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Monday, June 21, 2021

Father's Day Fables

As has become tradition here at Stilton's Place over the years, we're taking a break from the news to present a heartwarming Father's Day offering: two inspirational children's stories written long, long ago by Stilton's father.  Which explains a lot...

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Friday, June 18, 2021

Too Much Truth

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Okay, we WANTED to take today off, but some things just can't pass without comment - although that seems to be exactly what our mainstream media is doing.

Specifically, we have a monumental problem with Joe Biden's statement in Geneva in which he explained to the world how rights work in the United States: "We don't derive our rights from the government. We possess them because we're born. Period. And we yield them to a government."

No, Joe, we don't yield our rights to the government or anyone else. That's rather the whole point of our nation, our history, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. But now, the president of the United States has spoken a little too much truth about how he and his political party view things: citizens have rights, but those rights must be surrendered to government authority. At which point, it's not so much "authority" as it is totalitarianism and oppression.

Of course, every Democrat in Washington knows that, but most of them also know not to ever say it out loud.

This wasn't one of Biden's typical gaffes or verbal tossed salads. There has been no "clarification" issued, and no apology for what should be considered a wildly incendiary statement. He just announced to the world that the United States is now under an authoritarian regime.

Despite the media blackout on this story, people need to hear about it, share it, and then make it very, very clear to those in Washington DC that real Americans have no intention of "yielding" to Marxist power plays.

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Getting Behind On The News


Readers- As I mentioned on Monday, I'm taking the rest of the week off. My colonoscopy on Tuesday went fine, but the prep and the procedure were pretty tiring. And normally I'd say I just need a little time to lick my wounds, only that paints a picture that none of us wants to imagine.

I'll note that since it was June 15th, I also wrote another massive self-employment tax check to the government. I figured as long as I'm taking it up the poop-chute anyway, I might as well get it all done on the same day.

See you in the comments section!  -Stilton

Monday, June 14, 2021

Weeking Off Again

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Oh sure, we can laugh - but he was just awarded a "Pull It, Sir" prize

CNN viewers may want to install windshield wipers on their television sets now that Jeffrey "Sound of One Hand Clapping" Toobin has returned to the air. Toobin had been given some time off for getting off - specifically, on a Zoom call with CNN colleagues during which he grabbed some lotion, a tissue, and then proceeded to pleasure himself while on camera

Granted, CNN anchors do that all the time during actual broadcasts, but the action is usually hidden because they're forced to sit behind desks with washable undersides. And the same practice is also rampant at MSNBC, where they winkingly describe their throes of pleasure as "leaning forward."

All of this takes us back to the title of today's post, "Weeking Off Again," because that's what we're going to be doing this week at Stilton's Place. Taking time off, that is, not making obscene Zoom phone calls while pretending that part of our anatomy is a trombone.

We also find ourselves more than a little distracted by an impending colonoscopy on Tuesday, which means fasting all day Monday and then finishing the day with two rounds of chemically-induced explosive diarrhea. Sort of like if Dr. Fauci sent our tax dollars to Wuhan to create "gain of function" mutations in Ex-Lax.

And of course, we're not really nuts about the invasive procedure itself, likely to be performed with surplus equipment from the canceled "Keystone XL" pipeline project. Although on the bright side, we think we should at least be able to rack up some Woke points for scheduling our anal invasion during Pride month.

(Side note: "News" sources are delightedly reporting that Kamala Harris "made history" by being the first VP to march in a rainbow-striped Pride Parade over the weekend. Our thought is that walking one freaking block isn't even news, let alone history. And more importantly, pretty much EVERY VP has marched in Pride Parades over the years. Okay, back then they were called "4th of July" parades, but trust us, snowflakes - they were about pride.)

Anyway, we've decided to take the entire week off (barring really spectacular events) in order to step away from the news for a bit and make an effort to get some joie de vivre. Which, the astute among you will already have guessed, is French for "Clan MacGregor."

As always, the comments section will remain open and lively - see you there!

