Phuket Friday

With all of the aggravating news lately, we thought that it would be a good idea to devote today's blog to something more positive, uplifting, and spiritual. We're speaking, of course, about the 2019 Phuket Vegetarian Festival which is happening right now in Thailand. If you hurry, you can still catch it!

Among the various non-meat-eating events at the Festival, a particular crowd-pleaser sees celebrants parading through the streets with a variety of surprising objects jammed through their cheeks and mouths. While this may seem strange to Western eyes, there's actually a good reason for these ritualistic piercings: by impaling themselves, the worshippers draw bad luck away from the rest of the townspeople. Don't laugh - they think we're idiots for believing we can change the weather by making plastic straws taboo.This joyful celebration reminds us of the rich variety of cultures across the globe, absolutely none of which are inferior to our own in any way, at least when it comes to sideshow-type entertainment value. And with that thought in mind, we'd like to see this colorful celebration imported to the United States. Specifically, we'd like to see it adopted by the many politicians and media types who are currently trying to overthrow the Presidency. Hey, their mouths are already wide open - and we'll happily chip in to help buy them scimitars, knitting needles, hand saws, harpoons, and post hole diggers!We're so enthusiastic about the idea that, every time we hear another fake news report or lying politician we loudly shout "Phuket!" at the television screen. Just ask our neighbors.

Hi Way to Hell

He's also alleged to have dated a porn star named Misty Meener.

Remember Monday, when we said we don't really want to spend a lot of time hashing over the ongoing minutiae of the "impeachment" crap? Well, we weren't kidding. So here's a cartoon, and the Democrats and the media can go screw themselves. What we lack in subtlety, we make up for in brevity!

Meanwhile, with a sudden uptick in public appearances by Hillary Clinton, we're getting an uncomfortable feeling that - as we've predicted all along - the old biddy really might be preparing for a deus ex machina entrance into the 2020 Presidential race. She will claim that she's the only one who can beat Trump because "I did it once before!" (Note: we made that quote up, but we'd bet good money that you'll be hearing it from her withered lips before long).

With these thoughts in mind, and because Halloween decorating has entered our thoughts (hey, it's October!), we've created a singularly creepy piece of art that we call "waiting in the shadows"...

Download a high-rez, printable version of this picture for Halloween by clicking this link!

As Count Floyd would say, "That's real scary, boys and girls! Ah-wooooo!"

Of course, the person who should be most scared of Hillary right now is the alleged "whistleblower" at the heart of the latest Trump coup attempt. Why? Because the actual accusations against the President won't hold water, but it would look pretty bad for Trump if the whistleblower suddenly had an "accident" of the kind that Hillary can probably arrange in her sleep by now.

Think about it: the whistleblower's statement is already on record, but a dead whistleblower can't be called before investigating committees or be forced to reveal the names of leakers and conspirators. It's a Democrat dream come true!

Such an event would cast just enough suspicion on Trump (with a big push from the media) that he would likely be unelectable. But could such a thing really happen? Well, it's already being reported that the whistleblower is under "federal protection" out of assassination fears...which sounds like journalistic "priming the pump" for a murder scenario which may have already been scripted.

Mind you, this is all wild ass speculation on our part...but anyone who isn't experiencing a bit of paranoia at this point just isn't paying attention.

Slay Your Prayers

Nancy Pelosi has announced that she is both heartbroken and prayerful about her decision to aggressively move forward with impeachment, a serious process which, we're fairly certain, requires the House Speaker to fellate Satan. Which probably won't be a party for either of them.

If you think that analysis lacks subtlety, all we can say is: "get used to it." This is going to be, by design, a long and stultifying nightmare in which the Deep State uses every dirty trick imaginable to get rid of Donald Trump. And frankly, Stilton's Place is not anxious to spend the coming weeks and months wading through this fetid quagmire and calling out all the lies (and trust us, their name will be Legion).

All we can say for now is that we hope the Trump administration will fight back, and fight back hard. Like, Armageddon hard. Because this is now as pure a clash between good and evil as we're likely to see in our lifetimes. And, if we lose, the last such clash to ever be seen in this nation.

FROM THE VAULT: EASTERN DOUBLE STANDARD TIME

(Originally published June 14, 2019)