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Friday, March 22, 2019

Brushing the Dog

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, dog, dentist, veterinarian, toothbrush, brushing, penny, maggie, anxiety

Okay, we give up. We wanted to write a nice post making fun of the most recent political idiocy, but we just can't today. And why? Because Penny (the official dog of Hope n' Change) is currently at the veterinarian's office getting her teeth cleaned, and we're on pins and needles waiting to find out that she's come through the trauma and anesthesia okay. After which, we'll probably self-administer a little personal anesthesia to calm our nerves.

Penny's predecessor, Maggie, thoroughly enjoyed having her teeth brushed - but Penny has never wanted any part of it. We've tried chicken flavored toothpaste, beef flavor, and peanut butter flavor (which was invented by George Washington Carver's dog) but Penny found none of them acceptable. Which is especially surprising considering the degree to which she enjoys Texas Yard Jerky, which is her own sun-baked poop. Yum!

Try as we might, we just can't focus on anything today other than nibbling our fingernails and having sweat bead on our brow while waiting for the phone call that we can finally bring our gleaming-toothed pooch home to safety.

She'll no doubt be wobbly for awhile, and will sporadically show her opinion of the days events by vomiting on our expensive new area rugs. Which, in fairness, is probably what we would have done anyway if really paying attention to the news.

johnny optimism, medical, humor, sick, jokes, boy, wheelchair, doctors, hospital, stilton jarlsberg, dentist, dogs, fingers, toothbrushing
Yeah, we've got a one-track mind today...
BONUS: THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

The same look AOC had in her economics classes.
Penny is finally home (after seven hours!) from her trying day, and has decided that holding down the sofa for 24 hours or so is her best course of action. By tomorrow, she should be up and around again, and waiting to chase empty Clan MacGregor bottles around the backyard.

A little something we call Making Afternoons Great Again.

28 comments:

j said...

Poor baby - I know it was hard on her, and hard on you and the family as well. Glad she is doing OK. Sicne my wife passed away, my only family are the remainder of our rescued dog family - which is fine - and I also worry when anything potentially could cause harm or suffering for them. So wishing all of your family - two legged, four legged, furred, finned or feathered - the very best.

REM1875 said...

Odd but Snookers, No 1 of 6, is gonna have her teeth cleaned for the first time in her life (10 plus human years) Monday and maybe have one removed ........ and we too are apprehensive.....

REM1875 said...

Nice to see Penny - our official Dog !!!

Dan said...

I always thought folks that doted on their dogs & cats were nuts.

That is, until we inherited a pair of ferrets from our daughter. Now I still think folks who dote on dogs and cats are nuts, but if you dote on ferrets, well, that's perfectly understandable and rational. (Our daughter now has a husband and dogs she dotes on.)

Glad to see Penny is back home safe & sound with shiny chompers and fresh breath (at least until she finds some jerky).

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

H'm. If I were to growl at the doctors, think they'd let me out?

James Daily said...

When our last dog passed, we decided no more as we wanted to travel in our retirement. Yea, I miss our dogs. Oh, the cartoon I sent to my dentist. I see him next month for my cleaning. You know he charges the same even though I have lost a couple of teeth? Sort of like the barber.

Jess said...

My dog days are over. As much as I enjoyed their company, vet visits, the ailments they face, strange accidents, and the fact I will probably outlive them, caused too much heartache over time.

My wife, and I, were kicking around the idea of another dog the other day. We even thought of dognapping her nephew's dog, that would visit occasionally, generally just brighten the day, and sit in our laps, as we lounged on the porch.

He was killed yesterday by another dog. It returned the heartache, and reinforced our resolve.

Bruce Bleu said...

Stilton, you are stretching the limits of my credulity that Alexandroid Occipital-Kotex EVER looked that intelligent, but I digress... AOC HAS looked like a "coming down from medication bitch" ever since appearing on the political canvas, so maybe I owe you an apology.

