During this extended period of self-isolation, it has been suggested that we all spend some time reflecting on our past and coming to new insights about who we are, deep down inside. We've done that and, based on everything in our past, determined that we've pretty much always had a screw loose...and enjoyed it!
For instance, about 30 years ago, we made a parody version of a "Spenser Gifts" catalog just because the idea tickled us. We used actual products from their pages, but substituted our own text - attempting to match the clipped and overly-enthusiastic style of the actual catalog.
Because desktop publishing wasn't really a thing back then, the original "Spensive Gifts" catalog was assembled with clipped bits of paper and a glue stick. Copies were created with a Xerox machine. And while the original catalog has disintegrated with time, the Xeroxed copies live on in all their low-rez, black and white glory.
The whole shebang is 24 pages long, and we've been toying with the idea of making it into a Kindle ebook. For now, here are three pages - let us know if you'd like to see more!
We haven't discussed politics much here lately because, in these troubled times, we just wanted to give you "funny." Happily, upon looking again at the two remaining Democrat candidates for president, it turns out we can do both at the same time...
Joe Biden, looking even more washed-out and disoriented than usual, is now making political broadcasts from his home. The address of which is stitched onto every article of his clothing in case he gets out and wanders away.
Not that Old Bland Joe is out of touch with current events. In a recent appearance on "The View" (via remote video), Biden was asked if he was concerned that Trump said (of coronavirus and quarantines) "we cannot let the cure be worse than the problem itself."
Biden's stupefying answer: "We have to take care of the cure. That will make the problem worse, no matter what." After which he was hit with a tranquilizer dart and the screen went black.
And of course, Bernie Sanders is still on the cyber-campaign trail, his mood lifted by the fact that with staggering unemployment, closed businesses, and emptied supermarkets, half of his job will already be finished if he's elected.
Plus, he's got a unique perspective on our nation's health crisis...
During this trying time, perhaps the best way for all of us to keep our spirits up is to do things for others. In our case, we keep draining green plastic bottles of Clan MacGregor because the empties are our dog's favorite backyard toys.
Penny (the official dog of Hope n' Change) dances with joy when she realizes there's a fresh bottle to enjoy at playtime. She then goes absolutely insane when we drop a marble inside the bottle to give it a pleasant rattle. Seriously, it's like she becomes a kangaroo on meth and her eyes bug out so far she could be mistaken for Adam Schiff.
The official Clan MacGregor Bottle Game has simple rules: we throw the bottle across the yard, Penny gives chase, then tries to inflict maximum chew-damage on the bottle until we can wrestle it away from her locked and foaming jaws. Repeat as necessary until one or more participants are completely exhausted.
For those without dogs, we can't think of any reason the game couldn't be played by substituting a spouse or child (don't even try it with cats) and ignoring what your neighbors may think. Which reminds us: we occasionally underestimate our own strength and hurl a bottle into our neighbor's back yard. We're pretty sure we find this way more amusing than they do.
And speaking of neighbors...
As long as we're on a musical note, by popular request we're presenting another song that wasn't chosen to be in the movie "Muppets From Space."
This was to be the big happy celebration at the end, happening after (Spoiler Alert) Gonzo the Muppet is reunited with other Gonzo-ish Muppets from Outer Space, and Bruce Willis finds out he was dead the whole time. No wait, that's a different spoiler.
In any event, the song begins with some of the aliens singing about their quest to find Gonzo, after which every Muppet in the movie sings about how swell it is to be in dangerously close proximity to friends and family.
As before, the music was written, arranged, and produced by an award-winning composer whose name we're withholding for now, with the lyrics written by Stilton Jarlsberg. BONUS: Stilton also sings the part of every Muppet heard in this song, bravely putting himself in the line of fire for about a dozen copyright violation lawsuits and public derision.
