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Friday, November 30, 2018

Friday Free For All!

There's a lot going on in the news, and virtually all of it is ridiculous. But we won't keep you in suspense, we're kicking off today's post with the MOST stupid thing we've seen all week...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hockey, puck, shooter

Detroit's Oakland University is passing out hockey pucks to faculty and student government leaders to throw at active shooters should such an event break out. Because nothing stops a bad guy with a gun like a good guy with a tiny piece of sports equipment.

Granted, a single hockey puck flung by a wimpish professorial type (ever seen how Barack Obama throws a baseball?) is only going to piss the shooter off, but the University has big plans for the future. "The ideal situation," they say, "is that you would have a classroom full of 30 or 40 people, all of whom have hockey pucks."

And in actuality, the idea has merit. Because if, God forbid, there ever is an active shooter event at Oakland University, we expect the person who thought up this godawful idea to get 30 or 40 hockey pucks up their ass from the survivors. Maybe then they'll get serious about campus safety.

And speaking of people who are no strangers to getting things shoved up their butts...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hockey, puck, shooter, stormy daniels, murphy brown, birthday

Stormy "Chlamydia Chowder" Daniels has come forward to announce that her lying sleazeball lawyer, Michael Avenatti, never got her permission to file the failed defamation suit against Donald Trump - and has also been taking the porn star's crowdfunding money (around $600,000) without giving any accounting of where it's going.

We find everything about this story to be delightful. The unpleasantly-aging Daniels will have to continue supporting herself by putting on debasing displays for any drunk with a dollar bill, the dolts who contributed to her campaign have been royally ripped off, and Avenatti will have to use his ill-gotten gains to pay millions of dollars in back taxes or, better still, flee the country.

But even that doesn't make us as happy as this tidbit of entertainment news...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hockey, puck, shooter, stormy daniels, murphy brown, birthday

The "Murphy Brown" reboot has officially been booted from view by CBS after only 13 episodes, owing to abysmal ratings and the high cost of keeping the geriatric cast members refrigerated between takes.

The idea behind the reboot was simple: "let's bring back a show from 20 years ago and make it relevant by having every spoken word be an attack on President Trump!" Yet more proof that cocaine doesn't really make anyone more creative.

The show starred a tastefully-embalmed Candace Bergen, and tried to entice viewers with stunts like a cameo from Hillary Clinton - because who doesn't want to see even more of that strident old biddy? Currently, there is no word on whether CBS will try to re-reboot the show with most of the cast members and a new premise in which Murphy Brown has unexpectedly died from an opioid overdose

AND ONE MORE THING...

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Please join me in wishing a very happy birthday to Mrs. Jarlsberg!

Unsurprisingly, she's the real rock of the family, counterbalancing my lifelong creative chaos with stability, wisdom, and good humor. She is by far better informed on topical news than I am - she frequently points me at the important stories of the day, and has a mind which is actually analytical instead of one programmed to turn everything into a joke (albeit frequently a serious joke).

We don't really make a big show of celebrating birthdays (she won't even get that Hallmark card), but instead observe such occasions with our own family rituals. A hand-carved (by her grandfather) set of wooden letters spelling out "Happy Birthday" is put on display, and a little doll family that lives in our entertainment center and represents our family members will see a birthday crown worn on the head of the Mama figure.

Mrs. Jarlsberg deserves a real crown, of course, but happily has no taste for diamonds. Did I get lucky or what?

69 comments:

Sortahwitte said...

Happy Birthday Mrs. J! Many more and all the best to you. Stilton. Buy her a Hallmark, dammit.
She deserves it for putting up with your crap. Maybe a box of Texas Millionaires, too. And maybe a six pack of Michelob. Chocolate, nougat and pecans goes great with beer.

Regnad Kcin said...

When hockey pucks are outlawed, only outlaws will have hockey pucks.
Looks like no more reach-arounds for Mr. Avanatti.
How to cook a turd : Brown it on one side and throw it in the pot.
A big shout out to the Lady Cheese for another successful annular cycle in the Magical Mystery Tour........

Anonymous said...

A happy Birthday to Mrs. Jarlsberg and a saintly halo for putting up with a wit all those years. Have many many more. :-)

Ed H.

