Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Back to Healthcare Reform School

If history repeats itself, we might as well do the same thing - which is why we're recycling this cartoon and commentary from earlier this year (3/27/17)...

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Now that healthcare reform reform has failed, two groups of people are celebrating. Those who love Obamacare the most, and those who hate Obamacare the most.

At this point, it's moot to debate the relative virtues or failures of the proposed GOP bill, but we are going to take strong exception to the idea that if the healthcare system is allowed to completely collapse in the next few years (which Trump is enthusiastically tweeting as a "plan"), that America's sick, dying, overcharged, and uninsured will blame the out-of-power Democrats for having created Obamacare, rather than the fat and happy Republican legislators who stood around this national bonfire roasting marshmallows and making s'mores.

Put another way, when our healthcare system fails the voters will not reward the party that did nothing (even if the reasons were good), but will instead flock to the party that promises a quick and all encompassing fix - namely, a single-payer "Medicare For All" plan.

That's going to be the Democrats, which is hardly surprising: Obamacare was designed to fail after destroying the free market health insurance system, thereby leaving fully socialized medicine as the only viable alternative. And the Dems knew human nature well enough to understand that this would assure their party power.

Think we're wrong? Just ask yourself - if you were the patient in the cartoon above, who would you blame? The former doctor who misdiagnosed you, or the current doctor who says he'll watch you suffer and die because it's the easiest way for him to remain blameless?

BONUS: HOPPING MAD

After posting Monday about our brief professional flirtation with the Weekly World News, we decided to indulge ourselves in the creation of another mock-up cover just to see what one of our sensationalistic stories might have looked like in the supermarket checkout line...

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Admit it - you want to read all the juicy details.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Weekly World News

Today we're introducing a new and totally unrequested feature called "The Jarlsberg Diaries," in which we take you for an exciting (and true!) behind-the-scenes look into the colorful life of Stilton Jarlsberg. Fair warning: you may be seeing a lot of this feature in the near future if the stupid Trump/Russia story continues to top the (ahem) "news."

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See that story about the severed leg? We actually wrote that, years ago, and it really appeared in the Weekly World News - arguably the greatest provider of fake news ever, although CNN is currently giving them a real run for their money.

We worked editorially with Weekly World News for only a short time; it was a dream job, but sadly there were contractual issues which couldn't be resolved - making us long for a cover story saying "BAT BOY DEVOURS LAWYERS - Receives Thanks Of Grateful Nation."

But just for fun, here's a sampling of some stories we submitted which never made print, but would have looked great with bold-faced caps and lurid illustrations at the supermarket checkout lanes...

ANTS ALREADY RULE THE EARTH
And Our Government Works For Them!

"IT'S HUMAN SKIN!"
Mona Lisa Art World Shocker!

CANNIBAL EATS COURTROOM JUDGE
After Judge Rules It Legal!

TWO-TON TODDLER IS TEETER-TOTTER TERROR!

ALPHABET TO GET NEW LETTER
And You Don't Say It With Your Mouth!

CENTIPEDE BOY NEEDS YOUR SHOES

BONELESS BABY GOES DOWN THE DRAIN
Found Safe & Sound At Local Beach!

SWISS ARMY TAKES ON TERRORISTS
With Pocketknife Tweezers And Tiny Scissors

SKATEBOARDING GRANNY BREAKS SOUND BARRIER!

WOMAN DONATES BUTTOCKS
To Flat-Chested Sister

ELEVATOR HELL: BLIND NUN TRAPPED WITH BOXING KANGAROO!

HOWLER MONKEY IS NEWEST RAP STAR

LEMON LOVER'S FACE IMPLODES!

IRS DEMANDS NUDE PHOTOS OF EVERY TAXPAYER
And It's The Law!

And finally...


BONUS: AN UNKIND CRACK

See that itty-bitty picture in the top right of the Hitler Baby cover? Here it is full-sized. We don't actually have that much against Chris Christie, but considering the conniption fits the Left is having over a slab of ice it just seemed like a fun image.


Friday, July 14, 2017

Incredibility Gap

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We're not delving deeply into the latest developments of this cockeyed non-story, but we just thought it was worth mentioning that Natalia Veselnitskaya, the Russian attorney with whom Donald Trump Jr. briefly met, must have been living in a Siberian cave for the last couple of decades if she wasn't able to offer up some plausible dirt on Hillary.

Seriously, if we'd met with Trump Jr, we could have talked for hours about Hillary's myriad scandals and misdeeds. The fact that Veselnitskaya couldn't and didn't only lends additional credibility to the idea that she was more likely an operative representing Loretta Lynch and Barack Obama than Vladimir Putin.

BONUS: MIND IN THE GUTTER

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First things first: we're not making a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics. We have good friends who are participants and we've celebrated their impressive accomplishments.

We're not even making a joke about Michelle Obama, who was at the Espy Awards presenting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award to the late Eunice Kennedy Shriver in honor of the work she did in founding the Special Olympics and working with those who have special needs. The former first lady did a fine job, and the cause was deserving.

