As The World Burns

There's never an asteroid strike when you really need one.

Work goes on at Castle Jarlsberg, and the tasteful image above pretty much represents the reality of our situation: everything is torn up, nothing is finished, and we've devolved to a primitive existence in which we subsist on a diet of cold pieces of ham fat and jellybeans, while having just one glass to use for both scotch and toothbrushing. Not that a little minty freshness ever hurt a glass of Clan MacGregor.

By the way, the bottom right corner of the picture shows you where I'm standing right now: my computer is atop the new bathroom vanity, the keyboard (having no room) is to the right, and the mouse is down another level next to Mrs. J's sink. It ain't pretty, folks.

We're actually a little too burned out to give you much today, but there ARE a couple of things we wanted to at least mention because they're pretty darned important.

Right up there at the top of the list: Kim Jung Un apparently having a hydrogen bomb that he can launch on an ICBM. This would officially be the point at which the joke is no longer funny. If he can get off an EMP attack, we're done. Kaput. Finished. A threat which was well known throughout Obama's entire time in office, yet received no "shovel ready" funds for hardening our electrical grid. I can't remember the exact figures for protecting our entire system, but I think it's probably less than that jerk gave to Acorn or the car companies.

He could have affordably protected our country while boosting employment, but didn't - because both of these were things he didn't want.

We don't know what Trump is going to do about this situation, but it's serious enough that NO option should be off the table. And that should scare all of us.

The other bone we have to pick (see how we returned to that caveman imagery?) regards one particular aspect of the news coverage we've been seeing about the ongoing search, rescue, and rebuilding efforts going on in our great home state of Texas following hurricane Harvey.

We keep hearing that in a country torn by hate and strife, it's semi-miraculous to see people coming together, putting aside race and ideology, and working together in a spirit of community.

Well screw that.

Not the good works - which are myriad, heartwarming, and inspiring. But screw the idea that some sort of "change" has happened, and this wasn't how Texans were before the crisis. Here's a freaking news bulletin: Texas is filled, by and large, with good, Godly people who were already getting along just fine - and take it as a cultural norm that we reach out to help when others, any others, are in need.

You can see it in the rate we donate to charities, volunteer for community services, and enlist for military duty. There has been no change of heart for Texans because we didn't need one.

The people making these rescues, serving up meals, and providing shelter aren't magically reformed members of Antifa, Black Lives Matter, the KKK, or Neo-Nazis...none of whom are actually welcome in this great state. They're all still chasing their selfish agendas of hate, and the mainstream media is spinning this narrative of "coming together in a crisis" rather than admitting that it is THEY who have been lying to us all along about the degree of enmity and social unrest in our society, hoping to increase those very things.

Okay, we've said our piece. Now we're going to push our way out of the dusty rubble in our home to get a takeout order of cheap Chinese food.

That, and a smooch from the woman we love, is our special reward for turning 65 today.

We'll Be Right Back. We Hope.

Okay, we knew the remodelers were eventually coming for our last holdout, but it's happening NOW. So we're unable to post anything today, and may be offline for a week or two (hopefully not, we're just hedging our bets here).

As we write this, the air is filled with fresh toxic fumes (we're having the dining room "orange peel" texture added, which apparently involves spraying the walls with biotoxins), the sound of power tools, and melodious Mariachi music. Man, we just can't get enough of those jolly little accordions!

We'll try to get back ASAP, and will surely find some way to view comments and maybe even respond.

Until then, happy Labor Day (damn those capitalist slavemongers!) and - just in case things don't go well - happy Halloween!

-Stilton

The Quick and the Dead Tired

This will be an uneven post. Here at stately Jarlsberg mansion, we not only had the tile guys descend on us with a vengeance, we were also surprised to receive visits from a carpenter, two plumbers, and some cabinet guys who took the fronts off all our kitchen cabinets AND the cabinet which held our microwave and oven. And still does - because they're gone too.

