and photos to the contrary. They say that "the president is taller than the King, so he had to bend to shake hands." Here's a hint, Mr. president - when they're looking down on the back of your head, you're bending over too far. And too willingly.

It looks like Obama was eager to blow...a diplomatic opportunity.