Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Don't Fire Until You See The Whites

Well, here we are on the historically significant Last Day of Freedom in America, and gosh - hasn't it been fun? Seriously, we've had a great run and we'll all have some great memories. Memories only, though, because all of our written records and photos of the past will have to be turned over to the Bureau of Historical Accuracy for ecologically-sound destruction. 

It wasn't really our goal at Stilton's Place to present today's transition of power as apocalyptic, which is why we originally prepared this fairly innocent cartoon playfully jabbing the man we will never, ever personally call president...

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But then we started hearing more and more things about the upcoming Biden administration's plans, seeing  extremely troubling things in the streets, and hearing from politicians, celebrities, and liberal mouth-breathers that the time is right for fascism and retribution against those low-life flyover Constitution-clutching deplorables and cult members who have seen the American Dream as something more than just a Marxist nightmare.

So we upgraded the cartoon to more accurately reflect our feelings about this unhappy day...

STILTON’S PLACE, STILTON, POLITICAL, HUMOR, CONSERVATIVE, CARTOONS, JOKES, HOPE N’ CHANGE, biden, inauguration, national guard, travesty, fascism, BLM, antifa

There's a long litany of reasons we're feeling so ramped up today. And rather than try to make a cohesive whole out of the entire mess, let us just share some random points:

• Our nation's capitol has been ringed with walls topped with razor wire, and 26,000 National Guard troops have been brought to Washington DC (from all 50 states - for the symbolism, don't you know) in order to shoot other Americans if they act like BLM or Antifa but are carrying American flags.

• Muriel Bowser, the mayor of Washington, DC who didn't want National Guard troops to quell BLM/Antifa's violent acts of insurrection all summer, just recently requested that the troops now stationed in her city be issued machine guns so that they could mow down more Americans. The National Guard told her that this would be inappropriate, but the whole incident certainly tells you where these bloodthirsty fascists' heads are at. 

• Fun trivia note: do you recall that in 2017, there was rioting, looting, arson, and injuries in the streets of Washington DC as people "protested" Trump's inauguration?  And celebrities telling crowds that they should march right over to the White House and set it ablaze? But that, of course, wasn't insurrection - it was just the liberals' standard use of Freedom of Screech.

• We would never have thought that a picture of the American flag could make us sick to our stomach, but we were wrong. This is that picture...

This is the national mall, where 200,000 American flags have been planted to symbolically represent all of the people who would like to show up and kneel before the new king, but can't because A) no one really gives a flying crap about Biden's inauguration and if they did B) the National Guard might shoot them out of an abundance of caution.

So now we've got an imaginary crowd of "supporters," which is actually a beautifully ironic depiction of the imaginary voters who made this day possible. So yeah...looking at this picture makes us want to hurl.

• Hillary Clinton has made the news by demanding a "9/11-style commission" to investigate whether Donald Trump was actively on the phone with Vladimir Putin, doing a play-by-play report of the Russian-backed insurrectionist riot which, terrifyingly, allowed a whackjob wearing clown paint and a buffalo horn helmet to joke around with a police officer in a largely empty Senate chamber room. That guy, by the way, is looking at 25 years in the slammer because, while he didn't actually do much of anything other than looking photogenic, a judge has decided his distinctive appearance made him a symbol of the (ahem) "insurrection," and the culprit therefore needs a very harsh sentence as a warning to the rabble.

• Remember the good old days when you'd never heard of Wuhan? Well, today may be the last day you hadn't heard of the city of Manaus in Brazil. They're currently drowning in Covid cases which appear to be a new mutation of the virus currently kicking the world's ass. This one is thought to be more contagious, more deadly, and doesn't appear to be deterred by any of our current generation of Covid vaccines. Fortunately, Biden has been claiming forever that he could have handled a viral pandemic better than Trump - and it looks like he may get the chance to prove it. (Spoiler alert: lockdowns galore!)

• An NPR lawyer got the boot when it was revealed that he thought Trump voters should have their kids taken away from them, after which the children would be raised in government re-education camps "with a lot of Sesame Street" to cleanse the children of their parents' sick beliefs. And yes, this is the same NPR that actually fired Fox News' Juan Williams for being a racist. So that's a pretty good indication of what radical screwballs are in charge over there.

• Katie Couric (soon to be a temporary Jeopardy! host who we hope will be universally boycotted) is seriously calling for mandatory "deprogramming" of people in the Trump "cult." Hint: if you're reading this blog, you're considered a cult member.  

• There are serious calls to take Fox News off the air, and it's no secret that big tech is gutting other means for conservatives to get anything like accurate news or have conversations with each other.

• Because this blog post is already running long, we'll summarize the fact that Joe Biden has already pretty much promised that in his "first 100 days" (if he lasts that long), he'll use executive powers to destroy every accomplishment of President Trump's that made America a success in the last four years. Energy policies which will kill our energy independence and send energy costs soaring, getting back in bed with Iran to help them build their "Death to America" nuclear missiles, opening our borders to millions upon millions more illegal immigrants (all of whom - citizens or not - deserve governmental representation when drawing up new Democratic districts for House seats), killing the Keystone XL pipeline for no rational reason at all, rejoining the Paris Climate Accord so that we will be compelled to cut down on our efficient energy use while China is free to stink up the world's atmosphere while building cheap crap to finish off the American economy. And more, and more, and more.

