Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Street Fighting Ma'am

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Joe Biden continues to lead the pack (well, by now it's a herd) of Democrat presidential candidates, and he's just made it abundantly clear what it is that makes him different from all the others: his bloodlust and willingness to implement a "final solution" to handle those on the Right.

Biden's declaration of war was made during an address to the Moral Action Congress of the Poor People's Campaign (no, seriously) following a question about what he would do as president if those darned Republicans obstructed his agenda like they did when Obama had a super-majority. Yes, yes - we know that the Republicans weren't able to obstruct anything, but just try telling that to a Democrat.

At any rate, Battlin' Biden said when it comes to congressional Republican resistance, "there are certain things that take a brass knuckle fight," later snarling "Let's start a real physical revolution if that's what you're talking about!" And he probably would have capped off the remark with a throat-ripping Howard Dean-style berserker scream were it not for the likelihood that the shock might kill a number of geriatrics in the audience. Or at the very least, cause blowouts in their Depends.

It's hard for us to picture exactly what a Joe Biden revolution would look like, but we're pretty sure that hand-to-hand combat would be replaced with "hands-to-inappropriately-personal-areas" combat, and that members of the Biden infantry would stand on the balconies of their mansions shooting shotgun blasts into the air.

It's a terrifying picture, and we can only pray that the Moral Action Congress of the Poor People's Campaign will ignore Biden's calls for violence. And change their ridiculous freaking name.


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Monday, June 17, 2019

Power Press

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"Jim Acosta, put on that dunce cap or get the hell out."
White House Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders has announced that she's leaving her position at the end of the month, and she will be sorely missed. Or at least, she'll be sorely missed by those of us who appreciated her strength, her humor, her intelligence, and her mastery of facts. And more than that, her delectable ability and willingness to rip new superhighway-sized buttholes in the many aggressively ignorant poltroons in the Press Room.

Which is why the mainstream media is unsurprisingly doing their best to savage this fine woman on her way out. A quick check of "news" related to her departure offers up nice, neutral headlines like these: "Sarah Sanders was the disdainful Queen of Gaslighting (Washington Post)," "With Sarah Sanders Leaving, Trump Now Lies Along (USA Today)," "As Sarah Sanders Signs Off, a Look Back at Her Biggest Lies (Vanity Fair)," "Sarah Sanders' Legacy: The Death of the White House Press Briefing (CNN)."

During her tenure, many on the supposedly pro-women Left decided if they couldn't match wits with her, they'd attack her personally. Her weight, her makeup, her clothing choices, and her Arkansas roots were all mocked viciously and repeatedly, clearly demonstrating the hypocrisy and snobbishness of the Progressive Left. And Sarah handled it all with unflappable style and wit.

It's hard to conceive of a tougher job than that which Ms. Sanders has handled so impressively, and hard to imagine who can now do the job as capably. There are fun speculations out there: not only our own Busty Ross, but names like James Woods, Mark Steyn, Diamond and Silk, Greg Gutfeld, Jordan Peterson, Gilbert Gottfried, Roseanne Barr, ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and "Walter," and (our personal favorite) Deadpool.

Whoever gets the job, we hope they're as willing to bring the fight to a combative Press Corps as was Sarah Huckabee Sanders. She should be proud of her service, and we eagerly look forward to seeing how she will dumbfound and torture those on the Left in the future.

We didn't make this, but it's too good not to share again.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Eastern Double Standard Time

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Political leftists dropped to the ground yesterday while experiencing eye-bugging, spit-foaming, limb-wrenching paroxysms of pure joy. This was not because they had been drinking from a mini-bar in the Dominican Republic (unfortunately), but rather because they thought that Donald Trump had finally been caught admitting that he's a collusion-loving, election-stealing traitor beholden to foreign powers.

As always, they couldn't possibly have gotten the story more wrong, but that didn't stop all of the usual Fake News outlets from reporting a non-event as if it were the crime of the century (typical headline: "Every Member of Team Trump Now Enabling Treason").

For those with a taste for actual facts, in an interview with ABC News correspondent George Stuffanappleupyourass, Trump was asked hypothetically if his 2020 campaign team would accept information from foreigners about opponents, or call the FBI. Trump answered, "I think you do both. There's nothing wrong with listening. If somebody called from a country, Norway, with information, I think I'd want to hear it. If I thought there was something wrong, I'd go maybe to the FBI."

All of which is entirely ethical, appropriate, and standard operating procedure by every candidate in every election. Which is why we found it hard to believe when former (and probably current) Clinton hatchet man Streptococcolous feigned wide-eyed ignorance regarding the very concept of opposition research.

Trump has, of course, complained about the way the Fake News media is twisting his words. In turn, they will surely accuse him of being anti-semantic.