The Cart Before The Hearse

On Wednesday, we saw the first image of an actual black hole and, despite a bit of kidding from us, it was astounding and important. And not solely because it provides a perfect metaphor for a big, developing news story: the arrest of Wikileaks' Julian Assange.

Regarding the black hole picture, it's impossible to see the black hole itself because of the mind-blowing forces which the core exerts to keep anything from escaping. But we can infer a lot by the accumulation of seethingly hot material circulating around that mysterious center and defining its edges.

And so it is with the case of Julian Assange's sudden arrest and forcible removal from the Ecuadoran embassy within 24 hours of Attorney General William Barr's announcement that he's actively investigating the circumstances behind the attempted coup (our words, not his) of President Donald Trump via falsified charges of Russian collusion...and subsequent spying on Trump's campaign by intelligence agencies closely aligned with Barack "Gotta Protect My Legacy" Obama, and Hillary "I Sold My Soul For The Presidency" Clinton.

We don't yet know what's at the impenetrably black center of all this, but it's certainly interesting to look at the white hot material that's now circulating around this nexus.

Key to the Russian collusion case is the idea that the Russians hacked DNC computers (for Trump's alleged benefit) and gave the embarrassing information to Wikileaks to hurt Hillary. But Assange knows where that information really came from...and he hasn't been shy about saying that it wasn't Russia. Rather, he's hinted that the DNC materials may have come from someone within the party itself. Perhaps someone like young DNC staffer Seth Rich, who was upset that Hillary essentially bought the entire DNC for the express purpose of taking Bernie Sanders (at the height of his popularity) out of the presidential race, and who may have shared information with Assange. Seth was subsequently shot to death on the street...with no signs of an altercation or robbery.

If Assange names Seth Rich as his source and provides evidence to prove it, all Hell is likely to break loose (which we're enthusiastically in favor of). Moreover, if it can be clearly shown that our intelligence agencies knew that the Russians weren't the source of the leaks, they'll have a pretty hard time explaining why they subsequently began spying on a presidential candidate (based on a clearly fictitious dossier funded by - surprise! - Hillary Clinton), as well as employing high-ranking agents who vowed that they'd make sure Trump either never won, or would never serve.

It's a very high-stakes game, and at the moment we don't know which team just grabbed Assange. Did Trump order a preemptive arrest to keep Assange safe and get his testimony? Or did the Deep State/Obama/Hillary cabal snatch Assange to silence him permanently (be watching for telltale press stories reporting Assange to be suffering from "serious health problems," so snuffing him will seem at least slightly less obvious to those who've never heard of Arkancide).

Like that Black Hole, we can't see what's at the center of all this yet. But our gut tells us that it's absolutely massive...and that a lot of political hacks are about to be sucked inexorably into a crushing maw of unimaginable force.

BONUS: STARR LITE...

Speaking of people whose unlikely and untimely deaths benefitted Hillary Clinton's political ambitions, we're now hearing that Independent Counsel Ken Starr, in his final report about the Clintons' Whitewater scandal, tastefully omitted his conclusion that Hillary Clinton drove her "friend," attorney Vince Foster, to suicide by ripping him to shreds in front of White House staff.

Starr says that he cut his conclusion from the report to spare Hillary the pain of having to deal with what her cruel actions had caused. And that's plausible, we guess.

Also plausible is that Ken Starr didn't want his own dead body found in the middle of a public park with no grass on the bottoms of his shoes, next to an empty briefcase which - after being searched multiple times - suddenly and spontaneously produced a typed suicide note, torn into easily reassembled pieces, but bearing no fingerprints. Nor would Starr want Hillary's staffers to duck under the police crime scene tape surrounding his office to steal boxes of files...all of which happened to Vince Foster.

Let's be really clear about something: Hillary Clinton never intended to win the 2016 presidential election fairly...and she sure as Shinola didn't intend to lose the election fairly. Her crimes are known, many, and so far unpunished. Here's hoping that changes soon.

AND FINALLY...

