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Monday, February 19, 2024

Presidunce Day

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Biden, Trump, trial, Navalny, Putin, New York, Presidents Day, Colorblind

Alexei Navalny, a political critic of Vladimir Putin, died in a Russian prison this week owing to "Sudden Death Syndrome," which is more commonly known as "Political Critic of Vladimir Putin Syndrome." Bloody-knuckled prison guards huddled over Navalny's spontaneously bruised body but were unable to save him.

Meanwhile, in New York, former President Donald Trump, a political critic of Joe Biden, suffered an attack of "Sudden Bankruptcy Syndrome" inflicted by a judge so astoundingly and nakedly corrupt that he's presumably topping Biden's list of Supreme Court nominees in case Joe succeeds in stealing another election.

Let's be clear: the judge has ordered Trump to pay a fine of almost 500 million dollars after convicting him of a crime that never happened and had no victims. The "victim," in fact, spoke in Trump's defense and said that the financial transaction in question was legit, standard practice, and made a lot of money for the bank that gave Trump a loan and they'd be eager to do similar transactions in the future.

For this, the judge - who bears a striking resemblance to Bob Denver from "Gilligan's Island" - smeared Trump for showing a "pathological lack of remorse" for the non-crime in which no one was harmed.

One is a clumsy goofball who gets nothing right. The other is Gilligan.

But hey, such an obviously ridiculous verdict should be an easy appeal, right? Wrong. Because Trump can't appeal the case without first putting the $500 million into escrow and even he doesn't have that kind of walking around money. But since banks love to do business with him, he can borrow it. Just kidding! The judge also ruled that Trump can't do any business in New York for three years, which eliminates access to most major banking institutions. And, by design, may eliminate Trump from the November election.

All of this puts us in a situation where our nation has become no more than a banana republic. The "law" is being used to eliminate anyone who opposes the corrupt power structure in Washington. Our votes mean nothing. Our freedom of speech has been canceled. Our Constitution is in flames.

But apart from all that, Mrs. Lincoln, Happy Presidents Day!

FROM THE VAULT

I won't lie - I love this cartoon.
YOU'VE GOT TO PAY THE DUES...

...if you want to sing the Blues. And as far as I'm concerned two weeks (and counting) of Covid and the general political malaise in the world are all the dues I need. Which is why I used aritifical intelligence to create yet another song. I wrote the lyrics, but legendary singer Cigar Box Jenkins brought it to life.


Want to download an MP3 of the song? Just click this link.

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Snack Attack

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Biden, shrinkflation, inflation

On Superbowl Sunday, Joe Biden's handlers decided that he shouldn't do a live interview during the game fearing that it could make him look like a senile nincompoop. So instead, they aired a professionally produced message for the American people in which Biden looked like a senile nincompoop.

Astoundingly, in unusually terse fashion, Joe pulled back the curtains to reveal the evil conspiracy that is playing Americans for (and we quote) "suckers." Specifically, the tendency of the Big Snack industry to charge us the same money for giving us fewer chips, crackers, and cookies in each package.

Mind you, this shouldn't be confused with Biden's inflation which has skyrockets prices across the board. No, this is "shrinkflation" which is, well, exactly the same thing. Only this isn't Biden's fault, it's the fault of the America-hating robber barons! But who are these traitors? Joe isn't afraid to say!

Buy stock now before their lawsuit settlements come in

These are some of the bastards singled out by the White House (with a Presidential Seal looming over their products no less) for ripping off consumers and treating them as "suckers." Products that are even now mobilizing their ecstatic legal departments. The frigging Keebler elves, Gatorade, Pepperidge Farm, Nabisco, Breyers, and Lays - all giving you less product just because your money isn't worth as much since Biden took office.  And are those really "Double Stuf" Oreos or are they "Stuf and Three-Quarters" Oreos?! Fightin' Biden is on your side!

Joe was especially angry that ice cream containers are getting smaller, because that's apparently a message his handlers want us to know he deeply cares about. Although the message we're mostly getting is that Joe's handlers have decided to let him look like a complete idiot so they can finally get rid of him. 

FUN WITH COVID

I'm glad to report that I'm well on my way to apparent recovery from my first dance with Fauci's Folly, though am still mildly symptomatic on Day 10. It hasn't been that hard on me, I'm relieved to say. Oh, I still honk like a trumpeter swan when coughing, but that's just my innate musicality.

The social isolation hasn't been too bad, what with me being a hermit anyway. But I still take it as a personal affront that this manmade illness finally got me - and surely will again.  And again.

HAPPY VD - FROM THE VAULT

Monday, January 29, 2024

The Tony Awards

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, holocaust, Fauci, covid

This would be a great place for me to say something glib or pithy, but those words aren't in me today. I hate this man and innumerable others who created a new and more efficient scythe for the Grim Reaper, then compounded their crimes with lies, power plays, and a "vaccine" that has a non-zero chance of wiping out our species. 