REM1875 said...

Well doc when I realized the 27th was Mrs Rems B-day....(late late that evening) I ran right down to the gas station and bought her one of those Christmas tree thingys that hang from the mirror...... I mean since it's close and all what's more sensitive than a Christmas/B-day all rolled into one ......
Happy Birthday Mrs Jarlsberg

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

1) They'll take away my hockey pucks when they pry them from my cold dead fingers.

2) Couldn't have happened to a nicer skank.

3) Dan Quayle was unavailable for comment.

4) A very happy natal anniversary to Mrs. Jarlsberg! And many more!

Phoebe said...

Happy birthday and many happy more of the same, Mrs J!

Why not frisbees instead of hockey pucks? They travel better, require less upper body strength to throw, and are more distracting. Also, some passing dog may spot one in the air and join in the game, thereby knocking down the shooter.... Okay, that's no more stupid than the original hockey puck idea.

Jim Irre said...

Happy Birthday to the lady of the manor! Now get yer butt to the kitchen Stilt and get breakfast ready for her!

It would be fun to see Stormy get a strap-on and turn the tables on Avenatti! Or just send him to the woods of West Virginia!

Rod said...

Lucky isn't the word for it; you've been blessed. Do something unexpected, a little different than usual and very nice for Mrs. J. (How's that for a straight line line?) HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LADY; and thank you for supervising this guy.

Larry Hoffman said...

Hallmark has cards for $1.00 at Dollar Tree! No more $6.00 cards. Now even a guy like me can say "Nothing but the best for you honey, it's a Hallmark".

Jess said...

When I saw they were bringing back Murphy Brown, I had one of those "Surely, nobody is that stupid" moments, but I was wrong. They were that stupid, and if I was a shareholder in the network that presented the show, I'd demand we spend a few thousand dollars and have the perpetrators executed.

My wife loves diamonds, but she doesn't like spending money on diamonds. I guess that's a paradox, except during the Christmas holidays. At that time, my dislike of spending money on diamonds is supposed to be overruled by that Christmas spirit hogwash.

Bah! Humbug!

Greywuff zfavrr said...

Because nothing says "Shoot Me First" faster than hitting an active shooter with a hockey puck.

Gee M said...

Happy Birthday to Mama Jarlsberg!

In the spirit of assisting Shooters in finding the safest zone to open fire, will other schools post "Puck-Free Zone" notices about their campus's?





Judi King said...

A very happy Birthday and thanks to Mrs. Jarlsberg, and many more.
Toons and comments are really great today.
I've heard that you don't take a knife to a gun fight but HOCKEY PUCKS? Could anything be more stupid?

Geoff King said...

Happy b-day Mrs. J!
Unless you have 3 hockey pucks or the shooter allows you to retrieve your single puck after throwing it at him a couple of times, how in the world is anyone going to score a Hat Trick?

Fish Out of Water said...

A wonderful birthday to the wife!

BTW in the same spirit, an announcement for Busty's and Lefty's birthdays would be nice too ;-)

bryan e said...

Wait; I thought that that was the missus???

Fish Out of Water said...

Speaking of cameo appearances, believe the latest from the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains, Ga, about how he's really responsible for increased oil production, deserves a strip devoted to him.

John Fernau said...

I will start this off with a Happy Birth Day to the wonderful Mrs. Jalsberg. She deserves two birthday cards for putting up with a wit like Stilton, one funny and another romantic/thoughtful.

As to the Daniels/Brown jokes(redundancy see redundancy) I just don't know what to say. Maybe they could have a show together where Bergan uses Daniels like her father did Charlie McArthey(sic). They would both have experience with this type of show business. Did I really just reach that far back for a joke?


Speaking of Hallmark(putting on curmudgeon hat) I was at Walmart the other day and they had a display of the Hallmark Christmas(important part of this rant) tree ornaments. One of they was of Thor the Norse god of thunder. Yes I know he was there as a character from the Avengers but nothing say to me the birth of Christ like a Norse god. Do people even think of these things before they market them? I am guessing not. \\rant mode off//

Again with all due happiness, Happy Birth day Mrs. J.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Ms. Jalsberg and hope the two of you have an awesome weekend to celebrate it.

