It's Good To Be King

The so-called "JFK Files" recently released for public consumption haven't done much for conspiracy theorists who were hoping to find out how deeply Lyndon Johnson, the CIA, Woody Harrelson's father, and the Illuminati were involved in the Presidential assassination.

But the reading isn't all boring as, for some reason, the FBI reports on Martin Luther King Jr's alleged sexual escapades in considerable detail.

Mind you, the FBI was very interested in taking down King at the time, as his talent for social disruption (which was good in this case) can't be overstated. And so we can't say for certain what in the report is or isn't true. Which won't keep us from looking at the "good parts" and wiggling our eyebrows like a licentious Groucho Marx (which may be redundant).

For instance, the report claims that folksinger Joan Baez was one of King's many extra-marital conquests, and further suggests that the civil rights icon was given to orgies, and enjoyed "unnatural" and "abnormal" sex.

Describing the hijinks at a ministerial workshop, the report says"several Negro and white prostitutes were brought in from the Miami area. An all-night sex orgy was held with these prostitutes and some of the delegates in attendance." Additionally, "one room had a large table in it which was filled with whiskey. The two Negro prostitutes were paid $50 to put on a sex show for the entertainment of the guests. A variety of sex acts deviating from the normal were observed."

Obviously, we should all be offended by the outdated language in the report which is no longer socially acceptable. Oh, not the "negro" part - at least until the NAACP changes its name. No, we meant the parts which described any sexual act as unnatural or abnormal, which certainly doesn't square with current liberal attitudes about creatively and wantonly sticking things where nature didn't expect (or design) them to go.

In the age of Bill Clinton using Monica for a humidor, Harvey Weinstein giving a potted plant a pearl necklace, and Lena Dunham filling her sister's wahootie with gravel, we're experiencing a little nostalgia for times when some things were still considered perverse.

Put another way, even if the accusations against King are true (and we're not sure they are) we're betting he never did anything that you can't currently see on a popular HBO series.

Perhaps it's time our culture started showing more interest in mountain tops than mountin' anything that moves.

Donna Brazile: Hack Attack

Those who have always felt there was something a little "off" about Hillary's rise to her party's Presidential nomination are now having all of their suspicions (and more) confirmed in a new book by the soon-to-be-late Donna Brazile, who headed the DNC in the final days leading up to the election.

In her book, "Hacks," the title of which apparently isn't meant to describe sleazy political operatives such as herself, Brazile says that Bernie Sanders never stood a chance because early in the primary campaign Hillary essentially bought the entire DNC and thereafter made all decisions to assure her eventual candidacy. She did this by providing money to the impoverished DNC (bankrupted by Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Barack Obama, according to Brazile) from her own deep campaign coffers. And all the DNC had to do in return was look the other way while populist favorite Bernie Sanders was screwed into the ground by the Clinton machine.

Of course, we'd be more impressed with Donna Brazile's sudden attack of conscience if she hadn't actively helped with the cheating by, among other things, funneling Hillary debate questions ahead of time.

The really interesting question is why Brazile is now throwing Hillary under the bus, and how she expects to get away with it without being Vince Fostered in the dark of night.

Our guess - and fervent hope - is that Brazile knows that real, indictable dirt on Hillary is about to come out, and she's written this book to try to keep from being dragged under by Clinton's Titanic-sized undertow.

Just one more rat deserting a sinking ship.

NEW YORK TERROR

We had a disconcerting revelation today while reflecting on Tuesday's horrendous terror attack in New York.

We're always told that in the face of such attacks, we need to stick to our usual routines, hold our heads up, and be unafraid.

But we're not unafraid. Mind you, we've got no particular fear of wild-eyed goat-screwing pube-faced radical Islamic terrorists. But we are afraid - for our very country and way of life - when we hear the mainstream media's reactions to a crude act of terror.

On one alleged news network, a talking head opined that the truck-driving, "Allahu Akbar" shouting killer "could have just as easily been a Catholic two weeks ago" before becoming radicalized. Another outlet immediately started worrying for the umpteenth time about a possible (yet never actually occurring) backlash against Muslim Americans. And despite the murderer's sworn allegiance to ISIS, multiple outlets were still declaring this to be a "lone wolf" attack which certainly shouldn't be connected to any particular religion or ideology.

So here's a thought: why don't most of us go on doing what we've always done without fear, while the mainstream media completely changes what they've always done in order to make future such attacks less likely.

Come As You Aren't Party

And he has the cleaning bills to prove it.

What's sadder than a Jack O'Lantern once Halloween has passed? That hollow stare, the wrinkles and sags, the moldy smell, the buzzing of flies, that cackling laugh...  Hey, wait! That's not a leftover Jack O'Lantern - it's Hillary Clinton!

Yes, The Thing That Wouldn't Go Away is still popping up everywhere in the mainstream media, like an undying slasher in a bad movie franchise. While in Chicago promoting her book "Killing Vince Foster" (Oops- sorry! That's Bill O'Reilly's next book), she was asked what Halloween costume she was considering and said "I think I will maybe come as the President."

We're not sure if this means she intended to don (no pun intended) Trump regalia or one of the brightly colored, whip-accessorized Dominatrix From Hell outfits she had intended to wear in the Oval Office. Either way, it's nothing we ever want to see...and frankly, we threw up in our mouths a little just thinking about it.

At the same appearance, Hillary tried to spin a negative into a positive by taking the too-little reported stories of her involvement in Uranium One and the Russian Dossier and declaring "All the networks except Fox are reporting what's really going on...it appears that they don't know I'm not president."

That's right, Hillary. Fox is reporting on you non-stop because they think you're so important, not because there are mountains of evidence piling up that you're so freaking guilty of selling out our country and trying to subvert an election with the help of Russia AND Obama's criminalized FBI.

Still, we didn't let Mrs. Clinton sour our Halloween holiday spirit. And who knows, by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, maybe this turkey will finally be getting some real heat put on her.

AND FROM THE CRYPT...