Since we don't have a stovetop installed either, we were looking at a future of food as cold as Nancy Pelosi's heart. Fortunately, we were saved by the miracle of capitalism (and Chinese slave labor) thanks to a $35 Sunbeam microwave oven from Target. We may still have to have hot dogs for every meal, but by gosh they'll at least be hot hot dogs!

Also, our contractor moved up the schedule a wee bit in several areas (the element of surprise is critical in keeping homeowners from seeing where the next punch will come from), meaning we have to completely empty the contents of the kitchen this evening (every cupboard, shelf, pantry, and hidey-hole) and then get started emptying out the rooms which are currently stacked to the ceilings with all our belongings. Including this one: the inner sanctum of Stilton's Place.

With all this going on tonight, we had to call the doggy daycare and ask them to let Penny (the official dog of Hope n' Change) spend the night rather than just enjoying her usual daytime play date. We then peeked at the online camera to make sure she was okay, and saw that she was doing nothing except watching the windows and doors for us to come pick her up. Guilt, thy name is stranded dog...

And speaking of dogs, the females are technically referred to as "bitches." Which segues nicely into this cartoon...

Per an idea from our good friends over at The Daily Gouge (who will be using a version of this cartoon today), here's Hillary's version of her debates with Trump as described in her upcoming compendium of lies, "What Happened."

She claims "he was literally breathing down my neck" (he wasn't), her "skin crawled," and she wanted to shout "Back up, you creep! Get away from me!" A line which had previously allowed her to dodge all male advances except, apparently, those made by Webb Hubbell.

Also in the news, the oxymoronic "peace armies" of Antifa raised more Hell in Berkeley to make sure "free speech" couldn't break out...

Hey, YOUR signs lie, OUR signs lie.

The image above should cranch the butthole of anyone who's ever read "1984." Shields emblazoned with "No Hate" and cartoon animals, carried by masked, armed thugs who've come to beat the crap out of anyone they don't agree with (while the police stand back with a nod and a wink to "give them space" to do their genuinely fascist thing).

At some point, a citizen is going to take poorly to being beaten in the streets, and is going to demonstrate to an Antifa member how the 2nd Amendment works. And unfortunately, this is exactly what Antifa and the Left are hoping for: a precious martyr. Frankly, we're surprised that they haven't fragged one of their own yet just to try to pin the blame on the evil Freedom of Speech lovers. And for all we know, that fallen Antifa member might wind up surrounded by 72 virgins - which is ironic because the same was true whenever he attended an average Antifa organizational meeting.

Regarding the Texas coastal cities (and soon Louisiana) coping with hurricane Harvey, we find the carnage heartbreaking but the many acts of heroism and neighborliness inspiring. We'll be making a donation to help as soon as we sort out a good and efficient charity (hint: not The Clinton Foundation), and we hope that the rain will just stop as soon as possible.  Way up here in north Texas, we've only gotten some very scattered showers of no importance.

What else? It seems worth mentioning that by actually shooting a missile over Japan, North Korea's Kim Jung Un is making a desperate plea for "death by cop" (or in this case, the World's cop). And we're growing more inclined to see his wish granted.

Speaking of useless blights on humanity, may we call attention to virtually everyone at the recent MTV Music Awards? Granted, this masturbatory self-celebration is always a pointless waste of time, but we can't really forgive them for the foul song they played to the gala's entire in-theater audience during a commercial break.

Here it is; the meat of the song kicks in at :28 and is Not Safe For Work, Not Safe For White People, Not Safe For Those With Heart Conditions, and frankly Not Safe For Those Uncomfortable with Black People Being Called Niggas (which, theoretically, makes us racists).

As much as we hate to (ahem) denigrate an obviously brain-damaged, Tourette's-afflicted rapper who likely can't wipe his own ass without help from a cellmate, we condemn this song and the overpaid coke-snorting executives at MTV who thought it appropriate to associate with their brand.

Which actual Americans should. Forever.