Friday, March 31, 2017

Friday Foolishness

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big pants, earwigs

One of the primary ways that Stilton's Place is different from Hope n' Change Cartoons is that we've given ourselves permission to "just blow it off" when the news is unappealing or the wind (for whatever reasons) simply fails to fill our sails.

But we're not going to deny you, the dear reader, at least a spot of levity just because we're sick of the blah-blah-blah about Trump vs the Freedom Caucus, Russian hackers vs the DNC, and Maxine Waters vs a Stylish Hairdo (hey, if she wants to support "Habitat for Black Widow Spiders" it's her business).

Anyway, that's why the Earwigs cartoon is lurking above. As we mentioned in our penultimate post over at Hope n' Change, we make Earwigs cartoons (though have not previously published any) as a fun writing exercise and misguided hobby. We basically find a piece of odd old clipart, and then try to spin off as many different punchlines as possible.

While this is mostly just for fun, we fully intend to self-publish a book of these things at some point, and declare it to be the world's first interactive cartoon book. Specifically because you can highlight your favorite captions and then claim co-authorship when you display the newly-personalized book in the bathroom for guests, family members, and visiting clergy to read.

We'd be tempted to run a Kickstarter campaign to fund the creation of this book, only we can probably complete the whole project for a total cost of about $13.99.

Which, by remarkable coincidence, is exactly the cost of a plastic jug of Clan MacGregor alleged scotch!

34 comments:

Sortahwitte said...

I can no longer imbibe alcohol as it and my prescription heart medicine do not play well together. I do remember the crack of the seal on some of the more thrifty brands of whiskey that brought to mind the smell of my zippo lighter in my pocket. Good times.

Granny said...

Methinks thou art deranged. In the best possible way.

Marcus 50 said...

All clever, but the last one did it for me!

L.C.Clower said...

Sad to see a black-and-white cartoon on National Crayola Day.

Judi King said...

I vote for Renaissance Fats.

James Daily said...

Me favorite is the urinal caption, simply because while wearing that particular apparel it would also behoove a genius like myself how to proceed while hopping from one foot to another. It might be fun to watch a person wear that apparel into a biker bar. The only interesting news is Comey has had his Tweeter and Instagram accounts hacked (whatever an Instagram account is)so it might be best to not stand in front of the fan no matter how hot it is.

RP Free Speech said...

L C: You may be seeing 'black and white' but I'm seeing black and 'DANDELION' which, as you may or may not know, was retired today. Or...you may want to visit your ophthalmologist!?!

Very pleased at your return, Stilton...FUN, FUN, FUN to experience your wonderful humor again at last!


Dr. Strangelove said...

Great! Personally, I get sick of politics 24/7. Keep up the good work.

Rod said...

I liked the lookout Polly but you finished with the zinger. As for a book: I'd buy a copy in advance but then you have to deliver. Doesn't it not work well to put such pressure on an artist or an author?

Geoff King said...

In lighter news: Rosie "I said I'd leave the country if Trump was elected, but am too fat and stupid to get on a plane" O'Donnell is now urging Melania to divorce Donald.

https://www.tv3.ie/xpose/article/entertainment-news/235597/Rosie-ODonnell-urges-Melania-Trump-to-take-her-son-and-flee-husband-Donald-Trump

After all, why would any woman want to be married to one of the most powerful and richest men on the planet?

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I thought you were a Bourbon man?! In any case, you left one off:

"Does this foppery make my ass look big?"

Fred Ciampi said...

Ahhhh, no politics today. I feel light headed ... and sane. What a nice feeling. And the political front has been quiet. Such a nice feeling. Much like having a small glass of good old last Tuesday's moonshine.

Tots said...

I love the idea. Unfortunately my backyard still was knocked over by the last round of storms so all I have to barter with is a huge pile of corn mash. :(

porkyspen said...

Sadly, everything Fredric ate went straight to his hips.

Alej said...

Something wet flew onto my spacebar when I read about the kneebows !

Look forward to each issue - please keep it up !

jlw said...

@ Emmentaler Limburger

LOL

REM1875 said...

