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Monday, January 22, 2018

Jackass-teroids

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, congress, shutdown, finances, asteroid, cnn

Donald Trump has officially finished his first full year in office and, depending on who you ask, he either ended that year in a radiant glow of triumph, or standing in the chaotic rubble of a post-apocalyptic world. Albeit one with a booming stock market.

The government has shut down, of course, owing to the fact that Democrats won't allow funding for pretty much anything that Americans want, need, and paid for because they prefer illegal aliens (some of them euphemistically called dreamers) to actual citizens.

Frankly, we're enjoying the shutdown and the media's crazed coverage of this unimaginable, society-destroying catastrophe. Special points go to CNN, an alleged news network, for their claim that the "Government Shutdown Risks An Undetected Asteroid Strike." We're not sure, but it's quite possible that we'll also be more vulnerable to attacks from Godzilla, Mothra, and the 50-Foot Woman.

And speaking of women...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, vagina, pelosi, women's march, protests, pussy hat
Don't panic, folks - it's just a prune.
To protest Donald Trump's first year in office, activist women took to the streets in orifice to protest whatever the hell is on their silly little minds.

We believe that they're upset that, because of Donald Trump, a multitude of famous (and now unemployed) liberal men started sexually abusing women years and years ago. And no, we don't follow the logic either.

The women flooding the streets also want cheaper, easier access to those who provide baby puréeing services, pay equity (even though they skip work whenever there's a chance to wear vagina masks in public), and handicapped parking stickers to use when they have PMS and are in no damn mood to search all over Hell's half acre for a f*cking parking spot!!!

Amusingly, "pink pussy hats" were somewhat less on display at this year's protests because social justice-conscious women realized that the noggin-warmers might be triggering or offensive to women who have genitalia that isn't pink (or perhaps just not well-washed), as well as women who don't have vaginas.

We don't know, and we don't want to know, what they're wearing on their heads.

34 comments:

JustaJeepGuy said...

Those "women" are totally deranged. They will try to claim Trump made them wear those "costumes", but nobody will actually believe that. Those "women" are just too whacked out to be believed.

Regnad Kcin said...

Few years back, I had a friend with a really bad case of French asthma. Claims he could only catch his breath in snatches. Just saying...........

Anonymous said...

is that the last thing those late term abortion babies see before their innocent lives are ended

REM1875 said...

I heard all about the womens march....but why they were marching was never mentioned (other than they hate Trump cause sHrillay lost..... big deal get in line behind the media )

Jim Irre said...

Wow, these women aren't even good for one thing.

Cat Whisperer said...

Isn’t the government shut down every weekend? And last week it was shut down on Monday too. I didn’t know that celebrating Martin Luther King Day was exposing us all to the risk of an undetected asteroid holocaust.

James Daily said...

Whether there is one person marching or 2 million, I just do not get it. What is the point?
It proves nothing, does not change anyone's mind and has no standing. Wearing silly costumes seems pointless. On the shutdown, this must be # 27 or something and it is always over the same crap. Basically it just gives government employees extra holidays. It would be better if they were not allowed to return to their make work jobs. ( About 2 million federal employees, 3.7 million contractors, nearly 1.6 million grant employees, 1.3 million active-duty military members and 492,000 postal employees) Do we really need that many?

Geoff King said...

Oh my God! The government has shut down and now the sun refuses to rise. Oh wait...it is only 5:08 am as I write this. Sunrise isn't until 7:30. Maybe we'll survive afterall.
Seriously, the government shutdown of 1995 was one of the greatest events of my life. They closed the Grand Canyon, which was totally ridiculous as it and Yellowstone are the only National Parks that make a daily profit on just their exhorbitant entrance fees. Regardless, I had to travel the 75 miles to the Canyon on business, for which they had no problem letting me in. After completing my job there, I pulled into Mather Point Viewpoint and had what can only be described as a religious experience.
It was me and the Canyon and nothing else. No busses pumping out diesel exhaust, no screaming kids, no Japanese tourists taking pictures of every rock on the horizon, and no helicopter tours flying by every 5 minutes.
I sat on the edge there for over an hour and actually "felt" that magnificent place. It was quite moving. Been there dozens of times since, but never will I experience it that way again (sigh).

Chrissy T. Hyphenated said...

I read the CNN asteroid story you linked to at Grabien and thought, "SURELY this is a satire site." According to Media Bias Fact Check, "Grabien is a news aggregation website that pulls news from a variety sources." Plus, Breitbart also reported it. Amazing. CNN did some so absurd, even I couldn't believe it.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

So let me get this straight: Government is shut down, and they're doing nothing?! Does that mean we'll get these days off our Federal tax bill? Even Comcast (second-most-hated behind the IRS) will kick back cash against your bill for service outages...

Emmentaler Limburger said...

(Of course, the gummint not doing anything may be considered a service.)

Fritz Brohn said...

They are women? Hear me snore!

Fish Out of Water said...

