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Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Fountain of Goof

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, joe biden, guns, magazine, bullets, mass shooting

Despite Joe Biden's seeming inability to keep track of where mass shootings have actually happened, he has come up with a plan to finally end this "absolutely mindless" national scourge: by eliminating gun magazines that "hold multiple bullets in them." Which would be, oh, all of them.

Housing multiple bullets is the point of gun magazines, Joe, and a pretty darn useful feature for those who don't want to stop and reload after every shot when being pursued by an ax-wielding maniac, rabid bear, undocumented immigrant with a machete, or a "justice involved person" who wants to show you his penal system.

But if Uncle Joe is hellbent to make sure that a gun can fire ONLY one bullet without reloading, we suspect he will soon be insisting on a program which requires gun owners to swap their current firearms for muzzle loaders and blunderbusses. Both of which, Joe Biden will claim, worked great when he was a young man in the wild west, guarding wagon trains from thieves, scoundrels, and Elizabeth Warren's great-grandparents.

BONUS: HORSEFLIES

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, service animal, emotional support, animal, horse, flight

With so much dismal news in the world, we enjoyed seeing a much lighter story get some traction this week. Specifically, the case of Abrea Hensley bringing her miniature service horse with her on an American Airlines flight from Chicago to Omaha.

Truthfully, we think it's kind of sweet and we see nothing wrong with it, as long as the horse is properly trained and approved for service duty as was the case here. Interestingly, the miniature horses can do much of what a service dog can do...but they live about 3 times longer, which is a real boon for the owner.

Mind you, we don't want too many service and support animals on a flight, because it would start feeling uncomfortably like Noah's ark. Plus, in an emergency which required rapid disembarkation on the ground, we don't really want the flames to be licking our ass while in line for the exit door behind a slow moving Galapagos tortoise.

Hensley has received both support and criticism from those on social media, but we're siding with the supporters on this one. For one thing, we take crippling social anxiety pretty seriously, and applaud any reasonable means that can help people get back out in the world to live their lives. Also importantly, flying generally sucks anyway and it would be kind of fun to have an adorable little horse on board. Heck, put a spider monkey dressed as a cowboy on its back and we'd be willing to pay extra for our airline tickets!

We also think this story is largely much ado about nothing when you consider the fact that politicians fly private jets in and out of Washington every day, and every flight has at least one horse's ass on board.

33 comments:

Dan said...

Seems that ol' Trigger there would block the aisles in case of emergency.
Does ol' Trigger get its own seat?
Does ol' Trigger's owner need to pay extra?

I'm glad my flying days are pretty much over.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Dan has obviously been...no, I won't say it. I have some dignity left. ^.^

TMay said...

I am impressed by miniature horses as a service animal. I have read that they cross their front legs when they have to go outside, and they always remember where you parked your car in the mall parking lot!

Jason Anyone said...

Looks like Flirty may need some therapy of her own. :p

https://ibb.co/6HkZQgr

Sortahwitte said...

Flying has become much like riding the wire bus to an indefinite term of incarceration in the absolute worst state prison in the nation. What's a few more horse's asses?

Fred Ciampi said...

Mmmmmm, I'm going to get a service python, Monty. Or perhaps a service Komodo Dragon.....

WDS said...

Thank you for flying Noah's Ark Airlines...

Geoff King said...

I'll agree to a single shot weapon only if it is a Bazooka.

Sanjuan said...

My kid is allergic to horses big time, not a good mix in an enclosed environment...

igor said...

Honestly, animals on board an airliner? The guy/gal sitting next to me is bad enough!

What are we becoming, Pakistan Airlines? Do we pull out the portable burner stove when we want an in-flight meal? Why not just take a whole herd with you when you travel!! (Can you tell I'm worked up over this?)

If somebody needs a "service animal" to travel, take private transportation. Otherwise, take some Quaaludes and travel with a friend. Guide dogs I can see, but anything over the size of a medium-sized dog is just ridiculous.

@Fred Ciampi, I'm gonna get a Screech Owl. ;P

TrickyRicky said...

With Paddy O'Rourke and other dems coming right out and calling for gun confiscation, the 2020 election will truly be a binary choice. As in so, so many other areas, they have finally dropped their masks. They want utter control of EVERY citizen's life and feel empowered to use the full, deadly power of the state to make it happen. Don't just vote this time around. Talk to family, friends and neighbors. Take the time to evangelize and make the low info voter realize what is at stake...EVERYTHING.