What we are having a bit of trouble with is again associating the Obama name with the Special Olympics after Barack, that smug and smarmy SOB, once likened his bowling ability to that of Special Olympics participants as a cheap shot to get laughs.

Not a major story, certainly - but as we head into the weekend, isn't it nice to appreciate the fact that neither Hillary nor Barry is in the White House these days?

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Deliberate Pravda-cation

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Did you know you can click on the cartoons for a larger view? You're welcome.
Don't worry - even though Busty looks like a cuddlesome Cossack, she's as patriotic as ever. And we think she may be on to something with this new look...

Clearly the Left is never going to let go of the assertion that Donald Trump somehow conspired with the evil Russians to steal the election from Saint Hillary. And it's driving them crazy that they can't prove it (and never will). But as long as the idea upsets them so much, shouldn't we all be doing our part to help feed their paranoia and frustration until it reaches the absolute breaking point?

If you're a known Trump supporter being surveilled by your liberal friends and coworkers, this can be as easy as giving your wardrobe a Moscow makeover, riding to work bare-chested on a stallion, keeping a bottle of vodka on your desk, and wishing everyone a cheery "do svidanya" when leaving the room.

Look around suspiciously before using the copy machine. Frequently pretend to check your lamps, chairs, computers, and framed pictures for electronic bugs. When speaking on the phone, use "da" and "nyet" instead of "yes" and "no."

Better still, let liberals overhear you talking to another conservative friend while overemphasizing suspicious code words:

• "I don't know why I haven't gotten a raise yet; the boss is really STALIN."
• "My favorite Beatle? Gosh, that would be LENIN."
• "Must be a lot of pollen today - I've been HACKING and HACKING."
• "Remember that song from Young Frankenstein? PUTIN on the Ritz?"
• "Pardon me while I go to the bathroom. For a LEAK from an undisclosed source."

It's all good, clean fun and a great way of giving your liberal acquaintances some food for thought. And by "food for thought" we mean, of course, aneurysms.


Monday, July 10, 2017

Owl Be Back

Owing to a variety of circumstances there's no substantive post today, but at least we've got a fresh Earwigs cartoon!

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Friday, July 7, 2017

A Meme Thing To Do

That's going to leave a mark.
Initially we hadn't given much thought to the whole brouhaha in which Trump tweeted (sigh...) an animated GIF of him pretending to rough up someone with a CNN logo for a face. It was a dopey little animation which sort of made a humorous point, after which we could all just get on with our lives - right?

Wrong. The media and Internet went nuts (granted, this is a given these days), making an occurrence which had roughly the importance of a gnat's fart into a bigger story than the lunatic leader of North Korea successfully test firing a nuke-capable ICBM missile.

CNN was especially culpable in blowing the loco logo story out of proportion. They claimed that the seconds-long clip was a call for violence against their esteemed journalistic team, and then tracked down the poor schmuck who'd originally created the animation and threatened to out his real identity (after labeling him a racist and anti-semite) so that the angry leftist mobs - you know, the ones who commit real acts of violence - could deal with him.

This is no small thing, as conservative cartoonist (and personal friend) Mike Lester points out...


The Right, of course, responded with a tidal wave of new memes (including our winged-hat tip to Thor and Hulk) in which CNN was humorously and entirely metaphorically getting the stew beaten out of them.

These weren't "calls for violence," but rather a perfect Free Speech counterattack in defense of a private citizen whose rights and safety were being threatened by a mega-media corporation that can't take a joke - even though it is one.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Firework Stoppage

Rather than actually work on July 4th, we decided to take another day off - the better to enjoy hot dogs, potato chips, American flags, and fireworks.

But since you've gone to all the trouble of dropping in, here's a new 4th of July cartoon, and several "blasts from the past"...


This was just our payback for all the "May the Fourth" memes that were flooding social media a couple of months ago. Plus, we think Yoda would be fun to party with.


This cartoon is chillingly "on the nose," even 8 years later. North Korea's Kim Jung Il chose the 4th of July to shoot a "test" missile towards Hawaii...and of course Obama did nothing to deter further mischief. Which is why this year on the 4th of July, Kin Jung Un test fired an actual ICBM. Thanks, Barry!


This cartoon seemed accurate in 2013 when we were drowning in illegals, but happily it's no longer as current. By various accounts, illegal border crossings are down 40-50% - almost all of which can be attributed to President Trump's seriousness about the subject.


And finally, Lefty Lucy reminds us that even during tough times, it's easy to distract Leftists with bright, shiny things!

Hope everyone had a great holiday; we'll see you back here with fresh material on Friday!

Monday, July 3, 2017

Happy Independence Day!

We're taking an early break in observation of this most American of all holidays, but assumed you wouldn't mind too much as long as we distracted you with this cartoon from the vault...

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And the spirit of patriotism is alive and well over at the world's weirdest children's hospital, too...


Fly your flags, celebrate with family and friends, and enjoy the fireworks (the actual fireworks, as opposed to the ones that go off every time President Trump sends a tweet).

Most importantly, remember what Independence Day is all about - and give thanks to those past and present who protect our freedoms!