"Due to a government shut down.... undetected asteroid" First detected by the government (open or not) or not, would it make a whit of difference? Second there are those, such as a few of my blindly blue cousins and other relatives who would take this absurd, fallacious statement as God's truth and run around screaming in a quiet terror. Its sad to see there are those among us so firmly brainwashed to believe the government is the answer to everything.

Rod said...

I'm not going to worry about a killer asteroid. In fact I'm hoping it's a personal sized, ultra high speed rock coming at Chuck Schumer. What an irritating weasel he is. Who in the hell votes for this traitor?

American Cowboy said...

@ Fish Out of Water said - Its sad to see there are those among us so firmly brainwashed to believe the government is the answer to everything.

Almost as sad as those who believe that their religion has the only answer to everything.

Walter L Stafford said...

I remember seeing a woman many years back with a "poon" about the size of one of the costumed
ones shown. I didn't mind...just bought some cheap ham, shimmed upped the sides and took care of business! :-))

Pete (Detroit) said...

Funny you should mention 'undetected asteroids' - we had one here, last week.
Undetected until it blew up, of course...

https://articles.mlive.com/weather/index.ssf/2018/01/michigan_meteor_was_6_feet_wid.amp

Pete (Detroit) said...

Geoff, I appreciate your "religious experience"
I've done the raft trip through the canyon, twice.
Not QUITE like being alone - you have 30 or so people w/ you, but yeah... Creation is AMAZING.

udaman said...

I believe we just had a near miss of an asteroid the size of a car while the government was running. The astronomers were probably surfing porn instead of watching the heavens. Not to mention the fake missile attack on Hawaii.

Fred Ciampi said...

Speaking of 'the ladies';

There once was a lass from Manass,
Who had a magnificent ass,
Not pretty and pink as you'd probably think,
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

So there!

John the Econ said...

The sun rose Saturday morning, so I was totally unaware that there had been a government shutdown until I read about it online. But considering that other recent calamities like "net neutrality" and "tax reform" didn't kill us like the Democrats said they would, I was pretty confident that I'd be waking up no matter what happened in Washington.

Which is the way it should be.

CNN continues its relentless march well beyond respectability and relevancy. I can only conclude that they they looked at MSNBC unhinged hosts and audience and said, "Wow, we could get those 15 viewers too". It's embarrassing and sad to think that Fox News is now more "mainstream" than CNN. If only dieting was as easy as giving up cable news has become.

Democrats: For a while a mere few months ago in the wake of the #MeToo and emerging Clinton purge, I thought that was a sign that they'd figured out their problem (that of being a utter and complete disconnect from most of the country) and was making an effort to reconnect with reality and half of the country. I guess I was wrong.

So it seems that they're going to go into the midterms on a platform of opposing more money in the pockets of middle class taxpayers, against securing the borders, and amnesty for illegal aliens who compete for social services and jobs. Sounds like a winner, just like it was 14 months ago.

Meanwhile, notice the lack of "Barrycades" around the country. Yes, many federally-run venues are closed. But a supposedly closed and broke country isn't actually spending money to go out of the way to inconvenience and annoy people this time around. Federal agents are not threatening people with arrest for "illegal recreating".

The stark difference should not be lost on the citizenry: It wasn't just the IRS that the Obama Administration actively weaponized against us. The entirety of the federal bureaucracy, even down to the park service was ordered to punish us for not voting "correctly" with what Progressives and the bureaucracy in their devoted employ wanted. So you have a problem with a $20-trillion dollar deficit? Fine. Then we're trash your vacation! Was that really the way to win the hearts and minds of the people? Say what you will about Trump, but he knows better that that.

Women & Incoherence: The "Women's Movement" as it once existed died 20 years ago this week when all of its supposed leaders went all-in to save Weinstein-class offender, Bill Clinton. At that point, sane women realized that they had no more use for the movement, and got on with their lives. What was left went into hiding for a time in academia and metastasized into the gender studies curricula which basically abandoned "normal" women. After decades of being told not to think about women as just body parts, they couldn't stop talking about vaginas. They weaponized their newly-discovered alternate genders into a political agenda that inexplicably but unsurprisingly includes other "women's" issues such as "climate change", Pro-Palestine-anti-Israel, Open Borders, and ironically, Pro-Islamism. (Some march leaders actually claim that Muhammad himself was a "feminist" - If Muhammad was, who isn't?)

Just like the protesters from the late-'60s made Nixon and Reagan inevitable, this level of insanity will only fortify Trump. I openly admit that I've never been a big fan of Trump, but if this is going to be the supposed alternative, I'll continue to live with him.

Judi King said...

I see no disaster where I live with a so-called government shut down. Far as I'm concerned it can shut down permanently. Other than the military, who needs them? But the do-nothings in DC, etc. should not be paid for non work.

Colby Muenster said...

Chuckie Schumer apparently has decided to save us all at the last minute, so we are no longer being threatened by stealthy, rogue asteroids. Whew! That was close one! Thank you Chuck!

Seriously, it scares the crap out of me that there are people in this country who no doubt actually got panicked when CNN went off one their asteroid nonsense. If CNN stooped any lower, they could Limbo under the carpet.

