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Monday, September 9, 2019

Interpretive Dunce

Sure, we've been seeing and hearing from a lot of Democrats who want to become chief of state, leader of the free world, and twitchy-fingered commander of our nuclear arsenal...but do we really know any of them - deep down in whatever passes for a Progressive's soul?

To that end, we present a poem written by former flavor-of-the-month Beto O'Rourke who, at the time (1988), was using the pen name Psychedelic Warlord so his intellectual musings would be taken seriously. No, really.

In the service of art, and to more accurately portray what goes on in the self-obsessed psyche of a Liberal intellect, we have not changed a single word.

Nor have we changed our mind about which party we'll enthusiastically be voting against in November.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, beto o'rourke, poem, song of the cow

56 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

I hate to say it, but as a poet, he makes a better politician!

Sergio said...

Maybe "Beto" would like to join the Dinka tribe in Africa to help their cows to lactate more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jVMC4OsR64. A new word: cownilingus

JustaJeepGuy said...

Wow, this is one messed-up world in which we live. I don't want orange hair that way and Robert Francis O'Rourke, the Irish Mexican guy, should have chosen an entirely different career field. Neither poetry nor politics is his forte.

Dan said...

As that great philosopher, H. Rutherford Hill, said: "That boy ain't right."

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

There are at least nine snarky remarks I could make here, but I lactate.

TMay said...

Beto reminds me of Justin Trudeau who, unfortunately, may win a second term in Canada in October.

james daily said...

The nitwit was 16 at the time the Bard of El Paso penned this ode of self-indulgence. Had he been born in the middle ages, I am sure we would now be celebrating his poetry and prose rather than Shakespear's of whom we would have never heard. Since I have little knowledge of the body mechanics he speaks of, I'll assume there must be somewhere in El Paso, a person to perform these acts as I sincerely doubt a bovine could perform them.
I do wonder if his future inlaws read this thrilling poetry before letting him date, much less marry their daughter. If the future wife was captivated by this penmanship, it speaks highly of her intellect.

Fish Out of Water said...

Howard Dean had his 'Yee haa!!' Moment, and now, ....

Fish Out of Water said...

In other news, briefly saw a web piece featuring the most vile, venal, deeply pathologically troubled and twice repudiated POTUS candidate and her mini me daughter plugging yet another, most possibly ghost written book.

Two takeaways for me. One, the vile, venal,... has bloated to the point she is beginning to look like Jabba the Hutt's lost sister. Second was her body language. Signaling she was carefully watching her mini me and would pounce immeadiately if her mini me strayed even slightly from the script.

Bobo the Hobo said...

How very amoosing! I believe the American voting public should tell Beto “The steaks are too high; it’s pasture time in this race”

Jim Irre said...

Where does crap like that come from? What kind of sexual, or other, deviancy must he have experienced as a child? Elections are also about pride. Pride in the person we put in office. It has become apparent to me that the electorate is losing that sense of pride in a choice made well.

Big Foot said...

You've heard of ear worm, eye worm, now you've given us mind worm. I think it was too deep for my chest high waders.

Bruce Bleu said...

It's no wonder that the cow started working for Chick-Fil-A. "Beto" is such a nincowpoop, his "poetry" seems like an impressionist's art compared to photography. His "poetry" is very cheesy. Was his nickname in high school "COWabunga"? He is udderly talentless. Because of his obvious bestial tendencies, maybe he should go by the moniker Bovino O'Rourke. The Washington Examiner published another "curious" story in March about his unusual writing... this one involving children being mistaken for speed bumps. https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/beto-orourke-wrote-poem-asking-a-cow-to-wax-my-ass-and-scrub-my-balls

Anonymous said...

What . . . The . . . Hell ???

And he running for our Chief Executive Officer ? Maybe he and Kim Jung Un can get a boy band together instead . . .

Doc said...

Who'd have thunk it? A MALE Maxine Waters, each with IQs rapidly approaching ice cubes πŸ™„πŸ˜œπŸ€ͺ😝

Phil said...

He must have fallen out of the bed as a child. From the top bunk. Daily.

Fred Ciampi said...

He's about one apple short of a pie.
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
His cornbread ain't done in the middle.
He's one bulb short of a chandelier.
He's one lump short of a coal mine.

Dave in WI said...

And beto thinks that he is qualified to be the President and leader of the free world?? Putin, Xi, KJU, and 8 billion other people on this planet must be laughing at the Democratic Party when someone like Beto has a following. How low can one sink?