Anonymous said...

When we had kids in the house the only question about brushing the dog's teeth was "Who's toothbrush did they use?

Prarie Lion said...

I found a dog whisperer who cleaned my alpha dogs teeth without anesthesia. It was amazing. I gave her my dog and went to sit down. By the time I sat down and looked up, she was sitting on the floor, back against the wall with her legs extended. My dog was on his back lying on her legs. She proceeded to clean his teeth. I would never in a million years have thought he would lie on his back for anybody. Unfortunately, this was 15 years ago and she lived in Palm Springs, CA, not a big help for you.

Geoff King said...

When I got my dog Austin from the pound he was about 1 year old. He is 6 now. They told me at the time to bring him back in one week for a free teeth cleaning. It was one of the saddest things I ever saw when I brought him in and just walked away. Luckily, when I picked him up a couple hours later, he forgave me instantly.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@j- Truly sorry about the loss of your wife. I'm glad you have the comfort of your furry family members - and they ARE family members.

@REM1875- It wasn't my intent to stoke fear about the process, I was just sharing my personal worrying. I have a talent for imagining worst case scenarios, although it's actually less of a talent than a curse (wry grin). Tooth cleaning is important for dogs, especially if they don't get their choppers brushed regularly. Bad teeth can lead to a host of serious health problems.

And Penny is doing fine today, albeit still moving a little slowly. She's 5 or 6 now, and in very good health.

@Dan- I always thought that ferrets looked hilarious, but seemed high-maintenance as pets. I once outlined a film script about the manly sport of ferret-legging, in which ravenous ferrets are tied into the pants of men who are otherwise going commando. The ferrets are then prodded into biting frenzies, and the winner is the man who can take the most pain. The script also contains Adolph Hitler and a Nazi Ferret with steel teeth. If any movie producers are reading this, the script is still available...

@H. Mitchell Marmel- They might let you out, or they might decide that you'd have less fight if they "fixed" you. Just to be safe, I'd stick to whimpering.

@James Daily- It is hard to travel extensively if you have dogs. Fortunately, I've discovered in my senior years that I don't actually want to go anywhere, ever, for any reason.

@Jess- Oh, man. That's a heartbreaking story. The pain of losing a dog is just eviscerating, and I once told myself that I'd rather do without a dog than suffer that loss again. But that's when a pregnant stray entered our lives, very much in need of help and a home. We invited her in, called her "Maggie," and she gifted us with a huge litter of pups under our kitchen table. The pups all got adopted and Maggie lived out the rest of her life with us. Losing her was hard, but I'm glad we then adopted Penny from a shelter.

It's a game that offers wonderful prizes, but you sure as hell don't get to play for free.

@Bruce Bleu- Usually it seems like AOC is ramped up on meth or something, although her frighteningly intact teeth would suggest she's not a user.

@Anonymous- Does it really matter? Family is family, after all.

@Prarie Lion- That's amazing! Sure wish we had such a person available. We're now going to redouble our efforts to brush Penny's teeth ourself. Step one: finding a toothpaste flavor she likes...

@Geoff King- I'm glad your story had such a happy ending because imagining your dog's reaction to returning to the pound is a real gut punch.

Walter L Stafford said...

You've got to be a good man! Anyone that cares for a dog ranks at the top with me. As Will Rogers allegedly stated when asked if dogs go to heaven? He replied, "If they don't then I want to go where they go." Sounds about right for me too!

TrickyRicky said...

@MMM- Maybe if you dropped a dog log on the floor? Probably not.

@Walter L Stafford- I am with you and Will Rogers.

Glad Penny is home and happy, what a cutie. As Stilton mentioned, having dogs is wonderful, but not without horrible loss down the road. We have several friends who had one dog, but could never bear to have another, and I totally get that. I've always maintained that people live too long and dogs not long enough.

Sortahwitte said...