Concerning the idiotic women wearing pussy costumes, weren't they fearful Trump would come along and grab them? Anybody care to guess how soon you would get arrested for public indecency if you appeared at a men's march wearing a penis costume? Actually, my wife posted something about men wearing penises on their heads on her Facebook page, and my oh my! Her libtard friends threatened to (gasp!) UNFRIEND HER!!! I though she was having a stroke after that, but then realized she was laughing so hard, she couldn't breathe.

Colby Muenster said...

Oh, and ain't it comical how fast the Democraps caved on the shutdown deal? It would seem the blame narrative was not going the way to which they were accustomed during the O'Liar years.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Pete: I just love the M-Live article: "Scientists are now trying to determine where the meteor came from." Well, duh! Space!

When that went overhead (I guess my neighborhood was right beneath the path. Go figure...) and exploded, I heard and felt BOOM! (THUMP) BOOM, BOOM! (THUMP, THUMP!) Boom! (Thump!). Dogs went nuts, and I yelled at them to shut up. Business as usual: Had no idea it was a meteor - thought it was the Moon Doggies at the local mosque celebrating one of the moon phases with illegal fireworks. Again.

Gee M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gee M said...

I have it on good authority it was one of the few remaining pieces of Krypton.
Marvel Comics Inc. has offered a yuge reward for any recovered pieces.

Old Cannonballs said...

Vagina costumes and asteroids? It is getting seriously weird out there.
Time to numb myself with a slug or two of Jack Daniels.

Judi King said...

@ cowboy....ALL religions think they have the answer....including the atheist religion.

Rod said...

I just got caught up over "Johnny Optimism" and since I committed a foul some time ago about such things (Johnny is supposed to remain non-political) ... I'll post this here:

RE Johnny on 22 Jan: Funny cartoon; but we've just been through this with my Dad, for about three months. It's surprising how little hospitals & doctors claim to have do with MRSA, aka a superbug type of Staph aka "Hospital" infection. Their first and damn near only response is: "It's everywhere! There's very little if any instructions for out-patients, awareness training, etc. One must do-it-themselves; as this can be really bad stuff especially for elderly folks with infected head wounds and no longer any personal discipline about sterile procedures.

John the Econ said...

@Colby Muenster said "Oh, and ain't it comical how fast the Democraps caved on the shutdown deal?"

No doubt at some point, somebody with a brain got to Schumer to ask "Do we really want to go into the midterms on a platform of annoying people over this?" No doubt they go some quick polling data back proving what a loser that was with the non-nutcake voters they still need.

MRSA: About a decade ago, I lost a good friend to MRSA after a quadruple-bypass surgery. He survived the bypass just fine. It was the infection that got introduced under his breastplate that ended up getting him after over a month in the ICU. I can't imagine what the bill for that stay was, but I'm sure that hospital wrote it off.

RIP, Mike. We shared some good adventures.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I'm too far behind to reply to most comments above, but I read and enjoyed 'em all!

@Rod- I'm a bit more lax about political comments over at Johnny's site if they're pretty on topic, but for anything serious this is still the best place to go.

That particular Johnny cartoon has come back to bite me already as a friend who recently had surgery had to go back into the hospital because of infections likely picked up there. Fortunately they do NOT appear to be the "superbug" types which don't take many prisoners. The problem of these semi-untreatable illness which thrive in hospitals should be a concern to all of us.

@John the Econ- I completely agree; the Dems did some polling and found out that they were the ones looking stupid. And it's amusing to see the many Dems now criticizing Schumer for "caving in." Mind you, these are the same people who claimed that having the government shut down was an apocalyptic tragedy.

And so sorry to hear about your friend who died from the MRSA infection. It's just nightmare stuff.

Gee M said...

Well, the good news is that there isn't enough Krypton to use on Donald, as he turns out to not be Superman after all, just a good President for the times.
Melania is probably aware how unsuper he is, re Stormy Daniels, the usual strumpet looking for a big payout, and her strumpy friends (kinda funny how close "Strumpet" sounds like "Trump");
while we are OK with the Donald acting the (appropriate) fool while confounding our enemies, I am not happy (well, you ask...which Dwarf am I?) with learning he was strumping while Melania was either preggers or had just dropped Baron.
Neither is she, the not quite loving marriage they had seems to be heading towards whose lawyer will get the best deal, while he's a sitting President...what about NKNukes and the Economy and Immigration? Doesn't a divorce take up a lot of time and attention? Ooops!

Maybe Donald needs to check himself, it seems our support has been taken for granted and with AG Sessions fixing to jump on Marijuana Dispensaries while Melania is putting distance twixt the Donald and her fine self, this may not turn out so well.
Both events are disturbing to many of his ardent supporters, such as myself...I don't smoke or eat reefer but support the legalization, and do NOT support cheating on a wife and mother as a habit. And I do believe I am NOT alone in this.

And I was so loving Libbie heads exploding as a daily thing...dagnab it!

John the Econ said...

MRSA: I've long said that hospitals are no place for sick people. The last thing that sick people need are killer pathogens.