Climate Changelings

Last week, millions of teens took to the streets to protest climate change and demand, demand!, that God turn down the thermostat on the sun by a couple of degrees.

Just kidding! They actually want to ban plastic straws, hamburgers, fossil fuels, internal combustion engines, capitalism, and personal freedoms. This is because, according to 100% of scientists (Snopes verified it), man-caused global warming is causing rainforests and aboriginal people to burst into spontaneous flames, Miami to be submerged faster than Shelley Winters in "The Poseidon Adventure," and all life on Earth to be stone dead within 10 years. Well, except for cockroaches and Keith Richards.

The kids believe this because it's what they've been taught - in schools, on television, and on social media. And when we say "taught," we mean force fed like brainless captive geese who'll soon be donating their livers to paté.

With eons of climate cycles in the world's past, we're more than a little skeptical of the whole "man-caused climate change" narrative. But just to be on the safe side, we're addressing the issue with some 100% Earth-friendly recycled cartoons today.

Also, we're going to wrap our feet in plastic bags from the grocery store so that we won't leave carbon footprints.

Kids, by all means try this at home!

True D'OH!!!

He's also rumored to have bragged about grabbing beavers.

We actually couldn't give a flying fart in a cyclone about Canadian Prime Minister (and ultra-liberal) Justin Trudeau having worn "brown face" at an "Arabian Nights" costume party 18 years ago.

What's more interesting to consider is the way today's "woke" media is handling this non-event. CNN and CNBC flat out declare a snapshot of Trudeau in costume to be a "racist photo." The Washington Post and others are saying that Trudeau "must be dumped" from high office. And even Elizabeth Warren isn't buying Trudeau's claim to be 1/1024th Arabic.

But does an old photo in and of itself really make someone a full-blown and unforgivable "racist?" And is there really no gradation between being accidentally offensive once upon a time, and being an actual cross-burning, lynching, active bigot?

When even minor infractions are deemed to be ultimate and unforgivable, the Left de-incentivizes people to change their attitudes about racial issues or "evolve." But then, that's not really even what the Left wants. Rather, they want to use their indignation as a cudgel to bring down anyone whose ideology doesn't pass their new "racial purity" test.

BONUS: YOU'LL ROO THE DAY

Just for fun, and in the interest of filling additional space, let's enjoy a Friday edition of...

The Retractions Are Coming Five Minutes Apart

Well, there's egg on our face today, and we've got the journalistic integrity to admit it. We had a whole "Stilton's Place" ready to go which was poking fun at the New York Times for running a seemingly bogus story about a new (albeit not new at all) allegation of sexual misconduct against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

A story which became so widely repeated that virtually every Democrat and news outlet started screaming once again for Justice Kavanaugh's immediate impeachment or, perhaps, burning at the stake.

Our skepticism about the story was related, in part, to the fact that the "sexual assault" described by the NY Times (and not remembered by the alleged "victim") did not sound like anything that was even humanly possible.

But then this morning, the NY Times printed an addition to the story that makes it all too plausible:

Reaction to the update on the story was swift and dramatic, with Democrat presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke declaring, "Hell yes, I'll take his huge dick," ironically leaving fellow candidates Kamala Harris and Pete Buttigieg with nothing to say on the subject.

In the interest of providing a quick and thorough investigation of the NY Times' latest allegations, Justice Kavanaugh has agreed to be questioned by representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records.

FROM THE VAULT: DRIVEN A FRAUD LATELY?