BREAKING NEWS: ARKANCIDE HOTLINE

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Unsurprisingly, Jeffrey Epstein was unavailable for comment

Friday, June 11, 2021

Sitting On Attacks

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Dr. Anthony "Satan's Little Helper" Fauci spoke out Wednesday against his growing legion of critics, saying that an attack on him is really an attack on science.

"A lot of what you're seeing as attacks on me, quite frankly, are attacks on science," whined the man who helped bankroll the pandemic, "because all of the things that I have spoken about consistently from the very beginning have been fundamentally based on science."

(We pause in our commentary to express our hopes that the word "fundamentally" will fully recover from being savagely pummeled beyond recognition.)

"People want to fire me or put me in jail for what I've done," Fauci said accurately, until adding, "namely, follow the science."

Which makes us think that he's a little unclear on the whole concept of "following"...

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And speaking of things that are hard to follow, we're feeling confused about two seemingly conflicting statements recently issued by the Biden administration. His ironically named intelligence agencies recently declared that the greatest threat to our nation is posed by White Supremacists, assuming that any can eventually be found. Yet Biden himself declared that the greatest threat to our nation (and the world!) comes from climate change.

Hopefully, some good old-fashioned investigative journalism can help sort out this contradiction soon...

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Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Do Not Kamala

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In her ongoing effort to solve the border crisis without actually getting anywhere near the border or interacting with anyone remotely associated with the out-of-control situation, Vice President Kamala Harris recently flew to Guatemala to deliver an important message to potential illegal immigrants.

"Do not come!" she said in clear and unmistakable terms. "Do not come...to the land of opportunity where you will be warmly welcomed, be given food, shelter, a smartphone, premium cable and high-speed Internet, regular infusions of walking around money, free transportation anywhere in the country, and a beautiful new pre-filled voter registration card." Well that should keep them home, right?

Not, of course, that Kamala wasn't willing to sweeten the deal a little by offering more billions of American taxpayer dollars to Guatemala to make it into such a wonderful place that no one would ever, ever, ever want to leave, in much the same way that Dorothy Gale eventually decided to just stay in Kansas.

But perhaps Ms. Harris would have better results if she simply terrified potential immigrants by reminding them that the United States is absolutely teeming with horrible white people. A problem that still hasn't been solved, even though a Yale lecturer recently offered some interesting ideas...

GO DIRECTLY TO YALE

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Yale's School of Medicine recently invited Dr. Aruna Khilanani to speak at a weekly forum on mental health (although it was perhaps unclear whether they were for it or against it). During a lecture called "The Psychopathic Problem of the White Mind," Dr. Khilanani bonded with the audience by sharing her personal perspective:

"I had fantasies of unloading a revolver into the head of any white person that got in my way," she explained, "burying their body and wiping my bloody hands as I walked away relatively guiltless with a bounce in my step, like I did the world a f*cking favor." She also described white Americans as "demented, violent predators" after which she called kettles black.

While her audience called her remarks "absolutely brilliant" and said she gave "voice to us as people of color," Dr. Khilanani's opinions have not always been so well received. For instance, her white therapist had previously called her foam-flecked anger about perceived racism "psychotic." But sadly, that condition is now indistinguishable from academic expertise in the Ivy League.

But is it actually a problem to ignore insanely violent rhetoric in a lecture setting? Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? Oh yeah, another Fort Hood massacre:

From The Vault: Prophet And Loss Statement (8/7/13)

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In an opening statement at his military trial, Fort Hood terrorist Nidal Hassan - who is presenting his own defense - said that he is a "mujahideen," and that "the evidence will clearly show that I am the shooter. The dead bodies will show that war is an ugly thing."

In response, the prosecution said "no further evidence," after which a firing squad composed of recovering Fort Hood survivors stood, took aim with their rifles, then blew Hassan into the land of imaginary virgins.

Just kidding, of course. Although the scenario above makes perfect sense to Hope n' Change, the reality is that the trial is expected to take at least a month, and perhaps several months - during which time Hassan will denigrate the United States, our military, Fort Hood, and his multiple victims (some of whom he's actually calling to the stand), while praising radical, militant Islam and the glories of executing his fellow soldiers in the name of Allah.