Side note: I know that sounds way over the top and I wish it were. And in fairness, I'm guaranteed that my fears are unwarranted by the same expert sources who assured us that Covid could not be spread person-to-person, that face masks were dangerous (before they became mandatory proof of political servitude), that packing Covid patients into nursing homes with senior citizens was a good idea, that the virus itself magically evolved from a bowl of bat wing soup from a wet market within coughing distance of the Wuhan virology lab, and that the new "vaccines" were safe, thoroughly tested, and effective.

Sadly, "Holocaust Remembrance Day" seems no more meaningful than any other Hallmark holiday in a sick world where equally horrendous crimes against humanity are being rewarded rather than punished.

SUBPOENAS ENVY

I'm more than a little confused. Former Trump adviser Peter Navarro has just been sentenced to four months in jail for defying a congressional subpoena that required him to appear before the same Democrat-lead House Select Committee (and lynch mob) that conducted a Kabuki investigation into January 6th, then destroyed more than 100 encrypted files of "insurrection"-related evidence (no doubt of an exonerating nature) to keep them from falling into the hands of Republicans.

But if memory serves, Hunter ("Fingerpainting For Fun and Profit") Biden recently received similar subpoenas and staged a photo-op specifically to show him giving Congress the finger. For which he's been sentenced to exactly zero months in jail. Which is good for him, because it's not as easy to sneak coke into jail as it is to sneak it into his dad's White House.

Still, when it comes to matters of applying equal justice under the law, I'm amazed that in our trans-happy culture and an election year, the Republicans can't even pretend to have balls.

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SECEDE...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Biden, Texas, Border, Alamo
Remember the Ala Mode!

Joe Biden seems to be preparing for a literal war against Texas and, as a Texan, I'd like to assure him that A) it's a bad idea and B) we triple-dog dare your ice-cream-licking ass. The man is sending troops to make sure that our nation's border falls. To make sure that the flow of fentanyl, sex slaves, disease, and potential terrorists continues unabated. 

Sooner or later, even the idiots on the Left are going to ask why - and it's going to boil down to corruption of a very high order. The cartels are clearly paying big money to keep their operations going and they're just lucky enough to be dealing with a president who's been comfortable taking bribes and selling out the American people for his entire career.

Personally, I would really and truly like to see my state of Texas secede and return to its status as an independent nation again. And I would hope this could be accomplished entirely peacefully. Still, if Biden keeps pushing us, I hope Governor Abbott sends troops to Washington to cut down the White House fences and see how Joe likes it.

Friday, January 19, 2024

Noose at Eleven

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Lefty Lucy, CNN, MSNBC, Trump, censorship, election interference
As expected, Donald Trump crushed his opponents in the Iowa caucuses after which he made a live victory speech in which he said...(Bzzzt!)...he said...(Crackle!)...he said...

Sorry about that. The problem is NOT with your television set. Rather, if you were watching alleged "news" networks CNN or MSNBC, the transmission of Trump's message was cut off by an ideological problem that technicians are most definitely not rushing to repair.

Rather, the management of both networks decided to just not air anything Donald Trump says live anymore - even if it's a politically salient victory speech - because they claim they don't want to knowingly transmit anything that might be lies. Of course, they can't just leave the airtime unfilled while they're protecting you from whatever lies they've had premonitions about. So they open up the conversational floor to their (ahem) "news" people who then tell rock-solid truths like Trump has declared that he will be dictator for life, that if Trump wins he'll order the "crazies" who follow him to kill his political enemies, and that Trump will clearly destroy our country if re-elected because he forgot to do during his first Presidential term in which he was sending the economy through the roof, keeping us out of wars, improving employment and opportunities for minority Americans, projecting strength to our nation's adversaries, and giving away his salary to charity. The rat bastard.

This is among the most blatant acts of election interference imaginable and every minute of airtime devoted to talking up Joe Biden or talking down Trump needs to be listed as a political "contribution in kind" to the Biden campaign. Additionally, any special First Amendment protections applied to news organizations should be immediately yanked from these two propaganda mills. 

But why do CNN and MSNBC think they need to hide Trump's words from their viewers? If what Trump is saying is offensive, then the people should hear it to help them decide who to vote for. And if what Trump is saying is lies, then the networks should air those lies along with the proof that Trump is lying - again, for the benefit of their viewers.

Then again, CNN and MSNBC may believe that their viewers are such bone-headed morons that they'll simply believe any outlandish thing they hear on cable news. In fact, that's their entire market strategy.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY ARTIFICIAL

I'm still fiddling around with AI programs and music generators (hey, I need to do SOMEthing when I'm avoiding the news) and I recently came up with a song that is...dare I say it...kind of good?