Not surprised about M. Brown getting flushed. I saw an episode and like 'Will & Grace', just bitter Hollyweird writers having a chance to vent. Not impressive at all - even the actors didn't seem to be feeling it. Good riddance.

Shelly said...

I hope the lovely Mrs. J has a splendid birthday and is treated like the queen I am sure she is. All of us residents of Stilton's Place raise a hockey puck to her!

AmyH said...

Happy Birthday Mrs J!

James Daily said...

Happy Birthday to Mrs Jalsberg and many, many more. Celebrate your best and longest friend's special day with a special treat such as a spa and pedicure day. Somehow, women really like that stuff.
Wow. Great cartoons again. That turkey day must have supercharged the old gray cells.
Maybe the shooter will think they are clay targets and shoot the pucking pucks. Lord help us all from from the nitwits. I am surprised this one did not recommend counseling for the shooter before he/she or heshe whacked a room full of the best and brightest (right).
On Stormy whose odometer has turned over several time, those two certainly deserve each other as there is no doubt in my mind Avenatti used it to pay President Trump's legal expenses since he didn't pay his rent.

GregB said...

The genius at Oakland University that came up with this hockey puck idea also said to throw, "anything that has weight and could cause injury if you were to throw it" at any perp in an active shooter situation. I have to agree 100% with this statement. I prefer throwing small chunks of lead...at around 1400 feet per second.

RDB said...

Happy birthday Mrs J. Thanks for keeping Mr J on task!

Fred Ciampi said...

Happy birthday to Mrs. J.

I think a better idea would be to throw bowling balls at shooters because they can do more damage to the shooter. But of course then the school would be open to a lawsuit from the shooter because the boo boo would be bigger.

And as for Stormy ('Is it windy in here or is that just a blow job?') Daniels, if she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she has had stuck in, she would look like a porcupine.

Ahhhhh, it's going to be a long weekend, where's my 'shine?

Fred Ciampi said...

Oh, and anudder thing; the people who thought up hockey pucks are educated???!?!?!?!?!?

Hangtown Bill said...

Stilt, you're on fire today. Great content. Glad the tryptophan and booze have finally worn off. Happy Birthday Mrs. J. Deserves a crown, got a clown!

MAJ Arkay said...

Happy, happy birthday, Mrs. J. May it be all you wish for.

My own birthday was 28 Nov. Spousal Unit gave me a lovely card that basically said how wonderful I don't go in for jewelry. He gave me a brand new box of .45 hollow points, 1000 of them. Happy sigh. He's just too sweet.

H R Miller said...

You did get lucky, as did I. My talent was not, like yours, humor, but the ability to sell refrigerators (or petro-chemicals) to eskimos (or Arabs). Fortunately, or unfortunately, my sweetie left me to be with our Creator some six years ago. Coincidentally, she passed on Sept. 11...

TrickyRicky said...

Happy Birthday to Mrs. Jarlsberg, and many more.

Whoever thought up the hockey puck idea has obviously taken a few too many slap shots to the forehead. Now people just need to slap some sense into him.

Jerome Boyle said...

Mr Stilton J: Congrats to Mrs J on her BD. Now -- Down to brass tacks: I find myself (at 65+ years, married and semi-retired) TOTALLY SMITTEN by Busty Ross. I am sure you and any other reasonably normal bi-ped find this is the very definition of "grotesque". It makes the romance in "The Black Lagoon" seem normal. What's to be done? I would stalk her, but I need a nap. How about making MONEY? Suppose a well respected web site (or in a pinch, your own) were to offer glossy 8X10's of "America's Sweetheart", autographed and suitable for framing. See where this is going? I suggest that you include one of here famous captions. If I might be so bold: The 4th of July where she looks into the camera and raising her hand says "The fireworks are up here." Should you think this ridiculous, just sending me her home address would suffice. P.S. You do OK too.

j said...

>>>> HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS JARLSBERG <<<<<<

Bruce Bleu said...