@Tricky. You are exactly correct on this one. Too many people that have lived too long and too many canine companions that I still love and miss. The ratio is off.

Igor said...

I miss Nelson, our Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Wicked smart, very expressive face. Our kids say there'll never be another like him, too.

John Fernau said...

Stilt I am lad your pup dog is home safe and sound and know how nerve wracking it can be to leave a dog at the vet no matter how long it is.

I have a feeling that I would get along/be friends with most of the people here. My dogs are family and one of the last things you would ever want to do is deliberately hurt them. I truly like my dogs more than most people because I have yet to have a dog that betrayed me. One of the happiest sights I have ever had was when I got home from a deployment was my Aussie come around the corner in the yard as I came in the yard. You know how a dog will bend as they wag? She was bent into a "U" shape with happiness. We also now have a rescue Border Collie that is one of the sweetest pup dogs you could ever want. She is also way too energetic, hard headed, ornery and very loving. She at two is great for the Aussie at 12 in keeping her young at heart and energy levels.

There are a couple of memes out there that I like. I wonder about a person who doesn't like dogs but I trust a dog when they don't like a person. The other is "I would push you in front of the zombies to save my dog."

As to the Aussie there are times I hate looking at her soft brown eyes knowing that they won't be there forever because that dog has me wrapped way too much around her little paw but I think back to a dogs prayer that basically goes. Don't cry for me and say you will never get another dog because the hurt will be too great. Please get another and show them the same love you have shown me and give them a loving home and one day we can all play together on the other side. Damn it there must be something in the air here because my eyes are misting up way too much.

Again glad your friend is home safe and sound with cleaner teeth.

Sortahwitte said...

As we have been talking about how dogs have effected our lives, I have thought back with much love for the dogs that have owned me. I, too, had a Penny. She was a black cocker spaniel that had the deepest, soulful look of any of them. If I were to believe dogs lived more than one life and accumulated wisdom along the way, that dog did it. She would stare into my eyes and I would think love and devotion. She was probably thinking "you poor schmuck. You don't have a clue about the meaning of life." And......she was right.

Murphy(AZ) said...

Not to demean what the fine dogs are going through, I was at the Dentist office Wednesday to have a tooth pulled from its resting place of well over 65 years. Offending tooth was lower jaw, right side, all the way to the rear.

Fool Dentist started the festivities by numbing the front tooth, right of center, upper jaw.

We called a halt to the proceedings while we had a SERIOUS conversation about reading the mission plan before proceeding any further.

Young moron!

John the Econ said...

So glad that Penny is home and safe. As our dog (who is no more a fan of dental hygiene than Penny is) gets older, the teeth cleaning episode get more stressful.

And dogs are the best respite from the madness that makes up so much of the rest of our daily lives.

Shelly said...

Your post made me chuckle - the yard jerky! It brought to mind a dog my son had who loved the tasty snacks she fished out of the cat's litterbox. And I let her lick me on the face!!

Don't feel bad about anesthetizing your pup. I have to do that when my cat gets a bath and grooming at the vet's office.

tfhr said...

Stilton,

I'm not against brushing a dog's teeth but it almost never happens; we're usually too busy because of my schedule or theirs because Labs have things to do when they're not eating, sleeping, or running after the ball/bringing the ball back/running after the ball/bringing...or icing my elbow.

If you can use one of the enzymatic toothpastes every day, that's great but if not, there are other ways to skin that cat:

Take that same enzymatic toothpaste and smear it on the dog's favorite chew toy or a raw hide stick, pig's ear, Michael Vick voodoo doll, whatever your dog favors.

That said, I am finding the most effective (cost included!) means of keeping my dogs' teeth clean is by using a enzymatic water additive. There are plenty to choose from and there are other water additives that are non-enzymatic to consider as well. For slightly over $20, I can get an 8 ounce bottle of Oratene, a Zymox product, which I use to premix batches of water that I set aside in a gallon jug to add to my two Lab's food bowls twice a day. That 8 ounce squirt bottle lasts those two dogs for a couple of months! If you're not using water with a dry dog food as we do, you can use the product as it was originally intended by simply adding it to drinking water (2 squirts/quart).