I asked ChatGPT to write lyrics that sounded like a Byrds interpretation of a Bob Dylan song. I then plugged those lyrics into app.suno.ai and told it to generate a pop song with good harmonies. There were a lot of false starts, but then a good iteration. Which started a process of prompting the engine to add a little bit more and a little bit more until it was a whole song. And I added a music video (barely) so I could stick it on Youtube.

The song itself isn't intended to be a joke nor is it political. In fact, it's a bit of feel-good inspirational throwback rock that I've been listening to when I need a mood boost (hint: hourly). And maybe you'll enjoy it, too!


And for any Karaoke fans...sing along!

"Echoes of Tomorrow"
[Verse 1:]
In the whispers of the morning,
Through the mist of dawn's embrace,
Lies a truth that's softly spoken,
In the lines of every face.
Winds of change are blowing,
Across the fields of time,
Where dreams are sown like golden grains,
In the garden of the mind.
[Chorus:]
Oh, echoes of tomorrow,
Ring through yesterdays of sorrow,
And the songs of freedom hum,
Beneath the setting sun.
May the words we say,
Light the path and show the way,
For the echoes of tomorrow,
In our hearts will stay.
[Verse 2:]
See the river's constant flowing,
Past the mountains, through the plains,
Like the endless quest for knowing,
That in every heart remains.
Shadows of the evening,
Dance with the glow of fireflies,
While stars above keep weaving,
Tales of love beneath the skies.
[Chorus:]
Oh, echoes of tomorrow,
In the laughter and the sorrow,
Like a melody that flies,
Underneath the moonlit skies.
Let our voices rise,
Through the dark and stormy skies,
For the echoes of tomorrow,
Are the dreams that never die.
[Bridge:]
In every whispered wind,
In every songbird's call,
The answers lie within,
In the rise and in the fall.
[Chorus:]
Oh, echoes of tomorrow,
In the love that we can borrow,
From the chapters yet to write,
In the silence of the night.
Hand in hand we'll go,
Through the high and through the low,
For the echoes of tomorrow,
In our hearts will glow.

Friday, January 12, 2024

When Life Gives You Pangolins...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, wuhan, covid, virus, brain virus, humanized mice, steamboat willie, Fauci
Believe it or not, this really isn't just another crass use of the no-longer-copyrighted "Steamboat Willie" character. Because the story above is true and if that terrified rodent isn't the original humanized mouse, I'd like to know who is.

Having learned nothing from creating and releasing Covid into the world (other than that pandemics are awfully good for political tyrants and pharmaceutical companies), playful Chinese researchers have now modified a pangolin brain virus to make it completely deadly to humans, because such medical research is absolutely vital if you hate humans. 

So far (or at least as far as we know...) it's only been tested on "humanized mice" which have been scientifically altered to have human genes so they can be tortured without having the ability to file lawsuits. And the new virus has killed every last one of those little humanized cheese nibblers, presumably when their brains turn into an inflamed slurry and ooze out through their perfectly circular ears. Which is likely what would happen to 100% of infected humans if the virus escaped, so isn't it good that Chinese virus labs are so very, very secure except for their open windows, screen doors, and tendency to sell dead animal specimens to wet markets for soup stock?

There's pretty much no reason that researchers would want to create such a thing unless it could A) be used as an apocalyptic bioweapon, B) make a lot of money for companies coincidentally selling pangolin brain virus vaccines, or C) beat AI to the punch of killing us all, giving humans quite literally the last laugh. 

Which is why we should immediately be taking common sense safety measures including, but not limited to, calling together the world's leading gain-of-function researchers and, after careful deliberation, displaying their heads on pikes.

Until then, whether mice or men, we should all have the willies.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, wuhan, covid, virus, brain virus, humanized mice, steamboat willie, Fauci

UPDATE

Here's the full story, but the first 60 seconds or so of the video tell you what you need to know.

UPDATE 2

Sorry, the video has been removed because its creator - who I truly, deeply trust - would otherwise have been thrown off Youtube.  Hopefully some of you saw it. And I'm kicking myself for not having downloaded it.

Friday, January 5, 2024

Breaking and (Barely) Entering

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, insurrection, inch erection, biden, January 6th

Saturday is January 6th and I want to wish each and every one of you a glorious "Insurrection Day." Fly American flags, stroll around casually, take selfies with friends, then call it a day early and go to a nice restaurant for a 4 p.m. early-bird dinner special. You'll want to do all of this carefully, of course, because apparently, those activities could cause Democracy to fail, our nation to collapse, and be so generally apocalyptic that it will make the Holocaust look like no big deal - although in fairness, the former president of Harvard already thought that. 

Personally, I plan to hang my solar-powered American Flag LED lights and maybe a festive "Don't Tread On Me" flag. And what the hell, once I've done that I might as well leave them up until November...