Happy Birthday, Mrs. "J"... thank you for supporting your husband in his VERY important work! He couldn't do it without your support.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

A very Merry Burfmas to Stilton's better half! The rennet to his milk! The curds to his whey! THe.... Uh, I'm not sure I like where this is going.

Happy birthday, Mrs. J.

Boligat said...

Happy b-day to the Missus. So glad you are around to keep Stilt going. We are blessed for your blessedness.

@John Fernau: "Speaking of Hallmark(putting on curmudgeon hat) I was at Walmart the other day and they had a display of the Hallmark Christmas(important part of this rant) tree ornaments. One of they was of Thor the Norse god of thunder. Yes I know he was there as a character from the Avengers but nothing say to me the birth of Christ like a Norse god. Do people even think of these things before they market them? I am guessing not. \\rant mode off/"

No, they don't think things through. A few years ago I saw a Christmas flyer from a store featuring pictures of toys mixed in with images representing Christmas. One of the images was a twofer. It was a little angel, complete with wings, shooting an AR-15. I kid you not. Just wish I had saved the flyer.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Boligat: One of the images was a twofer. It was a little angel, complete with wings, shooting an AR-15.

Huh? Sounds kinda heavenly to me! You don't expect them top still be smiting demons with swords in this modern age, do ya? Besides: an apt depiction of our military...

Stinking Bishop said...

The hockey puck idea must have come from someone who thought they were channeling the late, great Don Rickles.

Stormy Daniels. Because nothing says "love" like rectal prolapse.

Happy Birthday, Mrs. J!!!!1 *waves*

Anonymous said...

They said it's because the ratings were so low, but there was also the astronomical expense of all that adrenochrome.

John the Econ said...

Oakland University: So basically, all a mass shooter has to do to totally control the campus is to come dressed as a goalie. In fact, if I was a student there, I'd come to class one day dressed as one, just to see if the police would be called. Oakland University has also been added to my list of totally worthless diplomas. The list of worthwhile ones is getting short.

2020 Democratic Front-Runner, the Creepy Porn Lawyer: So far exhibiting the traits of the perfect Democratic candidate, taking other people's money to be spent with no accountability whatsoever.

Murphy Brown: Didn't watch the show the first time around, and would have never even been aware of it had it not been for Dan Quayle's salient observations at the time. So I really couldn't care less this time around. It's my understanding that the business plan for this reboot was that it was going to be 22-solid minutes of self-righteous Trump bashing that both nostalgic aging hippies and millennial SJWs could and would enthusiastically embrace. And yet, it seems that they couldn't care any more than I did.

Belly laugh of the morning awarded to: "Yet more proof that cocaine doesn't really make anyone more creative." Nope, just convinces the non-creative that they actually are.

I find it encouraging to consider that as much as Hollywood Progressives do not really understand conservatives, it appears that they really don't understand Progressives much better.

Mrs. Jarlsberg: Having a wonderful wife myself, I truly appreciate the importance of having a great woman as a life partner. We all owe Mrs. Jarlsberg a debt of gratitude for keeping Dr. J in the humorous form we all appreciate. Happy Birthday Mrs. Jarlsberg!

John the Econ said...

@Geoff King, no doubt they've instituted a single-puck rule. And certainly high-capacity puck bags are outlawed.

@Fish Out of Water, talk about hubris! Because we all remember how "fracking" and pipeline construction was a centerpiece of the Democrat's post-'08 energy policy!

@John Fernau, my wife and I always laugh when we see some of those ornaments. Because, what says "Merry Christmas" more than the Dark Lord of the Sith on your Christmas Tree?

But I really shouldn't talk. I've got a SR-71 ornament.

Sortahwitte said...

@John the Econ.
I am so jealous. Coolest aircraft/space ship EVER.
Coolest tree ornament EVER.

For your gratification: Blackbird, Legacy of Innovation. 12/2/2018, 9pm central, PBS.
Well worth the one hour.

mamafrog said...

Tell the lovely and talented Mrs J a very Happy Birthday (Am I gonna get in trouble for that or is it copyrighted too, like the song?) and we all appreciate her letting you out of the cage once in awhile to talk to us. Especially after that sleep episode flinging. She is a model of compassion and fortitude. And we hope she hasn't been driven to drink yet...

