#MoeToo

At the time of this writing (Tuesday), we don't know the results of Roy Moore's election contest. Will a man accused of possibly doing something bad a long time ago triumph over a man who will certainly (like all Democrats) do bad things now?

That matter is out of our hands - but it doesn't mean that the fight for sexual justice is over. We believe that any possible victims of touchy-feely, hanky-panky, and (God help us) hokey-pokey deserve to be heard, no matter how close to senility these accusers are.

Take, for example, the above story in which Curly Howard (real name Jerome Lester Horwitz) exposed his hairy nipple ("Oh look! It's Larry!") to a young showgirl in the late 1930's, entirely unaware that a studio photographer was snapping a picture. When the scandalous photo circulated, Curly, who was thought at the time to have a good shot at winning California's governorship, was forced to withdraw his name from contention - giving Shemp a clear course to eventual victory.

But where was the justice for the young actress who was forever scarred by this sickening, sexually aggressive sight? And how did the psychological damage of that nightmare so long ago continue to affect her and twist her thoughts and feed her anger over many long, long years?

Even now, Nancy Pelosi refuses to speak of what she felt that day...and actually throws up if someone says "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"

And she would never be open and honest with her feelings again.

Aboriginal Sin

We forgot the boomerang joke we were going to use, but it will probably come back to us.

We decided to go for a lighthearted Monday rather than actually delve into news stories like California burning (and Governor Brown blaming global warming), black "leaders" refusing to attend the dedication of a civil rights museum because the freaking President of the United States was there, or the latest revelations about Mueller's investigative team and just how far each of them was cozily nestled up Hillary's hiney.

BONUS: FREE CHRISTMAS ALBUM!

To take your mind off the cares of the world, and to gleefully annoy anyone who is offended by the word "Christmas," we're giving you a free no-strings-attached downloadable album of relaxing instrumental Christmas music!

And yes, it's exactly the same album we gave away last year - meaning this year it's officially a holiday tradition!

Not available in stores. Trust us on this one.

It's the Manhole Steamrising "Complete Christmas Collection" and...what's that? You never heard of Manhole Steamrising? Well, you didn't think we could afford to hire Mannheim Steamroller to record a custom album, did you?! Besides, who needs all of those fancy-shmancy synthesizers when you're trying to enjoy quiet moments with the twinkling lights on your Christmas tree and the tinkling ice in your glass of scotch?

The album is solo harp which is actually played by a real angel (we think his name is "Harold") and consists of 15 soothing tracks of Christmas favorites, two of which are "Adeste Fidelis" and are done (as Basil Fawlty would say on gourmet night) "in two extremely different ways."

It's all perfectly legal, and you're free to share the music and/or the link with as many people as you like. In fact, we encourage you to share! Please! Tis the season! Just click this link to get your download started.

You'll end up with a ZIP file which, when double-clicked, will open up into a folder with your 15 songs in MP3 format. It's our way of saying "thank you" and "Merry Christmas" to everyone who visits Stilton's Place!

Want to sample the music before downloading or enjoy it without downloading? Then just click here to listen to the Youtube version!

Al Be Seeing You!

Senate slimeball Al Franken has announced that he's resigning "in a few weeks" in response to multiple accusations that he has aggressively tried to steal kisses and is a serial fanny squeezer.

Of course, Franken doesn't admit any wrongdoing whatsoever - going so far as saying that some of the accusations are untrue (i.e., the ladies are lying - which we've previously been lectured is an impossibility) and that he has very different recollections of the other incidents. Specifically, that when he was squeezing women's backsides, he erroneously believed them to be irresistible rolls of Charmin toilet tissue (the so-called "Mr. Whipple" defense).

Our parting words for the disgraced Senator: don't let the screen door hit you where you've been hitting on everyone else.