Rastapopoulos said...


My sympathies to your muse suffering to illustrate the unilluminated work of psuedo-prose of a complete moron.

Apparently he is a secret Vogon (remember your Hitchhiker's Guide...)

Methinks peopled told him he was "barred" rather than a "bard" back in the day.

Now wash yoru eyes and mind as you have seen what should have never been seen.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

My jaw dropped and my mind went numb after reading such trash. All I can say is that Beto needs another therapy animal, and it shouldn't be anything named "Elsie."

Sparkle said...

If this were still the 70s, I’d say, “ Give me some of whatever drug he was on!” Holy Wow! Cows should RUN from this guy.

Murphy(AZ) said...

I see Anybody-but-Beto ads coming out of this. From Republicans AND Democrats!

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Delving further, I looked up his birthdate; it was September 26, 1972, which made him only 12 when the nonsense was written. It appears that his mind still functions as that of a 12-year-old, but what disheartene ms is that my own birthday falls on September 26. Crap! How'd I get so lucky?

IGnatius T Foobar said...

wait ... he *actually* wrote that? It's not a parody?

Angus ranch said...

All I can say is WTH? We've sunk this low?

Sortahwitte said...

Deeply disturbing. Should there be a mental test before running for pres? Also consider how many people have expressed support for his campaign. Bump in the night kind of scary.

Unknown said...

Oh. Good. Lord!

TrickyRicky said...

@Bobo- Well played.

Holy crap. I wrote some pretty hideous prose and poetry, mostly of the lovelorn variety in my high school and college days, but what the hell is wrong with this sick bastard? Have you never heard of a shredder? Or a match? Or a lobotomy? Did you send this out to friends, if so, when?

I would love to know the provenance of this melange of bovine fetish tripe.

Shelly said...

When I was in high school, I wrote stories about meeting the Beatles and in particular, Ringo, and how we ended up married. I would not like it if those came to light publicly but at least they were fantasies with a teenage girl's dreamy quality. Beto's writings are seriously disturbing. I still cannot believe he snowed so many people as to almost beat Ted Cruz in Texas. I am thankful every day for all the Texans, including myself, who got out and pushed Ted over the top. It was an ugly win but a very significant win as it turns out. Beto was a vanity candidate that garnered national liberal support in their never-ending quest to turn Texas blue. I'm truly grateful his own vanity compelled him to run for president as it exposed him completely, and the real Beto is a huge turn-off.

Pat Cummings said...

I ne'er saw a Progressive cow*
Though lots of bovine fΕ“ces,
And I can tell you anyhow:
That smell reveals the species!
.
.
.
*No, I didn't forget the Hildebeast! I just ignored her... Ditto for Mad Maxine, Fauxcahontas, and the whole host of Loony Leftist toons who would have destroyed the rhyme.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- I'm pretty sure it's the same skill set.

@Sergio- Oh, sweet holy mother of pearl! How do I un-see that video?!

@JustaJeepGuy- Yeah, Beto should have stuck with what he was good at: burglary and drunken driving.

@Dan- He's "tetched."

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Wow, you're really milking this...

@Tmay- Incompetence and, perhaps, insanity is no bar to high political office.

@james daily- It was at the point that Frances wanted a hoof shoved up his analytic passage that I really started to worry.

@Fish Out of Water- ...and now, Howard Dean almost looks sane. Almost. I haven't seen the video of Hellary and Hellspawn, but will look for it. I did see a photo, and damn- Chelsea couldn't possibly look more like Webb Hubbell these days. And it's not a good look.

@Bobo the Hobo- And the Fat Lady is singing the OK Chorale. Or something.

@Jim Irre- I can't begin to understand when this "poem" came from, but it's not indicative of a healthy mind. This is someone who mistakes perversity and self-absorption for depth...and little has seemed to change for him over the years.

@Big Foot- I don't exactly know why, but when I read this poem I HAD to turn it into an interpretive dance by Beto. That was the "mind worm" I had to exorcise by doing a buttload of Photoshop (grin).

@Bruce Bleu- Beto did indeed venture into fiction (I hope...) and wrote a story in which he was running down children with his car, because the happiness they were experiencing (just before impact) rightly belonged to him. That's scary sick. And of course, let's not forget Bernie Sanders writing porn and suggesting that all women fantasize about being gang raped.

@Anonymous- I'd be tempted to let him off the hook for something written so long ago, but he's STILL spouting nonsense and so in love with himself that he thinks we'll elect him president because he livestreams his dental cleanings. He should be kept 24/7 in a room with very soft walls.