According to Representative Ilhan Omar, the ravingly anti-semitic Muslim congresswoman from Minnesota, the organization CAIR (the Council on American-Islamic Relations) "was founded after 9/11 because they recognized that some people did something and that all (Muslims) were starting to lose access to our civil liberties."

Some people did...something?!

Words fail us - and the most appropriate words aren't even fit to put on this page. Which is why we created the cartoon above to, hopefully, make our sentiments tastefully but abundantly clear.

Sucks to be Huge

Not that they'll be missed.

It is described as the ultimate void. A vast, dark vortex of emptiness with an unimaginably dense center from which nothing can escape.

We're talking, of course, about the mainstream news media - with whom we want nothing to do today. The Dems interrogating Barr, the Dems trying to get Trump's tax returns, top level turnover in various White House departments as our southern border fails, Alec Baldwin talking about running for President - oh, please!

But we do find it at least potentially interesting that a group of astronomers is promising today to reveal the first ever direct image of an actual black hole in space. Granted, we don't expect it to look like much of anything...but its shape could at least potentially change everything we think we know about physics and what we believe to be reality. Or...and we can't emphasize this strongly enough... it might just look like a boring hole.

Because seriously, how hard would it be to fake a photo of absolute nothingness in deep space? You could sneeze on the film of an old chest X-ray and probably pass off the results as the greatest astronomical discovery since the days of Copernicus (who invented the sneeze). Although actually, there could and should be some interesting stuff to see around the black hole, swirling down the ultimate drain and giving off wild bursts of light and energy as time, matter, and space are all condensed into infinitely hot meaninglessness.

Granted, Washington DC had already given us a pretty good idea of what a black hole looks like...

Nothing that goes in is ever seen again.

...but the image released today will probably be a lot less clear. In fact, we're expecting a fairly funky computerized image which will be accompanied by a much more detailed, colorful, and spectacular "artist's rendition" of the black hole. Something like this, perhaps...

True fact: the Event Horizon is defined by sparkling, iridescent drips of sugar glaze.

In the end, the "image reveal" may or may not prove to be interesting or educational. But we'll be tuning in anyway, because compared to everything else that's going on, #BlackHolesMatter.

PULSE-POUNDING UPDATE:

Tah-dah!!!! Okay, not that great a picture, but still genuinely interesting.

The Black New Deal

So, New York 14th District voters - how does it feel to pick a ninny?

Although we hate giving dimwits more time in the spotlight than they deserve, AOC has once again offered us too tempting a target to resist.

Specifically, she has entered the ranks of those political figures who suddenly lapse into a broad Amos & Andy dialect when talking to African-American audiences in order to seem more "black." Interestingly, this overtly racist affliction only seems to strike liberals, with notable victims including Hillary "Ain't No Ways Tarred" Clinton, Rachel "Of Course I'm Black, I Committed Welfare Fraud" Dolezal, and Barack "I Was Raised in a White Community by White Communists Who Fed Me Fluffernutter Sandwiches" Obama.

In this case, Ms. Occasionally-Colored was addressing a predominantly black audience when she was suddenly overcome by the urge to speak in a southern drawl seasoned with just a soupcon of Ebonics. Reacting to President Trump's dismissal of her as a "bartender," she defended her former (and future) profession by declaring "Ain't nothin' wrong wid dat!" while waving jazz hands.

She then further demonstrated her deep understanding of black culture by assuring them - still in Stepin Fetchit mode -  that there was nothing wrong with their holding jobs like "folding clothes for other people to buy," or "preparing the food that your neighbors will eat," or "driving busses." In fact, it seems like there "ain't nothin' wrong wid dat" about any kind of manual labor for black Americans, as long as they leave all the fancy thinkin' jobs to the progressive massahs in charge of the new plantation state.

Of course, part of that fancy thinkin' by the Leftists is to flood our country with so many illegal aliens that the humble, but thoroughly respectable, jobs she listed will be out of reach to those in black communities who were hoping to enter the job market and start climbing the economic ladder.

Still, if they vote the right way, there will always be a trickle of cash heading their way from Washington.

But there ain't nothin' right about it.