The Nuts Who Say Knee

The latest shiny object in the news is the epic battle between President Donald Trump and millionaire athletes who "take the knee" during the national anthem as a protest against police, racial inequality, and the horrifying discovery of cotton in Hobby Lobby stores.

Donald Trump, in typical understated fashion, helped ramp things up by opining that any "son of a bitch" that takes the knee during the anthem should immediately be fired or suspended for showing disrespect to America. In rebuttal, more athletes started dropping to their knees (or linking arms), including both teams at an NFL exhibition game in London's Wembley Stadium ("Wembley," for those who don't know, is the british name for American football).

That game, between the Jaguars and Ravens, was a 44-7 blowout...demonstrating that at least one team should be more ashamed of its athletic ability than its country.

It's hard for us to get very worked up about all of this, as the political opinions of any entertainers don't concern us much - let alone entertainers who make their livings by absorbing repeated blows to the head.

Still, if it will restore peace and harmony to the NFL, we'd like to suggest a modest proposal: in predominantly black neighborhoods, replace the police with "special teams" units of football players wearing standard helmets and padding (no kevlar allowed) who will humanely subdue possibly-armed suspects by implementing an explosive blindside tackle, after which they can do a happy little ass-shaking dance while judges review tapes of the play.

And who knows - maybe one day, we'll see the whole thing come to Wembley Stadium when the "Thin Blue Linebackers" take on the "Pistol Packin' Perps." It would have to be a more entertaining game than the overpaid prima donnas of the Jaguars and Ravens put on last Sunday.

AND ON ANOTHER PLAYING FIELD...

Because Pre-Apocalyptic humor is the funniest kind.

It's Alive!

Hey, it was worth a shot.

We're glad to report that we've turned a corner (not to be confused with a coroner) and actually started improving. Which isn't to say that we feel great, but we feel great by comparison - which can be a useful perspective to be reminded of from time to time.

We looked for a news story to comment on today, but it seems all the most interesting stuff is somewhat past its prime at this juncture: the Manafort wiretapping, Trump's great U.N. speech, and Hillary's preposterous self-identification as Paul Revere. All are still great stories, but all have already been fully commented on elsewhere.

Hopefully, this will be our last "placeholder" post before getting back to our regular tomfoolery on Monday - and we have no doubt whatsoever that the news will provide plenty of new grist for our mill by then. And trust us, "grist" is the nicest word we can use.

Have a great (and healthy!) weekend, and best wishes to all our Jewish friends for Rosh Hashanah!

All we need now is something for our lingering cough...

In Sickness And In...No, Just Sickness

Oh, it is SO not happening today. We're still sick, and our home is still jammed with contractors trying to outdo one another in the making outrageous noises competition.

At this very moment, our head is pounding and we actually feel faint - making it a less than perfect time to really savor the ongoing duet by a circular saw and nail gun. And what's better for a queasy tummy and rattling phlegm-filled lungs than a fresh round of toxic paint fumes?

On top of everything else, we had to take time off from wishing for a speedy death to deal with the fact that a coffin-sized box which has been getting moved all over our house for the last 6 weeks turned out to contain the wrong friggin' bathtub. 

We'll be back ASAP. Until then, carry on!