Colby Muenster said...

Trying to picture this in my head. Picture, if you will, a room full of sissy boys and valley girls who likely don't even know how to change a tire on the Prius mommy and daddy bought for them. They are all sitting in a classroom, ignoring the teacher and texting stupid pictures to each other on their iPhone 10's. Suddenly, a nut case bursts into the room, spraying them with an AK47, and this professor expects them to counter with hockey pucks? Sounds like a GREAT idea to me!

Ahhh, Stormy.... Not fun showing your ass and then having to PAY them, is it? As we say in Wyoming, "If'n ya get in bed with a rattler, you gonna get bit."

Murphy Brown. Never watched it back then, and had no intention of watching it now. As a matter of fact, the only network TV I watch is sports, and that's only because it's not on Netflicks or my Amazon Fire. I'm glad it flopped and hope CBS learned a lesson about the popularity of Trump bashing (but I seriously doubt it).

Happy birfday, Mrs. Jarlsberg! I'm curious though. I assume you have a first name, and me being a long time visitor here, think it's high time we all be on a first name basis rather than calling you Mrs. Jarlsberg. For example, Mrs. Muenster's name is Morangie Brie (she's Scottish).

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Colby Muenster: How about Ameribella Jarlsberg? A pretty first name, and sounds patriotic...

What do you think, Stilton?

CC said...

Of course the only answer to low-velocity hockey-puck throwing is a full-auto hockey puck launcher with 50-Rd. magazine....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Mrs. J is very appreciative of all the birthday wishes, and I'm just going to do a group "thank you" here rather than necessarily commenting on each birthday wish.

We're having a good day here, albeit tempered somewhat by news of the Anchorage earthquake (my nephew and his family live there; he's an air traffic controller and is currently doing his job out of a truck because the control tower sustained damage) and the possibility of severe weather coming to daughter J's neighborhood in Oklahoma this afternoon. Apparently the world didn't get the memo that this was supposed to be a day of sunbeams and rainbows!

@Regnad Kcin- Frankly, I'd rather have a nice jagged rock to throw than a hockey puck. What the hell are these people thinking?!

@REM1875- Nice that you got her something so scent-imental. (grin)

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Poor Dan Quayle really got hosed by the press. He was actually an intelligent guy who was disparaged unfairly. Surprise, surprise.

@Phoebe- How about frisbees with razor edges? Now THAT would be a deterrent!

@Jim Irre- I'll bet a nickel that a Google search of "Stormy Daniels" and "strap-on" would produce a lot of hits, but I don't really want that in my browser history. Or mind.

@Larry Hoffman- Yes, but if you DON'T spring for Hallmark cards at the Dollar Store, you can get two for a dollar! "When you care enough to send the very least."

@Jess- I'm now reading online that "Murphy Brown" isn't necessarily cancelled, but rather just that no new episodes have been ordered. Right. And apparently the most recent episode had one of the main characters, a news reporter, severely beaten at a Trump rally after Trump himself said to attack him. And they call this comedy?

@Greywuff zfavrr- When I picture the scene, I see the shooter hesitating briefly after getting hit with the puck- just long enough to give the puck-thrower a "what the hell were you thinking?" look before blasting them out of their shoes.

@Gee M- And if there ARE puck-free zones declared on campus, will it affect Hostess Ding Dongs that only identify as hockey pucks?

@Judi King- I would say that nothing could be more stupid, only we both know that the liberals will top themselves in a day or two.

@Geoff King- You make a good point.

@Fish Out of Water- I'll see what I can do for the other ladies!

@bryan e- Nope. Busty Ross is simply an able associate here at Jarlsberg Enterprises.

@Fish Out of Water- Yeah, I'm pretty thunderstruck by Obama's claim that he's responsible for our oil boom. The asshole CUT production on all federal lands, and did his best to suppress oil production in the private sector. What an asshole.

@John Fernau- Hey, I'm old enough to appreciate Edgar Bergen jokes! Even Mortimer Snerd jokes! And I agree about the goofy Christmas ornaments.

