Clog Blog

Welcome to the first, and certainly not last, "Earwigs" cartoon of 2018. We just couldn't bring ourselves to feign interest in a possible White House run by Oprah Winfrey. Although we do admit that it would be historic for America to have its first all-black Black President, following Obama (the first half-black Black President) and Bill Clinton (the first non-black Black President).

Nor did we care that the Golden Globe Awards (and seriously, what the hell are those?) highlighted female #BlackDressesMatter activists who decried male slimeballs who work in the entertainment industry and stare at women's cleavage. Which, on the evening in question, the women had on full display.

Neither can we pretend surprise to hear that the President is now calling for an immigration reform "Bill of Love" (we pause to dab away a sentimental tear) to protect 800,000 so-called "dreamers" and give them legal status. Did anyone ever really believe he was going to drag that many people out of their homes and bus them across the border with nothing but a new suit and $10? We certainly didn't, although there's a pretty good possibility that Trump himself did while in the adrenalin-laced throes of his election campaign.

But hark! While working on this blog post, we've just seen one news story which deserves the old Stilton's Place treatment. And so we close with...

We're guessing Seth Rich.

Hay, I'm Talking To You!

Breaking News: The sky is blue, water is wet, the Pope is Catholic, bears poop in the woods (and wipe their heinies with nearby rabbits), and Donald Trump enjoys sending wacky tweets.

The latest tweets which have the Left howling at the moon were posted in response to the many wild assertions (some of which even the author concedes can't possibly be true) made in the book "Fury and Fire: Inside the Trump White House." The book's author, Michael Wolff, has stated in interviews that 100% of the people surrounding Trump (including top officials and family members) have questioned his intelligence and fitness for office.

In reply, Trump sent out a series of tweets in which he declared himself to be "like, really smart" and "a very stable genius" - claims which Liberals are proclaiming to be prima facie evidence that he's certifiable.

While conceding that the President is very colorful and atypical (to put it mildly), we have to wonder who's really clinically insane in the face of the amazing statistics being racked up during Trump's administration: employment soaring, the lowest black unemployment rate on record, taxpayers at all levels keeping more of their own money, businesses migrating funds and facilities back to the United States, a higher GDP than liberal economists thought possible, ISIS really on the run, North Korea suggesting peace talks with South Korea, and a stock market on steroids.

While promoting his tell-all, Wolff is boasting that the book will likely end Donald Trump's presidency and, presumably, everything else we listed above - much to the delight of his rhapsodic interviewers.

Now that's crazy.

BONUS: IF YOU'RE TOO DARN YOUNG...

...to understand the cartoon above, maybe this will help. Darn whippersnappers.

Push One for Armageddon

Liberals had to take to their smelling salts and fainting couches again this week following Donald Trump's latest Twitter escapade.

In a nutshell (which seems like a good way to start most news stories these days), the Pillsbury Doughboy's evil twin, North Korea's Kim Jung Un, tweeted that he now has a nuclear button on his desk that he could use at any time. In response, Donald Trump tweeted that he had a bigger nuclear button which he described as "horse-sized" and "throbbing."

Okay, we're not 100% sure about that last part, but we intend to look it up right after posting this.

Liberals immediately had conniption fits about the President making "size" comparisons, joking about nuclear war, and the frightening possibility that this could escalate into a war of "Yo Mama" tweets between the two heads of state.

And while we at Stilton's Place usually take a dim view of Trump's tweeting, considering the fact that he probably does have a big nuclear button on his desk, we're just as happy that he's found something else with which to keep his hands busy.

TUMMY CAN YOU HEAR ME?

The cartoon above constitutes our official announcement of the Stilton Jarlsberg Diet Plan (watch for the inspirational book!) which we may or may not reference again in the coming weeks and months.

The whole "you look just like Santa!" thing really peaked for us in the final months of this year, and not inaccurately so. Jolly? Check. Long white hair and beard? Check. Belly that shakes when we laugh like a bowlful of jelly? Checkmate.

SOooo, we're going low-carb, cutting back on the Clan MacGregor, and hitting the gym (we've already gone one day in a row already!) in hopes of dumping more weight than we feel comfortable talking about (imagine enough to build a pajama boy-sized millennial).

Tips ("Put a picture of Hillary in her bathing suit on your refrigerator door!"), hints, and encouragement will all be welcomed, as will any suggestions about how to make this fun and maybe even add some element of public accountability. Hey, if we've been demanding it from politicians, we should at least consider it for ourselves!