Fee Fi Ho Hum

We're going the Earwigs route today because after a quick morning game of "you have a half hour to pick all the new paint colors for your house because the painters are here," we felt like we owed ourselves a little something special at lunch. Specifically, a surprisingly potent margarita at our local Mexican restaurant which put us into a blissful coma for about two hours.

It would be funny to say that we woke up painted head to toe in Dhurrie Beige with accents of Navajo White, but the reality is that we just snored CPAP-free in a La-Z-Boy until a chirpy saleswoman called to share the redemptive gospel of AARP insurance supplement plans.

So, we're blowing off the news yet again - although in complete seriousness, we want to put out positive thoughts for all those who may be in the path of hurricane Irma. We're not suddenly getting into the climate change business, but two such powerful hurricanes in a short space of time does give a body pause (as Larry Talbot once said under a full moon).

And yes, that's both a terrible and terribly obscure joke. Did we mention that it was a really strong margarita?

As The World Burns

There's never an asteroid strike when you really need one.

Work goes on at Castle Jarlsberg, and the tasteful image above pretty much represents the reality of our situation: everything is torn up, nothing is finished, and we've devolved to a primitive existence in which we subsist on a diet of cold pieces of ham fat and jellybeans, while having just one glass to use for both scotch and toothbrushing. Not that a little minty freshness ever hurt a glass of Clan MacGregor.

By the way, the bottom right corner of the picture shows you where I'm standing right now: my computer is atop the new bathroom vanity, the keyboard (having no room) is to the right, and the mouse is down another level next to Mrs. J's sink. It ain't pretty, folks.

We're actually a little too burned out to give you much today, but there ARE a couple of things we wanted to at least mention because they're pretty darned important.

Right up there at the top of the list: Kim Jung Un apparently having a hydrogen bomb that he can launch on an ICBM. This would officially be the point at which the joke is no longer funny. If he can get off an EMP attack, we're done. Kaput. Finished. A threat which was well known throughout Obama's entire time in office, yet received no "shovel ready" funds for hardening our electrical grid. I can't remember the exact figures for protecting our entire system, but I think it's probably less than that jerk gave to Acorn or the car companies.

He could have affordably protected our country while boosting employment, but didn't - because both of these were things he didn't want.

We don't know what Trump is going to do about this situation, but it's serious enough that NO option should be off the table. And that should scare all of us.

The other bone we have to pick (see how we returned to that caveman imagery?) regards one particular aspect of the news coverage we've been seeing about the ongoing search, rescue, and rebuilding efforts going on in our great home state of Texas following hurricane Harvey.

We keep hearing that in a country torn by hate and strife, it's semi-miraculous to see people coming together, putting aside race and ideology, and working together in a spirit of community.

Well screw that.

Not the good works - which are myriad, heartwarming, and inspiring. But screw the idea that some sort of "change" has happened, and this wasn't how Texans were before the crisis. Here's a freaking news bulletin: Texas is filled, by and large, with good, Godly people who were already getting along just fine - and take it as a cultural norm that we reach out to help when others, any others, are in need.

You can see it in the rate we donate to charities, volunteer for community services, and enlist for military duty. There has been no change of heart for Texans because we didn't need one.

The people making these rescues, serving up meals, and providing shelter aren't magically reformed members of Antifa, Black Lives Matter, the KKK, or Neo-Nazis...none of whom are actually welcome in this great state. They're all still chasing their selfish agendas of hate, and the mainstream media is spinning this narrative of "coming together in a crisis" rather than admitting that it is THEY who have been lying to us all along about the degree of enmity and social unrest in our society, hoping to increase those very things.

Okay, we've said our piece. Now we're going to push our way out of the dusty rubble in our home to get a takeout order of cheap Chinese food.

That, and a smooch from the woman we love, is our special reward for turning 65 today.

We'll Be Right Back. We Hope.

Okay, we knew the remodelers were eventually coming for our last holdout, but it's happening NOW. So we're unable to post anything today, and may be offline for a week or two (hopefully not, we're just hedging our bets here).

As we write this, the air is filled with fresh toxic fumes (we're having the dining room "orange peel" texture added, which apparently involves spraying the walls with biotoxins), the sound of power tools, and melodious Mariachi music. Man, we just can't get enough of those jolly little accordions!

We'll try to get back ASAP, and will surely find some way to view comments and maybe even respond.

Until then, happy Labor Day (damn those capitalist slavemongers!) and - just in case things don't go well - happy Halloween!

-Stilton