Stand-Up State of the Union

In further budget cut news, Trump has already whittled Obama's 57 states down to just 50.

Okay, we don't really expect President Trump to deliver a State of the Union address anything like this...but we couldn't help treating ourselves to a moment or two of pleasant fantasy. 

And no matter what he says, it's safe to assume that both the Democrats and mainstream media will react as if Trump had proposed a publicly funded 24-hour kitten-skinning cable channel.

To show how serious they are about their opposition to Trump, the Democrats will be running a rebuttal speech in which the latest Kennedy spawn will criticize giving political control to wealthy families. Maxine Waters will also be delivering a rebuttal in which she criticizes political power being in the hands of the mentally unstable. In other words, Democrats have no understanding whatsoever of "irony."

Weepy former comedian Jimmy "Obamacare Saved My Baby" Kimmel will be doing a review of the speech on his show, capably aided by porn star (and possible Trump paramour) Stormy Daniels who presumably has some things she wants to get off her surgically inflated chest.

All in all, we're expecting a very entertaining night of television.

BONUS: EYE DO

Yesterday marked the 35th anniversary or so of the Jarlsbergs entering into matrimonial bliss. The happy occasion was unmarred by the fact that Mrs. J has decided to start seeing other people.

Oh, not romantically. We mean she wants to literally see people - which is why she's going under the knife today for cataract surgery. Afterwards, she'll be wearing an eye patch for awhile and no doubt experiencing some minor discomfort from all the pirate jokes she'll be subjected to.

Which reminds us of the following old chestnut...

The new cabin boy on a pirate ship stared in awe at the Captain of the vessel - a formidable looking rascal with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a skull and crossbones eyepatch.

"How did you lose your leg, sir?" the boy asked.
"Cannonball blew it off," growled the pirate Captain.
"And how did you lose your hand?"
"Sword fight," was the snarled reply.
"And please, sir - how did you lose your eye?" asked the boy.
"I looked up one day and got seagull poop in it," the Captain answered.
Puzzled, the boy said, "That shouldn't make you lose an eye."
"Well," sighed the Pirate, "it was me first day with the hook."

Stubborn as a Mueller

Just to be safe, better do his thumbs too.

President Trump has stated that he's willing to be put under oath to answer questions from special investigator Robert Mueller regarding Russian collusion, potential obstruction of justice, and the whereabouts of the kidnapped Lindberg baby. And, as good ideas go, we'd say this sure as blazes isn't one.

Let us be clear: we don't think Trump is guilty of diddly-squat, nor do we think he's a liar in the (ahem) traditional sense of the word. That being said, we believe the likelihood of his committing perjury under oath to be way over 100%.

This is owing to Trump's unique tendency to believe that anything which comes out of his mouth is true, no matter whether or not it intersects with "reality" in any way.

Take, for one of a million examples, his assertion that he "watched in Jersey City, N.J., where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as the World Trade Center collapsed (on 9/11)." We have no doubt that Trump is telling the truth as he remembers it...but it never happened.

Or more recently when he threatened James Comey with his super-secret White House recordings of private conversations between the two men...which subsequently proved not to exist.

Trump is a showman, a raconteur, a salesman, a serial embellisher, and the owner of a Tourette's style mouth which blurts out anything - and we mean anything - that flits through his mind. We're not even sure his brain is telling his mouth what to say, or whether his brain just likes to listen to his mouth as if it were a favorite talk radio station.

Considering the mounting evidence that the whole Comey/Mueller/FBI/Russia circus was intended to do nothing other than frame Trump and throw him out of office, we think having him say anything under oath is likely to go badly indeed.

Still, if he does go through with this, we'd like to make two suggestions. First, the President should remember that the words "to the best of my recollection" are his new best friends.

And second, at the same session, put Mueller under oath too and let Trump ask him questions about why he chose anti-American conspiracists for his so-called investigative team.

Stuff and Nonsense

We made an extra "shutdown" cartoon on Monday and cleverly decided to save it for today, thinking that we could dodge some work because the Democrats couldn't possibly cave this soon. But we're delighted to admit that we were wrong! Here's the cartoon anyway (waste not, want not)...

And then Life got in the way of creating anything fresh for today. First was our "Active Older Adult" class at the YMCA, followed by several hours of saying "Ow, ow, ow!" whenever we moved.

We then matched wits with our new computer for awhile, slowly making progress on getting it to be a functional part of our work day. By which we mean we figured out how to install games.

Afterwards, we tackled a remodeling chore to prepare our living room windows for (trigger warning!) plantation shutters which will finally be installed Thursday. The task involved a pry bar, a sanding block, lots of pieces of wood studded with potentially lethal nails, and a paintbrush. We did a pretty good job, too, thereby keeping our manliness credentials intact.

And now, well, it's only 5 minutes to Happy Hour. So enjoy the following Earwigs (grin)!

The kazoo's haunting melody brought the royal court to tears.