Big Brother is Suicide Watching You

OH MY GOD! Pedophile billionaire (and pimp to the powerful) Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his jail cell of apparent "suicide!" Who could have possibly predicted this?!

Well, pretty much everyone. Since the day Epstein was tossed in the hoosegow, his impending "suicide" has been the source of endless jokes and memes. After all, the guy had damning information about a lot of very powerful people...people who didn't want Epstein to start naming names in an effort to reduce his prison sentence.

Topping the list of those who could conceivably be harmed by Epstein's testimony were the Clintons, who have so much experience at cleaning up unwanted messes that the term "Arkancide" is widely accepted by medical examiners as an official cause of death. Bill Clinton is said to have repeatedly flown on Epstein's private jet, the "Lolita Express," to what the locals called "Orgy Island" or "Pedophile Island." In some instances, Bill Clinton gave the Secret Service the slip before boarding the jet so he could spend time on the island without witnesses. Which, in retrospect, may be fortunate for those Secret Service agents.

Of course, it's possible that a despondent Jeffrey Epstein really did decide to take his own life, and managed to do so using makeshift materials which shouldn't have been in his possession only days after being taken off of suicide watch. And it's possible that it was only a coincidence that he was assigned to a cell with no cellmate despite it being a violation of standard procedure. And that, by greater coincidence, the 24 hour security cameras weren't pointed into Epstein's cell, but only aimed at the hallway outside. And, by really wild coincidence, that Epstein chose to make his move at the exact time that the two guards who were supposed to be regularly checking on him decided not to.

Attorney General William Barr has announced that there will be a full and rigorous investigation of the circumstances surrounding Epstein's death which (and you read it here first) will not reveal diddly squat. Either because money and power have covered the trail, or because the investigators don't want to find themselves inside chalk outlines.

A REQUEST FOR HELP

I try not to ask readers for anything except in rare circumstances, and this is one of those times.

For years, I've been personally moved and inspired by young Lucas Hembree, his dog Juno, and his wonderful family. Sadly, Lucas is now in the final days of an incurable illness, he's in hospice, and Medicaid has chosen this spectacularly bad moment to cut off funds for his remaining medical expenses.

The family's needs are modest, and I hope some of you can send a few dollars to his GoFundMe campaign to help out. And for those who can't, please keep Lucas and his family in your thoughts and prayers.    -Stilton

UPDATE - ADDITIONAL WAYS TO GIVE

The fundraising is going great and there are now more options for giving.

If you'd prefer to send a check rather than doing an online transaction, it can go to Chester or Jennifer Hembree, 1454 Mimosa Drive, Louisville, TN 37777.

If you'd like to have the convenience and security of paying online with Paypal, you can do that by clicking this link. (Note: the page at this link will show how much money has been raised on Paypal, but does not show the total from the GoFundMe page. It's still 100% legit!)

And here's a message from the Hembree family to all of us here at Stilton's Place: "Thank you so much for supporting our sweet boy!! It means the world to us and we will forever be grateful!!"

Round The Clock Noose

Yes, this was an actual MSNBC segment...except for the logical punchline.

We're playing a dangerous game here, but we're going to go on record as saying that the Democrats and liberal media actually can not stoop lower than they have this week, short of explicitly calling for Civil War and white genocide. And of course, the week's not over.

We've all heard the narrative for the past couple of years: Trump is a racist, his supporters are deplorables, and blah, blah, blah. But there has been a seismic shift in the scope and seriousness of these accusations. Following the actions of a trio of mass shooters, whose motives remain unknown but whose political footprints seem to indicate Leftward leanings (*), all liberal pretense at tact, logic, and human decency have gone out the window.

The new narrative from the Left, being pounded into soft Leftist skulls, is that Donald Trump is the evil leader of a massive army of murderous white supremacists, all of whom - including you - should be rounded up and "eradicated."

