I've Got A Fraud In My Throat

The more detailed information we get on the recent election returns, the more impossible it becomes to believe that Joe Biden managed to "win" against all statistical precedent unless a long, long list of election improprieties was actually vote fraud on a massive scale.

Trump is still making legal challenges, but seemingly without much help from the DOJ or the FBI. Let alone the media, which suddenly has no curiosity whatsoever about how the literally impossible happened in swing state after swing state after counting was suddenly stopped and observers removed, following which there was a literally unbelievable surge for Joe Biden when new "votes" started appearing by the truckload and counting resumed, unobserved, in the dark of night.

As we've said here before, we will never accept Biden as president, nor believe that this was a fair and uncompromised election. We can only hope that somehow Trump prevails in the courts. Otherwise, Democracy is as dead as last Thursday's turkey carcass. 

In the meanwhile, Biden is still play-acting at being the president-elect...

"It's kind of a tradition"

BACK(DOOR) TO THE FUTURE

First things first: before anyone gets the vapors, you should know that you're looking at the hole in a cake donut in the cartoon above. And our sincere apologies to anyone who was eating a cake donut while reading this.

But pastry aside, that doesn't make Barack Obama any less of a talking asshole. While pushing his 27th autobiography, he's now spouting endless lies and revisions of recent history which give us a throbbing headache the like of which we haven't had in four years. For him to accuse Trump of putting (ahem) "undocumented workers" in "cages" that Obama himself built raises hypocrisy to an almost metaphysical level.

Barry also accused President Trump of saying "bad things, racial things, about Hispanics" (which isn't true) before himself going on a diatribe about how Hispanics gave Trump a lot of votes because they're homophobes and misogynists who don't give a sweet fiddly-damn about human rights. Which raises an interesting question: why is Biden's top priority in these plague-ridden times to give amnesty and citizenship to 11 million of these apparently dreadful people?

LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST

There will be paper hats, party horns, and cheap champagne (Alma brut) today in the Jarlsberg household as we celebrate Mrs. J's birthday! We keep such celebrations small, even when the four horsemen of the apocalypse aren't restricting the number of diners in 5-star restaurants with strolling violin players. But that makes the day no less special, and we hope you'll join us in wishing the ever-wonderful Mrs. J a very Happy Birthday indeed!

Black Friday

 Everyone likes Thanksgiving leftovers, right? At least, that's the theory behind our doing this repost of our "Black Friday" blog from several years ago, so we can continue to enjoy our tryptophan coma rather than working, thinking, or moving today. We'll probably still fart and scratch from time to time but, truthfully, that's not really limited to the day after Thanksgiving.

Robinson Crusoe goes shopping

2020 BONUS: WHIZ KID

Okay, we hadn't planned on doing a topical cartoon today, but we can't resist commenting on Joe Biden's Thanksgiving address to the nation, in which he attempted to quote the Bible and said "we can proclaim a palmist, with a palmist who wrote these following words..."

The actual word on his teleprompter was "psalmist," which the lifelong Catholic has apparently never seen nor spoken aloud before. 

Many Happy Returns

As long as this is looking like a weird Thanksgiving, we just thought we'd go for it in the cartoon above. But all kidding aside, even in a year as screwed up as this one, we all have a lot to be thankful for - and a day devoted to reflecting on gratitude is just what we've been needing. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and your family from all of us here at Stilton's Place!

OREGON OF THE SPECIOUS

You may have seen in the news that Oregon's Governor, Kate Brown, is telling citizens to call the police on any neighbors who dare to have more than six people present for Thanksgiving. Which would be bad enough on its masked face, but is made considerably worse by the fact that this same Governor presided over months of street violence because she believes cops are violent thugs who shoot people just for the sheer hell of it.

To be sure, she was only offended by needless Black deaths from police violence, but what would she have Oregonians do if their neighbor with a seventh family member at Thanksgiving is Black? Should SWAT still be called in to shoot Great Grandma if she resists arrest? ("We had no choice - she wouldn't drop the greenbean casserole.")

Still, Governor Brown has accomplished one thing this Thanksgiving: she's made us awfully thankful that we don't live under her fascist rule.

THE BABYLON BEE-MINUS

Barring a major news development, we're going to be taking Friday off. But to help tide you over, we're offering up a selection of headlines which we've been playfully submitting to a user forum over at The Babylon Bee (our favorite online humor site). Enjoy!