I am an animal lover, but really, a cat or dog should be sufficient. Although the Quaaludes do sound interesting. I used to love the occasional disco biscuit.

Murphy(AZ) said...

I stopped flying anywhere back in '95, because TSA, and because my brother, the last of the family east of the Mississippi River, passed away.

So what have I missed since then? Well, not the TSA, certainly. But this "service animal" thing has me floored. At one point, if Noah had a critter on his Ark, you could have one on Delta or Southwest for "service." For a few, brief moments, sanity prevailed, and most were banned, until some forward-thinking Liberal judge decided that horses would be a logical exception.

Forget for a moment the previously mentioned comment about medical issues due to allergies (if you can't have nuts, how can you have horses?) Forget the problems arising from trying to open emergency exits or evacuate down emergency chutes with a horse getting in the way. Forget that nobody really knows how a horse will react when a flight begins, or when the aircraft makes tight turns or altitude changes during flight, or the noise and physical forces applied when an aircraft lands.

Consider just this one point, Judge: would you like to be sitting next to that horse when it decides to unload its breakfast there in the middle aisle? Road apples and horse p**s have decidedly unique aromas that will quickly spread through the cabin, even First Class. (You'd better hope those oxygen masks deploy!)

You made the ruling, Judge. I hope you're on that first "horse-friendly" flight and get to enjoy the full measure of your decision.

By the way, I found that a couple double whisky's pre-flight were all the "service" I ever needed.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I saw that "news" article on the service horse and rolled my eyes so hard they had to call an eye-wrecker to set them aright again. What have we, as a society, become? I THOROUGHLY understand "social anxiety"; however, it is something that you must personally master and overcome. I classify "service animals" right up there with "safe spaces", "triggers", and "micro-aggressions". What have we become that we're so afraid or unable to "man up" anymore? So afraid to stand up for anything on or own?

@Fred Ciampi: Your clever ploy would not work. They still won't allow a handgun in the cabin...

Bobo said...

“One never knows when a little horsepower may be needed in an in-flight emergency” said Wilbur (the talking horse) to Orville Wright.

james daily said...

Well, on the horse, I hope she can't bring it back. This kind of horse sheit really gets old in a hurry. With all the comfort items and spaces these liberals want, do you not wonder if they ever experience real life? Do they cry and hug their horse when the boss reams them for a screwup? Do they take it to work, if they have a job? Get a life.
On old Joe, I love this guy. Every time he opens his mouth, idiocy falls out and even the dems are getting nervous. Basically, their choice now between the faux Indian liar and Gaffer Joe. Neither has a chance in heil of beating President Trump unless the false votes kicks in. Bernie has committed suicide with his greed and idiot programs. So, we will probably see a new entry around the first of the year. My guess? Schumer. He ego knows no bounds. I do wonder about these silly polls the show President Trump getting beat by double didget while he holds a 54% approval rating, blacks leaving the plantation in droves and old democrats leaving the party because even they see really stupid stuff. It's their money also.

Colby Muenster said...

The question is, is Joe really that stupid, or has he simply never held an actual gun in his entire useless life? I'm thinking the answer to these questions are, "yes."

When I was a kid, I had many hours of fun with a single shot 22 rifle, and that certainly slows down the ammo consumption, but if some azzwipe or nutball breaks into my house in the middle of the night, a single shot aimed in a hurry is NOT what I need at the moment.

So, Mr. Biden, how's about we take away your Secret Service detail, and replace them with a gun with one bullet. We'll even let you keep more bullets in your pocket, but apparently we won't be buying them at WalMart.

Speaking of Walmart putting the keebosh on bullet sales, they won't be selling anything to me anymore, until they come to their senses. Y'all Stilton's Placers can imagine how well WalMart's decision is being received in the foothills of NC. I imagine the same attitude is in Texas and other states that aren't New York. I think WalMart made a gross miscalculation of exactly who their customers are.

Airplanes:

So... I can't take a beer or bottle of Clan Macgregor on the plane, but I can take a friggin' horse?! Can I claim that my bottle of hootch is my emotional support animal? If Bruce Jenner can decide to be a woman, why can't I decide my whiskey is a living being, then claim that my sanity is at risk if I can't have it with me?