@Anonymous- A cartoonist friend of mine made the observation that it's crazy for a TV show to deliberately cut itself off from half of the potential viewers (as was the case here). And here's another bulletin for CBS - even liberals aren't going to find "comedy" in a show treating Trump like a Nazi...they're just going to be miserable and nod in agreement before eventually tuning into something else for distraction.

@Shelly- Thanks!

@James Daily- I really should treat Mrs. J to a spa and pedicure day. She'd be able to get a lot done at home while I was out for the day soaking and having my nails done.

Regarding today's productivity, it's just the luck of the draw that sometimes a bunch of stories happen at the same time that are ripe for a quick cartoon.

@GregB- Good plan! Plus, your way provides a much easier method of conceal and carry than you'd get with a bowling ball.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- HA! I'd just made the comment above about bowling balls before even reading your post. And thanks for the unsettling mental image of Stormy Daniels... (grin)

@Hangtown Bill- Tryptophan and booze are both okay, it just turns out that I shouldn't have both of them for breakfast.

@MAJ Arkay- That's a thoughtful guy! Happy post-birthday to you!

@H R Miller- So sorry about your loss. September 11 is just a cursed day in my book, and all the more so in light of your circumstances. I hope you've got a lot of good memories.

@TrickyRicky- Seriously, what kind of drugs do you have to be on to have come up with the hockey puck idea? And how terrifying will it be when someone dressed as a goalie bursts into a classroom?

@Jerome Boyle- I like the idea of people being able to get their hands on a more tangible representation of Ms. Ross (getting your hands on the real thing is entirely up to her). I'll give it some additional thought. Anyone interested in a Busty t-shirt?

@j- Thanks!

@Bruce Bleu- Your words are truer than you know!

@Emmentaler Limburger- I think you missed a fondue pun in there somewhere, but I don't want to encourage you (grin).

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Boligat- I find myself conflicted by the image of an angel with an AR-15. I'm pretty sure it's either offensive or awesome, I'm just not sure which.

@Emmentaler Limburger- Exactly!

@Stinking Bishop- Now I want to find a graphic program that will let me make a needlepoint version of "Nothing says love like rectal prolapse." (laughing)

@Anonymous- Seriously, you KNOW they had to have paramedics on the set at all times. If not morticians.

@John the Econ- Again, I made a goalie comment before seeing yours. Great minds and all that (grin). I agree with all of your other points, as usual - especially those pertaining to the love of a good woman.

@Sortahwitte- I'm going to watch for that show!

@mamafrog- For many, many years, the song "Happy Birthday" WAS copyrighted and made a freaking fortune for the heirs of the Hill sisters, who wrote the lyrics. Sort of. The original, public domain song was "Good morning to you" and included the line "Good MORNing dear teacher, Good morning to you." The Hill sisters swapped out the word "birthday" for "morning," and "your name here" instead of "teacher." And they made millions upon millions.

@Colby Muenster- I can't picture the hockey puck scenario playing out as anything but black comedy. And wow, that's quite a moniker on your better half!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Her name's not Ameribella, but now I'm thinking of forcing my daughter to change her name...

@CC- I now desperately want to see a full-auto hockey puck gun. Surely the Internet will satisfy my longing soon...

B.C. said...

Maybe SeeBS can up their ratings by having Stormy, Avarice & Mizz Brown wind up the series in an opioid-fueled, peanut butter-covered 3-way on top of a feces-covered American flag and burning MAGA hats?

B.C. said...

BTW, if you want to see a hockey puck gun, just search for the "Pucker Chucker".

PS: Happy Birthday, Mrs J!

John Fernau said...

A Busty tee shirt, she wouldn't by chance be in would she? If so I would love one.

James Daily said...

Just an after thought, but where are the hockey pucks stored between shooters? Do they hand them out at the beginning of class or pick them out of a box as they come in the door, then retrieve them in a box by the door on their way out? Then maybe the shooter saying, "You throw like a girl." Oh, never mind.

Rod said...

@ Stilton: Yes indeed Barry is an asshole of the First Order. IMO he's also sick in the head; it's been coming on for a long time; and it's very much more apparent. I feel sorry for him in a way. No, more for the girls when history written.. but also think his base should do him a favor and convince him to retire gracefully and shut the fuck up while he's still ahead; at least with them. Many of us knew he was a loser since he first showed up.

