Fans of Dumbo (and who isn't?) went into panic mode last week when it was suggested that President Trump was going to lift the ban on the importation of trophy items made from elephants.
Although the change in policy was recommended by the Fish and Wildlife Service, who apparently spend a lot of time and taxpayer money thinking about elephants in other countries because domestic fish are so freaking boring, Trump unexpectedly reversed course after a hugely negative public outcry. He is now postponing a final decision until he's had further opportunity to talk to himself about it.
Frankly, we're hoping that the ban remains in place because elephants are among the most awesome and intelligent animals on Earth, and they don't deserve to be chainsawed into pieces so that people can have elephant tusk bluetooth speakers, taxidermied heads with showerheads in their trunks, or elephant ear sandwiches. The last coming as a special blow to the industries which were gearing up to make the big buns.
And it should go without saying that we don't support the importation of baby elephant trunks for transgendered women who wish to become men, no matter how funny the resulting "sticky bun up the ass" jokes would be.
Lifting the ban was thought to be acceptable because the trophies would come from animals who were being culled scientifically, with money from hunting licenses going to support elephant conservation. That's fine - but once the door has been opened, the problem is how to then keep trophies from illegal poachers from flooding the market as elephant populations are decimated for crap like this...
We can appreciate the fact that there is a robust market for oddities and curios from other lands, but we'd rather the ban stay in place for any and every animal that belongs to a diminishing population.
That being said, we think the time is ripe for Trump to lift the ban on the importation of a certain type of exotic trophy which comes from largely useless creatures who, for better or worse, are in no danger of extinction.
We're talking, of course, about shrunken heads.
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