@Doc- I'm put in mind of Shakespeare's quote about "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." That pretty aptly describes every Democrat candidate currently running for the Oval Office.

@Phil- And I'm guessing that bed was near an open window on the third floor.



Bobo said...

Me thinks I’ll reserve judgement until I’ve herd the moo-sic accompanying the prose. πŸ‚πŸ‚πŸ‚

Unknown said...

You just gotta be kidding me, but I know you aren't. This is pathetic.

Unknown said...

Where is PETA and their outrage? Isn't everyone outraged these days..

Anonymous said...

Pepe Le Pewlitzer Prize worthy.

zsleepwalker said...

According to what I find on the internet, Robert Francis would have been 16 when he wrote that poem. I am SO glad we didn't have the internet when I was 16. Although, that poem is particularly bad.
Kudos to Mike AKA Proof, for the finest description. Made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

Throwing something he wrote @ 16 in his face is just fine. Ref. Cavanaugh hearings.
_revjen45

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- Add any milk reference to that list, and you've written a better poem than his.

@Dave in WI- I used to think that there might actually be an answer to "how low can one sink," but the Democrats have convinced me otherwise.

@Rastapopoulos- Yes! A Vogon! I think you've figured Beto out! (Hey, he wants people to think he's an alien - right?)

@Alfonso Bedoya- True fact: if you say the word "Beto" to a dairy herd, they produce curdled milk.

@Sparkle- I suspect that Beto's muse may indeed have been chemically augmented.

@Murphy(AZ)- Beto isn't really a significant factor in the race anymore, but I just couldn't let this poem go. I think Beto's basic narcissism and idiocy are emblematic of every Dem candidate in the race.

@Alfonso Bedoya- Actually, the poem was written in 1988 which made Beto 16 at the time. As far as you sharing a birthday with Beto, I can only offer my condolences.

@Ignatius T Foobar- Yes, Beto actually wrote that mess. I couldn't fake such a bizarre poem if I was trying - and I would at least have made it funny.

@Angus ranch- We have indeed sunk this low. And apparently that's not water lapping at our ankles, it's milk.

@Sortahwitte- There should be a mental test before running for president...but I'm pretty sure no candidate would pass it.

@Unknown- Yes, exactly!

@TrickyRicky- It's no sin to write absolute crap. It is a sin not to grow out of it, and I've seen no evidence that Beto has. Although to his credit, I'm not aware that he's currently asking voters to wax his ass and buff his balls.

@Shelly- As long as your stories didn't involve a drumstick and your analytic passages, I don't think you have anything to worry about. On a more serious note, I'm genuinely scared about what's happening to my beloved Texas. Beto nearly won, and there's a continuing influx of liberals who've already ruined their own states coming to Texas and bringing their wretched politics with them.

@Pat Cummings- I may not know poetry, but I know what I like. Well done!

@Bobo- I'm pretty sure that moo-sic will be mostly cowbells.

@Unknown- For me to make this up would just be pointless. It's the real McCoy!

@Unknown- Good point. This poem is clearly advocating animal abuse. And reader abuse.

Fred Ciampi said...

OK, 'His milk is starting to sour'.

Rod said...

Can this really be true?

It was a different time; but at 16 I was a good (nerdy)student; active in church & Scouting (six decades later I still am); had Eagle Rank & God & Country Award; did my extensive chores for small allowance; took care of my own dog; had more than one job throughout the yearly opportunity cycle; raced fast Karts, was dating some (GIRLS not livestock), and rode my 3-speed bike to high school in town from about five miles out (weather permitting), otherwise took the school bus. Played some Intramural sports, not varsity); AND I read Mad Magazine but was not into poetry. I wonder what was this creep (WHO THINKS HE SHOULD BE RUNNING THINGS NOW) was doing? God help us all with this entire DEMO bunch. I'm ready to vote now.

KanB said...

And we've all herd some absolute bull crap coming from all the Prog contenders, but this guy smells the worst. He's just nutz but some of the others are scary, and after Buckwheat's incredible re-election after he'd showed his ass in term one gives me cause to worry.

Lee The Voice said...

Written 31 years ago. I wonder how many of us have written existential poetry when we were young? Some of mine were pretty strange too.

John the Econ said...

I can't say that everything I wrote as a teenager was brilliant, but nothing I wrote as a teenager was this embarrassing either.