All of which is a huge waste of time and money, an insult to both the dead and the survivors, and a scathing rebuke of Barack Hussein Obama's contention that poor old Nidal was nothing more than a disgruntled worker who had a bad day at the office - and that the rivers of blood which flowed that day had nothing to do with the president's cherished "religion of peace."

One thing is certain: that blood flowed in no small part because this president has made it clear that he won't tolerate "discrimination" against Muslims, including those who print business cards that say "Soldier of Allah," and who give Powerpoint presentations describing the way they'll behead infidels and pour boiling oil down their throats.

Put another way, Benghazi was only the tip of the iceberg: Obama has already given the "stand down" order for our military to protect itself from the Nidal Hassans of this world.

Perhaps another trial is in order to find out why.

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Monday, June 7, 2021

Beaches? We Don't Need No Stinking Beaches!

We can't let the 77th Anniversary of the D-Day invasion pass without pausing to give thanks to all who served there and the many who died. Nor will we skip another opportunity to criticize those who have dishonored the day and the dead. 

FROM THE VAULT: BEACHES?! WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BEACHES! (2015)

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Saturday marked the 71st anniversary of the historic D-Day invasion...which you'd think would make a pretty darn good topic for Barack Obama's weakly address (and no, that's not a typo). But instead, the president decided to harangue Americans  about June being "Immigrant Heritage Month." Although to be fair, we're sure he'll give equal time to "National Border Security Month" whenever it gets here.

For those with short memories or recent public educations, back in 1944 France had a pretty serious problem with people trampling their borders, speaking a foreign language, and forcing the locals to change their politics, taxes, and culture to accommodate the newly arrived "dreamers" (so-called because they were inspired by Adolph Hitler's "Dreams From My Fatherland"). And believe it or not, back then the United States was against that sort of thing!

But not today. Barack Obama declared that America is actually made stronger by people who trample our borders, speak a foreign language, and are forcing us to change our politics, taxes, and culture.

And according to the president, we can't just celebrate the allegedly rich heritage of illegal immigration, "we have to defend it." Specifically, he mentioned defending it from the evil sieg-heiling Republicans whom he seems to imagine are in cliff-top bunkers mercilessly spraying down machine gun fire at the dreamers bravely storming the bloodsoaked beaches of the Rio Grande.

And just to reinforce his not-so-subtle suggestion that Americans lack any moral authority to regulate immigration, he again spoke of Michelle and his daughters, "some of whose ancestors came here in chains." A thought so sad that it makes Hope n' Change want to send the ladies a reparation check if we can just get an address for one of the five-star luxury hotels they'll be staying in during their European vacation next week.

Barack Obama's choice of the anniversary of D-Day to denigrate Americans and praise our nation's invaders is almost the supreme irony. And we say "almost" only because he managed to top it only 24 hours later.

Because that's when he flew overseas to enjoy beer and sausages with the Germans.

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Note: In the commentary above, we unintentionally made it sound like D-Day was an exclusively American operation. As we mark this 71st anniversary, let us also remember the many brave Brits, New Zealanders, Australians, Canadians and Poles who fought and died in Operation Overlord.

Friday, June 4, 2021

Paging Dr. Fauci

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Amazon and Barnes & Noble have suddenly removed their listings for an upcoming new book by Dr. Anthony "I've Never Been Right About Anything In My Life" Fauci because, in a bit of irony almost too wonderful to be true, the book announcement was the result of an accidental leak. Although Fauci himself maintains that the PR release probably wrote itself and was subsequently spread through a wet market. 

The book, scheduled to be released in early November, is called "Expect The Unexpected: Ten Lessons on Truth, Service, and the Way Forward." Presumably because the publisher turned down the original title, "What The F*ck Have I Done: Lies, Deaths, and Criminal Liability." And at just 80 pages long, Fauci's "book" is really more of a pamphlet. Which is unsurprising considering that every lesson he's actually learned from the pandemic could fit neatly inside a fortune cookie ("Wear pancake makeup on TV so they can't see you sweat.")

The alleged book is being published by National Geographic, which has previously made most of its money by publishing a monthly magazine devoted to glossy, full-color pictures of bare-breasted African women with salacious captions like "Ubangi? Ubetcha!"

Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with that. Different cultures have different standards, and if impoverished black women are okay with being pimped as spank bank material by a big corporation, who are we to judge? It's certainly no reason for BLM to set any corporate offices on fire or anything.

But returning to the subject of Dr. Fauci's book, we expect it to change a lot of minds. Mostly on the subject of whether or not book-burning might be a good idea after all. We might even go so far as to suggest that "Expect The Unexpected" should become the next "Bonfire of the Inanities." 

On second thought, no we won't - because nothing about Dr. Fauci is a laughing matter. This whiny, weaselly little bastard has lied to the American people and the world about everything, pretty much from day one, and is at least partially culpable in millions of deaths.

He lied about the virus's human-to-human transmissibility, lied (repeatedly and inconsistently) about the effectiveness of masks, lied about the near-certainty that the virus came from a Wuhan lab leak, lied about the fact that he himself had sent American tax dollars to the Wuhan Virology Institute to fund "gain of function" research to turn bat viruses into human super-killers, lied about the significant efficacy and low risk from inexpensive medications like hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin (which surely could have saved hundreds of thousands of lives) while touting insanely expensive new medications from Big Pharma like Remdesivir - despite the fact that it has a 0% effect on reducing mortality.

In this global nightmare, Fauci has been one of the bad guys (historically among the worst of bad guys). But he's escaped close scrutiny because the media was able to use him as a goad in their war against President Donald "I know you hate me but I pushed the vaccine through anyway" Trump. And if that meant unimaginable numbers of people would die needlessly, well, it was worth it to get rid of the Bad Orange Man who wanted to Make America Great Again.

Fauci enjoying book profits from a global holocaust which he helped create is as nonsensical and offensive as the idea that Hitler should have gotten the royalties for The Diary of Anne Frank. The very idea is an obscenity.

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Coming Up Next

In nature, mother birds regurgitate into the mouths of their young to provide all-important sustenance and nutrition. So too, in politics and the news, do those who are stationed above us puke into our upturned faces and expect a "thank you" for their generosity. And today, we're just not in the mood.

Reviewing news stories for today's blog, we managed to put ourselves in a foul mood (or fowl, if we want to stick with the bird metaphor). Enough so that we don't even have anything particularly clever to say, but will instead just list a few of the stories that are honking us off...

• On Sunday, two people were killed and 21 others injured at a mass shooting in Miami. News reports rather cryptically said that this occurred at a "banquet hall" and, for reasons we can only guess at, did not mention that it was a rap concert. The shootings were by three thugs who jumped from a white van and opened fire, then drove away. And despite the van being described as "white," no color was ascribed to the shooters. Including in the security video that showed three black guys with guns. But a mysterious shooting at a banquet hall just doesn't fit the desired news narrative as well as "black guys shoot up rap concert crowd because they can."

• There are more (and more) stories about hate crimes in which black folks beat the hell out of Asian folks. But again, the news reports only mention the victims' race...never that of the assailants, even though (again based on security video) it always seems to be black assailants. And we're bitching about this not because we've got a problem with anyone black, but we have a HUGE problem with "news" which distorts and hides facts which could be helpful in addressing a genuinely serious and growing problem.

• There are very few Covid-related topics we aren't sick of at this point, so we're not really enjoying the media's tiptoe approach into speculation that the virus was manipulated in, and escaped from, a lab in Wuhan, China. People who were paying any freaking attention at all have known this for more than a year. But the truth had to be covered up, lest the reality help Donald Trump's reelection effort. With very few exceptions, every news source has gotten so much wrong (often deliberately) about Covid that we just don't give a damn anymore.

• Holy sweet mother of pearl, do we dislike Biden and Harris! And all of their friends and co-conspirators.

• The White House issued a proclamation to remind us all that this is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. We're just unsure about whether it's racist when white LGBTQ+ people feel pride? We live in confusing times.

But rather than leave you with the impression that there's no such thing as good news anymore, we're happy to report that in Fitzgerald, Georgia, work continues on the construction of a majestic 62-foot framework which will soon become the world's largest living topiary chicken. It's stories like that which give us the will to keep going.