Spring Forward, Fall To Pieces

We'll apologize in advance if today's commentary lacks our usual snap, crackle, and pop, but we're suffering from a severe case of Daylight Saving Time-induced brain fog.

#BlackCoffeeMatters, but no amount of that precious, steaming, life-giving liquid is enough to repair the grievous damage inflicted on our internal biorhythms by a cruel and uncaring government.

Oh sure, some people (whom we might be married to) can laugh it off, but for many of us the struggle is real. Especially if different clocks in the house are showing pre-DST time, DST time, and (in the case of Mrs. J's bedroom alarm) DST time plus 20 minutes because she likes it that way and has never learned anything from old Frankenstein movies that show the disastrous folly of toying with Nature.

(We pause briefly for a sip from our fifth cup of coffee, and to strike a stunned, unmoving pose like a dopey version of Rodin's "The Thinker" while trying to remember where words come from, how to string them together, and...uh...what were we talking about?)

Research, which we're too damn tired to look up or link to, shows that there may well be no benefit from Daylight Saving Time whatsoever: not for farmers, not for school kids, not for energy savings, or anything else. That same research shows that after any Daylight Saving Time clock change, there are more heart attacks, more car crashes, and marked increases in stress and depression.

Even worse, there's a lot more drooling on desks, although researchers don't like to talk about it.

Recovering from this debilitating "time flu" generally takes us about two weeks. We were going to say "give or take an hour," only this is no laughing matter except to those who are, unforgivably, naturally perky.

On the plus side, where we're going the coffee will stay hot.

Details, Details

Donald Trump and the Republicans have rolled out their initial plan to repeal and replace Obamacare, but for many Trump voters the plan (the first of three steps intended to address all aspects of reforming the ACA) isn't finding acceptance.

Why? Because they know (correctly) that Obamacare is riddled with serious problems and is harming our healthcare system and they voted to get rid of Obamacare in its entirety. And that's by God what they want!

Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is very much akin to the scenario depicted above: if you simply cut out the problems all at once with no replacement ready, the patient will die. And in this case, the bloodsoaked, flailing patient happens to be your health insurance.

We can't simply return to "the way things used to be" because Obamacare destroyed that system. It's gone. Kaput. It is not simply pining for the fjords, but has joined the choir eternal. Which is why doing an immediate and total fix is practically and politically impossible.

Rather, we need to accept (unhappily, and perhaps with an adult beverage in hand) that the Republicans only have two choices right now: a series of slow and messy patches to Obamacare that will gradually push the insurance industry back toward free market solutions, or a quick amputation of Obamacare in its entirety which will accelerate the industry's crash and make single-payer care inevitable.

We don't have to like those choices, but to deny that those are the choices can only lead to disaster.

Menstrual Show

Well, here we go again. Progressives have announced that March 8th is "A Day Without A Woman," a massive protest about women's sacred right to be really angry about something or other, approximately one month after their last massive protest about the same thing. Which suggests that hormones may be involved in the timing, although no man without a death wish is going to say so out loud.

The idea, and we use the term loosely, is to make men (those brutish, testosterone-filled bastards) appreciate women more by making them utterly useless for an entire day. Women are being encouraged to not work (either professionally or in the home), to participate in "pussy hat" marches (with labial flap earmuffs in colder climates), and to "avoid shopping" - which strikes us as ugly and unacceptably sexist behavioral stereotyping.

In fairness, because the "no shopping" rule would be impossible to stick to for 24 consecutive hours, exceptions are being made for the fightin' fems to shop at businesses owned by women or (ahem) persons of color. So social justice warriors can still buy anything on the shopping list from Uncle Ben or Aunt Jemima.

Of course, progressive men (not that we mean to be gender normative, especially when it comes to progressives) are encouraged to participate by "helping with caregiving and domestic chores" for the day. Really?! Frankly, any guys who aren't already helping with caregiving and domestic chores every day aren't men at all - they're just assholes.

So, will the fabric of America be torn asunder by today's protests and, if so, who will do the sewing afterwards? A tough question which we definitely won't voice during the big "I Shouldn't Have To Tell You What You Did Wrong" women's march approximately 28 days from now.

BONUS: EMBED BUGS

The whole question of whether Donald Trump and his team were wiretapped (and the Obama team's denial of same) has just been upended by the latest release of secret documents from Wikileaks.

The whole "Russian hacking" story has been rendered moot by the revelation that the CIA has a program called UMBRAGE which not only allows them to hack computers, but to make it look like the hacking was done by someone else. Like, oh, Russia. Meaning there's no definitive evidence that the real Russia hacked DNC emails at all.

It also turns out that "wiretapping" is soooooooooo last century (which is perhaps why Obama's spokespersons are happy to specifically deny wiretapping) and that the CIA (among others) has the cyber tools to spy on anyone without any need for tapping wires, bugging phones, or planting microphones.

Basically, the intelligence spooks have the technological capability of remotely activating pretty much every phone, smartphone, computer, or smart TV in your home, car, or workplace without you knowing it (and without showing that the device is on) - allowing them to spy using the cameras and microphones you've already surrounded yourself with.

At this very moment, without leaving our office chair, we easily located five video cameras and six microphones (actually fourteen if you count all eight in our Amazon Echo) just waiting to transmit our every utterance to the intelligence overlords in Washington.

Of course, you might say "I have nothing to hide - what do I have to worry about?" We'll be happy to tell you (and thanks for asking). It seems that due to some little "oopsy," the CIA's entire arsenal of cyber-spying tools has gotten into the hands of our nation's enemies and criminal hackers.

Thanks to the "embed bugs" surrounding us, no one is safe from stealth surveillance except the Amish. Which is why if you don't make a regular practice of raising barns, you should be raising hell.