We wish we were exaggerating, but we're not. The tortured and preposterous argument that Trump is using American flag protocol to send secret messages to neo-Nazis was a real exchange on MSNBC, as was a news anchorette's solemn statement to viewers that President Trump is "talking about exterminating Latinos." Which, we should mention as a small point of clarification, he effing isn't.

According to pretty much every Democrat running for president, Trump is the worst kind of racist, sexist, genocidal white supremacist...as is every single person who cast a vote for Trump, even if that vote was cast solely to keep Hillary's thoroughly corrupt keister out of the Oval Office. We all pulled the triggers at the mass shootings, we're all drenched in blood and, to hear the Left tell it, nothing could make us happier. There are no gradations or extenuating circumstances in the Left's rhetoric: every Trump supporter embodies ultimate evil, and none of us will deserve mercy when Civil War II breaks out. When

This isn't the kind of garden variety nonsense we're used to hearing from the Left. This is dangerous and inflammatory, quite literally the sort of insane rhetoric that Adolf Hitler used to inspire an epidemic of madness and murder that tore the world apart. Now, half of our population is being force fed lies around the clock to foment the kind of hate and division which will result in more, not fewer, deaths of innocents.

The threat from the social arsonists on the Left is real, deliberate, and growing.

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(*) Update: In a previous commentary, we said that the political leanings of mass shooters aren't nearly as important as the sociological forces which turn them to violence and we stand by that opinion. But here, we've cited the "Leftward leanings" of at least two of the most recent shooters not to explain their actions (which would be hypocritical on our part), but simply to factually refute the untrue narrative from those on the Left that the shooters were Right wingers or Trump supporters.

According to the El Paso shooter's online manifesto (if, indeed, he authored it) he wanted Medicare for all, a universal basic income, to protect the environment, and to take power out of the hands of corporations  - a progressive wishlist which he insanely believed could be attained by killing Mexicans.

The Dayton shooter was a vocal supporter of antifa, and made social media posts saying "I want socialism," "Kill every fascist," and "Nazis deserve death and nothing else." Not the hardest tea leaves to read.

Again, it's a mistake and a distraction to focus on the shooters' politics...but that's no reason for us to remain silent when those politics are deliberately and irresponsibly misrepresented by liars on the Left.

Area Fifty Fun

Although we've been treating the story as a joke, no one is laughing now that the stakes have been raised dramatically in the upcoming attempt to storm Area 51 and, perhaps, "see them aliens."

We refer, of course, to the news that Nevada's largest adult entertainment operation is sending a contingent of strippers to help breach the defenses of the top secret military site. Granted, we're not exactly sure how that's supposed to work, but we suspect that some of the brave young women will attempt to distract the guards, while others use their well-honed pole skills to vault over the barbed wire fences.

The exotic dancers will be arriving at the staging area in The Strippermobile, which frankly sounds like the most awesome superhero vehicle ever. Although we don't even want to think about what might happen if it got too close to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.

The US Air Force, which is taking the possibility of a mass assault very seriously, has plans in place to repel potential intruders. Still, allowing for the slim possibility that civilians - including the curvaceous corps of adult entertainers - may indeed penetrate the top secret area, contingency plans are being made to provide the aliens with Earth dollar bills.

MORE SCIENCE NEWS...

A Japanese scientist has been given the go-ahead to breed a rat-human hybrid, apparently unaware that the United States accomplished this decades ago.

Francis "Rato" O'Rourke, a hyperkinetic race-baiting hatemonger, was conceived via gene splicing between a common rat, and what we assume was a common (perhaps very common if not outright whorish) Irish woman. At birth, this unappealing chimera was determined to be principally a rat and, by virtue of the fact that his "parents" weren't married, was technically labeled a rat bastard.

Unable to find social acceptance or gainful employment owing to his disturbing appearance, freakishly large incisors, and an unpredictable tendency to poop oversized raisinets, Rato O'Rourke has earned a meager salary as an experimental lab rat.

Notably, he has been engaged in a study funded by Starbucks to discover what constitutes a lethal dose of caffeine. So far, he's only become extremely jittery, but we have hope that the research will eventually have a successful conclusion.