John the Econ said...

Biden: He's become tiresome. Perhaps that is the point.

Emotional Support Animals: Before I make my comment, a little background. I used to participate in and sat on the executive board of a pet therapy organization. Volunteers of our organization would visit all kinds of facilities; All kinds of hospitals, senior centers, centers for the developmentally disabled, schools, hospice, etc.

All of our volunteers were highly trained, and their animals had to be certified healthy, trained, and were thoroughly tested for compatibility with the mission. We prided ourselves in providing a professional level of service to our clients even though we were almost totally a volunteer organization. (We had a paid staff member to handle the multitude of paperwork) We weren't just a bunch of people showing up at the hospital with our pets.

One of my most amazing experiences was working at the children's hospital, where you'd see these kids without hair, or missing limbs, or hooked up to machines, or only God knows what. Unimaginable levels of suffering for little kids. And yet we'd walk in with our dogs, cats, and bunnies and suddenly these kids suffering all kids of hurt would forget where they were for at least a half hour or so.

There's something amazing about being able to make people suffering that level of misery smile uncontrollably. (If I was some sort of high-profile celebrity, I'd do this sort of thing all day long when I wasn't working, as many do)

Another of my favorite visits was doing hospice. I started doing these visits largely because they were uncomfortable and unpopular with many of our volunteers and because of my mother who who was an RN who managed a convalescence facility when I was younger and I was used to the environment. It was very rewarding to provide comfort and a distraction not just to people who were experiencing their last week, days, or hours of life, but with their families who were often there as well.

So I am a big believer in animal therapy.

John the Econ said...



That said, over the last several years I think the whole "emotional support animal" situation has gotten totally out of control. Only recently have the airlines screamed "enough" with some of the insanity that they've had to endure.

Much of the problem is that people are taking advantage of the "victim" environment that has slowly been taking over the country. The other problem is confusion about what is a "service animal", "certified therapy animal" (which our pets were) or "emotional support animal" which is more often than not just a "pet". "Service animals" are highly and professionally trained and certified to perform specific tasks for their owners. I just described "certified therapy animals". What's been happening is that people, for whatever reasons have been dressing their pets up and passing them off as "service animals" even though most of the time it's pretty obvious that they are not. (Our organization had very explicit rules that stated that our members were not allowed to pass our animals off as anything other than what they were, or to use their "certified" status as a took to get privileges that we otherwise would not be entitled to.

The problem for airlines and other venues is that people have been showing up with these animals that more often than not are not even trained in basic obedience, much less basic hygiene. They slap a "service dog" vest on their pet and expect the world to clear a path for them.

The number of fake emotional support dogs is exploding – why?

This has caused a big problem for airlines where you already have a lot of grumpy people squished in together in a stressful environment. A lot of animals, especially untrained ones do not react well to that kind of situation. Airlines are tired of having to issue refunds because someone's animal made someone else's flight miserable, or worse, getting sued because someone's animal acted out and bit or otherwise attacked another passenger.

If someone wants to buy a row for their emotional support horse and the airline is willing to do that and the animal is hygienic (I used to ride horses and don't mind the smell so much when doing so, but really wouldn't consider that tolerable packed inside and aluminum tube with hundreds of other people) then fine. But we're living in a world where when someone gives an inch, too many people feel entitled to take a mile.

Fish Out of Water said...

Just to throw this out, why is it Joe Biden does not inspire the same sort of increased blood pressure, anger and loathing his former boss did (does?) ?

Shelly said...

I would be willing to bet Obama considered old Joe an insufferable idiot. His not wanting to endorse him in this primary would attest to that. He originally picked Joe because of his so-called foreign policy chops because Obama had no interest or knowledge of the same. So it was a purely political pick, which most VPs are, usually to win a state. He also probably considered old goofy Joe as assassination protection, who knows?

james daily said...

It just dawned on me: Gaffer Joe should call his magazine proposal
THE BARNIE FIFE SOLUTION. And keep the one bullet in your pocket.

Boligat said...