This is a singularly unhappy day (even if nothing untoward and/or staged happens to make things worse) which quite possibly marks the end of a lot of things and institutions we took for granted. Free and fair elections? Nope. A Constitutional basis for laws and protection of freedoms? Not after the Dems pack a hand-picked Supreme Court with as many members as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

So drink 'em if you got 'em, folks, and remember to fly your American flags upside down until things get better...if ever. And should we ever find ourselves in re-education camps, here's the code phrase we can use to recognize each other: "What I miss most in this gulag is a good piece of cheese - like a Stilton!" To this, you must answer "Say, that's my friend MacGregor's favorite cheese!"

IMPORTANT NOTE: If a hot Red Cross nurse delivering care packages shows up, and if she looks like Busty Ross, be sure to use the code phrase. That way you'll get one of the "special" boxes with escape contraband and a tiny little bottle of bad scotch.


Since all of the above is pretty depressing, we thought it only fair to close today with a nice stupid joke which has nothing to do with politics. This gag popped into our head after a lovely grilled steak lunch, and once an idea like that happens it's easiest to just cobble the darn thing together with clip art so we can then move on with the rest of our life. Hey, it's a system...

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Monday, January 18, 2021

Got MLK?

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Martin Luther King Jr once said that he had "been to the mountaintop." Were he still here today, we think he'd likely be thinking of jumping off of it.

We are within days of inaugurating a new whiter-than-white president who spent decades fighting against the kind of school integration which would create (in his words) a "racial jungle" for his children, hobnobbed with segregationists and KKK members, and still expresses slack-jawed wonder that a black man can be "articulate and clean."

And for good measure, we'll be swearing in (or at) a vice-president who not only called the next president a racist, but also said that the whole Democrat party was racist for not voting for her in the primaries. So the good news for Dr. King, we guess, is that in 2021 a lot of people have forgotten what the hell racism even is.

Of course, that's not all that people have forgotten. Joe Biden actually declared that Martin Luther King Jr's assassination wasn't as big a deal as George Floyd's death. Imagine the racial peace our nation could now be enjoying if only Dr. King had the foresight to knock himself off with a fentanyl overdose in 1968.

But maybe Joe Biden is right and Martin Luther King Jr's dream is no longer a good fit for today's world. After all, these days you damn well don't want to judge a person by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. And Dr. King's message of non-violence has been actively discarded by BLM, as evidenced by 28 "not so mostly-peaceful" rioters in Detroit who just had all their charges dismissed by a black judge because, well, because he could.

Sadly, at this point it seems that the most enduring legacy of Martin Luther King is that there will be no mail today. Although on the bright side, that will at least slow the tsunami of perfectly legitimate absentee ballots still pouring in for Joe Biden.

Friday, January 15, 2021

Nationally Guarded

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Say what you will about the Democrats, but you definitely can't accuse them of being too rigid when it comes to policy. For instance, all summer we heard from Democrats that you definitely should never, ever send the National Guard into areas where demonstrations are likely to take place, because you'll only "inflame things" and increase the risk of violence. And nobody wants that, right?!

Still, the Dems have subsequently decided that it's a good idea to deploy 20,000 armed National Guard troops in Washington to help assure that the rabble neither speak up about President Trump's "Impeachment of the Week," nor do anything to disrupt the coronation of the Most Popular Presidential Candidate Who Ever Lived.

And while we certainly don't want to plant any unsettling conspiracy theories in the minds (and we use the term loosely) of Democrats, ask yourself this: could anyone really expect to overthrow the government using a small mob of yahoos wearing buffalo helmets, or would such a plan require about 20,000 trained, armed fighters who had sworn an oath to protect the Constitution? And if some clever strategist wanted those troops in Washington on January 20th, wouldn't it be clever to trick the Democrats into just asking for them to come?

But of course, this is very unlikely to be the case, and the Democrats definitely shouldn't worry about it. Much.


With the big tech companies cutting off services to conservative enterprises, many of us are now wondering if we should reconsider the usefulness of installing our data on private servers. This would keep things safe from prying eyes, and apparently it's easy enough to do that even a completely crooked elderly woman can handle it...


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When it comes to the Clintons, you never know which scandals will stick and which will miraculously disappear because of the deal they made with Satan when selling their tattered souls. That being said, Hillary's metastasizing email scandal seems to have the potential to derail her presidential aspirations - and perhaps incur criminal charges.

It seems that when Hillary became Secretary of State, she immediately set up a private email server in her home and conducted all of her official business (and quite likely monkey business) on that computer email system rather than the cyber-secure government system which is required by federal law.

After a two day silence on the subject, Hillary eventually tweeted that she really, truly wants America to see her emails, and State Department spokes-hipster Marie "Jobs For ISIS" Harf has confirmed that this will absolutely happen. You know, eventually.

The problem is, the State Department doesn't have (and never has had) all of Mrs. Clinton's emails - it only has the ones which Hillary's personal staffers chose to give them.

Apparently, a lot of people in high places (perhaps even a certain president?) were aware of and comfortable with this clear violation of law and (oh yeah!) putting classified communications at risk for the sole purpose of protecting Hillary's obsessive political aspirations.

Now that her private email system has been discovered, Hope n' Change would like to suggest that Mrs. Clinton go back and review the many unread messages in her spam folder.

Maybe that's where Ambassador Chris Stevens' requests for help in Benghazi ended up.