Now here's the funny part: In order to defend their candidate, Progressives will declare that this doggerel is simply brilliant and that if we don't get it, it is just another sign that we are not fit to walk the same planet with the more evolved with hooves up their analytic passages.

The scary part is that Ted Cruz, a true intellect, almost lost to this clown.

Colby Muenster said...

Let's face it folks; we all did stupid stuff when we were young, all the while thinking how incredibly clever we were. I will make a claim though, that I never did anything even close to this moronic, and I was a long haired hippie type who smoked weed, thought Jim Morrison was a brilliant writer, and voted for McGovern (OK... maybe I DID do something this moronic).

At any rate, why is it that a Democrat can have shit like this in their past, and they get a "meh" from the media? Imagine if the so called media found that Donald Trump had written this "poem."

Beans said...

Just... Ewwwwww.

Sortahwitte said...

Cows with Guns. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI

Fred Ciampi said...

Love it. Haven't seen that in years. Thanks for sharing.

Mad celt said...

So, he is a compleat moron.

igor said...

Love the addition of the interpretive dance with the "poem", Stilt...

(I, too, would write under a pseudonym if my output was drivel like his!)

james daily said...

Why do demorats get to skate with really moronic stuff like this? Lie, cheat, steal?
It all comes back to whose ox was gored. Their ox doesn't get gored because there is not one MSM that will publish their discretions, much less confront them. Journalism at its finest. I am sure there are many journalist that would love to tear into these morons but they know their career is over and they will never work as a reporter again if they even breath a word about these indescreatons and reporter jobs are very hard to come by now as the competition is by the hundreds for every opening. For instance, the Clintons. Heil, their felonies were not even an open secret. Were they confronted? How many people know over 40 murdered people? How many lawyers deaths does a regular person know? How many suicides? I'll bet the first question on a life insurance questionair is "do you know the Clintons?" I did notice this week that Chelsea is now being referred to as "Chelsea Hubble" in several articles. That is new so something is in the background causing this.

John the Econ said...

@james daily, back in '92 when the Clintons arrived on the national stage, it quickly became apparent that not only were the mainstream media going to ignore the obvious stench that followed these two where ever they went, they'd actually fawn over the scent. The Clintons were one of them, after all; the first "boomer" President.

At the time, I wrote:

"If video were to emerge of Bill & Hillary Clinton gleefully clubbing baby harp seals, Elenor Clift [of the former Newsweak] would already have a story in the file to run about how clubbing baby harp seals was a just and selfless thing the Clintons were doing on America's behalf, and would be on next week's McLaughlin Group to shame us on our criticism of them."

25 years later and countless scandals later, little changed. (My dog who absolutely adores me is the only time I've seen that look) The media literally are the Clinton's pets.

Fish Out of Water said...

@John the Econ: Being a darling of an otherwise blind media is nothing new. The Roosevelts enjoyed the golden glow as did the the Kennedy's, until a punk cut JFK down and then became martyrs.

But about arguably the most corrosive, destructive and baneful influence on our postwar politics and society, the vile and deeply pathologically disturbed twice failed POTUS candidate and her sexual predator husband, I have been wondering historically who might "measure up" to them and I go back to one of the more influential books in my life. "A Distant Mirror The Calamitous 14th Century" by the late Barbara Tuchman.

One of the historical figures who weaves in and out of her narrative is King Charles of Navarre, also known to history as Charles the Bad, which Ms. Tuchman amply illustrates in her book.

But in the end as Ms. Tuchman writes, " With that exception, by the end of 1378, Charles of Navarre had lost all his estates in Normandy. Walls and fortifications were razed so that his strongholds could not again be held by enemies of France. In the south, the seigneury of Montpellier, his last possession in France, was taken from him by the Duc d'Anjou. Scotched at last after thirty years or compulsive plotting, Charles of Navarre was left to live out a destitute and friendless decade in his mountain kingdom so much too narrow for his soul. So might Satan have been penned in a sheepfold. Emphasis, mine.

So too the Clintons.

TMay said...

I hear Soros has targeted Cruz again.

TMay said...

Top prize for you!

homer said...

As much as I despise Beto, I will speak up for him on this one. This could be a truly diseased mind speaking, OR it could be a smartass teenager trying to see how absurd he could be. Some of the stuff he read in school might not have been much different. If his English teacher made him read Gertrude Stein, that might explain a lot.

Anonymous said...

Beto's poem just proves that anything sounds so profound when you're high on drugs....