Then there is this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RhQ-pZHhkI

I would pay a lot extra IF all passengers were gathered in a special lounge before boarding and it was explained that NO animals of any kind were permitted, AND everyone had to pass a breathalyzer test, AND no alcohol was served, AND no precautions were made for food allergies, AND everyone had to adhere to a dress policy AND the plane was loaded back to front and unloaded front to back, AND there were no separate baggage fees, AND any passenger causing a disruption was fined heavily and put on a no-fly list AND said passengers could be sued in court for causing other passengers to miss connections, etc. etc. etc. In return, the entire airplane was configured as first class with extra legroom and wider seats that recline a little more. This special lounge would be fitted with seats exactly like the seats on the plane and if a person can fit in the seat, they either buy two adjoining seats or don't fly.

I know there are a lot of drinkers out there, sorry, but just my two cents.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- The actual horse was pretty small; about the size of a St. Bernard. I don't know about paying extra, getting a seat, and so on - though those are good questions!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I know you're up to mischief, but I couldn't quite figure out the joke...

@Tmay- Miniature horses are apparently pretty remarkable and quite intelligent. Plus, who doesn't need a little more cute in the world?

@Jason Anyone- Flirty will be fine as long as no saddle is involved.

@Sortahwitte- I truly, deeply, passionately hate flying. Also falling from great altitudes.

@Fred Ciampi- I'm thinking the Python will be easier to manage.

@WDS- "Where your whim is our commandment!"

@Geoff King- Well played!

@Sanjuan- It seems like the airline would have to make an accommodation for that, but I'm not sure what.

@igor- As long as the animal is properly trained and certified, I have no problem - but I agree that there need to be size limitations (and quantity limitations on any given flight). As far as flying with quaaludes and a friend, that would probably work for the duration of the flight, but I think the whole idea is for the service animal to be with the person at the destination (not just to help a scared flyer).

@TrickyRicky- I'm slack-jawed at what the Dems are saying they'll take from us. I'll cast my vote for Trump no matter what.

@Murphy(AZ)- After reading your comments, I'm absolutely desperate to hear Johnny Cash singing "Horse Apples in the Sky" (to the tune of "Ghost Riders in the Sky").

@Emmentaler Limburger- In all seriousness, which is pretty freaking rare for me, I'll say that it can be pretty difficult for some people to master "social anxiety" (or panic attacks, PTSD, etc). I've had some experience there, and it's more complicated and difficult than just pulling your shit together. Or your horse's shit (grin). Sure, the culture of coddling can be overdone (snowflakes CAN be exposed to opposing views without dying), but for the folks who genuinely need help, I'm glad they can get it.

@Bobo- And let's not forget how much luck your flight will have with four horseshoes on board!

@james daily- I don't know enough about this gal and her horse to know how often and under what circumstances she needs its comforting presence, so I won't condemn. But I can easily imagine circumstances that I would condemn. Regarding Joe, he can be relied on to say something stupid - or just from Mars - every time he speaks. I think that's going to take a toll. If I had to guess right now on the Dem candidate, Elizabeth Warren is where I'd put my money. Or in her case, wampum.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby Muenster- I, too, think Joe is that stupid. And as you point out, he sure as hell isn't proposing that his Secret Service detail try out his "one man, one bullet" policy.

Regarding the horse, again I think it's less about keeping the owner calm during the flight than in tending to them before, during, and after the flight. That being said, I think we should be allowed to bring our own emotional support booze on the place.

@John the Econ- Wow, really well said about your experience with service animals. It was a fun story for me to comment on today, but I hope it's obvious that my heart is with those who need and receive help from their animals. And what a wonderful thing you did visiting those kids and the folks in hospice who could use a little distraction and sunshine. That's magic and meaningful.

But I completely agree with you about the current explosion of people claiming "service animal" status for their pets. That's just wrong and, as you point out, another element in our "victim" culture.

@Fish Out of Water- In my mind, Biden doesn't crank me up as much because I see him as a liberal bumbler. Obama I saw as a genuine enemy of our nation and the Constitution. An opinion which I've changed not at all.

@Shelly- I've been reading that Barry treated Biden like crap and an annoyance during his administration. Biden was a purely political pick to give a little heft (some might say dead weight) to the brash, unknown kid from Chicago. But there was never any love between the two.

@james daily- I love it!

@Boligat- I'll fly that airline!

George said...

Do the airlines designate a PFD for this horse or whatever support animal is involved? Because heaven forbid, the passengers have to slide into the middle of the ocean or lake, junior Mr. Ed would likely drown, regardless of the fact that horses can swim. There's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Ha.

@John the Econ...great stuff(as always)

Unknown said...