Percy was truly shocked and embarrassed when he found out that it was not necessary to actually possess a cod to wear a cod piece, at least not that sort of cod.

TrickyRicky said...

All proposed punchlines are hilarious, but I vote for the last one. We've all felt that way at the bus stop at some point......a long, long time ago.

Fish Out of Water said...

'That stupid bird craps just one more time on my handmade leather gloves and POW!'

CenTexTim said...

I don't know about "a plastic jug of Clan MacGregor" but you can now get whiskey in a box.

http://firstwefeast.com/drink/2016/12/fireball-whiskey-box

Cinnamon flavored whiskey combined with the convenience and classiness of a cardboard box - what could go wrong...?

David in SoCal said...

Dr. J: Thanks for the brief respite from politics my son: it makes my heart soar like a Hawk! Love the captions and the artwork, these are a hoot. "Is that a Colostomy Bag in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?"
@CenTexTim: There IS a God!!! Prayers be answered!!

rickn8or said...

Have you tried the Safeway scotch? It's a buck cheaper and doesn't have MacGregor's burnt shellac aftertaste.

Noor al Haqiqa said...

Yep, the headlines are so same old same old these days. And it is all stale cowpatties.

Remember the good old days when Obummer was a laugh a minute?

Have you ever considered doing the occassional cartoon lampooning such marvels as EU leaders? I am sure you could have a blast with Merk or May or LePen.

Colby Muenster said...

All are quite funny, but Reginald gets my vote! Very twisted, sir. And some others have added even more funnies. It's a great, political nonsense free Friday.

And I'll admit, my own caption came almost immediately to mind: "Dammit, Bill! I know you said I need to wear something besides pant suits made from old couch upholstery, but this?!"

A sigh of relief in NC today. We can FINALLY go into the opposite sex's bathroom! Hallelujah! And the NCAA? All they said was, "Meh..." What a CF.

Cheap whiskey is OK; cheap beer is even OK. NEVER compromise on scotch! If it nae Scottish, it's crrrrrrap!

Pete (Detroit) said...

Went to a "Scotch Tasting" a coupla months ago - friend of mine had about a dozen bottles w/ a few ounces left in each, had a few friends over...
Was interesting, and found some I actually enjoyed!
Have not searched them out for pricing, may do so when I have a reliable paycheck again.
Yes, I used to think that being in charge of closing stores for a major retailer had SOME job security, but the bean counters decided my department was a body too heavy, so off I go...
Ah, well, was getting to be depressing to be working there anymore anyway...

Old Cannonballs said...

Evan Williams bourbon. $10.99 a bottle and a zillion times better than Clan McGregor. And it's made in the USA!!

chef621 said...


"All set to have tea with the queen and if she doesn't like me feathered hat and me stripped britches, well, I'll just give her the bird."

Geoff King said...

So that's what you're talon me?
You got to be falcon kidding!

Fred Ciampi said...

What a PUNishing day this hasbeen........

Whoopie said...

Since you've wisely avoided falling for the temptation of Google Adsense widgets and the content restrictions they entail, perhaps more Busty Ross wouldn't be amiss on slow news days.

Just sayin'

Chrissy T. Hyphenated said...

The fart joke. DEFinitely the fart joke!

DougM said...

^ Nope, can't go wrong with a fart joke.

Allow me suggest one:
I'm going to try on some clothes, Bruce, dear.
Here, hold my purse.
Here, hold my stick.
Here, hold my bird.
Here, hold my hat.
Here, hold my ruff.
Dammit, Frederick!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I'm glad folks enjoyed the "Earwigs" cartoon (and played along!) because I'm sticking you with another one tomorrow. It's been a tiring weekend, it's an "all day rainy Sunday," and the news still strikes me as being both partisan and pointless.

And yes, one or more fart jokes will be included!

Boligat said...

I like the cartoons and that readers can make suggestions. I ran into this a few years ago here:

http://unhappyhipsters.com/

Doing this sort of thing is actually good for you. One has to think to put together really good captions. Thinking is something that your readers do very, very well. Good for brain stretching.

So here's mine: Good thing the kneebows are so tight. One can only avoid the chamber pot for so long.

Ewwww