FROM THE PEDO FILE

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Hillary, Bill Clinton, Clinton, Epstein

A long-hidden list of Jeffrey Epstein's (ahem) "associates" is finally being revealed in court proceedings, showing the names of the high-and-mighty who took advantage of his private jet and allegedly may have taken advantage of underage privates on Epstein's "pedophile island."

To no one's surprise, Bill "Stink Finger" Clinton's name is on the list. As are the names of legal eagle Alan Dershowitz, magician David Copperfield, Britain's Prince Andrew, and irrepressible party animal Stephen Hawking.  Everyone involved is denying participating in any sex trafficking activities and it seems likely that not much will come out of all this. After all, if these players could off Epstein in a locked and guarded prison cell, there's no way they're going to let unfiltered documents get to the public.

Rather, an old adage reminds us that "the Devil mixes his lies with truth" and I'm betting we're being fed just enough truth for things to look credible while the really explosive stuff remains buried.

(UPDATE: I owe everyone a huge apology! An earlier version of this mentioned Donald Trump being on a list because I fell for fake news. But we're talking professional fake news here: USA TODAY is even now billboarding this story with the headline "Clinton and Trump are named in Jeffrey Epstein documents." But if you read the whole story down to the fine print, you learn that Trump's name was only on "a document" that said Epstein planned to invite Trump to meet him at a casino. I'd say more, but I have a date with my cat-o-nine-tails for some self-flagellation.)

SLIPPING A MICKEY

So this is legal now...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Steamboat Willie, Copyright

"Steamboat Willie," the first iteration of Mickey Mouse, fell into the public domain on January 1st and everyone is now legally free to use his image for whatever fun and debauchery they like.  Multiple horror movies have already been announced and the Internet has been having a field day with inappropriate imagery. Not that I would ever do that...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, Steamboat Willie, Copyright
Does this one strike you as too out of bounds? If so, don't blame me, blame Walt Disney - because that final frame is lifted straight out of the "Steamboat Willie" cartoon in which the frisky mouse enjoys playing squeazy-peasy with the horrified sow after shaking loose her suckling babies. It was a simpler time. And often weirder.

A NEW SONG BY THE STILTONES

Who can ever forget the innocent delight we old folks all felt back in the 1960's when a brand new song by The Stiltones debuted on our AM radios...?


Full confession: this is a one-minute song I created with the help of artificial intelligence while screwing around on the Internet. Most of the lyrics are old Burma Shave signs, I wrote the chorus, then AI produced the tune and lead vocal. After which I added harmony vocals using my computer's mic and made the video on another Internet website I was playing with. And I'm sharing it not because it's great, but because I had fun making it.

Considering that Burma Shave advertising signs haven't been posted in 60 years, I expect this already cryptic song to be absolutely baffling to anyone under AARP-age. But as an artist and musician, I care neither about their approval nor that of the horse they rode in on.

Monday, January 1, 2024

No Year is a New Year Anymore

My sentiments about entering a new year are somewhat less than enthusiastic because it's a virtual certainty that A) 90% of the new year will be the same crap as last year, and B) 10% will be a lot worse. And without that feeling of a fresh beginning, it struck me that "no year is a 'new' year anymore."

At which point the spirit of Guy Lombardo violently entered my body (I won't be able to ride my unicycle for a week) and when I awakened I found I'd somehow written the lyrics to a big band song. And thanks to AI, which was apparently possessed by Lombardo's Royal Canadians, I give you this new holiday anthem (closed captions recommended to savor the cynicism)...

And what a year it's going to be! Looking into my crystal ball (it's the one on the left)...

I predict the most screwed-up Presidential election in history coming. And I'm not talking about U.S. history - I'm talking history of the universe.

I predict the economy will appear to do pretty well until November, propped up by freshly printed and utterly worthless dollars. Unless, of course, the whole shooting match finally collapses.

I predict that the United States will have to borrow money from China to give to Ukraine.

I predict that AI will morph into something we can't even imagine at the moment and will embed itself inextricably in the world's cultural and business DNA, more or less like the damn spike proteins the mRNA "not-actually-vaccines" filled most of us with.

I predict that Anthony Fauci will have a really bad day if he crosses the street in front of my car.

I predict no successful new movies from Disney in 2024 or possibly ever again.

I predict that rather than risking stairs anymore, Joe Biden will be treated as cargo on Air Force One.

I predict a fun-to-watch continuation of liberal cannibalism as the woke Left devours its own people for not being woke enough

I predict that virtually every high-profile a**hole will continue to thrive, enjoying the fruits of their power and corruption and go unpunished for their wrongdoing.

I predict that honest peasants such as ourselves will be increasingly punished for right-doing using digital surveillance in increasingly invasive ways.

I predict ongoing delight from the friendships and camaraderie at Stilton's Place! Best wishes for the new year!