Freudian Slippery Slope

So far, it seems that President Trump is doing a great job on his Middle East tour, striking deals on commerce and international security, as well as projecting an unapologetic aura of (trigger warning to snowflakes!) manliness that we haven't seen in the White House for a long time.

For instance, the Saudis invited Trump to participate in their traditional "sword bouncing" dance, an activity so hilariously phallic that it would make Anthony Weiner blush. This in marked contrast to Obama's first visit to the Middle East, during which he bowed before every turban-topped head and was then told to stand with the women while holding a cat in front of his private regions ("Trust us, it's traditional," the potentates giggled).

And there's a lot more testosterone in the President's statements overseas than we saw previously. Obama, as we painfully recall, basically declared that Islam created everything good about Western civilization, and that the evil, moronic, Bible-clutching simpletons of the United States of America then screwed it all up. And regarding terror, Obama basically stuck to the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's assessment that we were to blame for "America's chickens coming home to roost."

Trump is taking a different approach to terror, telling the Muslim world: "Religious leaders must make this absolutely clear: barbarism will deliver you no glory - piety to evil will bring you no dignity. If you choose the path of terror, you life will be empty, your life will be brief, and your soul will be condemned."

Admit it, you can't imagine those words coming out of Barry. While you don't have to imagine that he actually declared, following the terrorists' slaughter of our people in Benghazi, "the future must not belong to those who would slander the prophet of Islam."

There may be those who complain that there's too much of a men's locker room atmosphere surrounding Trump...but to us, it smells like fresh air.

AND FROM THE VAULT...

(Thursday, April 9, 2009) The White House now denies that Obama bowed down to the Saudi King, despite video and photos to the contrary. They say that "the president is taller than the King, so he had to bend to shake hands." Here's a hint, Mr. president - when they're looking down on the back of your head, you're bending over too far. And too willingly.

It looks like Obama was eager to blow...a diplomatic opportunity.

The Choir Infernal

Although it's a bit early in our day (barely) for mixed drinks, we can't help but indulge in mixed metaphors when trying to comprehend what's going on in the news. Per the cartoon, we can't quite decide whether the news broadcasts relating to the specious Trump/Russia investigation are coming from another planet, or whether the alleged journalists in the mainstream media have finally gone native, adorned themselves in grass skirts and war paint and, high on adrenalin and their own screaming chants, are now throwing spears at anything that moves.

Not since Michael Jackson set his noggin ablaze while shooting a Pepsi commercial have we seen so much "hair on fire" news. And we don't get it.

Did the Russians hack our election? No. Did they "influence" the result of our election? There's been no evidence of it. Did Trump conspire with Russia to make these non-events happen? Again, there's not a scintilla of evidence.  But you'd never know it from the rabid stories being reported virtually everywhere.

In some ways, we liken this phenomenon to the whole global warming sham - only now, instead of seeing "consensus science" we're seeing "consensus journalism" in which a story without substance or evidence is declared to be incontrovertibly true simply because so many nitwits have agreed to report it.

It's insanity, of course - and all the more frightening for that. We may be witnessing an attempted coup d'etat driven almost entirely by an overtly lying leftist media. And it's additionally worrisome to think about how the ever-volatile President Trump might react; after all, he's brought much of this situation upon himself (and us) with his Tourette's-like need to tweet every half-baked thought which ricochets through the caverns of his mind.

We'd say more, only we've managed to stall long enough that it IS time for a nice mixed drink. We're thinking cheap scotch mixed with an extra shot of our usual bile.

AND BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY...

...we deserve a laugh, so here's another old cartoon by Stilton's father!

It's not parking as long as you keep the motor running. So to speak.

To Serve Americans

And some of us are ESPECIALLY good in taco bowls.

Mainstream media outlets are currently having screaming hissy fits over unsubstantiated reports that Donald Trump, noted lunatic, actually held a meeting with disgusting, potentially world-destroying Russian bastards and told them top secret anti-terror information which has only been widely reported in the world's newspapers since last March.

This action is apparently the opening of the seventh seal, and the immediate cue for impending Armageddon, impeachment, or yet another humorless SNL skit for Alec "Duck Lips" Baldwin.

Owing to the fact that we don't believe anything from the Left-leaning media these days, we find it very hard to get excited about all of this. However, in the interest of at least trying to understand the Liberals' mindset on all of this, we've invented a fun game - and you can play along!

From now on, when you hear a story about Trump and the Russians, substitute the word "Martians." And go ahead and imagine they're really bad ass Martians who want to eat our brains, defile our women, and get their own special restrooms. Now we can have all the terrifying fun the Lefties seem to be enjoying!

Although we shouldn't make light of this very, very serious situation. Is it possible that Trump is babbling state secrets in an irresponsible manner? Hell yes! But is it worse than the way Hillary protected state secrets? Not so much.

Of course, we should take seriously the threat from the actual Russians. It was they, after all, who grabbed the DNC emails and shared them with Wikileaks, causing Hillary to lose the election, right? I mean, even lacking any evidence that it happened, we all KNOW it's the truth because it's been reported so often. But...

Now there's a new wrinkle. It seems that rather than the big bad Russians, the DNC emails may actually have been sent to Wikileaks by a DNC staffer named Seth Rich who turned up mysteriously dead soon after the leaks were made public. Well, maybe not that mysteriously...

Dirty Hillary.

It seems fairly sure that Rich sent over 40,000 emails to Wikileaks - perhaps hoping to head off a presidency by a hopelessly corrupt Clinton crime syndicate. And according to a private investigator, police were told to "stand down" from investigating the murder (described as a "botched burglary" since the gunman had no interest in money or personal belongings).

Is the story true? We have no idea - but it has a LOT more credibility than the accusations being made against Trump. And certainly is more deserving of a special investigation than anything the President has been accused of doing.