Gee M said...

@ Stilton

As any Ding-Dong identifying as an anti-shooter defense Puck IS an anti-shooter defense Puck, students and faculty must be allowed to hurl self-defense Ding-Dongs in lieu of the more violent standard hardmatter anti-shooter defense Puck. Likewise, unless intended to be consumed as a chocolaty treat, any Ding-Dong identifying as an anti-shooter defense Puck will NOT be allowed in a posted No Puck Zone.
That's just common sense.

Bobo said...

How confused would the kollege kids be if the shooter’s weapon was disguised as a goalie stick?

Happy Birthday Mrs J!!9

REM1875 said...

@REM1875- Nice that you got her something so scent-imental. (grin)

OK I am laughing my ass off......

Bobo said...

Oops...Where did that 9 come from??

valvenator said...

@ Rod
Maybe Burry theBummer might be a good name for his legacy that we'd like to see left behind.....way, way behind.

@ Gee M
A Ding Dong might actually make a better weapon if it's smeared a cross the shooters eyes. Of course if they had any aim,...oops, aim, I said a bad gun word :(

valvenator said...

Honestly, what these hockey puck people came up with is an insult to the word STUPID.
It's way,...Way,....WAY beyond that.
The only thing that can come close to GOD's infinite wisdom is the 180 degree infinite level of stupidity of liberals.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

(raises a glass to the memory of 41)

94 years was a damned good run, and he was skydiving even towards the end.

My condolences to his family and loved ones.

JRMD said...

Best Wishes to Mrs. Jarlsberg for a very happy birthday.... and many more to come.

I got some great laughs from tonight's posts and am passing them on to my list.

JRMD

Gee M said...

@ Valvenator


Ancient Jewish saying:
"Against stupidity God Himself is helpless."








Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@B.C.- I'm pretty sure that's their Christmas episode. And hey, I loved the video of the Pucker Chucker!

@John Fernau- Would you prefer the wet one or dry one?

@James Daily- It does seem unrealistic that students will just hold a puck in their hands all the time. Perhaps they should throw their smart phones? Wait, that won't happen - they'll be using them to shoot video.

@Rod- Barry is sick in the head. He's taking narcissism and delusion to a new level. The man lacked gravitas (and pretty much everything else) in office, and now is desperately scrambling to redefine his failed administration. I really do wish that he and his wife would get off the national stage and leave us alone, but it will never happen.

@Gee M- This raises another tough question: if a woman has a Ding-Dong, which bathroom should she use?

@Bobo- This is starting to sound like the "Carnage on Ice!" show.

@REM1875- We aim to please (grin).

@Bobo- Germany?

@valvenator- I must admit it gives me pleasure to see Barry's "legacy" crumbling like a sand castle.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I'm sorry to see Bush go, but as you say he had a long and accomplished run.

@JRMD- Thanks for the shares - it's always good to get the word out!

@GeeM- Those ancient Jews knew what they were talking about.

bobtater said...

I just bought a 50 round box of 76.2 mm x 2625 grain hockey pucks. I'm ready.

Gee M said...

@ bobtater

(As per Don Rickles...)

just right for any hockey pucks acting like Ding Dongs.

Maoz said...

Sorry for being late to the party, but Yom Huledet Same'ach, Geveret Jarlsberg!

ryan said...


https://tvskybox.com
7500 iptv channels only 5 euro/usd
/europe/usa/asia/arabic/latino/russian channels....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnnQZHlzIiQ

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Baked beans are off.

John Fernau said...

To Stilton regarding a Busty Ross shirt, Yes.

As to the idea of a the students throwing their phones if they had a Nokia then they could do some real damage. I had one issued to me during a deployment due to job description and it looked like it had been or dragged something across a parking lot and it still worked.
Or they could be issued one of the old Samsung Galaxy S7s that exploded. That would be fun to see the look of fear on the shooters face as dozen different phone grenades headed their way.


Busty Ross, wet tee shirt!!! Damn I won't be good for the rest of the day.