Because one of my Labs is nearly hydrophobic, I trick her into drinking water regularly by incorporating it with her dry food. Without that tactic she'll stop by the watering bowl maybe once a week, fill up like a camel and then amble off to resume her busy day of sleeping at our feet or finding a sunny spot within earshot of the refrigerator light. We got Mango, the Chocolate Lab, at a gas station near Orange, VA, back in 2007 - today she's 12 with the same gleaming white teeth she came with all those years ago along with her dislike of people handling her mouth or neck and her unexplained fear of water. Despite all of this our vet is always impressed with her teeth.

Not a sales pitch, just a recommendation to consider from someone that dreads the thought of his dogs suffering from anything worse than the shocking discovery of the bottom of a food dish.

Judi King said...

I live in an apartment which doesn't allow pets. This is heartbreaking as I love dogs almost more than anything. They are one of God's greatest gift to man. I don't know if dogs go to heaven but I believe they go somewhere and believe I heard Geoff's last dog bark from beyond. This is strange, I know, but dogs are so full of love there must be an afterlife for them and I agree with Will Rogers.

Pete (Detroit) said...

More of cat person, myself (probably not ENTIRELY the fault of a collie who knocked me off my Trike when I was about 5... I'm sure she was just being friendly, but ti felt a LOT like being run over...). Cat we had when I was growing up was amazing - Smart, funny, was about 8 when we moved and it was about 6 months of constant fights at night, until he kicked EVERY other cat's ass in the neighborhood... Took him about three years to retire, at the end... to see him 'restricted' to our yard was kinda sad... Was living in TX when the folks took him to the vet the last time. Been seeing a 'shadow cat' off and on since. Not so much since Sparky moved in, but I'm not sure why HE spends so much time in the basement...

Anonymous said...

Stulton, I have always had dogs in my life until I married my childhood sweetheart 10 years ago. I have to respect his wishes but one may accidentally show up at our house and there is now way we could give it away. I hope your pooch is up and at 'em today.

On another note completely unrelated to your post, I think I may have figured out the solution for our left-wing socialist, communist, brain-dead millenials. I think if they all move far enough left, they will end up in all those horrible countries who would welcome them with open arms. China, Africa, Russia, all the "stans" like Turbanistan in the middle east. They seem to like their politics so they should fit in well. Maybe AOC could be their new leader. That sounds like a great idea and those of us who are left in this wonderful country of ours will be far better off without all the extra humans to feed, clothe, house, educate, etc. It could work, folks.

Gee M said...

Well, I never thought much about it, I love critters, all kinds.
I raised Dobies for about 20 years, loved my babies...always had a Siamese cat to keep my killers in line. Loved my kitties a bunch... always Blue points. Years after my last puppy passed I was into aquariums, had 8 tanks in my 1-bedroom apt living room.
(fresh water) Now I watch funny dog, kitty, and baby videos on Youtube. I miss all my good buddies, not only breathtakingly beautiful but like my children.
I preferred the dark "red" color but had a blue and a fawn male as well. Raised all from puppies.

Gregg the Obscure said...

Our smaller dog needed the cleanings a couple times and always resisted brushing. Early last year we started him on greenie dog treats (they look like little toothbrushes). he loves them and the plaque hasn't returned. of course YMMV

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I love all the dog talk (so much more fun than politics, don't you think?) and the various suggestions for less intrusive ways of keeping Penny's teeth clean. I may try the water additive, though I've had no luck with greenies. Oddly, Penny just likes to "own" teeth-cleaning chews given to her rather than actually chewing on them. This is pretty much true no matter what the brand is. She's a funny girl...