Thinking of sharing a flight with animals takes me back to 1972 when I received an all expense paid trip to Vietnam from my favorite uncle. My orders required me to travel to different Vietnamese units and advise them on how to properly utilize a C-130 spectre gunship for ground support. My transportation arrangements were ad hoc, and one day I found myself aboard a VNAF C-123 enroute to my next assignment. My fellow passengers were the families of the crew and all of their livestock. As best I can recall I enjoyed the company of a pig, three goats, and few dozen chickens (no horse). Apparently the Vietnamese military was unable to provide quarters for the crew so they lived on the aircraft, camping and cooking in the shade of the wings.

Dan said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel and @Stilton -- I wasn't so much triggered (hah, good sussing). I can thing of a lot of horse's asses, but just couldn't remember another familiar horse name. Of course now, Wilbur, Seabiscuit, Man-o-War, Seattle Slew, Secretariat...

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Stilton: Dan was obviously...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

Triggered.

EEEYEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

;-)

DougM said...

As long as the airlines don't confuse "service animal" with "livestock" or "food". That's when you get to looking like a Central-American public bus.

Old Cannonballs said...

There needs to be a distinction made between service animals and emotional support animals. A service animal is one that has been trained to perform specific tasks that help a disabled person function in the world. The best known example is the seeing eye dog, trained to help blind people, but there are other, less well-known types of service animal. The trained animal can be a dog or a miniature horse. Only. The owner of one of these animals -- seeing eye dogs and their ilk -- are granted certain rights by law. However, those rights do not extend to the owners of so-called "emotional support" animals. Many people commit fraud by passing off or trying to pass off their emotional support animals as service animals, which is illegal in at least some states.

AmyH said...

Biden has no clue with weapons. Magazines do not hold "bullets". They hold rounds. A round is what is loaded into the chamber, a round is what is hit with the hammer, a bullet is what comes out of the gun. A spent casing is ejected. Bullet, casing & gunpowder is what is included in a round. And he wants to be President.

We put in our house listing for the agents "Service animals are welcome; no emotional support animals." I didnt need a zoo trampling through our house. Our cat was traumatized enough with strangers all the time, didnt need everything else.

John the Econ said...

@Old Cannonballs said "There needs to be a distinction made between service animals and emotional support animals."

As you say, the problem is people with non-service animals passing their pets off as service animals. The tells are usually obvious. Service animals are usually large breeds. (I've never seen a Yorkie service dog) They are always well-trained and focused on the needs of their owners. If you see someone trying to pass their dog off as a service dog that is not focused on their owner or is otherwise easily distracted, it's not a service dog.

@AmyH: Biden has no clue, period.

Since we're on the topic: My best lasting effect of pet therapy story.

Several years ago when we were regularly doing pet therapy visits, I was on my regular evening walk with my dog Odie. Part of our regular neighborhood loop passed by a row of small shops and restaurants. At one point, we heard a chorus of "Odie! Odie!". (Nobody knows my name, but everyone in the neighborhood knows Odie. We live in "Odie's house". We drive "Odie's car". Our cat was known as "Odie's cat")

We were quickly approached by a family of 5, most enthusiastic to meet up with us. They had spotted us as they were on their way to one of the restaurants.

They explained: "You probably don't remember us [I didn't] but about 9 months ago, you and Odie visited us while grandma was in hospice. We just wanted to thank you again and let you to know how great that was and how much your visit meant to all of us."

They then all loved on Odie for a minute and then proceeded to their dinner.

During the remainder of our walk, I contemplated about what had just happened, and what had happened 9 months earlier. This family was going through one of the most stressful, emotionally trying episodes that a family will ever face together; the impending loss of a loved one. In the midst of this, I walked in the door with my dog, Odie did some tricks and then everyone in the room loved on and played him.

The better part of a year later, this family's take away from that whole morose and stressful experience was the 15-to-20 minutes I spent with them with my dog and how happy it made them.

Amazing!

This feedback reinforced the knowledge that what I was doing was worthwhile. I used this story when recruiting prospective members to our organization. The big take-away was that when you are doing acts of kindness to people in distress, you can't overestimate what that effort will mean to them. Once in a while, it's good to hear that.

Unknown said...

I grew up around cows. Cows belch, they are ruminating animals. Cows do not FART. People, horses, dogs, and pigs FART, not cows.