"Pick A Punchline" Friday

We're juggling a lot of household chores in preparation for some major renovations (which you'll hear about ad nauseam in the future) so decided to ignore what passes for news and just have a little TGIF fun today.

We can't say exactly why we like giving these Earwigs cartoons an old and rumpled look, other than it's fun to imagine them having been clipped from a really weird newspaper, perhaps on the same page as Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Which is also a story for another day...

On a different note entirely, this is Memorial Day weekend. Here's hoping that you fly your flag and enjoy getting together with family and friends for lawn games, hot dogs on the grill, a brewski or two, and a nice thick slice of Mom's apple pie.

And somewhere amidst the fun, be sure to take time to give thanks for those who sacrificed everything to give us the unimaginable freedoms and opportunities we enjoy every single day - even these days of apocalyptic, hair-on-fire hyperbole in the fake news media.

Especially make sure that any children (and at this point, we consider "children" to be anyone under 30) understands what this hallowed day is really about.

Have fun, stay safe, and watch out for those falling pianos!

Manchester Terror

It's happened again, as we all knew it would and, sadly, know it will again. A casual outing, a sudden explosion, and the death of innocents at the hands of a lunatic following an insane ideology.

ISIS is taking credit, which should certainly merit another "mother of all bombs" or even a low-yield nuke - whatever it takes to get their attention.

But as satisfying as that could be, it won't immediately stop the danger from "lone wolf" operatives. And indeed, there is no way to stop the danger - only to reduce it, and even that at great cost.

The Manchester killer was known as a radical to British police and was, apparently pointlessly, "on their radar." Which reflexively makes us wish that everyone on the radar was simply swept up and locked away. But is that really what we want?

Consider who was "on the radar" for terrorism under Barack Obama: "Right-wing extremists." A group defined by Homeland Security as people who were pro-life, opposed to illegal immigration, those who resist federal takeover of the states, and military veterans.  Odds are everyone reading these words would fall into one or more of those "extreme" categories.

We simply can't eliminate possible threats without the certainty of eliminating many of our protected freedoms. And the terrorists know it.

That being said, British authorities currently have a list of over 3500 "potential terrorists" including about 400 who left the UK to be trained by ISIS to fight in war zones like Syria and Iraq before returning to the UK. 

As counter-terror measures go, these people should be seen as low-hanging fruit: give them one week to get the hell out of the UK or lock them up. There are plenty of vacancies at Guantanamo.

Freedom-loving Western cultures can't erase every risk. But we can and must take greater preemptive actions than are currently in play.

BONUS: MOUTHING OFF

On a less somber day, we would have enjoyed roasting Monica "Wet Clean Up, Aisle 7" Lewinsky for her appalling editorial in the New York Times, celebrating the death of Fox News's Roger Ailes for allegedly exploiting her "personal tragedy." But we're not in the mood, so we'll cut straight to the chase.

Lewinsky was a lying, lascivious little slut back in the day, and she remains unapologetic for her role (and roll in the hay) in disrupting American government. If Bill Clinton, that miserable tower of human excrement, hadn't been busy fighting his removal from office, he might have actually been doing presidential things like, oh, nailing Osama bin Laden when he had multiple opportunities.

Would the World Trade Center towers have fallen if Bill Clinton's pants hadn't? We can't know, but we can say with certainty that it's at least possible that they wouldn't have. Which is why, Monica, this appalling story isn't really about you and never was. So do the decent thing, accept your shame, and - unlike your time spent kneeling on the Oval Office rug - shut your disgusting mouth.

BONUS TWO: SPEAKING OF ANNOYING WOMEN

Michelle Obana attempts a saucy, Jane Russell off-the-shoulder look...

Freudian Slippery Slope

So far, it seems that President Trump is doing a great job on his Middle East tour, striking deals on commerce and international security, as well as projecting an unapologetic aura of (trigger warning to snowflakes!) manliness that we haven't seen in the White House for a long time.

For instance, the Saudis invited Trump to participate in their traditional "sword bouncing" dance, an activity so hilariously phallic that it would make Anthony Weiner blush. This in marked contrast to Obama's first visit to the Middle East, during which he bowed before every turban-topped head and was then told to stand with the women while holding a cat in front of his private regions ("Trust us, it's traditional," the potentates giggled).

And there's a lot more testosterone in the President's statements overseas than we saw previously. Obama, as we painfully recall, basically declared that Islam created everything good about Western civilization, and that the evil, moronic, Bible-clutching simpletons of the United States of America then screwed it all up. And regarding terror, Obama basically stuck to the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's assessment that we were to blame for "America's chickens coming home to roost."

Trump is taking a different approach to terror, telling the Muslim world: "Religious leaders must make this absolutely clear: barbarism will deliver you no glory - piety to evil will bring you no dignity. If you choose the path of terror, you life will be empty, your life will be brief, and your soul will be condemned."

Admit it, you can't imagine those words coming out of Barry. While you don't have to imagine that he actually declared, following the terrorists' slaughter of our people in Benghazi, "the future must not belong to those who would slander the prophet of Islam."

There may be those who complain that there's too much of a men's locker room atmosphere surrounding Trump...but to us, it smells like fresh air.

AND FROM THE VAULT...

(Thursday, April 9, 2009) The White House now denies that Obama bowed down to the Saudi King, despite video and photos to the contrary. They say that "the president is taller than the King, so he had to bend to shake hands." Here's a hint, Mr. president - when they're looking down on the back of your head, you're bending over too far. And too willingly.

It looks like Obama was eager to blow...a diplomatic opportunity.