Wish Vigorously For At Least 20 Seconds

Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at the worst possible moment, because she might well have cast the tie-breaking vote when the Supreme Court decides whether our nation's highest legal standards rest on the Constitution or on a dying person's "most fervent wish."

Certainly, there's no debate amongst those on the Left: a "most fervent wish" or "final wish" wins every single time and takes precedence over all other legal considerations as long as the decedent wasn't a conservative who was, by definition, hellbound.

But if we accept this as precedent, surely more needs to be done to formalize and codify fervent last wishes. Sure, Ginsburg's granddaughter claims that the late Justice's most fervent wish was to not let Trump pick her replacement, but how do we know with certainty that RBG's real final, most fervent wish wasn't just to "break me off a piece of that KitKat bar?"

For that reason, it strikes us as important that all fervent final wishes be entered onto a pre-need 1040-FFW form, notarized, and recorded with the appropriate government office to expedite eventual enforcement. Indeed, filling out the 1040-FFW form should become a crucial component of every family's estate planning.

How else can we ensure that final fervent wishes are honored, such as Nancy Pelosi's wish to make Botox free for elected officials, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's wish that someone would finally clarify the difference between an ass and an elbow, Wilford Brimley's fervent final wish that we all eat a lot more oatmeal, Hillary Clinton's wish that a movie be made in which she is depicted as ruling Wakanda under the name "The Black Pantsuit," or Joe Biden's wish that Alaska and Hawaii will someday be made U.S. states?

Of course, some wishes - even those properly filed and notarized - will be difficult to execute, such as George Floyd's fervent final wish that he hadn't taken a lethal dose of fentanyl. Is such a wish even actionable? We won't know until a decision is issued by a fully-staffed Supreme Court... hopefully long before November.

Ruthless

Note: This is not a Ruth Bader Ginsburg joke. It is a "wise Latina" joke.

Even though we can no longer hear or see the spinning blades, yet more crap has hit the fan in 2020. In this case, the passing of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg at age 87. You don't have to have agreed with her politics to concede that she was a formidable and groundbreaking woman who accomplished a lot, and who fought a terrible illness with great strength and bravery. 

Now there is an empty seat on the Supreme Court, and yet another battle royale over whether President Trump has the right to try to push through a replacement in what could possibly be the final days of his administration. As both political parties have passionately argued both sides of the issue in the past (unsurprisingly, they were in favor of whatever would most benefit them politically at the moment), we can effectively ignore whatever they're yammering about now.

Instead, let's look into the more interesting subject of just who Donald Trump will nominate for the position. He has already announced that he thinks the nominee should be a woman, which probably comes as a disappointment to Ted Cruz, whom Trump had declared to be on the short list. Then again, since Trump has never formally withdrawn his accusation that Ted Cruz's father helped assassinate JFK, it seems likely that a confirmation hearing could have gotten a wee bit contentious.

Personally, we'd like to see Trump nominate Hillary Clinton for the post because, in confirmation hearings, it would be hilarious to hear her endlessly invoking the Fifth Amendment or claiming memory lapses owing to head injuries. And BONUS - a fresh FBI investigation of her entire past!

So as President Trump reflects on who he wants to add to the Supreme Court, let's open the vault door to reflect on some relevant cartoons from the past...

Fatherly Wisdom

It is said that those who forget History are doomed to repeat it. Which is also true of other required classes like English and Biology, even though those subjects don't have snappy catchphrases.

But as we watch the current political power grab and the dismaying loss of moral clarity in the streets, we might do well to look to the lessons which history has to tell us. 

And so, as a special Friday treat, we present this instructive tale translated by Stilton's father. And yes, the film rights are available.

SIDE NOTE: 

This story really was written by my Dad - one of many he wished to compile in a book called "Sinister Tales for Sinister Children." Presumably so kids besides me and my siblings would be able to grow up filled with anxiety and paranoia.

One of these days, I still hope to put that book together.